I guess I'll put this here

[vivela]

I've been in the CAL community for about 6 months now, but this felt like a PL post. 
Background is in my siggy, but briefly I had an early loss around 5 weeks in February. Didn't ovulate for four months after that, and was put on Femara. 
In early August, I "felt" pregnant. It was my first cycle on Femara. Before I got to the point where I could test, I had a few hours of nausea followed by bleeding, which I assumed was my period. On day ten, I felt like my period was weird (even for me, which is saying something) and it popped into my head that maybe it was a chemical pregnancy. I tested to make myself feel better, which backfired because I got a faint positive. I tested twice to be sure. 
It isn't like I was happy or hopeful, so there was no disappointment. I tested after four days of light bleeding and 6 days of medium to heavy, I knew what it was. I waited two days and got a solid negative on the next test. 
It is a loss, but it isn't at the same time. 
Posting about this has been floating around my head, so I decided to do it. 

[Deleted]

A loss is a loss. I'm so sorry you had to go through it.

[daystardreams]

Chemical pregnancies are so hard. I often felt silly for being so upset over a life I only knew for a few days. My chemical pregnancy's EDD was last week and it hit me just as hard as my first loss's EDD. I really realized this last week that a loss is a loss and you are entitled to feel about it however you feel about it.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[nikolie93]

vivela *hugs* What LED said, a loss is a loss. CP's suck so bad too and I'm sorry for your loss

[vivela]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it.
I definitely don't mean to imply that people who have chemicals shouldn't be sad about them (I know no one said that, but I want to be clear that I'm only referring to my own, sometimes irrational, emotions about it). These situations are just so difficult to parse emotionally sometimes! One day I'm totally fine and it doesn't feel like a big deal, and the next it absolutely is.

[bethkate]

vivela, I'm sorry for your loss.

I can relate to how you're feeling about your CP. Not having any time to get excited or hopeful changes how you feel about it. That's how I felt with my CP last month. It was a very different experience than my other losses.

((hugs)) to you.

[lilmonk]

I'm sorry vivela I think the roller coaster of emotions is totally normal, and hopefully one day soon the ups and downs won't be so big. I'm not even a fan of regular roller coasters, emotional ones are a nightmare for me too. Hope you're doing okay.

[muscari]

*hugs* I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I can imagine it's confusing to wrap your head around this loss. I'm sorry

[beyoncepadthai]

I'm so sorry for your loss, hugs