Special Friday edition vents

[mommyatty]

Because I need it. 

I managed to leave my laptop at home today. How?  Because I took it back in my house on accident after I unexpectedly went back home after dropping off the kids. Why did I have to go back home?  Because I happened to glance in my rear view mirror and realized I had completely forgotten to put on makeup and I have a client meeting this afternoon. Awesome. Most days this still wouldn't be a huge deal, but with the upper respiratory/sinus/double ear infection I currently am sporting, I look like a Rudolph-nosed zombie without makeup.  

Since I am sans laptop, I am using a loaner laptop that takes forever to load me into the system. 

I'm blaming the epic amounts of snot in my head not allowing my brain enough room to function.

Can I go home now?  Oh yeah. Client meeting. Shit. 

[mustardseed2007]

Oh good.

1) Found out when I went to blow dry my hair last night that my hair dryer is broken. Have to get a new one.

2) Alarm on my Ipad didn't go off this AM (still don't know why, it appears to be set) so I missed half my personal training session (I'm more pissed about the money).

3) Found out this AM that our fridge is broken.

4) Found out this morning my credit card info was stolen. Have to get a new card.

For reals. I think I need to go home before I make a huge mistake and loose a million dollars or something. Is it Friday 13th?

[alioop1028]

OMG mustardseed2007. You need a drink. It's five o clock somewhere? ::creepy internet hugs::

[2chatter]

DH is in full on jerk mode lately. He just decides things and tells me. Like he left me a voice mail that said he will be in town next week but will not be home before 9 any night. He previously committed to being home both Wednesday (I have to get CPR certified) and Thursday (neighborhood women's group) evenings. I already rescheduled the CPR thing, but have been looking forward to this get together and it sucks that he is being like this - I cannot get a sitter because we will be coming home straight from soccer and dropping the three unfed kids off to a sitter is too much. He also is all sanctimonious "I hope you don't expect to talk to me tonight I am slammed and will be working all night" as he collects the dinner plate I made for him and ignores the kids. So I settle in to work myself and he comes downstairs an hour later and wants to know why I don't want to hang out and talk.

I think I like it better when he travels. Sitters are reliable and don't patronize me constantly.

[mustardseed2007]

Feb 6, 2015 11:39:04 GMT -5 2chatter said:

DH is in full on jerk mode lately. He just decides things and tells me. Like he left me a voice mail that said he will be in town next week but will not be home before 9 any night. He previously committed to being home both Wednesday (I have to get CPR certified) and Thursday (neighborhood women's group) evenings. I already rescheduled the CPR thing, but have been looking forward to this get together and it sucks that he is being like this - I cannot get a sitter because we will be coming home straight from soccer and dropping the three unfed kids off to a sitter is too much. He also is all sanctimonious "I hope you don't expect to talk to me tonight I am slammed and will be working all night" as he collects the dinner plate I made for him and ignores the kids. So I settle in to work myself and he comes downstairs an hour later and wants to know why I don't want to hang out and talk.

I think I like it better when he travels. Sitters are reliable and don't patronize me constantly.

oh hell. At least DH is being nice to me. 

[kendraj426]

1. Last night we had a super high priority request that had to get done. Our overnight team is in India and I thought they started work at 9:30. At 11:00, they still hadn't started working, so I told my boss who had to call our on-call US analyst. I found out this morning that they changed their schedule to start at 2:30am instead and didn't tell us.

2. I can't VPN into my computer from home. I have VPN enabled and my account has admin privileges, so this shouldn't be an issue. It still won't work. And the support team is notorious for being slow to help.

3. I can't stand my MIL, and DH insists that his parents come over every Thursday night to see DD. They won't eat till after she goes to bed b/c they want to spend time with her. So they are at our house till 9pm and then when they leave I have to clean the kitchen, pump and get everything ready for the next day. I usually try to go to bed at 9:30. But, on both Wednesday & Thursday nights I wind up going to bed late because I have to clean the house like a crazy woman Wednesday night (yes, this is a me problem, DH says I don't have to clean for them, but I can't have guests in a dirty house), and Thursday I have to entertain them till 9pm then clean and get ready for Friday. I'm spent, and I can't keep doing this week after week. I just don't know how to tell DH that his parents can't see their Granddaughter as often as he wants them to. I feel super guilty because I know he just wants them to get time with her, but it drives me crazy.

[2chatter]

kendraj426 can you put your foot down about eating while DD is awake instead? Then the visit happens and you get a normal evening as they depart when DD goes to bed, which I assume is early? That would make me insane.

[kendraj426]

Oh, also DH texted me yesterday saying 'Text me when you're leaving so I can order the pizza'. My assumption was that he would call in the pizza order when I texted and I'd pick it up. Nope. He just wanted me to text him so that he knew what time I would be home because his parents were going to be there. He was not planning to order the pizza till 6:45 anyway. So when I got to the pizza place they didn't have my order. I called him just to confirm that he didn't actually order the pizza and then went home. When I got in the door, he said 'We never discussed you picking up the pizza. And we never eat before DD goes to bed. Why would you assume I would have ordered the pizza?' Oh, I don't know, maybe because of your freaking text message? And it would be nice if your parents didn't stay at our house till 9pm when I have to get up at 5:30 and have to clean and get prepped for tomorrow. And it would also be nice if you didn't jump down my throat as soon as I walk in the door.

[kendraj426]

2chatter - We actually don't ever eat when DD is awake. It didn't work out at first when she started DC because she was so exhausted when she got home that we barely had time to feed her and she would be ready for bed. And, that would require DH actually getting dinner ready before I got home which he is incapable of because he can't multitask. I'm going to have a talk with him, but I don't expect it to go well. Unless I can convince DH that it makes more sense to eat before she goes to bed, he won't be swayed. I can't just say 'because I want to', I have to have a reason for my opinion, and if I can't convince him he doesn't budge on anything, ever.

[Divefrog]

Feb 6, 2015 12:05:29 GMT -5 kendraj426 said:

Oh, also DH texted me yesterday saying 'Text me when you're leaving so I can order the pizza'. My assumption was that he would call in the pizza order when I texted and I'd pick it up. Nope. He just wanted me to text him so that he knew what time I would be home because his parents were going to be there. He was not planning to order the pizza till 6:45 anyway. So when I got to the pizza place they didn't have my order. I called him just to confirm that he didn't actually order the pizza and then went home. When I got in the door, he said 'We never discussed you picking up the pizza. And we never eat before DD goes to bed. Why would you assume I would have ordered the pizza?' Oh, I don't know, maybe because of your freaking text message? And it would be nice if your parents didn't stay at our house till 9pm when I have to get up at 5:30 and have to clean and get prepped for tomorrow. And it would also be nice if you didn't jump down my throat as soon as I walk in the door.

They are his parents. Let him entertain and clean up. Seriously, that first year OMG. I would just excuse myself politely, thank them for their visit it was nice seeing you blah, blah....I need to go pump, shower and get myself ready for tomorrow and disappear to your room and do what you need to do.

[tas1883]

Kendraj426 I feel for you and I would be the crazy lady cleaning house too. Can you just tell DH that company on weeknights has to stop and that in-laws can come over from x to x on Saturday instead or you can bring DD to their house on Sunday morning.

My vent...DH is driving me crazy. If I hear "I didn't have time" one more time I'm going to blow a gasket. He just can't manage time and it is driving me nuts as he is still expecting me to do all the normal stuff with me working crazy tax season hours. I really think he wants me to give into hiring a cleaning service but I don't want to just for 3 months a year when he can totally just step up and run the vacuum, do the dishes, etc.

I know most of you ladies have cleaning service but please make sure your kids also learn how to keep house. DH grew up with a cleaning lady and I had to literally teach him how to use the vacuum, clean a bathroom, mop/sweep floors, and do the dishes as he never had to do that in his 28 years before meeting me as either mom did it or the cleaning lady did it. He also sees it as woman's work which is the same mindset at his father. He will do it now but with lots of prodding and it is a big issue we battle on constantly.

[twinmomma]

This is a silly vent/first world problem. But my MIL drives me nuts with photo videos. She takes a bunch of photos whenever she's babysitting, and instead of just sending them to me or posting them on Facebook AS PHOTOS she feels the need to create an elaborate video montage of all the photos with music and captions. No one wants to watch that! They're my kids and I don't even want to watch that. I want to flip through a couple photos so I don't feel like I missed their whole day.

Also, I'm so tired of saying "This project is in the very, very early stages. It's not even beta, it's so early stage" and then my coworker grilling me on why pieces of it don't make sense or aren't working or why can't she see/do XYZ. Because those features are not done yet! That's why I said the huge disclaimer about it being very early stages. I'd just stop showing her stuff but I do need her feedback on the bits that are done.

[liziz]

Feb 6, 2015 11:57:16 GMT -5 kendraj426 said:

2. I can't VPN into my computer from home. I have VPN enabled and my account has admin privileges, so this shouldn't be an issue. It still won't work. And the support team is notorious for being slow to help.

Mine won't work from our house, either. My favorite part about it not working is that H is my IT guy at work - literally who I would call to fix it if I wasn't married to him. He can't figure it out. Lol.

Also, I would just go to bed with my ILs still there. I feel the same way about trying to do anything on weeknights, and our LO goes down before dinner, too. Just let H deal with them.

[2chatter]

If that's the case with the food...It would delivery pizza on paper plates and bagged salad, and when I was done, I would excuse myself. Or you could get out the pump in the living room....that always got my Dad to head home. If I mentioned the word "pump" he was out the door like a shot.

[twinmomma]

kendraj426 If your in laws want to see the baby so bad, why don't they offer to feed you guys once a week instead of imposing on you? That's BS. I had no problems saying to DH, my parents, and my in laws "Nope, sorry, we're too busy" when the babies were that young. You can be "too busy" with just plain ol' life at that age.

[kendraj426]

twinmomma - the problem with us going to them is that they live too far away. It's a half hour drive, and DH doesn't get home till 5:30, I'm often not home till 6, and DD goes down at 7. So, it just wouldn't work.

Usually we either do take out, or MIL makes dinner and brings it, but I still need to clean the house before, and clean up after dinner. It's just getting to be too much for me to do on a weekly basis. I know I really should just talk to DH about it, but I'm really dreading it so I'm procrastinating. Which just makes all my frustration fester.

[kendraj426]

Feb 6, 2015 12:30:05 GMT -5 tas1883 said:

Kendraj426 I feel for you and I would be the crazy lady cleaning house too. Can you just tell DH that company on weeknights has to stop and that in-laws can come over from x to x on Saturday instead or you can bring DD to their house on Sunday morning.

My vent...DH is driving me crazy. If I hear "I didn't have time" one more time I'm going to blow a gasket. He just can't manage time and it is driving me nuts as he is still expecting me to do all the normal stuff with me working crazy tax season hours. I really think he wants me to give into hiring a cleaning service but I don't want to just for 3 months a year when he can totally just step up and run the vacuum, do the dishes, etc.

I know most of you ladies have cleaning service but please make sure your kids also learn how to keep house. DH grew up with a cleaning lady and I had to literally teach him how to use the vacuum, clean a bathroom, mop/sweep floors, and do the dishes as he never had to do that in his 28 years before meeting me as either mom did it or the cleaning lady did it. He also sees it as woman's work which is the same mindset at his father. He will do it now but with lots of prodding and it is a big issue we battle on constantly.

 Agreed. DH is the same way. He lived with his parents, who have a cleaning service, and the only times he didn't live with his parents after high school was 1 semester of college (he was in a dorm and had a gf who did all his cleaning/laundry/etc), one gf before me (who also did everything) and me (who has taught him EVERYTHING about cleaning). He had never even done a load of laundry or knew that you need to sort the clothes before we met!

[clarkebar1013]

I'm agitated that I still have a million (not really a million, more like 5, but it feels like 5 million) things to do and it prob won't get done before I leave today. We run billing this weekend, so it's hectic and they want everything perfect, which is understandable. But I had to go to a mandatory Town Hall meeting today from 10:30-noon, and now I have another meeting at 2:30 until God knows when. I don't know when I'm supposed to actually fucking work if I'm sitting in all of these meetings. OH WELL, life goes on. And it's Friday, so things could be worse.

[doodler]

My in-laws were like that when DS was first born. I finally had to put my foot down and start saying No. The first thing to go was the weeknight visits. As a WM I was barely surviving life on a daily basis, much less having to entertain people. I thought that I would be starting WWIII but they were actually very understanding that it was just too much. Now that DS is getting older they will sometimes come over on a weeknight but it is infrequent and they are very respectful.

[psutexan]

Feb 6, 2015 13:57:54 GMT -5 kendraj426 said:

Feb 6, 2015 12:30:05 GMT -5 tas1883 said:

Kendraj426 I feel for you and I would be the crazy lady cleaning house too. Can you just tell DH that company on weeknights has to stop and that in-laws can come over from x to x on Saturday instead or you can bring DD to their house on Sunday morning.

My vent...DH is driving me crazy. If I hear "I didn't have time" one more time I'm going to blow a gasket. He just can't manage time and it is driving me nuts as he is still expecting me to do all the normal stuff with me working crazy tax season hours. I really think he wants me to give into hiring a cleaning service but I don't want to just for 3 months a year when he can totally just step up and run the vacuum, do the dishes, etc.

I know most of you ladies have cleaning service but please make sure your kids also learn how to keep house. DH grew up with a cleaning lady and I had to literally teach him how to use the vacuum, clean a bathroom, mop/sweep floors, and do the dishes as he never had to do that in his 28 years before meeting me as either mom did it or the cleaning lady did it. He also sees it as woman's work which is the same mindset at his father. He will do it now but with lots of prodding and it is a big issue we battle on constantly.

 Agreed. DH is the same way. He lived with his parents, who have a cleaning service, and the only times he didn't live with his parents after high school was 1 semester of college (he was in a dorm and had a gf who did all his cleaning/laundry/etc), one gf before me (who also did everything) and me (who has taught him EVERYTHING about cleaning). He had never even done a load of laundry or knew that you need to sort the clothes before we met!

This is my husband's concern with me... lol! I grew up with a pretty high-powered career mom so we always had cleaning service. But some how I managed to go off to college and do my laundry, cook, clean. I just hate doing it. I'm also not serial-killer neat like he is. He's worried that by having a cleaning lady and nanny, our kids won't be self-sufficient or neat. But neither of these ladies pick up after the girls. They still have to tidy their rooms and take care of their belongings. I just don't see how employing somebody who needs the work to do the things we don't want to do is a bad thing.

On a side note, I did get called out by my DD on this topic.  So the only area in my house where I let my messy-ness reign is my walk in closet.  Clothes are always scattered about, but it's only my closet so it doesn't affect anyone else.  So one day, my DH told my daughter to clean up her closet.  And she says, "Girls don't have to."  And he said that was not true but why did she think that.  And she said, "Have you seen Mommy's closet?"  Oops...

[gamora24527]

kendraj426 My DH also prefers weeknight visits with his family members "because it keeps the visits shorter." It's exhausting. Could you push the visits back to every other week or every third week? That's what I've started doing for my sanity. They all complain about it, but I don't care. DH doesn't want to move them to the weekend because he's too polite to set an end time to visits. Not my problem. My only other suggestion is to try Friday nights instead so that you don't have to prep for work and some of the cleaning can wait until the next morning.

My vent: I'm getting paranoid about going into labor at work because people keep asking me about it. Yes, I'm still here. No, I still haven't had the baby. STOP ASKING. Y'all are freaking me out!

[anewadventure]

Feb 6, 2015 13:45:58 GMT -5 kendraj426 said:

twinmomma - the problem with us going to them is that they live too far away. It's a half hour drive, and DH doesn't get home till 5:30, I'm often not home till 6, and DD goes down at 7. So, it just wouldn't work.

Usually we either do take out, or MIL makes dinner and brings it, but I still need to clean the house before, and clean up after dinner. It's just getting to be too much for me to do on a weekly basis. I know I really should just talk to DH about it, but I'm really dreading it so I'm procrastinating. Which just makes all my frustration fester.

heck no, put that foot down. personally i'm against week night visits at all. you need to get across to your DH that you are too, and that IF he wants them to visit on weeknights - occasionally - that certain criteria must be met... he has to help clean (before AND after), they have to bring dinner, they must leave by a certain time because it is a work / school night, etc.

are you dreading speaking to him because you are non-confrontational or because he will be difficult and unsupportive? this is really important in the dynamic of your relationship that you be able to have compromise and a say in how your family life is run - and that he helps you get this crap done, regardless of visitors or not.

[kendraj426]

psutexan - Please don't think I am against hiring help in the house. I am all for it and do not see it as a bad thing. I just hope people will teach their kids to clean, cook, etc even if they have a cleaning service or a nanny or any other hired help. I feel it is a disservice to my kids to not teach them things that they will need to know to survive outside of our house.

privacy - I attempted to do family dinners at first, but it's too exhausting to fight with DH about when we eat dinner. He would rather focus all our attention on DD and take care of our needs after she is in bed. I think he feels that because she is now in DC she doesn't get to see us much during the day so we have to make up for it in the evening. I keep hoping that once she is eating solid foods (not purees) that we can just feed her what we are eating, and that will force us to have dinner all at the same time. I'm not holding my breath though. I just really hate fighting with DH about all this. I don't know how to get him to understand my side of things.

gamora24527 - I think that's one of DH's reasons behind the weeknight visits. And then it frees up our weekends for fun visits with his friends. I'm going to have to talk to him about doing just a visit every 3 weeks, and on the other weeks he can bring DD up to his parent's house to visit while I run errands on a weekend (read: take a long, hot shower uninterrupted and possibly paint my nails then run out quick and grocery shop).

[twinmomma]

Feb 6, 2015 15:22:43 GMT -5 kendraj426 said:

psutexan - Please don't think I am against hiring help in the house. I am all for it and do not see it as a bad thing. I just hope people will teach their kids to clean, cook, etc even if they have a cleaning service or a nanny or any other hired help. I feel it is a disservice to my kids to not teach them things that they will need to know to survive outside of our house.

privacy - I attempted to do family dinners at first, but it's too exhausting to fight with DH about when we eat dinner. He would rather focus all our attention on DD and take care of our needs after she is in bed. I think he feels that because she is now in DC she doesn't get to see us much during the day so we have to make up for it in the evening. I keep hoping that once she is eating solid foods (not purees) that we can just feed her what we are eating, and that will force us to have dinner all at the same time. I'm not holding my breath though. I just really hate fighting with DH about all this. I don't know how to get him to understand my side of things.

gamora24527 - I think that's one of DH's reasons behind the weeknight visits. And then it frees up our weekends for fun visits with his friends. I'm going to have to talk to him about doing just a visit every 3 weeks, and on the other weeks he can bring DD up to his parent's house to visit while I run errands on a weekend (read: take a long, hot shower uninterrupted and possibly paint my nails then run out quick and grocery shop).

Honestly, I don't ask. I tell. If I'm the one doing all the cooking and cleaning, I decide what's happening. Don't like it? Up your game dude and then you'll have some say. (But, I've been known to be a bit of a bitch with this kind of stuff.) If you want family dinners, do family dinners, especially if you're responsible for the meal itself. 

[kendraj426]

anewadventure - It's mostly that I'm non-confrontational. I know he wants me to not be stressed out, but when I ask him to help out with stuff, he either gets all annoyed because he doesn't really want to do it, or he will say that he'll do it 'later', which is never defined and winds up with me doing whatever I asked him to do because he forgets or gets annoyed when I remind him. I just don't know how to make him understand that a dirty home is stressful to me, and having his parents over on a weeknight is stressful to me. It doesn't stress him out, so he can't understand or get where I'm coming from.

[2chatter]

My child just got a link to her textbook online. Studying has been a battle as kids are not allowed to bring books home. She moves into honors classes next year and I worry she will be totally overwhelmed with homework and tests and studying because she hasn't been taught how to do those things.

If there was a freaking LINK, why is is FEBRUARY before we got it??

I feel like DD is set up for failure.

[kendraj426]

I feel like I've sorta hijacked this thread. Sorry everyone! But, I understand what you are all saying. I can't continue like this, and I need to make some changes. It's just easier said than done.

[liziz]

Feb 6, 2015 15:51:36 GMT -5 kendraj426 said:

I feel like I've sorta hijacked this thread. Sorry everyone! But, I understand what you are all saying. I can't continue like this, and I need to make some changes. It's just easier said than done.

Change starts with you talking to your H. Once you have him "on your team" (where he should be anyway), the rest should be easy!

[k3am]

Friday vent. AF started today and I was completely unprepared. Thank god my world is littered with tampons, but I was really, really, really shocked. For no reason, since it's 1 day earlier than expected. But in my mind, I still had WEEKS.

[anewadventure]

Feb 6, 2015 16:25:54 GMT -5 k3am said:

Friday vent. AF started today and I was completely unprepared. Thank god my world is littered with tampons, but I was really, really, really shocked. For no reason, since it's 1 day earlier than expected. But in my mind, I still had WEEKS.

lulz. stashes of tampons everywhere. my world is littered with chocolate.