What "meternity" should look like.

[mrsnorris]

I don't know if the "meternity" broughaha was discussed here, but this made me laugh.

yackler.ca/want-maternity-leave-without-kids-ok-heres-go/

[cdseno]

This is accurate. I never had actual maternity leave (or I could say I've been on it for 4 years), but I agree that this woman is silly for using the term MEternity leave. Sabbatical is the term I think she was looking for, but that won't sell books, so she made up a stupid word to make it seem like parents are on some grand vacation if and when they take leave after they have kids.

[Deleted]

May 3, 2016 6:44:39 GMT -5 cdseno said:

This is accurate. I never had actual maternity leave (or I could say I've been on it for 4 years), but I agree that this woman is silly for using the term MEternity leave. Sabbatical is the term I think she was looking for, but that won't sell books, so she made up a stupid word to make it seem like parents are on some grand vacation if and when they take leave after they have kids.

Exactly.  It was obviously a marketing ploy, that I guessed worked in that people are talking about her, but most of those people are saying "you're an asshat".

Other than the obvious idiocy, the other point that perplexed me was her whole "single women need time more than men to put themselves first".  Lady, if you are a single woman (sans an ailing parent or other dependent person) and you aren't putting yourself first in life, you are doing it wrong. 

[puffandstuff]

Dumb, just dumb.

[puffandstuff]

May 3, 2016 9:21:47 GMT -5 @bazi45 said:

May 3, 2016 6:44:39 GMT -5 cdseno said:

This is accurate. I never had actual maternity leave (or I could say I've been on it for 4 years), but I agree that this woman is silly for using the term MEternity leave. Sabbatical is the term I think she was looking for, but that won't sell books, so she made up a stupid word to make it seem like parents are on some grand vacation if and when they take leave after they have kids.

Exactly.  It was obviously a marketing ploy, that I guessed worked in that people are talking about her, but most of those people are saying "you're an asshat".

Other than the obvious idiocy, the other point that perplexed me was her whole "single women need time more than men to put themselves first".  Lady, if you are a single woman (sans an ailing parent or other dependent person) and you aren't putting yourself first in life, you are doing it wrong. 

Exactly.  She backed out of the a morning show because of all the backlash. 

[weeklyplanner]

Besides the fact that this woman is a total idiot, I think her ignorance as to what some people's child birth and recovery entails is what annoyed me the most. It's safe to say, no one in their right mind would want a third degree tear plus episiotomy, followed by severe PDD/PPA and a reflux baby that screams non stop just to get out of the office. Those first 6 weeks were pure hell. After that, it was much more enjoyable, but it still took about 9 months for my vag scar tissue to stop hurting when I sat certain ways. Sure, this isn't everyone's experience, but I'm sure lots is C section mom's didn't think "Wow, major abdominal surgery...what a vacation!" Same goes for those who dealt with NICU, weifght gain issues, etc.

[ice61313]

PP's covered it. It's so not what she thinks it is.

[Deleted]

May 3, 2016 9:35:01 GMT -5 weeklyplanner said:

Besides the fact that this woman is a total idiot, I think her ignorance as to what some people's child birth and recovery entails is what annoyed me the most. It's safe to say, no one in their right mind would want a third degree tear plus episiotomy, followed by severe PDD/PPA and a reflux baby that screams non stop just to get out of the office. Those first 6 weeks were pure hell. After that, it was much more enjoyable, but it still took about 9 months for my vag scar tissue to stop hurting when I sat certain ways. Sure, this isn't everyone's experience, but I'm sure lots is C section mom's didn't think "Wow, major abdominal surgery...what a vacation!" Same goes for those who dealt with NICU, weifght gain issues, etc.

I have a long-running list of people who are getting a big fat "I TOLD YOU SO" when they have newborns at home.  I'm not even going to be subtle about it. 

[gratefulgirl]

I read one thing about this woman where she finally discovered that she didn't need to say that she had to leave work for kids - she could just leave when the day was done. DH and I have done that from the beginning.

I realize this doesn't apply to people who have to work long hours simply to make ends meet (or even not get there). My ILs lived that life for years. But those kind of people don't even get to think about maternity leave, much less "meternity" leave.

[weeklyplanner]

May 3, 2016 9:47:53 GMT -5 gratefulgirl said:

I read one thing about this woman where she finally discovered that she didn't need to say that she had to leave work for kids - she could just leave when the day was done. DH and I have done that from the beginning.

I realize this doesn't apply to people who have to work long hours simply to make ends meet (or even not get there). My ILs lived that life for years. But those kind of people don't even get to think about maternity leave, much less "meternity" leave.

I have mixed feelings on this. No one at my husbands job gives two shits that he has a kid. He also can't leave when the day is done...he can leave when the work is done. Last night, that was 11:30pm. My bff is a CPA at a big firm and 33 years old. For years she has been the single woman and felt like work got dumped on her because other people had to get home to their kids, especially during tax season. She actually just had her first kid and is having a rough time with him not latching, having scream fests for hours motn and an emergency c section. Meanwhile my other friend just had a baby 10 days ago and is loving every second and thinks she is on vacation. I digress... But, the work thing is probably very company/position dependent. However, if you hate your job, no on forces you to stay at that company, so it's hard to complain about it and write a dumb book.

[starrynight14]

Ha ha, that article! That list is so on point!

I saw this author clarify herself on The View yesterday and I'll forgive her. I was originally pissed when I heard about it, but in the end, it is a novel that's supposedly a satire.

Also, I always hear of women who had a completely different experience with the NB stage (any stage for that matter) than I did/do. Another example: family vacations might not be considered a real relaxing break for some parents while others may truly enjoy every moment of it.

[weeklyplanner]

May 3, 2016 12:09:24 GMT -5 starrynight14 said:

Ha ha, that article! That list is so on point!

I saw this author clarify herself on The View yesterday and I'll forgive her. I was originally pissed when I heard about it, but in the end, it is a novel that's supposedly a satire.

Also, I always hear of women who had a completely different experience with the NB stage (any stage for that matter) than I did/do. Another example: family vacations might not be considered a real relaxing break for some parents while others may truly enjoy every moment of it.

OMG yes. The first vacation had a learning curve for sure. Now, I just go into assuming their won't be any relaxing at all. By lowering the bar, I now enjoy it.

[Deleted]

I really need a "meternity" right now. I have some many FFFCs, I hope I remember to come drop them on Friday.

[ice61313]

May 3, 2016 19:13:12 GMT -5 @bazi45 said:

I really need a "meternity" right now. I have some many FFFCs, I hope I remember to come drop them on Friday.

Do it now. I think I'm done waiting for Thursday and Friday's because I can never remember them.

[Deleted]

Here are my early FFFCs. All related to an especially hellish toddler phase.

1. I've had more than a few moments lately where I don't like my kid. Like tonight I really just want to scream "SHUT UP!l CANT YOU JUST EAT A MEAL FOR 5 MINUTES WITHOUT A MELTDOWN?!"

2. These moments make me think I shouldn't have a second baby. I'm concerned I can't handle the added stress...and also secretly worried I'll just want to be alone with my tiny snuggly new baby and not want to deal with M.

3. I get annoyed with H and his seemingly infinite patience.

4. I am working from home, so I have plenty of alone time. I feel like an ass for not wanting to deal with M at the end of the day.

Tl;dr I'm not great at momming.

[ice61313]

@bazi45 ...and here I thought you'd have some juicy ones. Totally normal feelings, girl. These past few days, I've found myself snapping more. They are definitely at the age where they are testing our patience on an hourly basis (maybe more).

[annapunkalunka]

@bazi45 I feel that way towards Calliope more than I'd care to admit. And I'm pretty positive I shouldn't have a second... Here's to hoping they're all normal feelings!
A few times a day I take a step back and say to myself "in 10 years you'll miss this" to try and give myself more patience. It works for .03 seconds.
Kids are hard work. I think everything you said is 100% justified.

[Courtniko]

@bazi45, I often feel those things. DD is good at testing my patients, and I do not always react the best way. I have yelled a few times and immediatly felt so guilty. I have questioned so many times if having a second was the best decision for my personality and lack of patients. And DH is so much better about it than I am which makes me feel worse.
I just hope that it is this stage, and while I know there will be new challenges I always knew this would be one of the harder stages for me personally.

[gratefulgirl]

@bazi45 - ((hugs)). I am with you on everything except questioning the second (and third) kid. Too late now. Having 2 definitely tested my patience with both - DD1 was a toddler and DD2 had reflux so neither of them were easy to love all the time. We all have our weeks. We all also have our weeks where we are the infinitely patient supermoms. When we aren't perfect we apologize to our kids, help them see that it's OK to mess-up, and make sure they know we love them infinitely no matter what their or our imperfections.

No matter whether the subsequent phases of our kids' lives are easier or harder, I'm sure having to practice patience now will make us better later. At least, I'm sure hoping so.

[starrynight14]

@bazi45, totally understandable!

Sometimes even breaks don't grant me the patience I need for a feisty toddler. It's a lot of work to constantly be meeting their demands and trying to figure out the tantrums and communication. Tons of deep breathing over here! 

[Deleted]

Thanks ladies - I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I'm also really trying to work on accepting that some things are just going to be difficult...every kid has their issues. For us, it's meal time. Getting her to sit and eat is just plain hard. Losing my patience is not going to help.

[sweetpies]

@bazi45 I cried at dinner tonight and got a "so sorry, mommy cry" when DS threw his spoon at me covering me in squash and rice. I feel you girlfriend, I was at the end of my rope and just wanted to yell at him, but putting my head down and quietly crying was the only thing I could do to hold myself together. Having kids is hard.