Post by zandeela on Feb 21, 2016 20:18:14 GMT -5
Ok the back story, dh is a good dad and does love dd, but I am the one doing everything for her. Because of this she comes to me with everything and rarely to dh on a good day.
I know I am lenient on dh but I do correct her when needed (throwing a temper tantrum vs frustrated -the forward with time out, the latter with discussion).
The conundrum is dh does not know the difference because he doesn't spend alone time with her ever (this is my fault some I let him get out of it). He has not learned which battles to pick and how much she should know at this age (he is expecting a model citizen with no fits or crying.
The situation. We had a very long weekend, stayed at fil house and I let dh talk me out of taking the p&p, said she could just sleep with us. The plan on Friday night was to meet for dinner around 7 then head to his house. Dh and fil decided to cook steaks instead which is fine but they did not start the fire until we got there (7:30ish) by the time we ate it was 8:30 trying to put dd down in bed (which she still sleeps in a crib) 30 minutes after her bed time. It was 10 before I got her to sleep, Dh was asleep already in the living room, dd kept me up all night until I finally went and slept in the chair in the living room, then had to check on dd twice done she had never slept in a bed by herself. Needless to say I was tired Saturday, then we head to the rodeo (5 hour excursion) on which dd did good. But come bed time it was again 10 before getting her sleep, dh was asleep by 9. All that being said to get to the entire point. We get home about 4 and dd is doing well. I have to trim her talons (which is never the easiest). She starts fussing about letting me trim her toenails so I tell her I will put her in her bad girl chair of she doesn't let me trim them. She continues to I put her in her chair. I tell her she must be quiet for 30 seconds before she can get up. This takes a while before she makes the time. I go over on her level and explain why she was on the chair. She nods that she understands so off we go. For some reason dh thinks he must talk to her about it as well, as per her norm she doesn't want to go to him which is not unusual. He stays insisting then pulls her up to him, she is screaming at this point not wanting to. He gets mad and puts her back on her chair. Once she is quiet I go talk to her but he insists on taking her out of my arms. She loses it at this point and I can't take it so I pull her back to me. He gets pissed and storms off. One I got her calmed down I try to talk to him to explain how she did not know why she was put back on the chair since it is normal for her to not go up to him that often. Of course he is butt hurt so goes off saying that everything he does I say he is wrong so he just won't do anything. I try to tell him I think he is expecting way too much from a not yet 2yo. He thinks I am way to lenient on her since she cries about things and doesn't understand that some crying (frustration) is going to happen since her verbal skills are not there yet.
Sorry that is a lot, I just want to know if I am not giving her enough credit (meaning he is correct being a hard ass) and I should be stricter with her. I still think he is too much of a hard ass.
How do you go about talking to someone who is unwilling to listen (ego)
Please tell me if I am in the wrong.
I know I am lenient on dh but I do correct her when needed (throwing a temper tantrum vs frustrated -the forward with time out, the latter with discussion).
The conundrum is dh does not know the difference because he doesn't spend alone time with her ever (this is my fault some I let him get out of it). He has not learned which battles to pick and how much she should know at this age (he is expecting a model citizen with no fits or crying.
The situation. We had a very long weekend, stayed at fil house and I let dh talk me out of taking the p&p, said she could just sleep with us. The plan on Friday night was to meet for dinner around 7 then head to his house. Dh and fil decided to cook steaks instead which is fine but they did not start the fire until we got there (7:30ish) by the time we ate it was 8:30 trying to put dd down in bed (which she still sleeps in a crib) 30 minutes after her bed time. It was 10 before I got her to sleep, Dh was asleep already in the living room, dd kept me up all night until I finally went and slept in the chair in the living room, then had to check on dd twice done she had never slept in a bed by herself. Needless to say I was tired Saturday, then we head to the rodeo (5 hour excursion) on which dd did good. But come bed time it was again 10 before getting her sleep, dh was asleep by 9. All that being said to get to the entire point. We get home about 4 and dd is doing well. I have to trim her talons (which is never the easiest). She starts fussing about letting me trim her toenails so I tell her I will put her in her bad girl chair of she doesn't let me trim them. She continues to I put her in her chair. I tell her she must be quiet for 30 seconds before she can get up. This takes a while before she makes the time. I go over on her level and explain why she was on the chair. She nods that she understands so off we go. For some reason dh thinks he must talk to her about it as well, as per her norm she doesn't want to go to him which is not unusual. He stays insisting then pulls her up to him, she is screaming at this point not wanting to. He gets mad and puts her back on her chair. Once she is quiet I go talk to her but he insists on taking her out of my arms. She loses it at this point and I can't take it so I pull her back to me. He gets pissed and storms off. One I got her calmed down I try to talk to him to explain how she did not know why she was put back on the chair since it is normal for her to not go up to him that often. Of course he is butt hurt so goes off saying that everything he does I say he is wrong so he just won't do anything. I try to tell him I think he is expecting way too much from a not yet 2yo. He thinks I am way to lenient on her since she cries about things and doesn't understand that some crying (frustration) is going to happen since her verbal skills are not there yet.
Sorry that is a lot, I just want to know if I am not giving her enough credit (meaning he is correct being a hard ass) and I should be stricter with her. I still think he is too much of a hard ass.
How do you go about talking to someone who is unwilling to listen (ego)
Please tell me if I am in the wrong.