Can we talk anti-depressants?

[sagen]

So I was on zoloft for a couple years for mild depression and anxiety, it was awesome. I did feel apathetic, but it was better than the alternative. Then close to a year and a half I started getting frequent headaches, so I weaned off and the headaches stopped. I was pregnant soon after, and I alright for awhile off, so I thought maybe I had a reset. In hindsight I wonder if it was because I was pregnant the month after weaning off. Pregnancy has always made me feel more happy, and seemed to relieve depression and anxiety. I would say it started start up slowly after birth, and has just sort of grown from occasional to constant. 

So now I have been battling things getting worse and worse. It is getting to the point now in which I am never happy, I always feel like I am a failure, my self esteem is crap, I have no desire to do anything, but force myself. I was reading about dysthymia and I think that is what I am working with along with anxiety issues. I think I hide everything well, and I can function just fine, and with cognitive behavior therapy books I could keep things with in some perspective. Like I said though it has just reached it's end, I just feel hurt all the time. I assume everyone is better than me, and has it more together than I do. I assume that people think the worst of me. No matter what I do I feel like a failure.  I try to be positive, but it is just not working. I also start feeling physically uncomfortable. We are at the pool all the time, and for some reason it trigger this odd feeling of not full on panic but a heaviness in my chest, and a claustrophobic feeling for no reason. I wake up each day, and think here we go again, but I am so blessed. So I am aware of how blessed I am, and that makes me hate myself all the more for not being enough to deserve it, for not being grateful enough to be happy, but I can't reach happiness, it feels impossible. 

TLDR;

I am worried about going back on a SSRI because of weight gain, and I am not sure what it says about it me that I have dealt with this feeling for so long simply because I don't want to gain weight, but I don't.  I was thinking of taking Wellburtin, or Effexor. 

Anyone want to talk SSRIs with me? I know they effect each person differently, but I am always curious to talk to people, and see what they took, and their experience with it. 

Thanks

[seadragon2013]

Hugs, friend. It sounds like you need to have a chat with your doctor. You are an awesome person and you deserve to feel better than this.

I can relate to many of the feelings you are describing. I have been taking prozac for the past six months for pmdd. I was experiencing paralyzing anxiety along with physical symptoms (shaking, twitching, headaches) during the week before my period :/ Prozac has been shown to be highly effective on hormonal patterns of anxiety and depression.

In addition to relieving my pmdd, Prozac has given my overall mood a boost. In retrospect, I think I tend toward dysthymia. It has helped with my self-confidence and my social anxiety. I've also been much more active since getting on it and have actually gained a ton of muscle and lost 12 lbs

My mental/emotional health issues are complicated a bit by Hashimoto's disease (more moving parts that can make me feel unwell), but prozac has helped me feel much more like myself.

[sagen]

Thanks seadragon2013 I am glad Prozac is working well for you!

[sagen]

Thank you so much @uncaripswife that means a lot to me! I think I am finally seeing that weight gain is worth it to feel better, I am not sure why it has been such a hang up. I am glad your husband is feeling better too.

[dc2london]

PP's have given you good advice but I will just throw in that I typically take a low dose of Lexapro (5-10 mg) and haven't experienced any negative side effects, including weight gain. Maybe give that one a try?
I am so sorry, anxiety is a nasty beast. I'm glad you are ready to work toward feeling better. You deserve to be well!!

[summer]

I'm so sorry sagen. Depression and anxiety is a beast.

I'm still on Zoloft from last October. It's worked fine for me and I haven't noticed any weight gain, but it sounds like that is not the case for you. I know my BFF said Zoloft didn't work for her for very long, but I don't remember what she is on now.

I will reiterate talking to a GP and a therapist or psychologist. I found that after a few session and some time on the Zoloft, I didn't need to see my therapist any more. But I know another friend who has dealt with depression still goes to her therapist monthly even though she stopped her Zoloft rx after about six months for her PPD.

Big hugs to you. You have a lot to deal with and I'm always in awe of you.

[sagen]

Thanks @ summer and dc2london I will look into Lexapro. I am glad zoloft is working great for you summer. I really did like zolodt aside from the weight gain and eventually headaches, before the headaches it was great!

[beenandgone]

Just to say, I took Lexapro during and after my last pregnancy, and I had probably the worst side effect—it KILLED my sex drive. To the point that it was hurting my marriage. No matter how many times I told H that my lack of interest was just the medication, he still took it personally. And it wasn't just not being into sex or intimacy, it was an actual hatred. Even if I did such it up and try to be intimate with H, it physically hurt and was not fun at all.

It was terrible.

[sagen]

That's sound awful!

[seadragon2013]

beenandgone, I was so terrified that would happen to us. I feel lucky it didn't.

It seems like reactions to SSRIs are all so individual beyond the first couple weeks of adjustment to them.

[holly321]

I have had good luck on zoloft, and not gaining weight.

DD just started Prozac and I am overly concerned about her weight.

Good luck and I hope you feel better too.

[Stormtroopooper]

I take Lexapro and haven't experienced any weird side effects. I'm super sensitive to medicine and have taken a lot of other SSRIs that I had adverse reactions to. Lexapro works best for me.

The only thing that has affected my sex drive us my hysterectomy.