TTCAL (8/9/16)

[kayladawn91]

ironbaby..sending so many hugs. I'm so so sorry you had a rough day yesterday. We're here if you need us.

[akraus2015]

Aug 11, 2016 7:17:04 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

I avoided the boards yesterday bc I was having a hard time, but I couldn't lurk here and not acknowledge this beautiful, strong community.

@samrs22 , huge hugs. I am sending you strength. Never be afraid to speak your heart; this is a safe place. I can't give better advice than you're received, but know I am supporting you.

akraus2015 , your FB post is beautiful. I still feel like I am in that dark place, and your words give me hope I will come out okay.

You absolutely will come out okay, and a better partner, mother, and person because of it. I have to make a conscious effort to stay away from that dark place every day. Big hugs girl!!

[kayladawn91]

HUGE DEBBIE DOWNER BELOW
I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. With the three BFNs I've gotten this week it was an extra punch in the gut and I stayed in bed a little longer before getting up this morning. I just got to thinking about how happy I was when I got my BFP almost TWO YEARS ago. I can't imagine that kind of joy ever being real again. What if that was our only chance? What if the only baby we ever have is one that couldn't live on earth with us?

MH got a little teary-eyed remembering our loss last night. He never really showed that much emotion about it before and I didn't know this all affected him so much. I think he tries to be strong for me through the IF testing and TTCAL stuff. But it was good to see him let his true self show.

[akraus2015]

Aug 11, 2016 9:51:58 GMT -5 kayladawn91 said:

HUGE DEBBIE DOWNER BELOW
I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. With the three BFNs I've gotten this week it was an extra punch in the gut and I stayed in bed a little longer before getting up this morning. I just got to thinking about how happy I was when I got my BFP almost TWO YEARS ago. I can't imagine that kind of joy ever being real again. What if that was our only chance? What if the only baby we ever have is one that couldn't stay on earth with us?

MH got a little teary-eyed remembering our loss last night. He never really showed that much emotion about it before and I didn't know this all affected him so much. I think he tries to be strong for me through the IF testing and TTCAL stuff. But it was good to see him let his true self show.

I'm so sorry girl, those dreams are the worst.  My personal opinion is that I'll never again feel the joy that I did when I saw my first BFP.  Life has changed since then, and so have I.   I'll never have that same feeling because I'll never be in that place in my life again.  I kind of compare it to the way I feel about my husband.  We dated twice in my life, once when I was very young, and once later in my 20's.  The second time I fell in love with him was nothing like the first time.  It wasn't all extreme emotions and gushy and head over heels like it was the first time, because things and life had changed us both since then.  But that doesn't make the love we have now any less special than what we had the first time around.

I guess my point is, maybe you'll never feel that same joy again that you did the first time.  But that doesn't have to mean that the feeling you get WHEN you do get that next BFP is any less special or any less significant than the first time.  Maybe you'll feel apprehension, or fear, or shock, or all of those things.  But the experience itself will be unique because it will be nothing like the first time.

And I truly, 1000% believe that your first baby wasn't your only chance.  The journey to baby might not be the same, and I'm sure none of us here are traveling the TTC journey that we had imagined, but you will have a child if that is what you and your H want.  Knowing that we have to work a little harder for it than some others do kind of sucks, but it means we're strong women who get what we want, and who can persevere through even the toughest times.

I'm sorry...I know you didn't ask for a monologue of philosophical BS, so feel free to ignore all of this if I'm just projecting and this is not at all how you feel.  I'm just feeling all the feels this week and have been doing a lot of deep thinking recently.

[akraus2015]

I came across this this morning and I thought it was a good read...

www.romper.com/p/7-signs-your-marriage-will-survive-the-loss-of-a-child-15937

[honda13]

How are you doing? I'm ok, still trying to work through feelings.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA per doctor's order for one cycle after miscarriage.

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: Dr called and said my HCG levels are back to normal. So that's good.

My doctors office said to start charting so I know what's going on. Anyone else doing that?

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm just ready to get on to the next cycle so we can TTC again. I'm still working through a lot of feelings. I'm nervous, anxious, angry, wondering about all the what ifs.

QOTW: What is your favorite flower? Roses

[akraus2015]

Aug 11, 2016 10:13:46 GMT -5 honda13 said:

How are you doing? I'm ok, still trying to work through feelings.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA per doctor's order for one cycle after miscarriage.

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: Dr called and said my HCG levels are back to normal. So that's good.

My doctors office said to start charting so I know what's going on. Anyone else doing that?

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm just ready to get on to the next cycle so we can TTC again. I'm still working through a lot of feelings. I'm nervous, anxious, angry, wondering about all the what ifs.

QOTW: What is your favorite flower? Roses

My doctor seems to have a pretty indifferent opinion on charting.  I think she just lets me keep doing it because she knows it makes me feel better, but she seems to think that its definitely not necessary and relies much more on OPKs.

[honda13]

I also want to add thank you for allowing me to join you ladies. I don't have much advice, but I do what to offer the biggest of internet hugs to each of you.

[honda13]

akraus2015, I guess I like charting because then I have data to look at. However, then I get obsessed with said data.

[ironbaby]

honda13, I have charted pretty much every cycle since maybe cycle 3? It really does help me feel less crazy knowing what to expect (most of the time). My RE really appreciated the information I gleaned from it. Now that we're on medicated cycles, I may drop it, since I get the same reassurance regarding timing.

[akraus2015]

Aug 11, 2016 10:28:04 GMT -5 honda13 said:

akraus2015 , I guess I like charting because then I have data to look at. However, then I get obsessed with said data.

I agree with you...I like having the data too.  I've taken a few months off here and there because I'll lose my mind if I don't take a break every now and then.  I don't know if I'll temp this cycle or not.  My period has to actually show up first!!

[icedtea]

I'm belated (this week has been nuts) but so much yes to the strength shown here. Thank you all for welcoming me so fully and giving me a place to feel safe.