Post by Flair Underwood on Dec 7, 2015 14:06:38 GMT -5
oh, babyzebra, that would be scary... I hope your little one gets some relief soon.
I am going in today for another ultrasound. Yesterday, DD was playing and running around while I was sitting on the floor... she ran over to me and jumped onto my lap and rammed her knee right into my stomach. I am not worried, but DH was so he asked me to call. So, I'm going in for a 3:15 u/s and to wait to til the doc goes over it. I'm going to be stuck there SO LATE... I swear, I have to wait 40 minutes when my appointment is first thing in the morning... aye aye.
Thanks titania and babyzebra! I cleaned the living room and got the fridge cleaned out for new groceries. Feels good. I think small things at a time is a good idea and just trying to remember that I can't clean it all in a couple hours like I used to. Just not realistic with a toddler who takes short naps! Also DD did not melt down at the store today and she asked for a nap! She never asks for a nap and has been really struggling at the grocery stores lately. Yay for a successful morning!
Post by origamimommy on Dec 7, 2015 14:18:17 GMT -5
I am having a seriously anxious day. I can't pull myself out of it. I am so nervous about the baby and I have until Jan 5 until my next appointment. I am terrified taking this job was a huge mistake, I am losing my FMLA and I know I'll still get 12 weeks but it will be completely unpaid and I'm worried that I'll get pressure to come back soon since my job isn't necessarily "protected". I have no reason to think this except I'm a fucking nut case. I am also nervous taking this job, especially while pregnant, was a huge mistake because what if I'm not smart enough? And then I think, fuck that. Do men think this when they get new jobs?? It's a promotion from what I do now, but how will I learn if I don't do it. I just have weird anxiety I can't get rid of.
Plus I've been crying thinking about DS and how he's spent so much of his short little life in daycare and it makes me feel like a bad mom. I think this is just pregnancy hormones but it sucks so much dropping him off everyday and he eats breakfast and lunch there and I just feel like I don't get enough time with him. It really sucks. I miss him so much today. And I look like an idiot crying at my desk but can't stop and I don't want to get up and go to bathroom and draw attention to myself and the fact that I am a crying mess.
I don't know the point of this, but I needed to get it off of my chest and vent for a minute. Today is a sucky, sucky day.
Post by frecklesnbrains on Dec 7, 2015 14:21:28 GMT -5
origamimommy, BIG HUGE HUGS!!! You're a great mom, and you're doing the right thing with your new job, and everything will be fine. I promise. It sucks so much that we don't live in a culture that supports working moms as much as it should. But you're going to do a great job. I know it.
origamimommy, You're a WONDERFUL Mom! I am so sorry you're having a hard day! I think it's totally normal to have days like that. I remember feeling like that, but honestly, I feel like that just as much now that I'm staying at home! At daycare I was confident he was getting activities, social interaction, and routine-wheras at home lately, he's watching TV because I feel too sick and tired. My point is, I think Mommy guilt will always be there. You're setting an awesome example for him of doing an amazing job and getting promoted! I also think you're doing the right thing take the new job, although making big changes can always be scary (I hate change!!) I am so sorry you are missing your DS today!!
Tired Monday....my toddler was sick this weekend with a fever and all the snot. She slept terrible Saturday night and last night so she ended up in our bed both nights. That means I slept worse than she did. I also am having non-stop dreams and I wake up feeling exhausted anyway because my dreams are constant go go go. This was not a restful weekend....I'm counting down the hours until bedtime tonight and hoping she does fine in her own bed.
Post by origamimommy on Dec 7, 2015 15:18:45 GMT -5
txmommy14, thank you! I really appreciate that because I would much prefer to stay at home, and I did for a bit, but I'm the primary income so I need to work. I certainly don't have any resentment about it, and I typically enjoy my work, but I miss him so much.
I just called his teacher just to chat and see how he's doing and she told me he's not listening (ugh) but I explained how he's been a little cray since finding out about the baby and we talked for a while. She ended up telling me that every parent that comes in asks about Tyler because all of the kids love him. She said he is so kind and welcoming and friendly that all of the kids always want to play with him. It made me feel so good to know that he is turning into such a sweet, loving, and accepting kid. Now how the hell do I get him to listen (lol, time is the only thing I can think of at this point)? This parenting stuff is so stinking hard.
Big hugs origamimommy! Being a mom is hard. Being a mom when working full time is hard. Being a mom while staying home full time is hard. Just remember that he's a big reason why you're doing this and showing him that his mom is ambitious and career-driven and still able to be a kickass mom will be such a great lesson for him growing up. Whenever I get into this mindset and worry about DS being in daycare, I remind myself of how much he's learning and how social he's becoming and it helps me to remember that the time we do spend together is that much more special. Can you plan something extra fun for this weekend for you all to do as a family? It might help to bring you back to center. Hang in there!
origamimommy, I could have written most of your post. If I get the new job I'm hoping for I will be in a very similar position as yours regarding leave time/pay and performance anxiety.
Not having legal job security during that time, especially when you are still considered 'new' is absolutely a scary feeling. I have to keep reminding myself that ML is only temporary and in the grand scheme of things not a substantial amount of time away. Think about the new hire process, it takes many companies at least that amount of time or longer to find and hire someone new. And most companies and managers are more understanding than you might think when it comes down to it.
I think we also feel similarly that we are letting our new employer down in some way and that our performance may be under more scrutiny due to being a new hire and pregnant, but you are smart, you are hard working and you are obviously really good at what you do to be getting a promotion role (well done on that by the way!). Personally, I hate feeling like I have disappointed people and I internalize everything so this is really hard for me.
The timing of all of these changes is clearly not ideal but I keep telling myself that a few years down the line I'll look back and be really proud of myself for taking some big risks to advance the direction of my career, raising a 3 year old and nurturing and preparing for a new baby all at the same crazy time.
bighair12, Are you in your 3rd year? I always thought that sounded so interesting! I've always been interested in medical stuff, although I'm glad I picked the education field. I actually like being in hospitals. I had an appendectomy in April and was happy I got to stay for 4 days after the surgery, ha! Hope you can make it through the long days ahead!
babyzebra, oh no! Your poor DS! So sorry. I hope the pediatrician has something helpful to stay.
pbandj714, thinking about you today! Let us know how the US goes.
soultrane, so happy for you that you had a great NT scan and got to hear the hb! What a great way to start your week!
I'm still cramping but not nearly as bad as yesterday, hoping it goes away so PGAL brain can stay at bay until Thursday. I was supposed to stop progesterone last night, but I didn't because I didn't know if I'd be cramping again all day and I didn't want to think, "Oh no, it's because I stopped the progesterone." I know that's silly, but I was feeling so sick that I knew that would help my PGAL brain.
Today we're taking a meal to a family in our church that just had a baby-they live about 45 minutes away, so I'm kind of dreading it, but we're the ones that live further away from everyone else in our church, so I know they will all be driving to us in June (our church does a sign up anytime anyone has a baby-it was amazing, we got 6 weeks of meals three times a week last time).
For those of you that have kids, don't hate me, but it's 9am and DS just woke up. His gift to me on the night I was up feeling sick most of the night!
I am in my second and final year of PA school!!! I am so pumped.
I am on cloud 9! I'm 10w4d, and both babies were measuring ahead at 11w2d with 160 heartbeats!! DH got to see them and was amazed at how much they now look like actual babies! One of them was kicking around like crazy! Oh, I'm so relieved and happy. This is really happening.
Big hugs origamimommy! Being a mom is hard. Being a mom when working full time is hard. Being a mom while staying home full time is hard. Just remember that he's a big reason why you're doing this and showing him that his mom is ambitious and career-driven and still able to be a kickass mom will be such a great lesson for him growing up. Whenever I get into this mindset and worry about DS being in daycare, I remind myself of how much he's learning and how social he's becoming and it helps me to remember that the time we do spend together is that much more special. Can you plan something extra fun for this weekend for you all to do as a family? It might help to bring you back to center. Hang in there!
This is all so true! I worked DS' first 15 months, and we're just taking it year by year at this point. I could easily work again in August, I loved my job and the value I felt from working! There are so many advantages to working and having your child in daycare! We were able to pay for two cars in cash last year, which has helped us out tremendously this year. I agree, maybe you can plan something special for one of these evenings or this weekend, just the two of you! You're amazing and your DS is clearly thriving and turning into an amazing boy origamimommy!
I am on cloud 9! I'm 10w4d, and both babies were measuring ahead at 11w2d with 160 heartbeats!! DH got to see them and was amazed at how much they now look like actual babies! One of them was kicking around like crazy! Oh, I'm so relieved and happy. This is really happening.
I am on cloud 9! I'm 10w4d, and both babies were measuring ahead at 11w2d with 160 heartbeats!! DH got to see them and was amazed at how much they now look like actual babies! One of them was kicking around like crazy! Oh, I'm so relieved and happy. This is really happening.
babyzebra, I hope your LO starts feeling better soon and that his temp lowers. Sending T's & P's your way.
txmommy14, Your church is awesome for arranging all of those meals for pregnant women. I wish my church did this. I might actually suggest it to someone there.
origamimommy, I completely understand your anxiety. I'm a FTM and I'm already worried about how I'm going to work and parent simultaneously. I remind myself that my mom and both of my grandmothers were working mothers and I can do it too. My poor mother only had 6 weeks of unpaid maternity leave for me and my sister, I'll have 12 weeks (also unpaid). I also have often worried over the years about whether I was "smart enough" for certain jobs, but each time I rose to the challenge and you will too.
I am on cloud 9! I'm 10w4d, and both babies were measuring ahead at 11w2d with 160 heartbeats!! DH got to see them and was amazed at how much they now look like actual babies! One of them was kicking around like crazy! Oh, I'm so relieved and happy. This is really happening.
origamimommy I think you got some awesome advice from others, but I just want to say that you are smart enough for this job! You got it and you will kick ass!
I've been MIA all day because my boss was out sick so I had to do our presentation by myself. Tonight I'm taking my nephew out and it's already so late, hopefully I stay awake.
babyzebra I hope the pediatrician fixes YS up & he feels better soon!
I know I'm super late to the party, but congrats pbandj714!
Also, I wanted to say origamimommy that you are definitely smart enough for your new job. Don't even question that. They wouldn't have hired you if you weren't well qualified. I totally understand the working mom guilt you have with your DS. I have it too. Just remember that your DS is learning great skills in daycare and that you are showing him what a smart, hard-working, resilient mom he has!
As it turns out, the source of DS's super high fever is an ear infection. He has started antibiotics, so I'm hoping the fever comes down soon. I also hope that he can get ear tubes soon since this is approximately ear infection #1,000 this year. Thanks for all your kind words!
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