Bi-Weekly Vodka and Hugs 11/24

[skategirl128]

Hi Loves!

It's time to update all of us on what is going on with you! I come bearing lots of vodka, wine, treats and hugs! (I don't know how to put in pictures,etc unless I'm mobile (and I've taken them) on the app, so bear with me for the lack of fun pics)


I'll be taking over the check in. I'll do my best to try to keep the week's straight!

Much love to all of you as we enter into the holiday season! XOXO lovelies!

[skategirl128]

Big hugs renegadewhit! I hope the next six months fly by for you! Being on the bench is so tough!

[grneyes]

skategirl128 Thanks for running the check-in!

renegadewhit I'm sorry the apt wasn't more helpful. I guess it's sounding like they will run all the testing once it gets closer to being off the bench? GL with all the health goals!

AFM, genetic testing on the baby came back as 46, XX, so back to being unexplained. Can't be 100% sure that it wasn't my cells that were tested instead, so who knows. My Vit D also came back deficient, so I'm on a prescription now to bring my levels up. We are on the bench until January, then will start again with Femara cycles.

On the non ttc front, we are home in DC for Thanksgiving this week. Enjoying the break so far. Lots of hugs to everyone!

[skategirl128]

crimpgirl I wouldn't put my life on hold for what ifs. I learned that the hard way when late-FI passed. You deserve to be happy! I would continue your job search and you will find something that's a better fit! I know how hard it is though! TTC is the worst! Big hugs lovie!!

[cali]

Hi ladies! IUI#1 was a bust. I took it super hard. I guess I'm still taking it pretty hard. I didn't quite realize how much hope I was putting into this cycle. I've been super irritated with MH because he doesn't really seem to be phased by any of it. He's just like oh well, we'll just try again. He also doesn't even seem to notice how I'm struggling emotionally with it all. I still haven't told my mom this cycle didn't work because I start crying whenever I start thinking about it so I've just been avoiding. I'm sure she's figured it out since she knew I was testing Monday but she hasn't asked.
Anyway, next cycle I'm starting letrozole earlier (CD3 instead of CD5) and having an earlier monitoring appointment, so maybe that will help. CD3 is Friday and Im going in for baseline BW and u/s. I'm really trying not to get my hopes up as much though because I can't handle another month feeling the way I do now. I think if this cycle doesn't work I'll have to take a break for a bit. I'm not sure. I feel like I'm rambling.
Anyway, I'm off to start cooking for tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

[skategirl128]

I'm so sorry cali!! TTC is so hard, most especially on us! I'm so sorry! Sending you so many hugs and all my love your way!

[cali]

Thanks skategirl128 and crimpgirl. II think I was just really surprised with how hard this BFN was. I felt like I was getting kind of numb to it all after all these months but I guess trying an IUI for the first time made me hopeful. I hate that I feel sorry for myself because I know others have been at it longer and been through much worse but I still feel this way. I guess it's still just raw. Hopefully I'll feel better in a few days.

[cali]

You're so right. Thanks for the good advice crimpgirl

[muscari]

Hey all! Somehow I totally missed this post, doh! Am way past my bedtime and really gotte get going, since today's been exhausting and I have a long and heavy day ahead of me tomorrow but I hope to come back&read properly Sunday latest. *hugs&vodka*

[therealbug]

skategirl128, thanks for taking over the check-in! I recommend reminders on your phone on when to post

renegadewhit, ugh to not being able to do testing just yet but it sounds like waiting until you have the all clear to burn the bench is the best idea.

grneyes, (((hugs))) unexplained is so frustrating.

crimpgirl, good luck with finding another job. I hope you find something you love!

heartbot, Hi!!!

cali, so many ((((hugs)))) lady. It's so hard to keep getting your hopes up.

AFM, we finally had our follow up with the RE on Monday. She came in with a plan which made Mr. Bug feel better about doing another cycle. She felt pretty strongly that we are working with an implantation issue. The plan is to do an endometrial biopsy the month prior to our next transfer to create an area in the lining that needs to heal, and then to do Letrozol and Neupogen to help with lining thickness and implantation.

We are currently #8 on the donor embryo list and looking at probably Feb-March to be matched and start thinking about cycling. That gives us a few months to come up with the money for another transfer.

[skategirl128]

Good call on the phone reminder therealbug!!

[tuckaboo]

renegadewhit, you're doing so great, but being on the bench for so long is just rough. I'm sorry the doctor wasn't more helpful.
grneyes, big ((hugs)), getting test results like that is so hard. Did the doctor have any suggestions for what to do about being unexplained?
cali, I'm just so sorry. I also took my first failed IUI really hard. It's so tough to let yourself feel hope again. I worry about that with IVF, that it's going to be the first time in a while I will have hope, and that it will be squashed. Be kind to yourself.
therealbug, I'm so glad the meeting with your RE was good.

I'm feeling super anxious about IVF and also ready for January to be here. We told our families about starting IVF over Thanksgiving (a fun holiday topic, along with politics and religion), and everyone was very supportive. It was a big relief.

[muscari]

Hey sweet ladies, finally found a moment to myself which feels like the first time in days, so am trying to catch up on TCF before bed!

Life has been chaotic and no fun these past couple weeks and I think I stretched myself a little too thin (and worried to much about pretty much all aspects of life). I really hit rock bottom early this week depression-wise and spent some days struggling badly and basically just surviving. I saw a therapist on Friday which involved a lot of crying but it was a good session and we'll continue sessions. I'm even contemplaiting going (back) on meds even though I rather would not..

As I wrote on the WuW (I think?) MH is struggling with a herniated disc. He's been in a lot of pain even while on a high dose of strong meds, and he's been reliant on me for pretty much everything. Then yesterday he took a pretty nasty fall when his leg gave out from under him and I had to rush home from work to help him out. Things really took a turn for the worse, we finally got ahold of an on-call dr this mid-afternoon and he's been put on an even stronger pain med. Tomorrow an 'emergency-referal' will be shot into the system to see the neurologist within the next 3 days orso for an MRI and to discuss options.

Then my BIL finally had his open heart surgery this past Friday after having been postponed 3 days in a row ugh. All went well and the drs are happy with the progress he made. What a relief!!

CALR Needless to say that with his back issues, there's not been any sexy time I had just entered FW when it happened and I fretted over "wasting a cycle" for a little while even though I know tis not to be helped so fretting is useless. MH has asked me to open up more instead of bottling things up and disguising my emotions and thoughts so we talked about this a bit. Cause, yea, deep down I do worry about this being a lenghty ordeal and time ticking away. He joked that if that was the case, we would just have to be creative with handiwork, a container and a turkey baster *chuckles* Oh such a romantic, that husband of mine

On that note, I just realized that I still haven't heard back from the hospital regarding my RE referal. On the to-do list for this week (although tbh with MH currently immobile I have no clue how to proceed from here right now).

[muscari]

Thanks for the check-in skategirl128 , and I second the suggestion of setting up a reminder in your phone. It's the only way I don't forget all appointments at the moment LOL!

renegadewhit , shame some more testing can't (or won't) be done right now, but I can understand you not wanting to go of BCP now while you're still on the bench for the next 6 months. I'm surprised though he doesn't want to follow up on the cyst.. I thought those should be monitored? Though, obviously not an expert! I agree with heartbot that even though the appointment may feel sort of meh perhaps, it's good that you both are now on the same page with things. I hope those next 6 months will fly by for you! *hugs*

grneyes , *hugs* so sorry that testing came back inconclusive and you're still/again unexplained:( I hope the vit D works and you'll feel better. Enjoy your time home for the holidays!

crimpgirl , sorry this cycle is rough on you. *hugs* Keeping everything crossed for you! Also best of luck with your job search, I hope something neat pops up soon.

cali *hugs* Things are hard enough in itself already but sometimes not getting the support we could use from our husbands makes it even harder. For me&MH, for a long time I thought he would/should simply know how I felt and struggled, cause I thought it was pretty clear, but I've realized I need to more actively express my feelings to him and I have tried to do so and it is helping him to be more understanding. Glad that you have a new plan for this cycle that you feel good about, I'm keeping my FX for you!

therealbug, I'm very happy to read that you had a good appointment with your RE and that YH is feeling better about doing another cycle. Having some time to sort things out financially (and perhaps also emotionally?) before cycling this Spring sounds good, too. GL!

tuckaboo, so sorry you're feling so anxious about IVF upcoming in January. I'm glad to read your family is supportive and I hope they'll be able to help you through the coming period. And of course we're here for you also!

[grneyes]

crimpgirl Good luck with the job search. I hope you find something that makes you happy.

cali more (((hugs))), I found medicated cycles to be really emotionally draining too. It's so hard not to put all your hope into it.

therealbug I'm glad you have a plan for moving forward. I find that makes such a difference than floating around in limbo. I have everything crossed for you for a successful outcome!

muscari Lots of (((hugs))). I'm so sorry you've had a tough time this week. I think therapy can be so beneficial, I hope it's helpful to you. I'm sorry as well to hear about your husband - I hope the apt goes well for him and you get all the medical stuff sorted!

tuckaboo I'm glad to hear your family took the news well, it really helps when they are supportive. (((Hugs))) and GL with the next cycle, I hope it goes smoothly! The RE basically told us to try again or move onto IVF with PGS. She said she would have encouraged us to move to IVF sooner if the testing had shown a chromosomal abnormality. I've already had a full RPL panel and a hysteroscopy plus being on all the vitamins and supplements, so I don't really think there is anything else they can do. I feel okay trying Femara again at this point, I'm not quite at my breaking point yet, so we'll see how the next few months go.

[lizblue]

Popping in to give big hugs to you guys. You are all on my mind.

Hugs and vodka, hugs and vodka. Xo

[muscari]

Well, MH ended up being hospitalized today, with a suspicion of cauda equina syndrome.. I could spit at our GP, I'm so angry at him for his lack of proactivity, insufficient care and everything of these past 3 weeks. He's totally misjudged the situation, and had he taken the time to actually do a house call to assess MHs symptoms properly we'd have been at the hospital at least a week ago already. *deep breaths* It's no use for me to waste my energy on this negativity though so I'm trying to focus on the fact that he now is in good hands, recieving proper care, and hopefully he'll be doing much better soon. An MRI is scheduled right about now and later this afternoon we'll be meeting with the specialist to discuss plan of treatement. Most likely surgical intervention will be in our near future (as she's suspecting a double hernia as a cause for the CES).

And in the fucky way my mind works, I can't help but feel upset also about the influence of all this on our TTC journey. We had to let last cycle to go waste and it's not looking very likely that anything will be happening this cycle either. Which means that there's no chance for a S16 baby, which makes me just really sad.. knowing that there'll be more then 12 months in between our previous BFP and the one we're so desperately hoping for. It's stupid, cause in reality it of course doesn't matter but in my head this is a really big thing somehow. And today is CD1 too, meh, and I'm trying not to worry to much about recurrance of the adhesions, but since my previous AF was lighter again then it's been after treatement, it's hard not to. I'm just having a marvelous day... /sarcasm Thanks for listening!

[tuckaboo]

muscari, I'm so incredibly sorry. I'm glad YH is in the hospital and being well cared for now, but that's really scary. And it's not silly to be upset about the TTC stuff on top of this, it's just an awful lot to deal with. Big big ((hugs)).

[skategirl128]

I'm so sorry @muscati! I would continue to push and advocate for him! My thoughts are with both of you! I hope he has a speedy recovery! Big hugs lovey!

[agpjt413]

Oh muscari - I'm so, so sorry lady. I'm glad that YH is now in good hands and I wish him a speedy recovery. I was reading the symptoms of CES and I swear it sounds almost identical to what MH had - but I suppose not as severe since it went away over time (w/ some meds and getting a new mattress!) sans going under the knife. So many ((hugs)) and I'm also so sorry about CD1 ❤️

[cavewmn]

muscari I'm so sorry about your dh. I hope he has a quick recovery. * hugs *

[muscari]

Hey ladies, thanks so much for your well wishes and hugs!

Yesterday's MRI unfortunately had to be aborted early on as MH was just in to much pain to lay flat on his back for long. That was a big disappointment and we were at a loss what next while waiting on the dr. Luckily they had been able to image enough of his spine to at least be able to exclude CES, so that was a HUGE relief. Now it appears to "just" be a regular acute hernicated disc with nerval compression (or something, I don't know how all the Dutch medical terms translate into proper English and too tired to look it up up *g*), so while that still is no good, at least it's a bit less urgent. The neurologist is now consulting with the neurosurgeon and I hope we will hear more on how they plan to proceed from here later today or tomorrow. We are still looking at surgery most likely.

agpjt413 , did YH ever see a dr about his back issues and get a proper dx or was he as stubborn as MH and didn't want to see the dr lol then overtime things got better again? Apperently a herniated disc can improve and mend on it's own over time (months, usually), depending on the severity of things. A proper mattrass for sure helps for a healthy spine. Is YH pain/symptom free again? I hope so!

[agpjt413]

Ha ha - like most men, MH is usually stubborn but his back bothered him to the point where he went to see his GP on his own and I tagged along, curious to see what the dr was going to recommend. He gave MH something for pain & a muscle relaxer - MH took those for less than a week b/c it was still bothering him so bad. We ended up biting the bullet and bought a sleep number bed (you know, the one I never talk about! Lol!). His back pain went away within three days and he hasn't had any pain since - and it's been almost 7 months!! I hope YH finds some relief soon, muscari!!

[muscari]

He's currently on a pretty hefty dose of morfine which does bring some relief though not the kind we're looking for heh - he can't continue to take that crap for ever (not to mention, it's absolutely no good for his swimmers either!). On thursday another MRI is scheduled, as now they were talking about it being a double hernia - two ruptures in adjecent discs, and at a very difficult to reach spot.. I don't know what to think no more so will just sit patiently (or something;)) till they've done the complete MRI. I have requested a meeting with the dr later this week to discuss everything (right now they've discussed all these things with MH during rounds, but that's outside visiting hours and I'm not allowed to join in.. which sucks!).

We're thinking about a new bed, too, even though our current boxspring is just 5 years old and was supposed to be good quality. I'm very happy to hear that it's made all the difference for YH agpjt413!

[lizblue]

Hugs muscari. I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I hope your H gets well soon.

[grneyes]

(((Hugs))), I'm sorry to hear about your husband. How stressful. I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts for some answers and a plan soon.

[crazycatlady6]

muscari - (((hugs))). I hope things get better for YH soon.

[muscari]

Just wanted to post a quick update on MH for those wondering. Ladies on IG or 3T/IF may already have seen the update come by that he was released to come home on Friday. His collegues pulled an awesome prank on him, they pretended he was highly contageous and came in fully suited up toes to top. It was hilarious haha. We have an appointment with the neurosurgeon on Wednesday to discuss surgery. In the meanwhile MH is lounging around with the kitties (who are extremely happy that he's back home) on a special high/low bed in the livingroom (never thought I'd be so happy with our health insurance, which apperently covers a whole range of handydandy equipment for these kind of situations!. This makes it much easier for me to take care of him as well. The situation is not ideal, but we're making do and it's been much nicer to have him home then to have to visit the hospital. And hopefully come Wednesday we'll have a plan of treatement in place. TBC! Thanks for all the well wishes, much appreciated!