If you can't say something nice to a pregnant woman...

[negams]

Maybe this belongs in a randoms post, but I was hoping to get some feedback from you ladies on this:

I have a coworker/colleague who considers herself to be an expert on all things baby/pregnancy.  Never been through either, but has lots of nieces/nephews/etc. She's been helpful for a good amount of information thus far that she's learned (presumably) from all of these relatives and friends of hers who have children.  She was out for a bit and I bumped seemingly overnight.  I'm not ENORMOUS, but it's a bump.  I'm all legs and arms and no torso, so - as my OB predicted - my bump is already from right under my boobs to right above my girly bits.  Conveniently, right where pants button up. Yeah maybe I could do the hair-tie trick, but probably not.  So I mentioned to her today that I had bumped and showed her bump in spandex maternity top. Her response?

"Wow! Most people don't need to wear maternity pants until around 20 weeks!"

I'm 13 (14 on Wednesday). Am I wrong in my WTF feeling about this?

[valigrl21]

That's pretty rude and would bug me too. People say really dumb things to pregnant women.

When I was pregnant with my oldest, a man on a train randomly asked me "how are they doing?" I said "who?" He said "the babies". There was only one and I was only about 7 months pregnant at the time. Grrrrrrr....

[sandybananas]

This weekend I got "I'm glad to hear you are pregnant and not just fat, I was wondering..."

[sandybananas]

<---- also this from someone that I do not know.

[Deleted]

Seems like she'd know what not to say to a pregnant woman, what with all that experience under her belt.
What did you say??
Cause you know all women's body's are the same... Wtf?!?!

[pandababyotw]

Rude. I'd say, gee thanks for making me feel fat! And let her sit on that for a while.

[andindria]

I feel your pain, I honestly look huge. But I was heavy before, and because of that, not too many have noticed. I have not had anything said to me this time through, but I got tons of comments my first pregnancy. I agree with PP just ignore the comments and show your bump with pride!! You are creating a human. Miss Know It All can't say she's done that!

[mehlaknee]

People are stupid.

[mrsgeyser]

Your coworker sounds like a know it all! I have a friend like that - she just looovvveeesss to give advice, although has never been pregnant - but knows someone with kids. And is a dentist, and therefore a medical expert. Uggh...it's infuriating. I haven't figured out a witty comeback for her bs yet...

[junebug0611]

Jan 26, 2015 23:27:03 GMT -5 negams said:

Maybe this belongs in a randoms post, but I was hoping to get some feedback from you ladies on this:

I have a coworker/colleague who considers herself to be an expert on all things baby/pregnancy.  Never been through either, but has lots of nieces/nephews/etc. She's been helpful for a good amount of information thus far that she's learned (presumably) from all of these relatives and friends of hers who have children.  She was out for a bit and I bumped seemingly overnight.  I'm not ENORMOUS, but it's a bump.  I'm all legs and arms and no torso, so - as my OB predicted - my bump is already from right under my boobs to right above my girly bits.  Conveniently, right where pants button up. Yeah maybe I could do the hair-tie trick, but probably not.  So I mentioned to her today that I had bumped and showed her bump in spandex maternity top. Her response?

"Wow! Most people don't need to wear maternity pants until around 20 weeks!"

I'm 13 (14 on Wednesday). Am I wrong in my WTF feeling about this?

That's a tough one because you called her attention to the bump so she was invited to say something. I wish she had just said, "Awww, cute bump!" but don't find her comment as rude as if it had been completely unsolicited.

Fwiw, she's wrong about most people not being in maternity pants til 20 weeks. I was in them at 8 weeks because of bloat! (Though maybe she was talking specifically about the over-belly variety!)

Sorry her comment made you feel bad. There's nothing wrong with you. As your doc said, this was predictable with your body type. Congrats on your bump!

[slurpeelove]

I was in maternity pants at around 8 weeks. I had morning sickness and anything that pushed on my tummy made me vomit. People are inherently stupid. Move on from her comment and rock your bump.

[yelah250]

It's annoying she said that and it's not true for everyone - ignore her or come up with something rude and witty back. I hate that pregnancy is the time where everyone feels like they can comment about a woman's body. I just try to grin and bear it because most people mean well.

[negams]

Thanks ladies she admits to having persistent foot-in -mouth problems so I know it wasn't meant to be offensive. But of course I'm sensitive now that I'm pregnant! I also wanted to make sure she wasn't right !

[Deleted]

I always tell people the only comment a pregnant woman needs to hear about her body is that she looks beautiful. Enough said. There should be a PSA about it.
I'll never understand why during pregnancy people think they have the right to touch and comment on our bodies.

[negams]

Jan 27, 2015 8:21:08 GMT -5 @redcafe said:

I always tell people the only comment a pregnant woman needs to hear about her body is that she looks beautiful. Enough said. There should be a PSA about it.
I'll never understand why during pregnancy people think they have the right to touch and comment on our bodies.

Haha I sometimes get that for my tattoos. I have to explain to people that touching strangers is not okay. Also for some reason need to explain that even though they're tattoos of animals they don't FEEL like animals since it's skin!

[beachy]

Yeah, 20w before maternity pants is not the norm. It's what some stubborn FTM's do because they hate the idea of maternity pants, then finally put them on and realize they are the most comfortable thing ever and should have switched months ago.

I was in them by 10w this time, and probably would have been sooner if I worked out of the house and put real clothes on more often.

[kristhegirl]

negams I might ask someone about a tattoo, if it's a particularly interesting design or something unusual. Tattoos are different than baby bellies or scars to me - those fall under the "just because something is visible does not mean it is public" rule - but a tattoo is specifically a decoration.

This is not to say that I ask everyone about all tattoos, but on occasion I might.

I would not touch, nor believe that it feels like anything other than skin, though. That's kind of hilarious.

[ashiscute]

I just wanted to chime in and say I think she's wrong about the 20 weeks thing too. I was in maternity pants around 8 weeks this time but by 15 weeks with my first. It was the summer and I lived in dresses and that bought me some more time. I agree with beachy that people holding out until 20 weeks are being stubborn.

Maybe you can use your pregnancy knowledge and explain she probably doesn't know as much as she thinks.

[cch24]

I definitely don't think you're wrong for being upset. I would be too. This is my first and I was in maternity pants around 11-12 weeks and in maternity tops around 15 weeks. It's not so much about dressing the bump that early as it is being comfortable in my opinion. Even before my bump popped I was extremely bloated and sitting in jeans was super uncomfortable so who cares when you start to wear maternity clothes?! I just don't get why people think they have the right to make snide comments about our changing bodies. We are all beautiful with our little baby bumps and no one should make us
feel self conscious about it. Hope she can keep the rest of her negative comments to herself from now on, GL!

[bim381]

wow people can be rude!

I agree w/ what half the pps have said... she is WRONG! I was in maternity pants around 9 weeks with my first 2 and 13 weeks with this one. Of all my friends, I know of 2 who were able to hold off on maternity pants until 20ish weeks. People are dumb, but you just have to ignore it.

[errsbear11]

I would totally be upset. I asked a gf of mine to help me shop for a new outfit for an event because none of mine really "fit". Her response: "you're only 16 weeks, my sister was at least 20+, I figured you could go till 7 mos". Uhm, no. I need space in my clothes now. Please stop making me feel bad about my only good feature going to crap right now...I'm a hormonal mess.

People need to stop comparing other pregnancies, and stop making comments. I thought that was like basic common sense!

[queenofcats]

People have no filter with pregnant women, and it seems to come most from men or from older women.

[beepers]

I'm so sorry she said this. I had a mini meltdown this week because all my coworkers (who have recently been pregnant) told me the same thing "you'll start showing at 20 weeks"

Well I went and bought maternity pants at 15 weeks and had a noticeable bump at 16 wks. Of course this freaked me out that I'm gaining weight too fast and going to give birth to a giant.

I asked a bunch of ladies at yoga last night and they calmed me down. Just think, everyone IS different. It totally depends on your pelvic width, your torso length, your overall height etc. as to when you start showing.

Don't worry momma, your body is doing amazing things in just the right way for you and your baby. And I love the response you gave her!

[kasiaskis]

Some people just have a knack for saying stupid and insensitive things without thinking about it. I know I've been guilty of it in the past a few times, and when I've been called out on it, I've felt really dumb and sorry. If she says something along those lines again, tell her that it's rude and that she's wrong. She might have no idea how a comment like that makes you feel.

[yelah250]

I probably won't be in maternity clothing til 20 weeks but that's because I'm bitter I have to rebuy everything and don't want to have to get winter spring and summer stuff. I got Bella bands and am wearing them every day at 14 weeks so same diff, just not as cute. lol

[yelah250]

Jan 27, 2015 9:40:49 GMT -5 beepers said:

I'm so sorry she said this. I had a mini meltdown this week because all my coworkers (who have recently been pregnant) told me the same thing "you'll start showing at 20 weeks"

Well I went and bought maternity pants at 15 weeks and had a noticeable bump at 16 wks. Of course this freaked me out that I'm gaining weight too fast and going to give birth to a giant.

I asked a bunch of ladies at yoga last night and they calmed me down. Just think, everyone IS different. It totally depends on your pelvic width, your torso length, your overall height etc. as to when you start showing.

Don't worry momma, your body is doing amazing things in just the right way for you and your baby. And I love the response you gave her!

Don't worry about birthing a giant because you are showing / gaining weight. I gained 55 (oops) with my first and she was 8#2. Gained 25 with my son and he was 8#10. I don't think it's predictive at all.

[kellyinhb]

FTM here and started rocking maternity pants at 12-13weeks. Your co-worker is wrong.

Maybe try, "gosh, with all your pregnancy experience and knowledge, I'd think you'd know that all bodies are completely different and no two pregnancies are the same."

[tigerlynx31413]

My SIL who is pregnant with her second as well popped before 14 weeks. So when my other SIL saw me at 12 weeks said she was sad I don't have a belly. She was sick her whole pregnancy and didn't pop until well after 20 weeks so why she would assume I would if beyond me.
I do have to agree that the non filters will continue for a while so just don't let it get to you.

[queenofcats]

I started wearing maternity clothes during the last half of my 13th week and I'm a FTM, a friend who is due around the same time also bought maternity clothes about then as well. I think that's pretty normal and your coworker has no idea what she is talking about.

[hormonesavage]

My SIL, who I've met and spoken to once, decided to ask me for a picture of myself so she could see "how big I've gotten". I know what she meant to say, but I swear she has no idea how to be a pleasant person if her life depends on it. Especially since she has a child I was surprised by how she asked the question.