What? No UO thread yet? Well here it is!

[heartofglass]

My H has exactly zero ability to budget and pay bills. So we have a shit ton of accounts for me to delegate money into because we get paid at different intervals. We each have a private checking/savings account in addition to a joint checking. Then I have 4 other savings accounts that cover any extra expenses, A's college fund, emergency money, and daycare (because they cashed checks way late and it messed up our balance).
I have an awesome spreadsheet that keeps track of where everything needs to go. All bills are covered. We are actually saving some money and what is in our private checking is equal at the end of the month and can be spent on whatever. All big purchases (i.e. a fridge....) come out of the emergency account and then we steadily build that back up every month.
It works for us and no one feels slighted.

[sammyca]

Hmmm this could be a UO today.
I would rather we all paid less tax than receive government payments for my children. [They do exist in Australia but we don't qualify as it's means-tested]

[wegrowsheep]

DH and I set up a joint account the week after we got married. Best way to avoid overdraft is a strict budget. We've also paid off around 40k in student loans since then as well. It can work.

Washing machine on the main floor, or I'll never look at it.

@hazeldublin +1 on the overly feelings-oriented parenting. There's a time for those conversations, but not in moments of direct defiance.
Also +1 on DH's opinions on home decor. This is my domain. If he wants to decorate something, he can start by cleaning up the "beer room" in the basement.

DD graduated from K last year wearing the same set of caps and gowns I wore when I graduated from that class back in 91. So cute.

[shahoi]

H and I have a joint checking and savings account, and I honestly can't imagine having it any other way. Yes, it was a huge PITA switching all of my online banking over, but it wound up being so worth it. I pay all of our bills. I have a spreadsheet on the refrigerator and I put a check mark next to each bill once it's paid. We put a set amount in savings each paycheck and big purchases are discussed. Neither one of us have or would ever buy a super expensive item without telling the other person. Other than that, we buy what we want.

[purple]

We have to have a TV licence in the UK as well. Without you will be fined if you watch television. You then pay for whatever package you want. There is a free package but I think most people pay something to get more choice. We don't have a television, but we pay for a licence because H sometimes watches sports matches on live streaming on the Interweb, and that's covered by the need for a licence.

Our washing machine is in the kitchen. That's the case for most houses in the UK, unless you have a big enough house to have a utility room, in which case it'll probably be next to the kitchen.

I've only ever been in one house which had a basement. They are not common.

[Deleted]

When it comes to discipline. At least right now. Add me to the less talk more action camp. That doesn't mean I have any opinion on that approach for other parents. it just works for us. when I attempt to talk about feelings or the emotional side of behavior with my 3 yr old it's complete nonsense. Especially if I do it right after he does something bad.

Maybe in a few yrs when he has better language skills or comprehension it will work for us but for now sending him to time out is what we do.

[3dimesdown]

I'm judging you all for caring so much about people judging you.

[wegrowsheep]

May 27, 2016 8:51:54 GMT -5 @scoop said:

May 27, 2016 8:17:49 GMT -5 @hazeldublin said:

So this is aimed at me?

I honestly thought you guys knew I wasn't a judging type of person. I'm very go you, your a great mom keep doing what your doing to everyone.

Just because something isn't for me doesn't mean I'm judging anyone.

It is aimed at anyone who uses the past as an anecdote for the present. Just because it was how it used to be done doesn't mean that it's the best way.

Thor doesn't think now is a good TCF time.

But this is what comes to mind everytime some asks why we aren't "organic" farmers.

However, sometimes the wheel doesn't need to be reinvented. @jemomma I didn't see @hazeldublin's remark about parenting as having anything to do with your situation with DD. I saw it every.single.day when my husband was teaching. I see it when I take my kids to activity time at the library. I see it at church. What bothers me is that parents feel so judged about how they parent, that they've just stopped trying. They are so afraid of what others think. They get walked on by their kids, who turn around and have ZERO respect for other adults (ie, teachers). I don't condone abuse, but I also don't see a well-deserved swat on the butt as abuse. And parents don't need to abused by their children. When my child looks me in the eye after multiple attempts or warnings, and chooses to defy my instruction, he's going to have an immediate consequence. In our lifestyle, defiance can mean life or death (following rules around livestock and equipment, for example).
When we lived in a farming town, the first thing our kids learned was STOP. Because that wheat truck doing 10 over on Main Street won't allow for second chances.

[wegrowsheep]

May 27, 2016 9:25:16 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

May 27, 2016 9:14:03 GMT -5 wegrowsheep said:

Thor doesn't think now is a good TCF time.

But this is what comes to mind everytime some asks why we aren't "organic" farmers.

However, sometimes the wheel doesn't need to be reinvented. @jemomma I didn't see @hazeldublin 's remark about parenting as having anything to do with your situation with DD. I saw it every.single.day when my husband was teaching. I see it when I take my kids to activity time at the library. I see it at church. What bothers me is that parents feel so judged about how they parent, that they've just stopped trying. They are so afraid of what others think. They get walked on by their kids, who turn around and have ZERO respect for other adults (ie, teachers). I don't condone abuse, but I also don't see a well-deserved swat on the butt as abuse. And parents don't need to abused by their children. When my child looks me in the eye after multiple attempts or warnings, and chooses to defy my instruction, he's going to have an immediate consequence. In our lifestyle, defiance can mean life or death (following rules around livestock and equipment, for example).
When we lived in a farming town, the first thing our kids learned was STOP. Because that wheat truck doing 10 over on Main Street won't allow for second chances.

It doesn't matter if you saw something in her remark directed towards me. What matters is that I did. I am allowed to voice my opinion just as much as she is allowed to voice hers. Just because she didn't come out and say my name doesn't mean it didn't apply to me. Perhaps I am just overly sensitive to this issue right now, but that is my reality. Someone who doesn't know me might see me at the store with my daughter who is throwing a fit, hitting and kicking me and they may say "wow, things were different back in my day." Does no one see how that is hurtful and judgmental to both the parent and child?? Am I taking crazy pills?

And I get that for your situation things are different. And for the record I am not against spanking, I would not bat an eye at you for swatting your child on the butt. Been there done that, but that sort of punishment isn't something that works for everyone.

Who cares what the passersby at the store think? Let them have their opinion, as long as they aren't interfering. The problem, to me, is that there are parents who won't parent because they feel just as judged, "OMG did you just hit your child?? Why would you do that??" See the correlation? I know children that really don't need spanks. My DD is one. She will cry if I look at her cross-eyed. DS1 will straight up do what I told him not do to. His motto is #worthit. What I took away from @hazeldublin's UO is not that every kid needs a spank, but that every kid needs discipline, and many don't get it.

Also, a friend keeps a wooden spoon in her purse. She doesn't use it in public, but her kids don't know that.

[megeliz1]

May 26, 2016 14:31:42 GMT -5 @hazeldublin said:

I find it weird so many Hs care what bed linen is on the bed. I'm not used to any push back and was surprised so many said their husbands wouldn't have certain bed linen.

I dunno is that a confession or an UO. Or a brag that I can do what I want

I would love something floral-y and cute but that won't happen until H is In a grave.

[Deleted]

May 26, 2016 16:37:05 GMT -5 michyme123 said:

@poppyc8 I totally forgot you are the one who recently moved to Canada. I would call service Canada you should be able to get retroactive payments starting when you moved here. I would think you would get the 160 per child per month in one lump sum if you call them. I would check out the universal child care benefit site

H is going to service Canada now to check on his and the kids health benefits status. But we did look into this and it looks like we would qualify next year because we would need to have at least 1 tax return on file. Right now we moved in February so we didn't file taxes. Next year we will file. Thanks for letting us know about it though. And thank you @hazeldublin

[Deleted]

Also hugs @jemomma I thought of you today and what you said about the correct response is 'how can I help you right now'. DS had a full freak out when I tried to get him out of the pool and he hit me and was screaming and everyone just stared. My friend then said 'I'll take your baby. You get him out of the pool' she then carried my baby on one of her hip and her baby on the other hip at the same time holding her 3 yr old hand. But that's what being helpful is. I wish I could do that for you too.