Post-loss anxiety?

[mosdub]

Hey all,

Have any of you experiences post-loss anxiety?  I've always been anxiety-prone but have never sought treatment or therapy.  I usually had been able to manage through various coping techniques, but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed as of late.  H told me to try and figure out what the trigger is because sometimes it seems to come out of nowhere. 

Today I went grocery shopping and was over-all feeling fine until I was looking at baby toys (H's bff's baby turns one at the end of this month so I thought I'd find a toy to give as a gift). That's when I noticed the nausea and anxiousness.  It slowly built until I got to the line at the check-out and there was a brand-new baby ahead of me in line.  The cashier was asking questions and it must have been born in the past week.  It hit me that right now, had I had a normal pregnancy, I could easily have a newborn.  Right now.  My EDD was August 31st.  I got home and I almost feel shaky and sick and my heart is pounding.  I can't tell if it's grief or anxiety or both.


Anyway - is anxiety and are panic attacks common with loss?  If you experienced it, what coping techniques helped you personally?

 I don't know if it will get better in time or if I'm just not doing something right to "process" through this.  It doesn't help that due to the nature of my partial molar pregnancy that I am STILL dealing with blood tests and follow-ups and that I am benched for who knows how long.



Thank you for letting me ramble and rant.  

[mosdub]

I already feel better just writing that. Maybe I need to write in a journal.

[Deleted]

For me, the thing that helped the most was meds. And I pretty much avoid Target like the plague if I'm not having a perfect day because that place is always crowded with pregnant ladies and babies.

I think anxiety/panic attacks are par for the course when you experience something traumatic. Breathing exercises, avoiding triggering situations as much as possible, knowing when to walk away when you feel something might start triggering you, letting yourself just freak out and cry for a while, etc.

I wish I could tell you it gets better with time, and it does to some extent, but a lot of it is just learning your limits.

Good luck, I really hope if you start a journal that it is comforting to you. I have a notebook that I write letters to Jackson in once in a while and it's really made me feel better when I'm having a really bad day.

[mosdub]

Thank you @led, that was very helpful and reassuring.

I'm considering meds but don't know if I'm quite there yet. If it impacts my day and work when school starts up then I'll head in for some medical advice. I hope the routine and schedule of school will help me feel a bit more anchored, but who knows.

[beyoncepadthai]

No advice just lots of hugs. I hope you can find what you need to feel better.

[nikolie93]

I haven't experienced it but I have known ladies who have been through it. Some got better over time and some needed meds.

If it made you feel better typing it out a journal, like you mentioned, may help. It's worth a shot!

*hugs* to you and I hope it gets better for you.

[hoopoe]

Hi there, I'm so sorry for your loss. While I don't experience anxiety, I know the pain of this loss all too well. I'll second what @led, said.

It took me a long time to sort through my grief. Heck, it took me a long time to figure out this WAS grief. I feel like there is an undercurrent in society that suggests miscarriage isn't a big a deal. So it took me a while to accept that I was actually grieving and I needed to have my feels.

What I've found is that grief sucks and never really goes away. You absorb it and it becomes a part of you. By it's nature, it's a lonely process because you have to figure out what works for you- how to cope, how to accept and how to move forward. That may be different from person to person. That was the worst for me - I just felt so ALONE, even though I knew my husband was grieving too.

A friend of mine posted a link to beautiful description of grief a few days ago. Here is an excerpt: (and here is a link to the entire writing)

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too.


(((HUGS))) to you, and I hope that journal writing helps you.

[LadyNymeria]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to send you hugs mosdub.

[teenybenoit]

I have anxiety and have found for me therapy is going to be helpful. I have had 3 mc so my anxiety is for various things. First I fear getting pregnant right now and have cut my husband off from sex at the moment. I also have anxiety about what my test results will be, what if something is wrong or what if nothing is wrong and it's just been a bad stroke of luck? What if I never get pregnant again?
I also worry that adoption which we are persuing now might not be an option? What if no BM picks us? What if I never have the opportunity to raise a baby?
I fear hearing about anyone's pregnancy announcements among my friends or family.
This was and is the hardest experience I have ever gone through. It has taken away most joy and excitement of becoming a mom.
Some things I find helpful when having a panic attack:
Try to focus on my breathing
Seek out something red or green or blue in my immediate surroundings. List 5 pieces of fruit, count slowly with each breath in and each breath out. until my focus is on things other then that which was causing me to panic.
Grieving is totally normal as is seeking help and or meds if needed.
I don't know if any of this is helpful or not. Hugs and I am sorry for your loss.

[hollyberry]

mosdub, I am so sorry for your anxiety, and believe me I know how you feel. I don't take meds atm, but have in the past. Sometimes there are no triggers, and sometimes there are, after my loss, and goimg through testing I was quite anxcious, it has now faded some, but I know for me there will be a moment that will over come me and I will have a panic attack. I have suffered from anxiety regularly, and know when its bad enough to seek help. Don't ever feel like you shouldn't take meds or see a therapist, a grief councelor, anything. Just know you are not alone! There could also be a supposrt group for losses, or even just grief, it could help to just talk it out in a non theatning place. But if you aren't there yet or ready, then a journal could definitely help, I think just owning your feelings, writing them out, re reading them could definitely help. And it doesn't hurt to try.

Take care of yourself!

**hugs**

[theatrepal]

mosdub, I also suffer from anxiety surrounding our loss. We tried for two years and it all ended with a miscarriage about 18 months ago. I've got good days, and I have days when it totally sucks. New baby announcements and pregnancy announcements can make my anxiety a lot more pronounced for a few days. I try to avoid places with triggers when I know I'm a bit on edge (Target, the park, etc.). I do see a therapist and practice CBT which has gotten me through this far. I highly suggest taking to someone. My therapist has been fantastic through this entire process.

teenybenoit, I've got the exact same anxiety around adopting. What if we're never picked?! I'm currently stressing over our Dear Birthmom Letter re-write as we will quickly approach a year waiting. I'm fully convinced we are still waiting because of something in the letter.

We will all make it through. We will all carry around our grief. We will all be different and maybe even better people for the path we've walked.

[fionnathehuman]

Hi there,

I am sorry you are going trough this... I have had anxiety problems ,and what I found helpful was to avoid trigers the best I could, and cry everything I needed to cry when I needed ( Just actually allowing myself to feel everything and not hold anything back). It did help but it's a process... my doctor asked me if I wanted meds and I said no because I am scared of relying on it too much.
I agree that a journal could definitely help, or even writing here.
This community has helped me a lot!!! Sometimes, when I need to vent or when I just feel like lurking, I always feel a little better just by knowing that I am not alone... so I hope that helps u too, at least a little...

Hugs, and be gentle to yourself.


***Sorry about my confusing words, I am a little drowsy from my allergy med...

[vrlc1403]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm currently in the midst of my second loss, and I've questioned this as well. I feel sick to my stomach, I feel like I can't breathe, and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. It's awful. I'm like a roller coaster, I'll be fine one minute and then freaking out the next. I don't have any experience with anxiety and I wasn't like this with my other loss, although we never saw the hb with the first. I have a framed sonogram pic of this most recent LO, and I cannot bring myself to put it away, nor can I look at it without losing it completely. I don't know what's going on, but I'm hoping it eases up with time. I hope the same for you. This is just so difficult to cope with. I'm sorry I don't have any advice. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[michael24x7]

Hello and welcome friend, I can understand your problem in easy and effective way. I am here for you to provide sufficient information that helps you to overcome this difficult situation. I also face this difficult situation in my life. I want to forget those days of my life that are full of sadness and emptiness due to anxiety problem. It is good news that you are aware about your health. I am feeling happy to help you on behalf of my personal life experience that guide you right path to overcome this anxiety problem during pregnancy. I want to express kind heart thanks to my husband to support me in this difficult situation. It is very important to have real bonding with your partner to make safe and secure sex during pregnancy that is beneficial for you to overcome miscarriage problem.
I want to suggest you powerful tips and tricks that help you to overcome this death life situation in your life. You can start your planning with positive thinking and positive affirmation. You can read positive thinking books that enhance your confidence and provide positive energy to your body to face this difficult situation in easy way. You can easily overcome anxiety problem with powerful yoga and meditation that provide full relax body and mind in short time period. You can see sudden magic effect on your body within one week. The next important thing you should follow is healthy lifestyle and balanced diet that is easy and effective way to maintain proper balance in your life to provide sufficient energy with appropriate nutrition. Today we are living in busy schedule life with less physical activity that creates miscarriage problem at early stage.

[narine]

Dear author,

If you were pregnant once, you have real chances that you will be pregnat once again and this time you will give birth to your child successfully. This is what helps. Also, think positively and why not, buy toys and dresses for your future baby. This would mean that you really believe this miracle to happen soon. And I think that this will help you to relieve stress. I see this is an old post. So I stronlgy believe you have already overcome this and are embracing your baby right now.

[anfisal]

Oh, how I feel for you. Hold on honey. I hope one day all will bring you relief.
Unfortunately, I haven’t experienced pregnancy yet. Be sure, I’ll not experience it in the future. I’m already 40 years old. Last 10 years I spent trying to conceive. Or I was trying to make someone pregnant.
However, my embryos used to not survive the 5th day.
I'm commenting here not in order to announce I'm infertile. As well I always live through huge panic attacks. Sometimes it destroys my orientation or navigation. I can browse few crossroads and squares before wake up. All my body gets numbed. Seems I’m crying but it doesn’t happen for real.
I guess I went mad a little bit on the pinning of my infertility.
I hope everything’s going to be OK. But when?