Post by younglove316 on Jun 21, 2016 6:59:52 GMT -5
lakecountrygal hugs! I agree with what the other ladies said. I hope it's just all the change right now and he either talks it out or things get better.
My H and I he a hard time adjusting and there was a lot of conflict. He was refusing to help me and was adamant that I needed to figure it out bc I was the one who wanted another baby. Then L ended up with medical problems and needed surgery. Most of our conflict ended once he had the surgery bc I kept telling him something was wrong with L and he kept telling me he was fine. My H is a resident so he does have a medical background but that means nothing against a mother's intuition.
Anyways, the point is, we had a rough few months and once I got into a groove with the kids and sat down and told him how he was making me feel it got better.
He kept making comments about how I needed to get my mom to stay longer bc he didn't know how I could possibly do it on my own. That was hurtful bc he was basically telling me he had no confidence in me to take care of all 3 of our kids.
Post by lakecountrygal on Jun 21, 2016 19:12:22 GMT -5
His work is notorious for finding other reasons to let people go if they find out they are in therapy because they assume it means they can't handle the stress of their job. He's a full time paramedic/firefighter. He had tons of anxiety before DS was born but was totally fine once he was here and we were home. This time he pushed me to come home saying it would help us adjust better so I came home the day after DD was born. Then I heard his mother say that he just couldn't survive without me at home, probably because I literally do everything for DS and he's super attached and dependent on me.
I'm hoping it's just a phase and adjustment to us having 2 kids now and once I've got a groove and routine and DD isn't cluster feeding all the time that things will get better. Part of it could very well also be that he's starting to dwell on stuff from his last deployment and his ptsd may be resurfacing. He's gotten called into work the last two days and it doesn't help things at home. He claims this weekend we are going to take DS on a train ride this weekend and that it will be fun. I'm supposed to go to a bridal shower 4 hours away and am so torn......do I go and we can do the train ride another time (DH works overnights all weekend so the kids have to come with me) or do I skip the shower and feel guilty but hope we really do the train ride?? We are skipping 3 weddings this summer because we don't have the finances for all the hotels and with DH working I can't travel those distances (all 6-8 hours away) alone with both kids and no help.
Have a glass of wine if you read that and it made sense!
TL:DR -- hr at his employer sucks and assumes therapy means you can't handle your job and it's apparently stressing DH out to have two kids or his ptsd has been triggered.
Jumping in, lakecountrygal, so Sorry for the adjustment/dh issues. I hope in time it gets better. I had a BF in college who was a paramedic/Ff. He refused therapy also! So tough!!
I am going to make a point to be a little more involved here:)
Post by RandomName on Jun 21, 2016 20:03:10 GMT -5
lakecountrygal I'd skip the shower. It sounds like he may be looking forward to the train ride. Maybe see how a family cantered weekend affects his mood.
Post by lakecountrygal on Jun 21, 2016 22:12:30 GMT -5
Thanks for the advice ladies! I will probably just skip the shower and call it good. I feel bad but it's probably just going to be easier on me if I skip it.
Thanks for the advice ladies! I will probably just skip the shower and call it good. I feel bad but it's probably just going to be easier on me if I skip it.
I hope you all have a good weekend and the train ride is fun!
Thanks for the advice ladies! I will probably just skip the shower and call it good. I feel bad but it's probably just going to be easier on me if I skip it.
I hope you all have a good weekend and the train ride is fun!
Thanks me to!!! I'm going to be pissed at DH if he doesn't end up doing the train ride with us.
Post by younglove316 on Jul 1, 2016 6:20:35 GMT -5
We survived 17 hours in the car each direction with both girls! I filled up two bins of stuff for DD1 and honestly she was most excited to have TV in the car. I guess the portable DVD player was the best purchase I've made in awhile.
We survived 17 hours in the car each direction with both girls! I filled up two bins of stuff for DD1 and honestly she was most excited to have TV in the car. I guess the portable DVD player was the best purchase I've made in awhile.
I'm glad the drive went well! I remember thinking while pregnant wth DD that I wouldn't buy a DVD player for my kids. With how much she's on my phone watching Netflix I really should just buy one.
We survived 17 hours in the car each direction with both girls! I filled up two bins of stuff for DD1 and honestly she was most excited to have TV in the car. I guess the portable DVD player was the best purchase I've made in awhile.
I'm glad the drive went well! I remember thinking while pregnant wth DD that I wouldn't buy a DVD player for my kids. With how much she's on my phone watching Netflix I really should just buy one.
I was the same way. I only got it because I got a crazy good deal on it off our local swap sites and specifically with the trip in mind. It was definitely a life saver! Except now when I say we are going somewhere she says mama watch little Einstein's!
We survived 17 hours in the car each direction with both girls! I filled up two bins of stuff for DD1 and honestly she was most excited to have TV in the car. I guess the portable DVD player was the best purchase I've made in awhile.
I'm glad the drive went well! I remember thinking while pregnant wth DD that I wouldn't buy a DVD player for my kids. With how much she's on my phone watching Netflix I really should just buy one.
I don't let my kids play on my phone but on a long road trip movie players are your best friend.
Thanks me to!!! I'm going to be pissed at DH if he doesn't end up doing the train ride with us.
How did it go with YH over the weekend?
He bailed on the train ride about an hour before we were supposed to go. However, I couldn't have gone to the shower if I wanted to. My brakes went out on Thursday night and my car wasn't done with repairs until mid-Saturday.
He is in the middle of a 6 day stretch of working 12 hours every day. Tonight he's working 7pm to 7am and then has to be back by 11am to work until 11pm tomorrow. We are trying really hard to save money and get organized financially.
DD has suddenly decided that I am trying to drown her when washing her hair. it ahs turned into such a struggle. She was always so good with it until about 4 weeks ago. Now it is a fight every time I have to do it. Things I have tried: using towel to cover face, tilt head backwards, close eyes and blow while rinsing, laying back in the tub to rinse. last night I washed her hair in the sink, she was laying down on the counter and I could slowly rinse her hair out. I think she liked that but I cant keep doing that every other day.
I think a lot of it has to do with her really not liking water in her ears. Any suggestions?
DD has suddenly decided that I am trying to drown her when washing her hair. it ahs turned into such a struggle. She was always so good with it until about 4 weeks ago. Now it is a fight every time I have to do it. Things I have tried: using towel to cover face, tilt head backwards, close eyes and blow while rinsing, laying back in the tub to rinse. last night I washed her hair in the sink, she was laying down on the counter and I could slowly rinse her hair out. I think she liked that but I cant keep doing that every other day.
I think a lot of it has to do with her really not liking water in her ears. Any suggestions?
I still get in the tub with DD and I have her lay on her back with her head on my crossed legs. I control the water so it doesn't hit her face or ears. It took about two weeks of being super cautious for her to not freak out. We went though a "don't wash me, don't touch my hair" in the tub phase.
Anyone else dealing with crazy defiance/boundary testing lately? Where did my wonderful little helpful good listener go?!
Yes!!! It's so bad and with my lack of sleep and attention needed on an infant I get mad so easily when he's defiant. It doesn't really help that DH is no help right now though either.
Anyone else dealing with crazy defiance/boundary testing lately? Where did my wonderful little helpful good listener go?!
Yes!!! It's so bad and with my lack of sleep and attention needed on an infant I get mad so easily when he's defiant. It doesn't really help that DH is no help right now though either.
Yep, all of this. The defiance started the day we brought DS2 home. It was BAD for about a month and then it calmed down but he still pushes boundaries like no other.
I have read that it's totally normal for this age and it is how they confirm the boundaries we set for them. That is why it is important to stick to your guns on the issues that matter otherwise they get mixed signals and don't know what is or is not acceptable.
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