This is more of a rant, but i would love insight. Dh and always said we were having 3 kids, but life happened. Ds has ASD and development delay. DD does not have an autism diagnosis, but has many tendencies and needs reevaluated. Regardless of if she does or not, she has a lot of issues, ie anxiety, ADHD, emotional issues.
I don't think it is fair to them to have another child, and the odds of the next child having issues is high, and I just don't think I have the time, or ability to handle it. Not trying to sound like my kids are oh so hard, but there are only so many hours in a day to devote to therapies and such and what if the next child was low functioning.
Anyway. I think I am losing the desire have another baby anyway as they get older. dh and I are trying to decide if we are ready to make a permanent decision. The only bcp I can take has killed my sex drive, so we both would like me to stop. I don't want an IUD, I have heard too many horror stories. But it is hard to say at 29 that I am done having children .
I was joking with DH that I would let him get a vasectomy if he got me a puppy and i realized that I really like that idea. I think it made me realize that I really am done.
It's tough! When our little guy was born we really thought we would strongly consider 3 kids. But as time passes and we realize how much work two kids already is, the odds get lower and lower. We are also older (I'm 38 and DH is 44) and I don't know we have the energy for it. Our kids are adopted so we dont have to worry about our fertility (or lack there of) and don't have to make any final decisions now. I think we are happy waiting a year or two and see what we think then.
In your position I would say that you are still young and why not table the discussion for 6 or 12 months and see how you feel then.
Post by beenandgone on Jul 8, 2016 10:11:28 GMT -5
We are pretty much in the same boat. I tried an IUD, and had horrible side effects. I'll never try that again. It was so bad that H and I decided we would rather be pregnant and have a 5th cold than live with the IUD effects.
Our only options are condoms. Neither one of us are completely ready to sway 100% that we are done though. But when we are, one of us will probably get snipped.
We are done after this one. When we first got married we both were on the same page about having two. H is planning on a vasectomy in a year or two and I plan on taking BC until then.
Post by Stormtroopooper on Jul 8, 2016 10:45:30 GMT -5
I think you've just got to do what works best for you and your family. I know we'll be done after we adopt. My son has special needs, and with the cost of adoption and his care, we wouldn't be able to raise more than two comfortably.
This is a subject I think about almost daily and have posted about on here too. We always said 3, but then for awhile after we had DS we went back and forth on whether or not we were done after 2. I went through phases where I was pretty convinced I didn't want more. Even though it made me sad because I didn't think DS would be my last pregnancy/baby, I didn't know if I could handle any more. DS does have a seizure disorder and some developmental delays, and while DD doesn't have any disorders she can be extremely difficult (but I guess all kids are sometimes). I hate to make it sound like my kids are so hard but I have been told by a few people that they are more "spirited" and "strong-willed" than a typical child, and the EI evaluator even asked how I do it all day. It also seemed more practical to stop at 2 because then they can each have their own room and we wouldn't need to get a new vehicle.
DH was never really satisfied with stopping at 2, which is easier for him to say since he doesn't handle the bulk of the childcare like I do and isn't quite as involved as I wish he would be. But recently I have become fairly certain that I would regret not having a third. I do definitely need my 2 to be a little older though and not require as much supervision and care. The plan now is to stop birth control next August, so that the earliest I would be due with another baby is the summer before DD goes to kindergarten.
It is definitely a tough decision, especially when reality turns out differently from what you had planned. If you are both in agreement for several months then I think it's reasonable to call it quits even at a younger age.
Post by colinsfebmommy on Jul 8, 2016 22:07:31 GMT -5
I have 2 and as a full time mom who's family watches my kids, I feel as though I already don't have enough time with both. If we had 3 it would be too much for my parents to take on. I'm also 38. If I was a sahm I'd 100% have 3, but with our life, 2 is where the party stops and I'm good with that. 1 boy/1 girl and I couldn't be luckier
Post by Meghanfelldown on Jul 9, 2016 1:54:23 GMT -5
Like @uncaripswife, we are OAD and our LO was and is super chill and I don't have it in me to have a higher-needs child. Financially, if we had another we'd need a bigger house and a bigger car. Also, I'm 37 and DH is 47. Not to mention the fact that I have very limited use of my left side, which is incredibly challenging when dealing with all stages of parenting.
I totally understand that struggle. FWIW, I have a good friend in a similar position. She has 2 amazing children with special needs. While she feels pretty done 99% of the time, she doesn't feel confident permanently closing the door on having more babies at age 30. I think there is a lot that goes along with permanent BC measures emotionally and psychologically--it's not as simple as just saying, "I don't want to get pregnant again." You are also ending your childbearing years, closing the book on a whole part of your life. That's a lot to process, especially when you are only 29, and I can 100% understand feeling conflicted.
Post by wineandcake on Jul 10, 2016 6:58:59 GMT -5
We are done at two, H got snipped last month. I feel absolutely no sadness over being done and never felt a desire to have more. When Hunter was born it just felt like our family was complete and that hasn't changed. I'm 27 and he's 29, not old at all, but we just felt so done and always said 2 kids at the most. We're both so happy with the decision to be done and there is no regret on either side. Permanent birth control was the best choice for us.
Post by photomama1990 on Jul 10, 2016 8:26:19 GMT -5
I have always said I wanted 3 or 4. I love little kids and both of mine are easy going little guys. DH says he's done. He doesn't really love the baby stage and life is starting to get a little easier with a 14 month old and 3.5 year old. BUT I am only 25. I am not ready to make a permanent decision on that right now. We decided to table the baby discussion until this time next year. A lot can change in a year and I think he may be on board with it by then. I have a Mirena that I got a year ago and it works well for us.
Post by cinnasugar on Jul 11, 2016 17:18:49 GMT -5
I think about this often. I always thought we'd have three, but DH is good with two. I had this self imposed deadline of having a third by the time I turned 35, and that date is looming. But I realize it is a totally fictional deadline. Older Dd starts kindergarten this year, so We'll see how the next few months go and reevaluate, but definitely not making any permanent decisions now
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.