Need advice for recurrent clogs or weaning

[lilylove31]

I'm really starting to struggle with EPing. BFing and then EPing has just been a never ending nightmare since the beginning. DS just turned 4 months. I have enormous guilt about BFing not working out, which made me stubbornly determined to make EPing work out. I've never really had supply issues except in the very beginning. I'm down to just 4 ppd and still getting enough for DS and a little for the freezer. We bought a chest freezer and it is currently full of BM! (Probably have about a months worth in there). I've had so many clogged ducts I've lost count and mastitis twice. I'm currently taking 1200mg of lecithin 4 times a day, it helped with these recurrent clogs for a couple weeks, but doesn't seem to be making a difference anymore. I also had vasospasm/Raynaud's in the beginning, but once we figured out what was going on and started on some medication, it got better. My nipples and breasts still always hurt. I've never been able to hold my son without it hurting! Is this normal to still have pain all the time? Is that just part of breastfeeding and pumping? I've seen at least a half dozen different LCs. They have changed the size of flange that I use and that helped a bit. I was told I am in between sizes and just need to decide which part of my nipple I'm okay with being sore. I just ordered pumpin pals so hopefully they will be better. (Should receive them Saturday) The last LC I saw told me I just need to wean. She said the nipple piercings I used to have probably permanently damaged my ducts and there's nothing that can be done. That was 1.5 months ago and I haven't weaned yet. I went to my OB to see what he said about all the problems I've had and he told me to see an LC. I told him the LC told me to wean and he said "oh well I guess you should probably wean then". I feel like I've reached out for help so many times and just gotten brushed off.
I know there is nothing wrong with formula, but I just want this to work out so bad. On the other hand though, I think my whole family would be much happier if I just weaned. I feel like I've missed out on so much of DS's newborn stage because I had to spend so much time hooked up to my pump. We had DS on formula for at least a week when I first started to EP until my supply caught up. I've also known we would have DS on formula at some point, I can't see myself doing this until 1 year I just really want to get through cold and flu season. I'm also afraid of switching him to formula with all the problems we've had with reflux and weight gain.
I'm currently sitting here with a new clog in each breast and I'm not sure how to continue or how to wean. I'm currently pumping 35-40oz per day and I'm scared of the clogs I may get if I try to wean. I just cannot continue like this though. I've shed so many tears over this in the last 4 months. I'm looking for any advice on how to continue or how to wean with the least amount of problems possible. I also could really use some advice on being emotionally okay with finally throwing in the towel.

TL;DR: really struggling with EPing and recurrent clogged ducts, looking for advice on how to continue or wean and how to be emotionally okay with throwing in the towel.

[raechay]

So sorry that this has been such a challenge. No, it's not really normal to be in pain all the time. It's not super abnormal, but it sounds like you've got a bit of over supply combined with expression issues. Your last LC is stupid to say you have "duct damage " from piercings. Ducts are not what is pierced, and are rather far back from the nipple.
Anyway- don't beat yourself up over the possibility of weaning. It sounds like you've done all you can to prevent clogged ducts and mastitis (soy lecithin, breast massage to ensure they're empty....hydration).
One thing of note- if I had only been pumping 4x/day during the period of time that I was making 40 oz/day, I would've had mastitis within 24 hours. You may be pumping too infrequently.
If you are mentally ready to throw in the towel (no one would blame you. Your baby won't get sick and die) then you are going to have to take it slow. Drink less water, start taking sudafed, slowly reduce your time per pumping session, then drop one pump every other day...then drop it altogether. Continue until weaned. Stay on that lecithin and take warm showers. Use cold cabbage leaves.

Good luck.