Wills and Inheritence for Bio and Step Kids

[belou]

Hello ladies,
I have a hypothetical question about setting up a Will with my husband and appointing my step son and future bio daughter (I am 6 months pregnant with her) as recipients.

I have an 11 year old step son who splits his time between us and his mother. My husband currently has a very sizable life insurance policy on himself that has my SS's mother listed as the sole recipient (with the intention that she would save it for SS). We are in the process of setting up a trust to replace his mother as the recipient to ensure that the money is available to him in the event of my husband's death. I'd like to purchase life insurance policies for myself and my husband with my daughter as a beneficiary but I'm unsure if this is an insensitive request to omit my SS.

The Will situation is very similar to the above, I'd like to set up the Will to split our joint assets between both children equally (and add in language that if we did ever have more children together that the shares would be split equally as well). But, I would want to also request that any inheritance I received from my side of the family would go towards my biological children. My SS does have a mother who is active in his life so I don't necessarily think this is that outlandish of a request but maybe I'm too close to the issue to be impartial.

Obviously my husband would be the primary recipient of any inheritance and vice-verse, the children would the next in line in the event that we both die. My questions are a bit more complicated because the kids will be separated in the event of both my husbands and my deaths (SS would go to his mother full time and our child would go to a guardian we would set up) so the money would also be split.

Is this something anyone has had to do in the past? How have you set up your Wills so that things are equal when in reality they really may not be?

[newmomma8]

I'm lurking, but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

My side of the family is "comfortable" and I believe that since SD lives with her Mom Monday - Friday and us every weekend, that my family inheritance, money, land, jewelry should go to my bio kids. This is something I feel strongly about because I am very attached to my families land and personal things, they mean more than just a monetary opportunity and if DH and I pass away, I don't see my SD going to visit my family, so I think my kids would go to my parents or guardians I choose from my family and they would have my inheritance. Granted, some things like jewelry will automatically just go to my daughter because she is the only bio girl. This jewelry has been in my family for generations and I want it to stay with our blood line.

As far as a regular will for what DH and I have together, that will be split between the kids equally. I don't think it's possible to say I contributed X amount and he contributed X amount and it should be split by percentages. But that is also meaning my inheritance from my family will go in a separate account/trust/whatever so it is kept separate from DH and my finances.  I think DH's life insurance should be split between all 3 kids and I still think it's ok that I want my life insurance split between my two.  I pay into my life insurance through my paycheck and SD will/should get life insurance from her Mom.  So I don't think it's fair my kids get less money so SD ends up with more because her parents aren't together.

I know it's not helpful, but I feel like I'll get judged for not included SD but I still feel inheritance is different. I don't think just because SD's parents didn't stay together means she deserves to get inheritance/money from 3 different sides. My children will only get from DH and myself. Plus our relationship is odd to me. DH has told me in the past before we had DD that "you are not her mother, she has a mother" even though I wasn't trying to BE HER MOTHER. So in my opinion, that set the tone for all future things.

[prmommy]

Hi I am lurking. In regards to the life insurance question I don't think it is insensitive he already has another policy that is going to his son plus his son will have his mother to take care of him your daughter needs the same financial security especially if god forbid you and your husband died together.

I don't have step children but my husband's father had two families. From his first wife he had three children and from his second he had three children. Their original Will said that in the event that both passed away the assets would be split between the six kids, my mother-in-law raised the kids off and on throughout the marriage due to some issues with their mom, and the purpose was to make sure they were taken care of. When my father-in-law died my mother-in-law had her Will updated since she inherited everything from the first will and there had been other changes in the family such as my husband's oldest brother from the other marriage passing away. I don't know if his kids know this or not but technically she does not have to leave them anything. Assuming she lives a long life she will more than likely be alive longer past his death than the amount of time they were married and he had nothing in the Will stating what items his kids from his first marriage should receive upon his death. I know she does plan to split any money they had together, such as their house, savings etc.. between all the kids but she has inherited items from her family that will only go to her children or their children in the event of her death. So I would not stress too much at this point in time about who gets what other than making sure you have funds to cover their care in the event of an early death and the family items. The family items are important because if you die before your husband you want to make sure your daughter receives those items upon your death vs. your husband unless you trust they would go to her when he died and not another wife if he were to remarry. I would not tell anyone your plans. I know there have been comments made in my husband's family that his first set of children should have received a portion of his money when he died vs. my MIL. Comments were made by greedy family members from the kid's mother's side who never liked my MIL. The kids were grown adults and married they did not need part of my MIL's savings. In my opinion all that talking about it does it stir up issues so keep it at a need to know basis.

[xctsclrx]

I lurk here but I might intro soon.

My DH has two sons from a previous marriage and 1 son with me. If he dies his life insurance goes to me. We have an agreement that as long as I feel like the ALL of the boys are being responsible and deserve this money it is to be used for college, buying a home or investing in a business, wedding etc. Should I ever feel as if they are not deserving ( drugs, irresponsible with money) then they do not get it. If we die at the same time, His money is split between all three boys with his mother actually receiving it. My money will go to my son's guardian. His ex-wife will in no way get anything no matter what. We do not trust her. If I die my money goes to my DH and he will split between all 3 boys. Our children do not know about our life insurance and it is not left to them unless they are adults. This could change depending on relationships in the future. If anyone of our kids stops talking to us or falls into a life that we can not support then they will not receive anything.

Family heirlooms are different in my opinion. They should definitely stay with the biological child. I do not have that issue.

[harlowjune1984]

I am also a lurker, but I did want to comment with what happened to my friend and her siblings. Her parents divorced and remarried (he married someone with two kids), and they were married for 10+ years when he passed away. Before he passed, the whole family got along. Well in his Will, he put that his biggest wish was that everyone got along throughout life and nobody would fight. He left everything to his wife, and left it up to her to decide where things went. Now this family had no issues before he passed, they all got along great and loved each other. The wife took the money for herself, and she gives some to her own children here and there. His three biological children got nothing. Even heirlooms, the wife said she was keeping, and sometimes she will give things that she knows the biological kids want....to someone else. Needless to say, it has crushed all of his (adult) children, and they feel completely betrayed. Yet their dad said his one wish was for everyone to get along, so the three of them suck it up, and try to still get along with the other family members.

I think that if it is your wish to have things separated like you mentioned, that you should be very clear about where things go. Could there be some hurt feelings with your SS, if you pass and he finds out he doesn't get anything? Maybe. But if that is what you want, he will have to move on from it eventually.

[bliz1712]

I'm late to answer, but here's what we did. Both of our wills are drafted to set up a trust, appoint a trustee, and state how our stuff will be divided up between our kids. I have a SD and 2 bio kids with H. In H's document it is divided 60% to SD and then 20% to each of my kids. The main reason being that if H were to pass, my SD would need a lot more support for college and living expenses since her Mom doesn't provide a lot of support. Whereas my kids would have me, who has a high paying job. His Mom is the trustee. It is also mentioned in the document that it is my H's wish for my SD to continue to live the same custody arrangements that she has, meaning live with me FT and see her Mom EOW. According to our lawyer it may not be followed, but putting it in the documents might allow SD to keep her same lifestyle or routine that she's used to instead of being uprooted.

In my documents I've divided it differently, but everything else is the same except I have H as the trustee of the trust. I think I have the breakdown to be 25% to SD and the remaining divided between my bio kids.

According to my lawyer, you can really draft things however you want. So you wanting certain items to stay in the family should be a reasonable request. I also know my Ex's Grandparents explicitly said that the farmland would not be allowed to go to any of the Inlaws. They wanted it to remain in the family.

[duckker]

My husband and I are talking through the same things. His two kids live with us (SD is in her first year of college now, but receives no financial support from her mom--she gets a substantial discount because I'm a university employee, the rest is covered w scholarships and loans DH and I took). His life insurance goes to me, or is evenly divided among the kids if we both die. Same with what's in the will. I have the bulk of my insurance willed to my daughter, as there is no one else to take care of her in the event that her dad and I both die, so that money is intended to offset expenses for her upbringing and college, etc. I do have a small percentage going to each of the steps, basically what I would have planned to be able to provide to help with college.

I think you should be pretty comfortable with your choices. Your husband sounds like he's done his planning for his kids. Think of it this way: if his ex kicks off, how much do you think she's leaving to your kid? Exaaaaaaactly.