Post by akraus2015 on Aug 10, 2015 17:08:01 GMT -5
I posted last week looking for some help and advice because I was scared, but wasn't quite ready to intro or share my story yet. I'm finding that I could use the support of others who have been in my situation, so I guess I'm ready to jump in.
DH and I got married on 05/15/15, went on a beautiful honeymoon in St. Lucia, and got our BFP a few short weeks later. We were thrilled to have our honeymoon baby, and jumped right into being parents. We told everyone right away because I was so excited. I bought 3931937 cloth diapers and a tiny pair of chuck t's. We picked out names and paint swatches for a nursery.
Last Tuesday, we celebrated the end of 1st tri with a cute little belly pic on Facebook. I bought a new maternity shirt and was even coming around to the idea of maternity pants. On Wednesday, I proudly donned my new "Hola bebé" maternity shirt for my 13 week OB appointment. We talked about touring the birthing center, and parenting classes, and how glad I was that the morning sickness had finally passed. When it came time to listen to the heartbeat, the doctor said that maybe he was just hiding under my pelvic bone, so she did an ultrasound instead. She quickly confirmed that there was no heartbeat, and I had had a missed miscarriage probably three weeks earlier.
I went in Thursday for a D&C and everything has been a blur since. We named our sweet boy Emmett Robert, and his funeral is tomorrow. He will be buried with DH's grandparents. Since Thursday I've slept, cried, bled, puked, cried, purchased a tiny baby casket, drank a bunch of tequila, destroyed all my kitchen furniture, and left town with DH for two days. I'm exhausted and angry and sad and sick and so many other things.
I have so many mixed emotions and feelings. I want to try again, but I'm scared. I know that another baby will never replace our sweet boy, but we have wanted to be parents for so long. I don't know that there's really much else to say. I'm sorry that we're all here, but I hope that we can lift each other up when we need it, and heal together.
DH and I got married on 05/15/15, went on a beautiful honeymoon in St. Lucia, and got our BFP a few short weeks later. We were thrilled to have our honeymoon baby, and jumped right into being parents. We told everyone right away because I was so excited. I bought 3931937 cloth diapers and a tiny pair of chuck t's. We picked out names and paint swatches for a nursery.
Last Tuesday, we celebrated the end of 1st tri with a cute little belly pic on Facebook. I bought a new maternity shirt and was even coming around to the idea of maternity pants. On Wednesday, I proudly donned my new "Hola bebé" maternity shirt for my 13 week OB appointment. We talked about touring the birthing center, and parenting classes, and how glad I was that the morning sickness had finally passed. When it came time to listen to the heartbeat, the doctor said that maybe he was just hiding under my pelvic bone, so she did an ultrasound instead. She quickly confirmed that there was no heartbeat, and I had had a missed miscarriage probably three weeks earlier.
I went in Thursday for a D&C and everything has been a blur since. We named our sweet boy Emmett Robert, and his funeral is tomorrow. He will be buried with DH's grandparents. Since Thursday I've slept, cried, bled, puked, cried, purchased a tiny baby casket, drank a bunch of tequila, destroyed all my kitchen furniture, and left town with DH for two days. I'm exhausted and angry and sad and sick and so many other things.
I have so many mixed emotions and feelings. I want to try again, but I'm scared. I know that another baby will never replace our sweet boy, but we have wanted to be parents for so long. I don't know that there's really much else to say. I'm sorry that we're all here, but I hope that we can lift each other up when we need it, and heal together.