Hey, on the subject of PM's, maybe it would have been more sensitive and respectful to voice concerns about the pinned post in a PM to biblio. With everything that Naria is going through, how awful that she will have to see some of the responses in this thread. I don't aim to minimize anyone's pain or struggle, but if we want sensitivity, let's practice it ourselves please.
Hey, on the subject of PM's, maybe it would have been more sensitive and respectful to voice concerns about the pinned post in a PM to biblio. With everything that Naria is going through, how awful that she will have to see some of the responses in this thread. I don't aim to minimize anyone's pain or struggle, but if we want sensitivity, let's practice it ourselves please.
Post by coffeequeen14 on Jan 5, 2016 19:45:45 GMT -5
The difference here isn't just that Naria started a forum; she established a home for a displaced group quickly and effectively such that the sense of community was never lost. Not many people can or are willing to do that, particularly without pay. Also, unlike a typical member, she can't step away when life is hard. She has a commitment to us and hasn't wavered regardless d what life has thrown at her.
I have been a lurker for a ridiculously long time and am so excited to be part of Naria's August 16 BMB. Thanks for all you have done for us Naria.
The OP said this was put forward in response to overwhelming inquiries about how we could help Naria, the person who started and maintains this place we all call home. I don't see that as playing favorites. I feel for everyone going through IF, so I hope the explanations offered in this thread and the resolution by Theo helps anyone that felt put off to feel better.
Hey, on the subject of PM's, maybe it would have been more sensitive and respectful to voice concerns about the pinned post in a PM to biblio. With everything that Naria is going through, how awful that she will have to see some of the responses in this thread. I don't aim to minimize anyone's pain or struggle, but if we want sensitivity, let's practice it ourselves please.
Thank you. Let's have this space be for Naria. I'm available by PM as needed.
Hey, on the subject of PM's, maybe it would have been more sensitive and respectful to voice concerns about the pinned post in a PM to biblio. With everything that Naria is going through, how awful that she will have to see some of the responses in this thread. I don't aim to minimize anyone's pain or struggle, but if we want sensitivity, let's practice it ourselves please.
you perfectly articulated what I wanted to say hr couldn't find the words to say.
It really sucks that at a time when we should be banding together to support Naria, a well known and beloved member of this forum, there are people vocally voicing their displeasure Ina way that is sure to cause her more pain.
Post by helloerrbody on Jan 5, 2016 20:51:13 GMT -5
If we are a family, then every single family member should be able to share their feelings, concerns, etc. openly in respectful ways, which was done in this thread.
The problem I have with the "this is not a business, this is family" point is that the admins of this site do want to make this a business and talk about turning profits, satisfying advertisers, etc. I'm not saying that they can't do so, but then it's also hard to separate that role from the family member role IMO.
Anyone who struggles with IF, has suffered losses, or is otherwise hurting should be allowed to share if an announcement like this is painful. I know that the admins would never want to cause pain for others.
Naria, I am so so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through right now.
I agree that issues with this post should have been PM'd.
I'd also like to say that Naria's loss isn't more or less than any other person BUT I've never seen another person get people together to support so many the way she has. Naria got people together to send care packages to me during a very difficult time. She'd also let me know when someone was struggling with something that she thought I might be able to help.
I'm glad this effort was put together and appreciate bibliothecary's doing it. I don't think it's inappropriate. I'm not shocked by the reaction though, and although I disagree with the posters who have criticized it, I don't think they've done anything wrong by speaking out respectfully.
I remember feeling hurt when I was going through long-term IF because people would tell well-liked board members "Good luck; you have been trying so long and deserve this more than anyone!" and I would think "But I've been trying so long too; why does she deserve it more?" And I can see the wording of the OP raising those types of feelings, with the emphasis on how long Naria has been trying, how much she has spent, and what a wonderful parent she would be. I can imagine thinking "But so have I, and so have I, and so would I."
As others have pointed out, however, the difference here is how much Naria has given to the board in terms of hours and hours of her time. None of us is comparable to her there. None of us. So I do think it is appropriate to make this announcement, just for this one person who has gone so far above and beyond. Not because her pain is unmatched by others (because unfortunately, there are far too many women going through the same thing), but because her contributions are unmatched.
I consider my donation a thank you to NariaDreaming, and only wish I could give more.
Like it or not, she isn't like any other poster. None of us would be here if it weren't for her. Frankly, if she needed money for another trip to Disney or a bottle of wine I would donate.
If you have been through infertility, or loss, you know something of the pain Naria is going through right now. It astounds me that anyone would want to add to that pain by voicing negativity about an act of love and compassion. I think PM'ing those concerns to bibliothecary would have been far more appropriate. I have faith that she would act just as swiftly. I hope future comments on this thread are kind.
I hope the funding goal is reached even before you start cycling again Naria! One less thing to stress about
I see both sides of this and it sucks that some women are being treated as cold and heartless or not adequately loving Naria for voicing concern or disagreement. There have been more than a few instances where we have dealt with the tension of the business side vs being a community member and where there may be conflicts. Unfortunately this site-wide post triggered another discussion of that. Turning this into a contest about who can pledge their love the most in dismissing the concern and hurt of others just feels wrong and mean and deliberately callous and I don't think people mean to be that way either. Hurting more people in the spirit of supporting someone isn't the only way to do this.
I apologize if my comment came off this way (no idea if you are referring to me or not). I agree no one should be hurt over this- I just don't think this is the right place for a discussion about favoritism, etc. This is why I'm +1ing all the people who suggested it be taken to a PM.
5 years TTC 2 c/p's 2 failed IUIs/1 cancelled IVF 1 failed IVF 1 failed FET BFP 12/1/15. We said goodbye to Tiny 1/4/16 Fresh cycle #3 2/16 8R/7M/5F BFP 5/12/16 We said goodbye to flutter on 5/27 and poprock on 5/28 BFP 8/30/16 We said goodbye to Samuel 10/3 (Trisomy 16) Moving on to Donor Embryos BFP 12/20/16 We said goodbye to Turtle 12/30
Post by andtheheartbreakers on Jan 5, 2016 23:27:03 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for creating this wonderful site, and I am more than happy to give back in any way, no matter how big or small.
Also thank you for posting this as a site wide announcement so that I was made aware of it and able to help contribute. I would hate to have missed this.
Last Edit: Jan 6, 2016 0:26:18 GMT -5 by ldubhawksfan
**siggy warning**
TTC #1 starting July 2013, RE last 2014 First Angel baby lost July 11, 2014 IUI #1 with injections successful: EDD 11/24/15 Rainbow baby DD born 11/14/15 TTC#2 October 2016 Second Angel baby lost Jan 5, 2017
I kind of feel like we should just stop talking about it, like it's turning into something that feels icky to keep exploring. I'd really hate for it to devolve further.
Girl... Yes. Very much yes.
This. Just stop.
Everybody has their own situation, and it has nothing to do with Naria. What's happening right here has nothing to do with any of us.
So just stop.
Naria, you gave f14 a new home when we needed it, and for that we are so very thankful. I would give you the moon if I could.
Naria, I wish this hadn't happened to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I think Biblio did the right thing posting this, just like anyone else can post something similar for their friend. I'm also sorry there has been negativity on this thread. But I guess the fact that people can all openly voice their opinions is why we love TCF so much... So thank you Naria for making this place into what it is. I am sure most of us understand the nature of this thread, and hopefully we will help you get another chance.,.. Just like many of us would help anyone else in TCF who has influenced so many others in a positive way. Reading this thread brought me heartbreak, and then anger from the negativity (even though I understood their point). And then back to heartbreak because... Loss. Good luck, and I hope we help with either positive vibes or funds.
I'm sorry for the people who were upset by this. I am happy to see this and to help Naria because I consider her a friend. I agree it probably should have been posted on select boards. Thanks for the swift resolution theophania .
This.
I do get why some people are sensitive to it, really. But I think it's equally inappropriate to tantrum in the thread.
I can't thank Naria enough for helping to create this community. I can only imagine the number of personal hours she put into giving us a place to find support and resources. I was honored to donate what small amount I could to her.
Me - 40 | DH - 41 | TTC since June 2012 DX: Unexplained Infertility with a touch of MFI, sliding into DOR 3 unmedicated IUI's, 1 medicated IUI, 48 cycles, all BFN IVF #1 - 3R, 2M, 2F - BFN H and I have decided to move on from TTC... officially CLNBC
My heart breaks for your loss, NariaDreaming, and I'm happy to help in even a small way.
This community allowed a group of us in J14 to connect in a way we weren't comfortable with at The Bump. We have been there for each other through tears of happiness and sadness in the past year. I experienced the tragic and sudden loss of my wonderful father in August, and my girls were at the top of the list of people who I wanted to run to. They have offered support in the aftermath that I can't even describe. I'm a mess but I'm finally on the mend, because they help me keep my chin up. All of this you don't even know, so I wanted be sure to take a moment to say thank you for all you have done for me.
My heart breaks for your loss, NariaDreaming, and I'm happy to help in even a small way.
This community allowed a group of us in J14 to connect in a way we weren't comfortable with at The Bump. We have been there for each other through tears of happiness and sadness in the past year. I experienced the tragic and sudden loss of my wonderful father in August, and my girls were at the top of the list of people who I wanted to run to. They have offered support in the aftermath that I can't even describe. I'm a mess but I'm finally on the mend, because they help me keep my chin up. All of this you don't even know, so I wanted be sure to take a moment to say thank you for all you have done for me.
Peace, love and light.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I lost my dad 4 years ago in April, and I remember how painful the first holidays without him were. I hope you're holding up well now that you're on the other side of them.
5 years TTC 2 c/p's 2 failed IUIs/1 cancelled IVF 1 failed IVF 1 failed FET BFP 12/1/15. We said goodbye to Tiny 1/4/16 Fresh cycle #3 2/16 8R/7M/5F BFP 5/12/16 We said goodbye to flutter on 5/27 and poprock on 5/28 BFP 8/30/16 We said goodbye to Samuel 10/3 (Trisomy 16) Moving on to Donor Embryos BFP 12/20/16 We said goodbye to Turtle 12/30
My heart breaks for your loss, NariaDreaming , and I'm happy to help in even a small way.
This community allowed a group of us in J14 to connect in a way we weren't comfortable with at The Bump. We have been there for each other through tears of happiness and sadness in the past year. I experienced the tragic and sudden loss of my wonderful father in August, and my girls were at the top of the list of people who I wanted to run to. They have offered support in the aftermath that I can't even describe. I'm a mess but I'm finally on the mend, because they help me keep my chin up. All of this you don't even know, so I wanted be sure to take a moment to say thank you for all you have done for me.
Peace, love and light.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I lost my dad 4 years ago in April, and I remember how painful the first holidays without him were. I hope you're holding up well now that you're on the other side of them.
Thank you. I hope I'm on the other side as well, but as I'm sure you know, that can change at the drop of a hat.
For many years I worked in a public interest job, trying to "save the world." I often got overwhelmed by all of the people struggling with serious problems and in need of help. I understand the desire for equality and parity; wanting everyone's problems to be addressed equally. But sometimes that's not a realistic goal.
I have a quote written on a post-it in my office. It reads: "If you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you'll end up doing nothing for nobody."
Is nothing for nobody somehow better? I don't think so. Today, Naria is my somebody and I'm happy to help in any way possible.
I have a quote written on a post-it in my office. It reads: "If you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you'll end up doing nothing for nobody."
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