Getting toddlers to apologize

[beenandgone]

So my Feb 13 soon used to be super good at agonizing for things. But now, all of a sudden he is resisting to the point of throwing out of control tantrums, kicking, hitting more, scramming, etc. Today, he whacked dd2 in the head with a wisent train track. She's got a goose egg and a lovely bruise forming. He is currently in his room screaming at the top of his lungs because he refuses to tell her sorry.

What went wrong! Where is my sweet little boy, and when area the aliens coming back to pick up the evil spawn they left in his place?

[colinsfebmommy]

Yeah I can relate, his apologies are very insincere. I am at the point where I tell him I don't want his kisses and hugs and sorry because I know he doesn't mean it. That then makes him follow me me everywhere trying to give kisses and hugs and asking if I am happy now because he kissed me lol My lovey dovey munchkin has a real attitude and has been demanding things and having meltdowns at the word no. Somehow from age 2 to 3 he apparently has lost his ears and forgot how to listen.

He raced a 5 year year old and lost and that took on a 45 meltdown on how it isn't fun not to win and he wants to win all the time and why can't he win, etc

If I don't go gray from age 3 I will be shocked.

[beenandgone]

colinsfebmommy You literally described my life. Sigh...

[dc2london]

I wish I had magic advice for you. My Feb13 child is very quick to apologize but also, if he does hurt someone, 99.99% of the time it's an accudent so I thonk that's why. DS1 is physically aggressive AND stubborn (I don't mean that to make him sound like a mean kid, bc he really, truly is not. And he is only aggressive with his brother, never other kids) but he will NOT apologize

[brachysira]

My child hurts her brother all the time during play fighting and also basic jostling for stuff and isn't inclined to say sorry except that she knows she'll get in more trouble so she does it when I demand it. If she accidentally hurts him and he's crying, she hugs him and is worried, and apologizes on her own, but that's 1% of the time.

[cinnasugar]

DDs inability to apologize for anything drives me crazy, but I try to remember that the behavior, and also the knowing that you did something wrong and the ability to try and make it better, is the important thing. I'd rather have a kid who tries to make it right rather than a kid with an insincere apology. But yes...this stuff does make me crazy. Raising compassionate and loving kids is hard!

Just had to put DS to bed without stories because he smeared toothpaste on the wall and continued to do it when I asked him to stop. No apologies from him yet, but kots of crying about no stories.

[crimsonandclover]

Jul 13, 2016 21:04:55 GMT -5 cinnasugar said:

Raising compassionate and loving kids is hard!

No joke!! A few months ago DD1 (5) saw a black woman waiting in line at the grocery store, pointed, and said "ugly."
Last week she saw the Syrian refugee family that lives 2 doors down from us getting ready to go to the annual town festival and said "They shouldn't go. They're not invited."

W.T.F. How am I raising a racist child??? Neither DH nor I has ever said anything like that, and we were one of the few families on our street who openly supported the refugees moving in. We got them presents and the DDs took them over.

Both times I absolutely freaked out on DD1, so she definitely got the picture that things like that are unacceptable, but where is she getting it??? How is this my child???

Speaking of, does anyone have any good book recommendations on diversity for young kids? Especially racial diversity?

[brachysira]

Man, my daughter is a mean girl to other kids sometimes too--in the way you'd not expect at 3 but definitely expect in little girls in school--like, we're sitting here and you're not playing with us so don't sit down... It takes work to teach them to be inclusive and I have to work harder, I think, since she learns a lot of mean behavior at home based on how we react when she mistreats her brother. My child is not really racist, and she goes to a diverse preschool and plays with all kind of kids at the park, but our neighborhood is all rich white kids and that will be her preschool next year, so I worry about this...no advice... At the same time, I also have been working on getting her to be a little more discriminating...no, do not approach and introduce yourself to the 40 year-old creepy guy at the park...no, 5 large athletic men playing basketball in the park do not want you to come over and play...no, I know it looks like fun to go into the bushes with those 10 year-old boys, but no, we are not going to hide out in the bushes with them...

Another problem is that we have is that our splash park is free and a pretty rough crowd goes there. There are 2 water cannons and my daughter always wants them--she'll wait but perhaps has also taken them when I'm distracted by my son...and I also don't make her take turns--if she gets off, she loses her spot, but if another kid wants on, he has to wait until she gets off, and I make her wait until there is one free--unless of course I'm not there and then I can't be sure she doesn't unfairly get one. So I saw one kid telling his rough-looking tattooed mom on my child (I wasn't sure but suspected she had unfairly gotten a gun) but this lady was uninterested. I saw another dad go up to my daughter with his kid, but my daughter didn't get off the gun and he was just standing there but then it started to rain...so everyone left... This place has adult fist fights, etc. and I'm worried she's going to get us killed... But of course you can't tell her that some people are scary and violent and it's more important to not wrong them than the affluent kids...