~*TPR Fence-Sitters Check-in 1/24*~

[bootsorhearts]

This is a weekly check-in for those considering any type of TPR method (donor eggs, donor embryos, donor sperm, surrogacy or gestational carrier, or some combination of those) but who are not yet ready to take the plunge.

This is a safe place to dip your toe in and share whatever you're feeling in this moment - uncertainty, confusion, worry, etc.

Please share as much of your story as you feel comfortable doing.

1. What method(s) of TPR are you considering?

2. Why are you considering this path?

3. What concerns/reservations/worries do you have?

As a courtesy to those TTC#1 and/or those who have experienced loss, please use a spoiler or a ***warning*** before mentioning sensitive topics. Thank you in advance!

[bootsorhearts]

1. What method(s) of TPR are you considering? Donor eggs

2. Why are you considering this path? I was diagnosed almost 2 years as perimenopausal

3. What concerns/reservations/worries do you have? So so many. Concerns about how I would feel about a child that is not biologically mine and being constantly reminded that he/she was from a donor egg. Anxiety about finding the 'right' donor (I am a bit of a perfectionist), anxiety about spending that much fucking money with no real guarantee, etc. etc.

**LC warning**

We have a bio kid who was conceived naturally after we were told that would be nearly impossible. Of course I love him for so many reasons but I do sometimes look at him in awe and think how amazing it is that he's half me and half my DH. I don't want to look at a child who was the product of donor eggs everyday and be reminded that she/he has a donor's genes and not mine. It would be like a constant reminder of my shitty ovaries, my body that has failed me, and the fact that I was too old to have the family I wanted. I worry it would never live up to the experience I had with DS and that child would never be as amazing as he is. I loved him from the second I saw two lines on a stick. I'm far from a perfect human being but somehow my genes managed to make this incredible kid.

**end warning**

I know I could reframe my thinking if I really wanted to make this happen but so far I haven't been able to do it. So here I sit on the fence.

[king26]

1. What method(s) of TPR are you considering? Frozen Donor Eggs

2. Why are you considering this path? We've had 3 failed IVF cycles, the last 2 having only 2 eggs fertilize.

***Warning-loss mentioned****
My first IVF cycle was textbook. 22 eggs retrieved, 17 mature, 10 fertilized, 3 beautiful 5 day blasts. I had a BFP, saw my baby had a heartbeat, and then I miscarried. After that I waited 4 months to do any more treatment and suddenly was DOR.
***end loss mention***

3. What concerns/reservations/worries do you have? Money is the biggest one. We don't really have it and insurance won't pick up anything. The other worry is the donor of course. DH is not on board at all. I'm wavering but I don't know how I'll feel about donor eggs. i suspect I'll be ok with it but I'm not sure DH will be. I've been calling the place my clinic recommended but they don't call me back. I just want to know about pricing and they won't call. WTF?

[theholmanherd]

I'm currently CFBNC, and we may not have kids, but we've had a couple people offer to be surrogates for us. I like the idea of this thread, so I can learn more about this.

1. What method(s) of TPR are you considering? Surrogacy? (someone carrying our embryo) Possibly donor embryo and a surrogate.

2. Why are you considering this path? We aren't right now, but maybe down the road.

3. What concerns/reservations/worries do you have? Well, both offers came from people I became friends with at work. One doesn't work for us anymore, but one does. I'm considering the one I currently work with, but our work relationship complicates it. If my promotion takes me to another location, that would change things and I might consider it. It's controversial in the Christian community, however, and my husband has reservations about it.

[bootsorhearts]

king26 I'm so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking when everything is so perfect until one day it's not. (((Hugs)))

theholmanherd how awesome that people have offered to do that for you. It must be a lot to think about though. There are quite a few surrogacy/GC success stories on this board if you're up for checking them out.

[theholmanherd]

Jan 24, 2016 23:04:29 GMT -5 bootsorhearts said:

theholmanherd, how awesome that people have offered to do that for you. It must be a lot to think about though. There are quite a few surrogacy/GC success stories on this board if you're up for checking them out.

I might do that. Thanks!

[neam2014]

I hope you guys don't mind me coming in... I'm thinking of donating eggs... Because it's so different I'm hiding it.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to see more.}

1. What method(s) of TPR are you considering? Donating eggs

2. Why are you considering this path? The IVF clinic I am looking at offers free IVF if I donate half of my eggs retrieved for a fresh transfer. The other couple picks me (and I approve them) and they pay for my IVF, but I get no "payment for my time" like a normal egg donation. So they save $6,000-$10,000 off the donated eggs from a "normal" donation, and I save $10,000ish of IVF. I am ok with knowing I have a child "out there", I think everyone should have a child if they want one, and I would feel like I'm helping. Both my DH and mom are ok with the idea.
****LC warning***
[Click here to see more.]I have a son I placed for adoption as a teen. So I already know I have a child "out there" and any kid I have will have a half-sibling somewhere in the world anyways.


3. What concerns/reservations/worries do you have? Because this will be a fresh egg donation the other mother and I would be going thru it at the same time. I'm worried: what if her embies stick and mine don't? Will I be able to handle knowing someone is having a kid with my eggs while I couldn't get pregnant with my own eggs? They will be using their own sperm (or donated from else where) while I'll be using MH, so things can go wrong from that. IDK It's a lot to think about.

[dream2be3]

1. What method(s) of TPR are you considering? Donor eggs (and adoption)

2. Why are you considering this path? It's are only option (s) if we want to have a family.

3. What concerns/reservations/worries do you have? Money of course. We have to either refinance our house or take out a home equity loan to pay for either option as we've spent everything we have on IUI'S and IVF. It sucks to think DH and I could've adopted 3 kids with what we've already spent on fertility treatments. Adoption is closer to a guarantee then donor eggs but I'm having a hard time with the possibility of not experiencing pregnancy. I have to schedule a WTF to make sure donor eggs is a true possibility for us.

[bootsorhearts]

neam2014, Of course you're welcome to hang with us! It's a lot to think about but what a great gift to give another couple.

dream2be3, welcome! It's so hard to feel like we're up against the wall and having to make really hard choices and I hear ya on the finances! Neither option is cheap. I hope you can find the right path for you. We looked into DIA at one time, it helped to go to an info session with an agency that looked reputable to learn more about the process. Maybe poking around and getting info about different options will help make the decision more clear.

[daystardreams]

Hi! I've been lurking here since this board opened and fence sitter describes me perfectly!

1. What method of TPR are you considering? Traditional surrogacy

2. Why?

***losses mentioned***

We've been TTC two years with three losses. We've never found a concrete reason for the losses so we have no concrete plan to prevent losses in the future. Frankly, I'm terrified of getting pregnant again.

I still have an HSG and NK cells test to do next week. If that finds nothing then my RE is suggesting IUI but I feel like I can't justify spending that much money when the chance of another loss remains high. I know so many other women who have endured so much more than I have to have a child and I applaud them. I just don't have the emotional stamina I think. I've lost hope in myself and I'm so scared of getting pregnant again.

My sister is 30 and has two kids, 12 and 8. She has said for years that she regrets not getting her tubes tied after her daughter (but she was only 22). She is excited to be our surrogate and she really wants to be an aunt.

Right now we are still TTC but we think we will make surrogacy Plan A if nothing has changed by March. My sister is already taking PNVs and we already have a pretty solid surrogacy plan (though we haven't called in a lawyer yet). We chose traditional because it will be so much cheaper than gestational and the baby will still be biologically related to me.

3. Concerns/reservations/worries?

My biggest concern is the risks to my sister associated with pregnancy/birth. So much can go wrong.

I also worry about being the center of attention in our family and friends. I don't appreciate unwanted advice and doing this will really throw us and our child out there for scrutiny although I know it'll be worth it.

I also worry my sister might regret doing it. She has assured me over and over that this will not happen but it is so much to ask from somebody. Such an amazing gift.

So I'll be on the fence until March at the earliest but maybe longer. Anyway, hi! I look forward to being a part of this check in.

[CurlySu717]

Hi everyone, wanted to say hi, and best wishes on your journeys!!

We are doing donor sperm; if anyone out there needs a resource, feel free to PM me.

[bootsorhearts]

Have I warned y'all I am the worst check-in leader EVAR? I will get the new check-in posted tonight after I get back from getting my ass kicked the gym.