Let's talk about sex (clicky poll)

[SpinsOffResonance]

Because I have an issue I want to talk to you guys about but I want to see the poll results first

[Deleted]

Once I was cleared and felt comfortable with it (was freaked about my c/s scar), we were back to multiple times a week.
But, then DS decided he wanted to sleep with us, so we sacrificed our alone time in bed for sleep.
Now we have to do quickies whenever we can. Our new normal.

[microworm]

I put sometimes but I guess it is also our new normal. We are 1-2 times per week. Just on weekends really. No time or desire during the week yet.

[emmagk]

I put sometimes but could easily go into the 'a few times' category. I keep pushing myself to try but still not really enjoying it. I feel like I have 0 mojo

[footloose]

My libido returned with the return of AF. Sigh... I miss sex, but no BF at the moment and none that I foresee for awhile

[scotty138]

I had a terrible tear and several internal tears. At 3 months pp I had a vaginal wall repair. That repair didn't fix everything and I am scheduled for another procedure in two weeks. We have tried a few times, but it is still painful at this point.

[microworm]

Oh, scotty138 I'm sorry to hear that you had such severe tearing.

[Deleted]

My libido was fine PP, higher during ovulation, of course. We are not in-sync though.. otherwise. DH usually tries during the most inopportune times (all the time?) except when I am into it and then he's like.. asleep or deep into working on projects on his computer.

We were going like 2 months in between encounters during the fall so I took some initiative and now we've been doing it like.. a couple times every couple weeks? I guess that's our new normal although I think I'd like it to be slightly more than that but not every gd day.

[athn64]

We've not being having sex as regularly lately. It's mostly because We've been passing around an illness. And DH is stressed at work. We're still looking for our new normal. But I'm sure it will definitely be more often in a couple months when we're TTC again.

[scotty138]

Feb 4, 2015 16:09:28 GMT -5 microworm said:

Oh, scotty138 I'm sorry to hear that you had such severe tearing.

It had definitely been a hard recovery, but DS was worth every bit of it. I really hope this next procedure fixes things for good, because then we can get that part of our relationship back.

[jerssey]

Dont know how to vote on mobile but we are back to pre pregnancy sex. About 2x a week sometimes one depending on if a kid has a shitty sleep

[jerssey]

scotty138 that sounds terrible sorry. Hope they can repair it this time and it is a good recovery

[lulu]

We are having lots and lots because we are trying for another baby. Bearing in mind DH works away from home, it's still probably not that much but we try our best.

[kendy20]

I chose sometimes. I still am having issues initiating sex. DH gets frustrated with me and it just seems to be this never ending cycle. I try and make an effort but then I give up. I really need to try harder

[IseeyouRN]

DH and I have completely opposite schedules and both are pretty active outside the home (sports and phD classes) so we barely see each other. Our new normal is every other week. I wish it was more, but unless we do it at 5 am, it's not happening.

[pinkstarbursts]

We have very frequent sex. It's definitely not quite daily like before baby, but pretty close. I ended up with an emergency C though, so if I had tearing and healing to do vaginally, I imagine it would be different?

[haykay13]

I had bad tearing and I still don't feel like everything is healed up right even though my doctor says it is... Guess it's probably not going to go back to normal down there.
I also feel super un-sexy since I'm still BFing and cringe if DH gets his hands anywhere near my boobs.
So yeah, we've got a new normal that's like once a week or every other week.

[ksyknelvr73]

I picked the new normal option. Prior to kids, it was prob 3-4 times a week, after DS1, maybe twice a week and now with two kiddos and crazy schedules, it is typically once a week and basically always on a weekend. I still have pain during sex so I really kind of dread it. I had zero issues after my first son, but this LO did a number on my lady bits (9.9lbs).

[NJgirl84]

I put sometimes, but really should be tried it a few, but we are making an effort to try more, but DS keeps getting sick and winding up in our bed. Sleep trumps sex every time. I would be happy with once a month right now. I think it's worse because we have no desire to have more kids yet. I'm sure it will perk up when we are ready.

[kittyriot]

I'm struggling big time. I put sometimes. I've been trying for once a week - for his sake. But same deal as others, sleep trumps sex, and then it goes on too long between "instances" and then all of a sudden he's randy and I'm just tired. And BFing. And by the time we're in bed I simply want to not be touched so I can go to sleep. I just have no interest right now. I'm hoping when my body is mine again and I'm feeling better about my PP self that I'll want to get laid. I miss wanting it.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

I put sometimes. I think it was like once a month from August-December. Just not interested, too tired. Lately it's been a bit more often, but not like it used to before kids or even after DS1/before DS2 was born.

Before kids it was like every day. At least once. Amazing how much things change...

[rainbowsockmonkey]

I put tried a few times. DH and I just started again about 2 weeks ago, and it's only been a couple of times. He does shift work, so for half the month, he works nights, and sleeps during the day. When he works days, he is in bed and asleep by 9pm.

[bazingaa]

Yeah, we got back in the swing of things. Y'all know the outcome. Been a bit of a dry spell lately though. I'm definitely not feeling too attractive.


And kittyriot I just love that you used the word randy. It makes me giggle, I dunno why.

[jsquaree]

We've managed once every couple weeks. We'd both love to have sex more often, but there's so many reasons we don't--mostly because we're so busy during the day, and at night we'd both rather sleep.

[springbeduk]

Sometimes .... not often enough. I think there have been a couple times of a month between. Even though I was fortunate and lady bits all OK pp (started sex 4 weeks pp all a-ok) but with bf-ing libido is definitely less and then the bigger factors are that DD is basically always attached to me (and still in our bed) plus exhaustion/sleep deprivation plus stress plus aggravated at each other a lot. Though more sex would probably help with that last one. Aargh. (This was a high aggravation day). But this isn't the venting thread. Anyhooo ....

[lissiehoya]

I put sometimes. The ideal for DH would be at least 1-2 times a week but recently he's been falling asleep before I put DS to bed so... yeah.

[merrylove]

For those of you who enjoy podcasts, you may be interested in one called The Longest Shortest Time, by Hillary Frank, a regular contributor to This American Life. The show was originally started to talk about the painful newborn stage where we are all super exhausted and feel like we are going crazy, but it has expanded to cover all parenting in general and even stories from kids. They just stared a three part series on sex after childbirth that is really interesting. The first episode in the series is titled "Parents' Guide to Doing It" and features guests Dan Savage and Jane Marie. The second episode is titled "Healing After Childbirth" and talks about the injuries that some of us have sustained through childbirth that are impacting our sex lives. I haven't listened to that one yet, but I thought the first one was great and I love the podcast in general. Here is a link to the website if anyone is interested: longestshortesttime.com/?filter=podcast If you're a regular podcast listener, then you'll know you can just search Longest Shortest Time on your listening app of choice.

[ho11yday]

Before birth control (nexplanon) we were having sex 4-5 times a week. On birth control (and every thing else going on right now), maybe 1-2 a week. At least when I was on the pill it was about 3x a week.

[luckynumbers]

Feb 4, 2015 16:31:32 GMT -5 @bunannie said:

My libido was fine PP, higher during ovulation, of course. We are not in-sync though.. otherwise. DH usually tries during the most inopportune times (all the time?) except when I am into it and then he's like.. asleep or deep into working on projects on his computer.

We were going like 2 months in between encounters during the fall so I took some initiative and now we've been doing it like.. a couple times every couple weeks? I guess that's our new normal although I think I'd like it to be slightly more than that but not every gd day.

So, so, so much this. I have to remind him sometimes all the time that it'd be nice if he cuddled on the couch with me for a while before feeling me up, I don't know, longer than 30 seconds? Geez.

[Deleted]

Feb 5, 2015 9:06:21 GMT -5 luckynumbers said:

Feb 4, 2015 16:31:32 GMT -5 @bunannie said:

My libido was fine PP, higher during ovulation, of course. We are not in-sync though.. otherwise. DH usually tries during the most inopportune times (all the time?) except when I am into it and then he's like.. asleep or deep into working on projects on his computer.

We were going like 2 months in between encounters during the fall so I took some initiative and now we've been doing it like.. a couple times every couple weeks? I guess that's our new normal although I think I'd like it to be slightly more than that but not every gd day.

So, so, so much this. I have to remind him sometimes all the time that it'd be nice if he cuddled on the couch with me for a while before feeling me up, I don't know, longer than 30 seconds? Geez.

Dittooooo. I like that dh has the hots for me but when he is grabbing my boobs and butt alllll the time I just want to go hide in a giant sweatsuit. Giant sweatsuit sounds really comfy..