Handling the guilt of a miscarriage

[meredithcarole]

There is nothing you could have done to prevent the miscarriage. It's heartbreaking and everyone looks for a "reason," but one skipped dose of medication or the flu would not have altered the outcome. I am very sorry for your loss.

[ihatepizza]

Firstly, sorry for your loss. Yes, I also felt extremely guilty following my miscarriage. In September, at 8 weeks I had a natural misscarriage, my TSH was extremely high and probably was the *reason* for miscarriage. I was devistated and believed that I killed my baby. Since then I have learned that it was NOT my fault. Miscarriages are terrible and horrible experiences and in many circumstances the reasons around them can't be prevented. Also know that a significant number of miscarriages are caused by genetic abnormalities that didn't have the right instructions to make a baby.

Be gentle on yourself, you did everything you could have. Know that looking for a "reason" that something happening is part of grieving and so is being angry, upset and feeling guilty for finally feeling happy. I found that it was helpful after miscarriage to talk to my partner. These lovely ladies are also a great place to go if you need extra support. Feel free to PM me.

[nikolie93]

I'm sorry for your loss. The other ladies covered it... Don't blame yourself.

I know exactly how you feel though. I had guilt and I had to wonder if I worked out too much, didn't get enough rest, was too stressed out at work.. And on and on.

I know it's hard because I've been there, but please don't go crazy trying to find a reason or think you may have done something wrong *hug*

[emmylo413]

I am so sorry for your loss. Pregnancy loss is a frustrating thing because so often there is no clear cause and no way we can prevent it. I was telling DH the other day how crazy it is that they can cure all these diseases and medicine has come so far, but this is still a mystery. Just know that you are not to blame and you have done nothing wrong. It is unfortunately beyond our control, as sucky as that is. ((hug))

[chiapet]

I am so sorry for your loss. There was nothing you did and nothing you could have done to prevent it. Think of all those women that smoke and are irresponsible during their pregnancies. They have no complications whatsoever and give birth to a healthy baby. My mother was one of these women who smoked throughout her pregnancy with my brother and he is just fine. It's not fair. We did everything we were supposed to and now have this traumatizing experience to live with. It was nothing you did. ((hugs))

[rosetyler72]

Women get sick while pregnant all the time and give birth to healthy babies. I doubt it had anything to do with getting sick or missing one dose of meds. It was most certainly not your fault. We all feel that there is something more we could have done, but the reality is that this sh*t just happens. Please don't blame yourself for something totally out of your control. Hugs to you!

[MissSally]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm dealing with the same thing. I was hospitalized with severe dehydration for a stomach bug, and two days later I started spotting. I can't help but feel like I caused it, or if I had stayed away from my sister (who we were visiting right after she had the bug), maybe none of it would have happened. But it doesn't do any good to wonder about it, just look forward and things will eventually get better.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk!

((hugs))

[eddiegotsole]

After my DW first Miscarriage she alternated between feeling like it was Gods plan, and feeling like she was to blame. Rationally she knew there was nothing she could do about it, but she would play scenarios in her mind of what she could have done differently to prevent the miscarriage. She would apologize to me, and I would tell her she had nothing to apologize for. She felt like she had did too much but the reality is that she was being very conservative and that many women have done much much more activity and had no issues.

It's nobodies fault but I think human nature in us demands an answer and a solution because if we have one then we can tell ourselves that it definitely will not happen ever again, which is something that cannot be guaranteed. I hope that you were able to find some peace and solace and come to terms with what happened and that it is not your fault.

[mrsw26]

The guilt is such a trip. Even when you know you did nothing wrong it still lurks. I too felt like something was wrong right from the beginning but still questioned every little thing I did. It lessens over time, at least it has for me. Take care of yourself!