Post by wesleycrusher on Jan 30, 2015 10:35:39 GMT -5
One more thing to think about as a parent is punishment for actions v losing the trust of your child. What are the consequences for having sex at 13...if they are having sex and are punished by you the parent are they going to keep having sex in secret? Would you rather know they are doing it- that they can trust you and come to you with issues? In most cases law enforcement doesn't step in like in this article. It will be you as the parent dealing with this.
All hypothetical and kinda off topic but this does happen.
One more thing to think about as a parent is punishment for actions v losing the trust of your child. What are the consequences for having sex at 13...if they are having sex and are punished by you the parent are they going to keep having sex in secret? Would you rather know they are doing it- that they can trust you and come to you with issues? In most cases law enforcement doesn't step in like in this article. It will be you as the parent dealing with this.
All hypothetical and kinda off topic but this does happen.
Nope. I would not be comfortable with my 13 year old having sex. That is too young. It's a parenting line for me. I wouldn't be comfortable with them drinking or doing drugs, either. I'm a laid back parent in some areas, but if my child is going in a direction that is not appropriate for their age level, I would intervene. Counseling, maybe. But there's no way I would just shrug my shoulders and say "at least he's/she's telling me". Nope. 13 is a child.
Post by angelashly on Jan 30, 2015 10:42:03 GMT -5
I'm not arguing that middle schoolers need some supervision, but judging parents who are not at the party is an asshole thing to do. They are not there to watch and how do we know that they aren't doing everything they can at home and checking on parents being home, etc. If you judge the parents of the home it happened in fine, but not parents who were not there at the house which is what pp did.
One more thing to think about as a parent is punishment for actions v losing the trust of your child. What are the consequences for having sex at 13...if they are having sex and are punished by you the parent are they going to keep having sex in secret? Would you rather know they are doing it- that they can trust you and come to you with issues? In most cases law enforcement doesn't step in like in this article. It will be you as the parent dealing with this.
All hypothetical and kinda off topic but this does happen.
Nope. I would not be comfortable with my 13 year old having sex. That is too young. It's a parenting line for me. I wouldn't be comfortable with them drinking or doing drugs, either. I'm a laid back parent in some areas, but if my child is going in a direction that is not appropriate for their age level, I would intervene. Counseling, maybe. But there's no way I would just shrug my shoulders and say "at least he's/she's telling me". Nope. 13 is a child.
This I can get behind. I would 1000% be doing whatever I could to prevent it from happening in the future.
Post by theseaword on Jan 30, 2015 10:50:01 GMT -5
And not to keep harping about this because I know it's not the point of the thread, but I also don't want to give the impression that I want my kid to avoid sex simply because they think they'll get in trouble or I'd freak out. As a child, I didn't want to have sex or do drugs or drink, and it wasn't because I was afraid of my parents. I think that would backfire and result in the dishonesty you mentioned. I didn't want to do those things because my parents had created an environment where I understood why I should trust them and avoid those things. I don't think that's an easy thing to do, but that's the place I hope to reach with my kids.
One more thing to think about as a parent is punishment for actions v losing the trust of your child. What are the consequences for having sex at 13...if they are having sex and are punished by you the parent are they going to keep having sex in secret? Would you rather know they are doing it- that they can trust you and come to you with issues? In most cases law enforcement doesn't step in like in this article. It will be you as the parent dealing with this.
All hypothetical and kinda off topic but this does happen.
Nope. I would not be comfortable with my 13 year old having sex. That is too young. It's a parenting line for me. I wouldn't be comfortable with them drinking or doing drugs, either. I'm a laid back parent in some areas, but if my child is going in a direction that is not appropriate for their age level, I would intervene. Counseling, maybe. But there's no way I would just shrug my shoulders and say "at least he's/she's telling me". Nope. 13 is a child.
I'm not saying you should be comfortable with it. I'm not either. But just saying that if it were to happen it is very tough situation to be in as a parent and I empathize with the parents in this article who have to deal with it plus legal charges. I don't think judgement of them is the right response because I am sure none of them thought this would happen.
Post by wesleycrusher on Jan 30, 2015 11:30:48 GMT -5
There is a middle school mentality about sex that "everyone's doing it." As an adult i know that's not true but that is the perception that many kids have.
Post by theseaword on Jan 30, 2015 11:37:22 GMT -5
Sometimes I wish I could recreate my life for my children. We had 30 kids in our class and none of us were having sex. No one even actually dated. Just did the "say we're together" thing. I know that's unusual. I've watched the CW.
Post by eddiegotsole on Jan 30, 2015 11:44:19 GMT -5
This is insane! I know when I was in Middle School this sort of thing was not happening, yes the technology makes it worse because while kids will try to "experiment" (if you can call it that in middle school) the element of recording their actions and all of the legal ramifications were non-existent.
Middle School kids generally have a lack of common sense on this stuff which is why they think everything is all gravy. Their whole scope is "I don't want my parents to find out" they're not thinking of any legal action in any way. SMFH
Good lord this article scares me....13 years old having sex parties! I grew up in a small town in the middle of the bible belt and am completely in shock that this happened at such a young age.
I deleted what I was going to say. I get very squicky about this. I am also in the "middle schoolers need supervision" camp but I don't want to come off judgy.
Is there a way to block photos from being sent/received on a phone? I think I would 100% do that to my kid's phone, and be THAT mom. It's not worth having your life ruined over a dumb teenage mistake, and I have already heard too many horror stories.
I know that, at least with my iPhone, I have to have the Cellular Data turned on to send or receive pictures in texts. So maybe that could be permanently disabled? Or semi permanently, at least.
I don't even have an outside baby yet, but I'm hoping they still make phones sans cameras by the time I need one.
I'm also in agreement that a 13 year old having sex isn't one of those 'well, at least I know/they're telling me' situations. I want to be a sex-positive parent. When my kid is older (16-17ish) I want him/her to be able to come to me about condoms and birth control and sexuality and the whole nine (not that I'd be thrilled with my kid having sex at 16, but I can accept that happens). But 13 is way too young. If I found out about that, it would be a scorched earth policy. They might hate me, I might have to give things up, but, you say someone can't be there all the time, but, yes, I would find a way to make that happen. And, yes, that might cause them to try to rebel further, but what is the answer to that situation? My 13 year old is having sex, but they're talking to me about it, so meh. No. I mean, I'd do the whole talking to them thing (and I'm another person who is and has always been extremely motivated by Disapproval of Parents/Authority Figures), but that is not acceptable. And I would try my damndest to make it never happen again until my kid is much older.
What scandalizing to me was the sex parties and the video taping and less of 13 year olds having sex. I know kids are having sex but I personally still believe that 13 is to young. Once again I come from a very sheltered environment and I was a very late bloomer. I want my daughter to enjoy her childhood as long as possible and not rush into grown up decisions that can effect the rest of her life.
Is there a way to block photos from being sent/received on a phone? I think I would 100% do that to my kid's phone, and be THAT mom. It's not worth having your life ruined over a dumb teenage mistake, and I have already heard too many horror stories.
I was going to say "just don't get your kid a phone" because that's the option I would lean toward. But then I realized, if a kid really wants to send a dick pic, they'll just use their friend's phone.
I'm just not sure there's anything you can do to prevent this kind of thing. If a kid wants to do it, they'll find a way. The idiot side of their brains is just too powerful, and it's not even their fault, let alone their parents'.
Oh, that is fantastic. This, this is wine. Look at what these idiots are drinking. Look at these dicks! I mean obviously, it's not really delicious, like hot chocolate or Coke, but for wine...brilliant.
When I was in middle school the girls cheerleading team went on spring break in Florida with the HS team. They had a point system for sex. I don't remember exactly but I remember they said the points went up for boys in HS and college.
Yeah, this absolutely was happening when I was in middle school. Maybe not with as many kids as is happening now, but it certainly happened. There was just no social media to raise the stakes.
Oh, that is fantastic. This, this is wine. Look at what these idiots are drinking. Look at these dicks! I mean obviously, it's not really delicious, like hot chocolate or Coke, but for wine...brilliant.
When I was in middle school the girls cheerleading team went on spring break in Florida with the HS team. They had a point system for sex. I don't remember exactly but I remember they said the points went up for boys in HS and college.
How was it appropriate for middle school students to go to spring break in Fl on an overnight with high school students?? My mom would have shit. You guys, I'm going to be that mom. I didn't think I would.
When I was in middle school the girls cheerleading team went on spring break in Florida with the HS team. They had a point system for sex. I don't remember exactly but I remember they said the points went up for boys in HS and college.
How was it appropriate for middle school students to go to spring break in Fl on an overnight with high school students?? My mom would have shit. You guys, I'm going to be that mom. I didn't think I would.
I mean, I'm not saying it was "appropriate", and clearly the supervision was not there, but it was a school trip and parents and teachers went.
I only know about it because kids kept talking about one girl in 9th grade who got over 1oo points. I had a friendish who was a cheerleader who told me. Not all the girls participated, but some did. Of course it could have been BS but there were a lot of talks about points and she's not the type to lie.
Post by hurricanenellie on Jan 30, 2015 14:31:32 GMT -5
I had/have a VERY open relationship with my mother. But I was never given the opportunity to have a sex party, even in high school. If I was going somewhere there was always communication amongst parents who/where/what/when. I think making all of these kids have STD tests is a good start. Invasive, embarrassing, and maybe going through that at such a young age would make them realize what responsibilities and consequences come with having sex.
Post by theseaword on Jan 30, 2015 14:35:25 GMT -5
Mama seaword would like all of you to know that I'm not allowed to go on that trip, and she would like to have a chat with your teacher. She just called, and, as predicted, I asked if I could go on that trip and she said "lol no." BUT MOOOOOOM
Post by theseaword on Jan 30, 2015 15:52:15 GMT -5
I don't think it will be an age so much as a set of circumstances where I would be "ok" with it. For example, if my child begins having sex at 17, the age might be "ok", but I wouldn't be "ok" with it if he was in a destructive relationship, wasn't having safe sex, or wasn't emotionally mature enough for sex . If my 17 year old is in a committed relationship where he is being treated respectfully and is treating his partner respectfully, and is being safe, I would be more "ok" with that.
There are ages where I feel like it's wrong under all circumstances. And I feel that age is probably 15 or so, and even older than that if the partner is significantly older (I wouldn't be cool with a 16 year old dating a 25 year old. Creeps can get the fuck away from my minor children).
I'm terrified about DD becoming a teenager. But I'm going to do my best to not allow my fear to cloud my ability to talk about sex with her. I want her to make informed decisons about her sexual health and I want to be able to answer questions she has and make sure she can get the things she needs to protect herself.
I don't want her going to sex parties but I know sex and boys or girls are both going to be a part of her teenage years.
Post by redhorizon343 on Jan 30, 2015 16:20:30 GMT -5
Certainly the shit needs to be scared out of these kids. I wouldn't want any of them labeled for life as sex offenders because of child pornagraphy. However, if a non-consensual act occurred, my feelings go into a gray area. Consensual sex between young teenagers can be chalked up to a stupid mistake. Forcing someone to have sex is not. It's much more serious.
If my daughter were raped, I'd want the person who did it to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, no matter the age of the offender.
Post by speedymarie on Jan 30, 2015 17:02:17 GMT -5
I teach 7th and 8th grade. I had a 7th grader out for a week last year because she was having an abortion. It is heartbreaking.
It is crazy to me because my kids are such babies is so many ways. Their impulse control is so poor, and they have no sense of consequences of their actions or the ability to rationally judge or understand the ways others might try to manipulate them. They are so so so easily swayed by peer opinion. I see them do the stupidest shit and that's when I'm right there. I can't imagine what they do when adults aren't around.
DD is going to a two day human sexuality workshop this weekend. In the parent meeting last night they were very clear that we need to reiterate at home that participating in, sharing, forwarding, taking pics/recording, editing images, replying to an email, etc. all falls under pornography from a legal perspective.
I think they need to come up with a new category that isn't sex offender but carries some official weight to scare kids and cause an impact/track this. However, when I look at the sex offender map I don't want to see the 16 year old busted for a sext along with the 61 year old who touched an 8 year old. I don't see how the current categories benefit anyone.
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