Older kids check-in

[packerfan4life]

Would anyone be interested in this? It sounds like a lot of our toddlers are struggling with the adjustment and I thought this might be a nice place to commiserate.

How old is/are your older LO (s)?
What has been the hardest adjustment?
What have you found/what are you doing that helps?
Any best moments?

[packerfan4life]

DD1 is 21 months
The biggest struggle for us is definitely sleep regression. She's nwver been a great sleeper but for the past few weeks is fighting bedtime more and routinely walking up for hours in the motn.
I've been trying to spend 30-60 min of one on one playtime with DD1 while H takes the baby before bed. I don't know if it helps but I think we both enjoy it.
DD1 is in love with the baby and generally really sweet with her. If DD2 is crying DD1 will give her her pacifier or try to pick her up or (less fun) sympathy cry to get our attention

[greysonsmom]

How old is/are your older LO (s)?
DS is almost 23 months

What has been the hardest adjustment?
The increase in tantrums has been so difficult. Also the blood curling screams are driving me nuts. I think it's just a cry for more attention. I've been trying to make extra time for him and plan a fun activity everyday.

What have you found/what are you doing that helps?
Getting out of the house everyday seems to really help. I wish it wasn't so hot, it makes it difficult to play outside.

Any best moments?
DS just started OT three weeks ago because we had some early intervention concerns. He has a difficult time with some transitions and sensory overload. Becoming a big brother has been very stressful for him, this week he actually gave baby sister a kiss so that was a big accomplishment.

[Stringy]

I'm in.

DD1 (M) is just over 3.

I think the hardest adjustment for her has been not having me able to do things with her. I can't pick her up or chase her. I haven't been taking her to school (thank god for my mom) or going on walks. Generally not living our normal lives. Hopefully another few weeks. I think the 5 days I disappeared to the hospital was hard too.

To help I've mostly been talking to her about it. During Ps super fussy day yesterday I kept telling her how hard it was that the baby keeps crying and how I wish she'd stop too. Or I make it silly and say "man is that baby crying agaaaainnn?" Also getting her to help. She brings me pacifiers and burp cloths and helps pick out diapers.

Best moments: honestly she's been great. She is in love with her sister. We had to pull over Saturday and nurse cuz P was freaking out and M happily say and waited for a while and then happily played with my phone and tolerated the rest of the ride. She's been very patient. She also seems protective of the baby. The plan was for me to take her to school and my mom to sit with the baby for 20 mins. But she always says I have to take care of the baby and gets worried if someone else holds her and she cries.

[happyday]

How old is/are your older LO (s)?
Dd1 (E) is 3.5 years old

What has been the hardest adjustment?
She's never been a strong independent player. She needs me or DH. She's, in general, a little nervous/insecure and won't play alone. She won't even play at a park unless we are actively playing along side of her. It's exhausting. Now, there are times she gets so upset when I can't "help". She really loses it, emotionally, and I feel like a total asshole bc
1. What did I do wrong that my kid can NOT play by herself.
2. When I can't help her - I'm doing something with the baby. I don't want dd1 to be resentful.

What have you found/what are you doing that helps?
DH having 8 weeks paternity leave is saving my ass right now. We are dividing and conquering. It's the only way we can make it through the day. Y'all doing two kids solo during the day -- mad respect. I'm not cut out for this.

Any best moments?
I took photos of them together this weekend. Dd1 was so sweet, gentle and kind and so excited to have pictures with her baby.

[sandandsea]

DS is 4.5
The hardest adjustment has been that LO isn't able to play yet and big brother is ready to play with him. It's been hard for him to not have me or DH available to play with him as much either.

We have been able to get out of the house and do things to keep him entertained and wear Him out. We've been to the movies, the train, fireworks, and racetrack today. Also giving him jobs to help out around the house works well too. Him continuing school has been really good for him too

DS is a great big brother. He's super sweet and interested in LO and always wants to help with him. He's really done a great job with the transition.

[manybellsdown]

How old is/are your older LO (s)? DD turns 3 in two months.

What has been the hardest adjustment? She has the hardest time seeing me nursing and holding him all the time, I think. She'll occasionally ask H to pick her up and carry her when she sees it. She wants to have diapers like he has diapers. The other day I had to wear him to get him calm enough to eat dinner, and after she got frustrated by something, she wanted to sit on my lap. So we did--that was interesting. Then she wanted me to feed her, even though she definitely knows how to use utensils. Overall, there's been some regression, particularly when she's frustrated.

What have you found/what are you doing that helps? Keeping any promises, carving out alone time for her, talking to her about what's going on. We read books about new babies coming home/being a big sister before he was born, and I think they really helped with her expectations. We cite to the books a lot.

Any best moments? She constantly asks to hold him. She regularly wants to give him kisses. When he's crying, she often says, "It's okay baby! I'm here!" She likes hanging out in his room. It's all the cutest.

[mladerri]

How old is/are your older LO (s)?
2.75
What has been the hardest adjustment?
Ds and I both are struggling with mom free time. I did everything and now dad has to do it and ds wants his mama back. At nap time today he said, " I don't want dada to come home from work. I don't like him." I know this isn't true and I know he adores his dad, but I think he is screaming for mama time and he knows after nap dad gets home and they typically go play outside or go to the park. I think dh will be on baby duty this afternoon and I'll be having a date with my toddler.

What have you found/what are you doing that helps?
I feel pulled in two directions during wake up and bedtime. I'm trying very hard to give ds first dibs at my time. I always took baths with him and did the bedtime routine before ds2. I'm trying to stick to it but it's hard when I can hear ds2 crying so I'm running back and forth. I'm also inviting ds to sit or lay with me while I breastfeed so he doesn't feel shut out.
Any best moments?
Ds1 is so obsessed with his baby brother. I'm happy that even though he obviously wants my attention, he has no animosity towards ds2. I love watching him love On the baby or tell everyone we talk to, "this is my baby brother!"

Eta: we've digressed with potty training

[csat]

DS is 3.5

I think the hardest part so far has just been DH and I not being available as readily as we used to be. It's good practice for DS knowing that he needs to be more patient about a lot of things but I feel bad constantly having to say 'in a minute/when I'm done with xyz with the baby' etc. Also I think it's a little hard for him seeing us holding her and keeping her close so often. He's been asking to sit in one of our laps, to be picked up and just extra hugs more often and we oblige whenever possible.

I like what manybellsdown mentioned about keeping promises, I didn't really realize that I've been making an extra effort to do that, but I have and it helps DS to see that his patience pays off. I've also tried to do things alone with him, we had a really fun day on Friday, went out to lunch and to the beach, just the two of us while my mom watched the baby. Also whenever it seems to work out I try to incorporate the two of them into whatever we are doing, so reading a story to DS while I give the baby a bottle or coloring with DS while the baby lays next to us. Edit: this isn't easy very often at the moment but it's nice when our daily activities aren't so separated. 

Just seeing how proud he is of his little sister and of him being a big brother has been so sweet. The first time he showed her off at his preschool to his teachers made me so proud of him myself. This morning she started crying while he was holding her and he said 'but I'm doing a good job' (I had just told him what a good job he was doing) and I had to explain how sometimes babies just cry even when mommy and daddy are holding them.

[babyzebra]

How old is/are your older LO (s)?
DS is almost 2.5

What has been the hardest adjustment?
DS has been very rambunctious for a while and has a hard time being gentle. This was not unexpected since we have been working with him being gentle with the dog for a long time. He loves his sister, but is just too rough with her. His idea of touching nicely is poking her in the eye. He doesn't yet connect that poking someone in the eye is not nice.

What have you found/what are you doing that helps?
I've been allowing him more time around DD for the past couple of days. I've realized that I can't shelter her from him forever and we obviously need lots of practice with our gentle touches. I think he's getting better.

Any best moments?
DS is obsessed with DD. He wakes up and asks where his baby is first thing in the morning. When she cries he asks her "you ok, baby?" He sings her Twinkle Twinkle all the time and she seems to love it. DS has always been pretty independent for his age, so he doesn't really seem upset that he is getting a little less quality time.

[Flair Underwood]

DD is 4 years and 5 months old

Hardest for her is not being the center of my attention. The last couple years DH was getting his MBA so DD and I did a LOT just to the two of us. So now when she gets DH more or has to wait for me she turns into a terror.

She is defiant about stupid pointless things, like incredibly stubbornly so. She hits me, kicks, scratches, yells... It's horrible.

I'm trying to give her one on one time when I can but its not quite enough. I remember the advice of someone on here's pedi - I can't screw her up permanently during this adjustment period and the baby needs to come first. It's just really ugly sometimes.

I try the gentle parenting approach "I understand your feeling XYZ," but she is still awful.

We spent some one on one time at a local zoo on Saturday which was nice, but later that day she was a crank again.

No real great moments, but definitely a few I'm not proud of. I need to keep reminding myself "yelling doesn't help."

[birdhut]

Love this!

DD1 is 2

The biggest struggle has been juggling time between the 2. She's not the best at playing by herself either so that's been hard but she is getting better after 2 weeks. We also had a lot of extra tantrums the first week but that's gotten better. I'm actually really proud of her for how she's handling everything but it's definitely tough at times!
I've been trying to put Nora down when she's sleeping even though it would be nice to snuggle but it's a good time to snuggle and play with DD1. I still get snuggles in at other times so it works out!
DD1 also loves her sissy especially when she's awake and she's really sweet with her.

[Stringy]

So who else's older kid is seeing a major increase in screen time? It's just so much easier.

[Flair Underwood]

Oh man, we watched 90 minutes of Clifford before I even got out of bed this weekend. And I've done movie night when she gets home from daycare some days... We're all surviving!

[greysonsmom]

Jul 5, 2016 19:34:07 GMT -5 Stringy said:

So who else's older kid is seeing a major increase in screen time? It's just so much easier.

I'm trying to make myself feel better about it by letting him play a color and shapes app on the iPad.

[manybellsdown]

Jul 5, 2016 19:34:07 GMT -5 Stringy said:

So who else's older kid is seeing a major increase in screen time? It's just so much easier.

yep!

[athn64]

Jul 5, 2016 19:34:07 GMT -5 Stringy said:

So who else's older kid is seeing a major increase in screen time? It's just so much easier.

God bless Daniel Tiger.

[birdhut]

Yes! We just talked about that yesterday that we had a feeling electronics might be used a lot more for a while so we can figure things out. I feel bad but it's also helped a lot.

[athn64]

DD1 is 2.

We were doing ok until DH went back to work last week. And then DD1 got sick. A sick toddler wants a lot of one on one mom time and it was really hard not to give it to her.

OTher than that, biggest challenges are making sure DD1 is gentle with her sister. She loves the baby and doesn't always know how to express that.

I make sure DD1 gets her own special time and attention from mama. We play together, and regardless of what's going on, I am part of the bedtime routine even when DH is home for it.

[Stringy]

Jul 5, 2016 21:43:08 GMT -5 athn64 said:

Jul 5, 2016 19:34:07 GMT -5 Stringy said:

So who else's older kid is seeing a major increase in screen time? It's just so much easier.

God bless Daniel Tiger.

Amen.

And bob the builder, recently.

[Stringy]

Actually lets take a moment to be thankful for Netflix and similar things. What if it was only live tv?

[manybellsdown]

Jul 6, 2016 0:20:07 GMT -5 Stringy said:

Actually lets take a moment to be thankful for Netflix and similar things. What if it was only live tv?

shudder

[Flair Underwood]

Jul 6, 2016 0:20:07 GMT -5 Stringy said:

Actually lets take a moment to be thankful for Netflix and similar things. What if it was only live tv?

Oh heavens... That's why I watched The Price is Right when I was little. Ick.

[txmommy14]

Ohhh I love this check-i!

How old is/are your older LO (s)? For the first time, I had to think about this one. He is 27 months!

What has been the hardest adjustment? The hardest adjustment has been how he's been acting emotionally. He is sweet to his sister and loves her, and he did GREAT the first few weeks she was born, I almost knew it had to be a honeymoon phase. It like his tantrums he was having magically stopped, he was level headed, so sweet, happy, but once all the grandparents left town, it's been really rough. He's been pretty defiant and having a lot of tantrums. It's been really discouraging and has been making me a little bitter because I'm so stressed by him during this time, I thought I'd be stressed by a baby! Overall, he has taken well to her joining our family, I think he's just taking it out on us because he doesn't know how to control his emotions.

What have you found/what are you doing that helps? It gets much better when DH gets home from work and DS starts getting a lot more attention. I need to find time to do that, it's just hard to time everything. I'm hoping it gets better when she gets a schedule and I know I can spend time with him during her nap times.

Any best moments? He always goes up to her or lays next to her and says, "Look at her!!!" in adoration. It's really cute. He also wants to know where she is if I'm not holding her when I get him out of bed. He's also a lot more verbal these days, which has it's downfalls, but he dose say some really sweet things, like one time he said, "Mommy you so beautiful"-melt my heart! Or he will tell us he loves us so much and other sweet things a lot.

[Flair Underwood]

Shut up @cheeze... I LOVED Supermarket Sweep!!!! . There was also one called Shop Til You Dropped that I liked watching on sick days at my grandmas.

[babyzebra]

I want DS to like TV and electronics so badly. Instead he spent the day yesterday climbing on top of the couch and scaling down the back of it onto his trampoline. He's ready for the toddler decathlon.

[microworm]

How old is/are your older LO (s)? Just over 2 years old

What has been the hardest adjustment? Probably that MH has taken over most of my duties with DS1. It's been an adjustment for all of us. I miss my time with DS1 but it's for the best. DS1 is starting to get closer to MH and clings to him instead of me, which is sad for me but I guess it's also for the best. DS1 has been having lots of tantrums and is quite defiant. Also is fighting naps and bedtime. Hard to tell if that's due to the transition or just toddlers be toddling. Bedtime is getting better with the toddler bed transition.

What have you found/what are you doing that helps? Not sure if it helps but I'm just trying to spend as much time with DS1 as possible.

Any best moments? DS1 will kiss DS2 without any prompting from us and will help push the swing. Other than that he is pretty uninterested in the baby except for saying "hi baby!" or "baby cry" every once in awhile.

[Outofhiding]

How old is/are your older LO (s)?
DD is 22.5 months.

What has been the hardest adjustment?
Having enough time to split equally between both kids. It is just not possible at this stage. DD is having multiple daily tantrums and they are wearing us thin. When she wakes up we are holding our breath not knowing who we will get as she sometimes launches into an immediate, inconsolable crying fit that can last for up to an hour. I honestly do not know how much of this is her adjusting to DS and how much is attributable to the terrible twos/toddler behavior.


What have you found/what are you doing that helps?
I wouldn't say that we've found anything that works but we try distracting her with things that she enjoys. We are at 50-50 success rate with that. I did not feel well for most of my pregnancy so DH became the primary caregiver. I have to admit their closeness made me feel a little left out. Now there are times where DD only wants me to pick her up, especially when she knows I need to feed DS, and she will throw an even bigger fit if DH tries to intervene at those times. DD requests a lot of hugs and we do a lot. We also try to do a lot of activities with her that aren't tantrum initiated.

Any best moments?
She loves her baby brother and asks for him as soon as we get her out of bed. She's really gentle when touching him and is mostly careful with her movements around him. She rocks him in the rock and play and kisses his head good night before going to be.