~*TPR Fence-Sitters Check-in 2/16*~

[bootsorhearts]

This is a weekly check-in for those considering any type of TPR method (donor eggs, donor embryos, donor sperm, surrogacy or gestational carrier, or some combination of those) but who are not yet ready to take the plunge.

This is a safe place to dip your toe in and share whatever you're feeling in this moment - uncertainty, confusion, worry, etc.

New check-in members: Please share as much of your story as you feel comfortable doing.

1. What method(s) of TPR are you considering?
2. Why are you considering this path?
3. What concerns/reservations/worries do you have?

As a courtesy to those TTC#1 and/or those who have experienced loss, please use a spoiler or a ***warning*** before mentioning sensitive topics. Thank you in advance!

This gif is perfect for me for so many reasons.

Current check-in members:

bootsorhearts Considering donor eggs. The gif sums it up.

oneslybookworm Did you get some info from your clinic's donor coordinator?
theholmanherd Going to adoption info meeting in March! How are you feeling?
neam2014 How are you doing? Did you discuss donation with your therapist?
daystardreams Sorry your Mom was not supportive. I hope she comes around. If SUCKS, whether you're 25 or 45 or anywhere in between.

Grads:

dream2be3 Pursuing donor eggs. GL lady!

[theholmanherd]

I'm feeling mixed. I don't know where we will get the money and I don't want to get my hopes up. OTOH, I don't want to close doors with doubt instead of opening doors with faith. I can only get myself so far, so I'm trying to rely more on faith. I know that's a controversial statement for some people, but that's the truth of where I'm at.

Hugs to all!

[neam2014]

theholmanherd, Hugs! if working on faith is for you, work on it!

AFM I'm meting with my therapist today, i'm leaning towards not donating, for many reasons. Your last check-in asked if money was no option would it change out choice and i thought YES with no hesitation. That's made me think that if I'm doing it only for the money saving aspect it may not be for me in the end. Maybe I will move doing it to IVF #2 (hopefully kid #2), so its less stress of "what if they get KU and not me"

[bootsorhearts]

theholmanherd I think your attitude is the right one. Follow your heart and things will work themselves out.

[bootsorhearts]

We are nowhere. I am waiting to hear if I am going to get a relocation package at work, if not I will probably start looking for a new job. So I need to get past that uncertainty before we make any major decisions. So for now I'm just thinking and dreaming, trying to focus on myself and getting back into shape. I'm working out 3 days a week which is a start!

[daystardreams]

Thanks for the check in bootsorhearts !

Hi everyone. I hope everybody had a good week.

There isn't much going on with me. I haven't mentioned surrogacy to my mom again. My oldest sister told me that my best friend told her on FB that she would be my surrogate. My sister said she thinks my best friend is the much better choice of surrogate over my other sister. The weird thing is that my best friend once told me she would be our surrogate and her husband loudly and arrogantly voiced his disapproval. He said he couldn't handle her being pregnant. I remember because it hurt my feelings. (Her H and my H are also close friends) It made me upset that he was so bothered by his wife's attitude while giving him the miracle my husband would kill for and also that he wouldn't deal with a little attitude for a few months to give the most precious gift to us. Although my friend offered I could never take her up on it since her H disapproves.

I told my oldest sister this story and she totally blew me off and continued talking about how friend is better because she's younger and blah blah blah. I tried to be sweet but I was pretty annoyed that she wasn't listening to me. I think part of her is bothered that she can't be my surrogate and my other sister can...it's the only logical thing I can think of since none of her other reasoning made sense.

[oneslybookworm]

Thanks for the check-in!

We did receive information from our clinic's Embryo Adoption/Donation program. We had a really long conversation about where we saw ourselves going with infertility and being parents, and made a few decisions. Ultimately, my being pregnant really doesn't mean that much to us. While I'm sure it's amazing, and a wonderful experience, at the end of the day I just want to be a parent. So, with that in mind, we decided to not go the embryo adoption/TPR route, and have decided to move straight to infant adoption.

Thanks to all of you for being such a wonderful resource as we tried to navigate the waters.

[neam2014]

bootsorhearts, you can take me off the check-in for now. After talking it thru doing the egg share for money saving reasons right now it just causing me more stress and worry. After my first IVF next summer, figuring out how many eggs I produce and what not, then I will do the egg share for IVF #2.

Thanks for all your gals help and information. It's helped me sort my feelings out.

[bootsorhearts]

neam2014 I'm so glad you made a decision you're happy with!