I should intro *LC MENTIONED*

[muskiefan]

Hello everyone. This is long, I'm sorry.

I've been lurking a lot for the past few weeks and thought I should introduce myself since I've started commenting.

I'm muskiefan. Three weeks ago today, I found out that I was very unexpectedly pregnant. I didn't have any symptoms and the line was very dark, so I felt that something wasn't "right." I had my betas drawn the next week with very poor upward trend. I had an u/s the next week which showed the baby with a very slow heartbeat. I started spotting a couple days later which led to another u/s that showed the baby had stopped growing and was without a HB. (I should have been 8 weeks and it measured 6w3d, so it seems as if the pregnancy stopped progressing nearly the day I found out.)
I opted for a D&C two days ago to try to "move on." It has helped in the fact that I'm not bleeding as much, so I'm not constantly reminded of the loss by physical pain, but I find myself thinking of it often. I am so sad that I will not be holding a newborn in my arms in the fall.
My friends have never gone through this and most of them try to be helpful by reminding me that i am lucky to have two children at home. I'm not disputing that, but I feel like they're telling me I can't be sad for my loss because I'm already a mom and that's hurtful.

I'm sorry any of us have to be in this situation and participate on this particular board, but I am thankful that this exists as I try to navigate the loss and this new territory.

[caer]

Hi muskiefan. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hate to see anyone else going through this. I'm 3 weeks post D&C. I know what you mean about the physical reminders of the loss. It's really hard to move on when you're still bleeding. I'm happy your recovery is going well so far. Sending (((hugs)))

[callmeKD]

I'm so sorry. I'm about 5 weeks post D&C with my first period since Having my BFP starting today. I'm a wreck. There are pregnant people and babies everywhere I go.

[nolagirl]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are entitled to feel whatever you need to feel to get through this process. It's tough and unless you've experienced it first hand, it's impossible to know what the roller coaster feels like. Hugs mama, be kind to yourself.

[ellabee]

muskiefan, I'm very sorry for your loss. I also figured that going the d&c route would help me with some closure as opposed to waiting for something to happen by itself. I agree that it's difficult trying to get back to "normal" while still bleeding. I'm 15 days post d&c and had about a week of bleeding post-procedure. It definitely helped not having another physical reminder of the loss every time I had to use the bathroom.

Please be gentle with yourself. Feel what you need to feel, regardless of anyone else's experience, or how many children you may or may not have. A loss is a loss and you're entitled to any emotions you have as you process it.

So many ((hugs)).

[muskiefan]

Thank you so much nolagirl and ellabee. I really appreciate the support. ❤️

I want to move on from this quickly (not necessarily TTC right away), but I took a test last night and there's still hCG in my system. I don't know how long I should expect for it to take to return to 0. (I think it was 15,000 at the time of the D&C)

[ellabee]

I feel ya muskiefan, I took a test last night too and it was still positive. I feel like that is the next physical/mental milestone for me in my "moving on" journey.

[bennfield]

I'm truly sorry for your loss as well. I am 3 wks post d&e. I was 9 wks along and due in the fall as well(4 days after my Husbands birthday). It's a heart wrenching thing to go through. The only advice that I can offer you is that there are ups and downs in this process. I found out my neighbor and friend was pregnant last week(looked like we were about the same due date) and though I'm happy for her-it ripped my perverbal scab off and punched me in the gut all at the same time. Early on I felt like I had to put on a good face for the few people that knew and even my husband at times. My take away in this whole process is it sucks but there is hope Where a door closes a window always opens and I'm a believer that God always gives you double for your trouble so just hold on for the next chapter! Take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel any ole way you want to from day to day, it's a journey...