GTKY: Work or Stay at Home?

[mikaela20]

Lol glb30. It's like saying c'est La vie or that's life.

[amacbaby]

I am a medical student. For the next 1.5 years I get quite a bit of time at home many weeks, but some weeks I am studying 12 hours a day. I love it. Not sure what I want to do when I graduate (ie what specialty) but I will always work full time both out of necessity and also because it is a good fit for me. My wife stays home with the kids full time, at least for now.

[mls5871]

I'm a manager for an engineering team at a large company. I love my job, and seriously have the best team ever. After DD was born, it was really hard to go back to work, but I knew I would never be afforded the opportunity to work for such a great company and team as I do now. I couldn't give that up yet. Plus I make quite a bit more than DH, so we would have a very different lifestyle. Luckily, I do get a nice long maternity leave, so that helps to get some time to spend with the baby.

[desirrek]

I'm an analyst for an insurance company. I have the pleasure of being able to work from home and follow my husband around as his job moves him every 2-4 years. I have to travel a bit to meet our agents around the country and to our corporate head quarters in Ohio. I love what I do and love the company I work for.

[kinipela7]

I'm a SAHM mom and I absolutely love it even though it is so exhausting!

[bookish]

I'm a school librarian and have been sending DS (14 mo.) to daycare, but am up in the air about what to do come March. I really like my job and would be sad to leave for a few years, but I am not sure the stress of getting everyone off and ready each day is worth it (I do drop-off and pickup, DH travels for work and has a stressful job) given the meager contribution I make when factoring in daycare cost for two in my area.

[beachbums]

I loved reading through this thread. I've been Googling and reading stories from both sides (SAHMs and working moms) for the past few weeks, as if someone else can decide what's best for me. Obviously I have to just choose what works for us but I worry about making the "wrong" decision.

This is our first baby and right now I'm a CPA. It's a high-stress job with long hours during deadline periods. Work cannot be left at the office; I answer emails from partners and clients at 11pm in bed, at 5am when I wake up, etc. It never ends. I don't check it at all on Sundays and I consider it a luxury, since most of my co-workers still do.

I'm thinking about asking to go part-time (3 days a week) after I come back from maternity leave. Oh, did I mention I also want an extended maternity leave? Maybe I'll just ask for a million dollars while I'm at it. Seriously though, 12 weeks seems so short and I feel so bad for the women in my office who come back as exhausted, crying zombies at 12 weeks. I don't want to put myself through that if there's any other way. If my office isn't willing to work with me on that, I think I'll probably just stay at home. I worry I'll be bored and not feel satisfied - I worked hard to get where I am in my career - but the alternative is that I'll be incredibly stressed at work and not ever be truly present with my child. Ideally my workplace and I could work something out because I do want to go back to work after our kid is in school, and a long break makes that more difficult in my field.

[caer]

beachbums - FWIW, someone gave me the advice when I was pregnant with DS to not make any changes for a year after he was born. I actually thought it ended up being good advice because I didn't really know that I wanted to SAH until I went back to work full time. I've heard of the opposite too - woman who always thought they would leave their job to SAH but ended up loving being working moms. So basically I'm saying there's lots of time to make the decision and you may surprise yourself with what you choose.

[glb30]

beachbums no advice (our first baby too), but it is so much to think about!

[glb30]

@corrine wow! What an awesome career! I'm sure it was a tough decision to decide to hit the brakes for a bit.

[jnnfrrose6]

I'm a "project administrator" for an electrical engineering firm. Basically, I do billing and some AP. Between baby 1 and 2 I had transitioned to the labor coordinator/gen superintendent's assistant which I enjoyed a lot more, but when I came back after baby #2 I was moved back to my old position basically because the person they brought on to cover my leave is a dumb ass who could not actually do the accounting work (and can barely do my old job, it's sad what that position has become) but she was brought in by the president, so they couldn't let her go either. I always thought I'd be a SAHM, but after having kids, I learned very quickly that I'm not cut out for it. My kids get so much more educationally at daycare than I could give them at home.

I'm hoping to move into essentially the executive assistant role when the woman currently in that position retires next year. It could actually work at really well timing wise as I believe she is planning on leaving around when i would be returning from my leave.

When I was pregnant with baby #1, my company had the basic "get your job or an equivalent position back" leave with no compensation beyond STD. I was probably the first person to take maternity leave in the history of the company (its very man loaded company) so I went to the President and CFO and presented to them about leave policies amongst our customers and what I could find on our competitors as well as the benefits of improved policies and they made some changes. It's not the best out there, but they do cover the balance after STD pay to get you 100% for 6 weeks. Better than nothing.

If you got through my novel, congrats!

[erinshelley21]

Aug 5, 2016 20:07:14 GMT -5 caer said:

beachbums - FWIW, someone gave me the advice when I was pregnant with DS to not make any changes for a year after he was born. I actually thought it ended up being good advice because I didn't really know that I wanted to SAH until I went back to work full time. I've heard of the opposite too - woman who always thought they would leave their job to SAH but ended up loving being working moms. So basically I'm saying there's lots of time to make the decision and you may surprise yourself with what you choose.

What she said. When I went back to work, Dh got to stay home with ds on his days off and I was super jealous. I had only taken 5 full weeks off, I was exhausted and Dh got to stay home and I didn't. SAHM is not an option for me because I own a business and Dh does not make enough for us to be a one income family. After the dust settled and I got my bearings, I didn't have those jealous feelings anymore. I was glad I had work to go too. It meant I could have some quiet time, drink hot coffee(if I brought it with me) and I could eat a meal in peace when I came home for lunch. There are small perks like those that give working moms something to look forward too. Being a working mom is tough, but I am not meant to be a sahm and I'm okay with that.

[britab]

Aug 5, 2016 16:53:05 GMT -5 beachbums said:

I loved reading through this thread. I've been Googling and reading stories from both sides (SAHMs and working moms) for the past few weeks, as if someone else can decide what's best for me. Obviously I have to just choose what works for us but I worry about making the "wrong" decision.

This is our first baby and right now I'm a CPA. It's a high-stress job with long hours during deadline periods. Work cannot be left at the office; I answer emails from partners and clients at 11pm in bed, at 5am when I wake up, etc. It never ends. I don't check it at all on Sundays and I consider it a luxury, since most of my co-workers still do.

I'm thinking about asking to go part-time (3 days a week) after I come back from maternity leave. Oh, did I mention I also want an extended maternity leave? Maybe I'll just ask for a million dollars while I'm at it. Seriously though, 12 weeks seems so short and I feel so bad for the women in my office who come back as exhausted, crying zombies at 12 weeks. I don't want to put myself through that if there's any other way. If my office isn't willing to work with me on that, I think I'll probably just stay at home. I worry I'll be bored and not feel satisfied - I worked hard to get where I am in my career - but the alternative is that I'll be incredibly stressed at work and not ever be truly present with my child. Ideally my workplace and I could work something out because I do want to go back to work after our kid is in school, and a long break makes that more difficult in my field.

Really there shouldn't be sides. I work because I have to, like most moms. Some moms want to work but would lose money because of daycare. I read part-time working moms are the happiest. We all are just trying our best.

I didn't mind going back at 11 weeks because I was part-time. DD was a good sleeper. I do hate pumping though but got used to it.

12 weeks is a luxury for most US women because most of us can't afford it.

[callmeKD]

I'm a better mom because I work. It's a better fit for me and our family. It was hard to leave an infant but now that she's older, it's easier. She loves her friends and going on adventures with her DCP.

[meggypoo1]

Aug 7, 2016 22:13:48 GMT -5 britab said:

Aug 5, 2016 16:53:05 GMT -5 beachbums said:

I loved reading through this thread. I've been Googling and reading stories from both sides (SAHMs and working moms) for the past few weeks, as if someone else can decide what's best for me. Obviously I have to just choose what works for us but I worry about making the "wrong" decision.

This is our first baby and right now I'm a CPA. It's a high-stress job with long hours during deadline periods. Work cannot be left at the office; I answer emails from partners and clients at 11pm in bed, at 5am when I wake up, etc. It never ends. I don't check it at all on Sundays and I consider it a luxury, since most of my co-workers still do.

I'm thinking about asking to go part-time (3 days a week) after I come back from maternity leave. Oh, did I mention I also want an extended maternity leave? Maybe I'll just ask for a million dollars while I'm at it. Seriously though, 12 weeks seems so short and I feel so bad for the women in my office who come back as exhausted, crying zombies at 12 weeks. I don't want to put myself through that if there's any other way. If my office isn't willing to work with me on that, I think I'll probably just stay at home. I worry I'll be bored and not feel satisfied - I worked hard to get where I am in my career - but the alternative is that I'll be incredibly stressed at work and not ever be truly present with my child. Ideally my workplace and I could work something out because I do want to go back to work after our kid is in school, and a long break makes that more difficult in my field.

Really there shouldn't be sides. I work because I have to, like most moms. Some moms want to work but would lose money because of daycare. I read part-time working moms are the happiest. We all are just trying our best.

I didn't mind going back at 11 weeks because I was part-time. DD was a good sleeper. I do hate pumping though but got used to it.

12 weeks is a luxury for most US women because most of us can't afford it.

I 100% agree with this. There shouldn't be sides. Just do what's best for your family and you will know.
Also, you should consider yourself lucky that you are able to take more then 12 weeks beachbum. The US sucks with maternity / paternity leave. Most are only guaranteed 6 weeks.

[sarahh]

beachbums, not sure if you work for a big 4 firm or a smaller one, but have you thought about moving to a local firm? I worked in big 4 then went to corporate so I am not sure, but I've heard that the local/regional firms are much less hours and easier to get part time hours.