Working while waiting to miscarry?

[cabgirl]

I'm worrying about whether or not to go back to work. I intro'd in another post a few threads below, explaining that yesterday I was diagnosed with a likely blighted ovum at 6w0d. I'm not scheduled to work again until this coming Saturday. I'm hoping to miscarry naturally, but aside from the very tiny spot of blood yesterday that prompted my visit to the OB, I have had no bleeding or cramping whatsoever. 

My question is, for those of you who had blighted ovums or missed miscarriages and didn't opt for a D&C, how did you deal with working? Did you go back and risk beginning to miscarry at work, or did you stay home and wait? I have been at my current job for less than 3 months, and I don't know how to deal with this. I can't imagine that I would be able to function at work while waiting for the bleeding to start. It scares me. At the same time, I don't want to lose my job. One of my managers knows that I am miscarrying, because I told her yesterday when leaving work early to go to my appointment. I guess I could explain to her that the process hasn't actually started yet, and that when it does, I'll have to leave work without warning. But I am devastated, and having a hard time even focusing on what my husband says to me at home, and I'm so distraught that I'm taking a sedative to keep myself from breaking down and having a panic attack. I really just don't want this to happen at work, and because I work full time, odds are good that it will.

Did you work while you were waiting to miscarry? Or did you stay home?

[Ann612]

I did a D&C but I still want to chime in here in a couple ways:

First, I found that very few people actually understand the miscarriage process in any way. I myself did not fully understand it until I went through it, and I often found that just telling people that my pregnancy had been lost did not give them any understanding of what was happening. I had no plans on telling anyone at work, but I wound up having to tell the project manager I was working with at the time. I was so glad I did. Once she understood exactly what I was going through, it was a weight off my shoulders work-wise because she knew I wasn't trying to be irresponsible in any way and then she was able to work with me.

Second, the fact that you are taking sedatives over having to go through this at work should be an indication that you really have to do something here. I would suggest a sit down with your manager to explain better what's going on. 3 months is a short amount of time, but even in 3 months people should have a sense for what kind of worker/person you are.

Finally, I want to wish you luck through this process. It's an awful one, and work does make it that much harder to navigate.

[nikolie93]

Ugh, I am sorry cabgirl *hug*

I am not sure I will be much help because I was not in limbo with any of my losses as they started naturally. I can't imagine having to go to work while waiting for it to happen. To be honest, I wouldn't want to be out when when it does.

I am not sure what kind of job you have but concentration is going to be a big problem I would think. I was lucky enough to be able to work from home but I still had issues focusing.

What vibe did you get from your manager? Did they seem even a little understanding? I know you have only been there for 3 months but like Ann said, they should already be able to tell the kind of worker you are. You also have to think you will be risking a decline in performance if you continue working.

I am rambling, sorry! If I were you I would have a heart to heart with my manager.

[emmylo413]

I also did the D&C for my first miscarriage, and am opting for it again. However, last time I began miscarrying on my own before the surgery. For me it came on gradually so I had plenty of time to get my bearings. If it were me I would formulate a plan for what you want to do. Do you want to take off work as soon as the spotting picks up or just take off now and wait? Then speak with your supervisor and present your plan to her. I'd be surprised if she wasn't understanding. Ultimately it's up to you whether you feel you are up to working (as others have said, the distraction may help) or need the time to yourself. Your well-being should come first. Good luck and lots of ((hugs)).

[ihatepizza]

I went to work while waiting to miscarry back in September at 9 weeks. Physically I was able to control my pain with pain medication which eased the cramping. Emotionally I was a mess. I actually had coworkers believe I was upset with them, it actually got to the point where I asked my close friend (a fellow coworker) to share with everyone what was going on. After that it got easier but emotionally was still draining. I didn't see any clients and just cried on and off in my office.

If I were to do it again I would still make the same choice. I knew sitting at home waiting to miscarry would be too overwhelming, especially since DH was working. My only wish is that I told my coworkers early in the day.

If you have any more questions just ask, I know how much the choice sucks