Post by tumbleweed on Jun 11, 2016 19:36:12 GMT -5
I'll come back to update with the birth story, but wanted to say that baby T arrived on Wednesday at 38+5! We are so in love. More after I've slept!
Updated with Birth story! (a version of this was posted on PAIF too.)
TL;DR Baby T was born on 6/8 weighing in at 7lbs 5 oz. We are so grateful.
On 6/8 we welcomed our son, nine days early, after a pregnancy filled with nine-plus months of puking, many aches, little sleep, lots of worry and also so, so, so much joy. I am forever changed by this boy and will be forever grateful for what he has given me. We struggled for five years to have this baby. We endured eight medicated cycles, including four rounds of IVF and suffered multiple losses along the way. We are experiencing a gratitude so large that the sky feels small.
The last twelve days have been a rollercoaster of emotion. My water broke on the morning of 6/7 with no warning. Despite being at a zero for dilation and zero percent effaced, they admitted me immediately due to the ruptured membrane. After what I would say was a very calm and methodical labor (12 hours of cervidil which helped me dilate to a 5 or so then about a dozen hours of just letting me labor on my own and a tiny bit of pitocin in the last hour or so, just so I could feel the contractions through the epidural) during which I kept it together emotionally (or as much as one can while puking bile continuously) I completely lost it and became a sobbing mess as he was a few pushes from coming out.
Baby T was born during an incredible rainstorm in New York City, and as they placed him on my chest the sun came through the clouds, and as they weighed him the rain stopped. The next two days in the hospital were a blur of tests and sleeplessness and hospital food and worries about milk coming in and also pure wonder. When we were discharged on day two, I was pushed in a wheelchair to the exit of the hospital, sobbing my eyes out. I never thought I'd get to leave the hospital with a take-home baby, and it was at that moment, at that pick-up curb, that I realized that all our suffering, had led us to that spot. At the exit of the hospital, I was just another new mother, holding her baby. How incredible to just be a mother, having just begun the hard job of parenting an outside baby. What an incredible gift to just put him in his car seat and drive home.
Baby T lost 5 oz by day 4, so I started pumping and bottle feeding in addition to breast feeding, at the pediatrician's suggestion, and his weight immediately jumped up. So, I'm going to continue with that plan. He's still in the awake a lot of the night phase, but I really don't mind the sleeplessness. I just stare at his face and feel so grateful. I will say that we are totally exhausted, and it's made regular life nearly impossible, but hey, we have a newborn, so that's to be expected.
As a FTM, I feel like I'm just figuring so much out as I go, but that feels ok too. I wasn't prepared for how many feelings I would have about finally becoming a mom, after such a tangled journey, and I'm sure that those feelings will continue to evolve, but for now, I'll just say that everything feels as if it has expanded and everything feels more alive and more emotional that I ever could have anticipated.
Updated with Birth story! (a version of this was posted on PAIF too.)
TL;DR Baby T was born on 6/8 weighing in at 7lbs 5 oz. We are so grateful.
On 6/8 we welcomed our son, nine days early, after a pregnancy filled with nine-plus months of puking, many aches, little sleep, lots of worry and also so, so, so much joy. I am forever changed by this boy and will be forever grateful for what he has given me. We struggled for five years to have this baby. We endured eight medicated cycles, including four rounds of IVF and suffered multiple losses along the way. We are experiencing a gratitude so large that the sky feels small.
The last twelve days have been a rollercoaster of emotion. My water broke on the morning of 6/7 with no warning. Despite being at a zero for dilation and zero percent effaced, they admitted me immediately due to the ruptured membrane. After what I would say was a very calm and methodical labor (12 hours of cervidil which helped me dilate to a 5 or so then about a dozen hours of just letting me labor on my own and a tiny bit of pitocin in the last hour or so, just so I could feel the contractions through the epidural) during which I kept it together emotionally (or as much as one can while puking bile continuously) I completely lost it and became a sobbing mess as he was a few pushes from coming out.
Baby T was born during an incredible rainstorm in New York City, and as they placed him on my chest the sun came through the clouds, and as they weighed him the rain stopped. The next two days in the hospital were a blur of tests and sleeplessness and hospital food and worries about milk coming in and also pure wonder. When we were discharged on day two, I was pushed in a wheelchair to the exit of the hospital, sobbing my eyes out. I never thought I'd get to leave the hospital with a take-home baby, and it was at that moment, at that pick-up curb, that I realized that all our suffering, had led us to that spot. At the exit of the hospital, I was just another new mother, holding her baby. How incredible to just be a mother, having just begun the hard job of parenting an outside baby. What an incredible gift to just put him in his car seat and drive home.
Baby T lost 5 oz by day 4, so I started pumping and bottle feeding in addition to breast feeding, at the pediatrician's suggestion, and his weight immediately jumped up. So, I'm going to continue with that plan. He's still in the awake a lot of the night phase, but I really don't mind the sleeplessness. I just stare at his face and feel so grateful. I will say that we are totally exhausted, and it's made regular life nearly impossible, but hey, we have a newborn, so that's to be expected.
As a FTM, I feel like I'm just figuring so much out as I go, but that feels ok too. I wasn't prepared for how many feelings I would have about finally becoming a mom, after such a tangled journey, and I'm sure that those feelings will continue to evolve, but for now, I'll just say that everything feels as if it has expanded and everything feels more alive and more emotional that I ever could have anticipated. 
