I am pretty comfortable with the general assumption that grown kids who have cut their parents out and whose kids do not return even when the parent is really ill are not doing this because the parent did something stupid to fuck up.
It's usually due to a lifetime of horrendous parenting.
Still, now that I'm a parent, I view things a little differently. Before I had kids, I was way more likely to side with the kids in this kind of scenario. However, now I can see how easy it can be to not be the best parent sometimes.
I'm not saying that this case (or similar cases) are just from one fuck-up, just more of a general feeling.
Do you have a parent you no longer have a relationship with? As someone who does, I would prefer if people didn't look for a side to take or someone to blame in a painful life event that really isn't yours to judge. Or make a blanket statement about it.
You'll probably appreciate this then. We live near a city with a NASCAR track. DH won a race package for an upcoming race, including tickets to both Xfinity and Sprint race, pre race pit passes, and a ride in the pace car before the race! I'm super excited. We haven't been to a race since I graduated med school, even though they come to town twice a year.
That's awesome and I am super jelly!! I got MH a ride along at daytona for christmas one year but we still haven't managed to get to a race. We don't live in a state where NASCAR is even remotely cared about.
I could completely nerd out about NASCAR but I don't want break the thread.
Dude. Come to my area and we'll take you to a race. They are so much fun! No one tail gates as well as NASCAR fans do.
Met in May 2011 Engaged November 2011 Married November 2013 Started TTC November 2015 Began Infertility Workup November 2016 BFP! Lucky #13 Cycle TTC Due Date: 9/5/2017
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
To prove that there's more to me than gross shit, here's a confession.
I wrote a 15.5 page research paper on the evolution of NASCAR as a sport for a class in undergrad. My professor thought I was nuts, but I still managed an A+ on it.
Oh, and it was choose your own topic. So out of everything in the world, I choose to write a research paper on NASCAR.
I wrote one on soap operas.
This intrigues me and I have my thesis class coming up this semester. What did you write about?
Post by SheilaTheTank on Aug 10, 2016 14:47:34 GMT -5
Ok one last thing about NASCAR
FFFC: I went into labor on the day of the Daytona 500. I watched the race while in labor. MH and I agreed at the hospital that if she came that day we would give her a second middle name of Daytona. She was born the following morning so she lucked out of that one by a couple of hours.
"I can't fathom a reason that you'd lie. But people also inject cement and superglue in their asses, so sometimes I'm just at a loss about people's decision-making abilities."-rocksforludo
I think I would enjoy getting a Brazilian wax. There, I said it. I never have, but only because I'm just nervous of going to a bad place. I don't have any girlfriends around me to get a recommendation.
I don't know about "enjoy".
Are you in NY or did I invent that? If so, I got people for you.
My H might be there for awhile for work and if I decide to tag along I'd need a suggestion. PM me.
FFFC: I went into labor on the day of the Daytona 500. I watched the race while in labor. MH and I agreed at the hospital that if she came that day we would give her a second middle name of Daytona. She was born the following morning so she lucked out of that one by a couple of hours.
My parents are like, suuuper unwordly pertaining to anything outside of their small town. And have some very invasive habits. Like whenever they visit I have to remove my bar of soap and razor from the shower or they just help themselves. (ffc #1. wtf?! No!)
So one time I forgot, and after my mom finished bathing I was like son of a bitch, you used my soap and razor, didn't you? And she got all indignant about how she didn't use my BAR of soap, she used the bottle of soft soap.
The only soft soap in the shower was a bottle of Summer's Eve. My mom bathed head to toe in my feminine cleanser.
I...do not understand what is going on here. I read The Guardian and watch BBC and would still use my mom's toiletries.
I...do not understand what the Guardian and BBC have to do with this?
"I can't fathom a reason that you'd lie. But people also inject cement and superglue in their asses, so sometimes I'm just at a loss about people's decision-making abilities."-rocksforludo
Still, now that I'm a parent, I view things a little differently. Before I had kids, I was way more likely to side with the kids in this kind of scenario. However, now I can see how easy it can be to not be the best parent sometimes.
I'm not saying that this case (or similar cases) are just from one fuck-up, just more of a general feeling.
Well any human who has children will most definitely have moments of questionable parenting, but I still feel like that is so different from the kind of things that create such deep divides between parents and children.
I agree with that, but I also would add that the divide may be caused by someone else's influence. ie: divorce, and "picking sides." I've seen alot of that which was most of the time undeserved.
I've recently been close to it with my mom's BFF who passed away a few years ago. While she was nearing the end, her one son (who at 34 still is controlled by his father and his "fame") refused to see her, but would make it appear much different to the public. She may have made mistakes as a single mother trying to raise two boys, but nothing to deserve that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it isn't always the immediate parent's fault for whatever has divided them so.
My parents are like, suuuper unwordly pertaining to anything outside of their small town. And have some very invasive habits. Like whenever they visit I have to remove my bar of soap and razor from the shower or they just help themselves. (ffc #1. wtf?! No!)
So one time I forgot, and after my mom finished bathing I was like son of a bitch, you used my soap and razor, didn't you? And she got all indignant about how she didn't use my BAR of soap, she used the bottle of soft soap.
The only soft soap in the shower was a bottle of Summer's Eve. My mom bathed head to toe in my feminine cleanser.
I...do not understand what is going on here. I read The Guardian and watch BBC and would still use my mom's toiletries.
I originally found it funny that my mom bathed in feminine wash. I know it's just soap, but it made me laugh. I unknowingly stumbled into the uo that I don't share toiletries.
Genuine question, would you share a razor? That's a no, right?
MH and my Inlaws take home toiletries from Hotels. All guests are given their own toiletries and they don't use my shower so it has not been an issue with others using my soap. I would not be thrilled if someone used my razor or bar soap.
Razor, yes, I would mind, there are bits of skin and hair in that. Yuck.
But bar soap? Those loofah/pouf things gross me out more than bar soap. I always think of them growing mold in the shower. I am a bar on the body type of girl (and H and I use the same bar of soap).
Still, now that I'm a parent, I view things a little differently. Before I had kids, I was way more likely to side with the kids in this kind of scenario. However, now I can see how easy it can be to not be the best parent sometimes.
I'm not saying that this case (or similar cases) are just from one fuck-up, just more of a general feeling.
Do you have a parent you no longer have a relationship with? As someone who does, I would prefer if people didn't look for a side to take or someone to blame in a painful life event that really isn't yours to judge. Or make a blanket statement about it.
Woah, totally didn't mean to offend anyone.
I do have a parent that I have a shakey relationship with, based on a painful life event. But I can see how maybe she was trying the best she could. That, however, is my particular circumstance. I have no idea what happened in your circumstance, and I'm certainly not judging.
To sum it up, I'm saying that sometimes I question my own parenting choices and I hope that my kids don't hate me in the future. It's fear of my own shortcomings and has nothing to do with anyone else.
"I can't fathom a reason that you'd lie. But people also inject cement and superglue in their asses, so sometimes I'm just at a loss about people's decision-making abilities."-rocksforludo
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
I...do not understand what is going on here. I read The Guardian and watch BBC and would still use my mom's toiletries.
I originally found it funny that my mom bathed in feminine wash. I know it's just soap, but it made me laugh. I unknowingly stumbled into the uo that I don't share toiletries.
Genuine question, would you share a razor? That's a no, right?
razor is a no. I'm apparently #breezy about soap though!
I do not understand needing someone to confirm a hemmie or help with an enema. Even when pregnant. I've had to deal with both while pregnant and DNW my spouse or sibling down there
Do you have a parent you no longer have a relationship with? As someone who does, I would prefer if people didn't look for a side to take or someone to blame in a painful life event that really isn't yours to judge. Or make a blanket statement about it.
I'm confused. Isn't charyoutree just saying she sees that it's complicated? More than one side to every story?
Yes, that's totally what I'm trying to say. Not trying to offend anyone's situation. I applaud anyone who has cut ties from toxic people in their lives. It can be an excruciatingly difficult decision to make.
but you can make positive associations very young so your kid doesn't freak out every time they need to poop and don't have a diaper.
yes, you could spend your days discussing poop with your 1 year old and it may have a positive effect. It also may not. It's common for kids to freak out when they poop without a diaper because they feel like they are losing part of themselves. It's not a defiance thing, it's a natural reaction for a 2-4 year old to have. If you want to take the time to sit a baby on the potty and discuss at length what's happening, go ahead. But that still won't guarantee they will learn any quicker or that you will have an easier time training them.
lol at discussion. You see your kid about to shit in his diaper, you put him on the potty, he goes because he can't control it yet. By 18mo my kids were solidly poop trained.
I was on a date with a new guy and I felt like a string on his penis, I don't even know. #1. If something is wrong with your penis let a girl know, maybe it's not a deal breaker but you can't spring shit like that on people. #2 I would have felt bad but when I put a stop to things he got a little aggressive and at that point I just told him to fuck off and never talked to him again. I hope no one thinks I'm a total bitch but I am leaving out some details of his aggressiveness. He deserved the blue balls that's for sure.
I still to this day wish I knew what that damn string was though.
I brought up the vulvectomy and she responded. I had to live with the actual pictures.
That's right, it did come from your work.
It's pretty freaking awful, isn't it? I had a patient with vulvar cancer in nursing school. She described it, thankfully I didn't have to actually see it.
STUCK IN A BOX!
My cousin actually had this at age 38. She said she put off going to the doctor for far too long, even though she knew something was wrong, because she was scared of what they would find. When she did go, they were shocked to see it in someone so young. It was stage 4, but with a very invasive surgery, they removed it all and she is now cancer free.
Do you have a parent you no longer have a relationship with? As someone who does, I would prefer if people didn't look for a side to take or someone to blame in a painful life event that really isn't yours to judge. Or make a blanket statement about it.
Thank you.
When I was estranged from my dad, I had several people in my life that would give me grief over it. Like making me feel really petty and mean for not wanting to have a relationship with him. I was young and it hurt because they didn't know everything that had ever happened.
Now, MIL is estranged from her mom and H (her son) judges MIL for it and I have all the feels about that.
Just FTR, I would never question my friends (or anyone) over why they didn't have a relationship with whoever. I'm sorry people made you feel guilty about that.
I don't find it admirable to grow your hair like a Duggar to cut for donation. You still had to look like that.
This is one of the things like yogini kiki said where publicly I will support you but I don't really agree.
I donated 7 inches of hair after I got it cut recently. I definitely did not look like a Duggar and got compliments on my hair all the time. It was just long. I could show you a picture to demonstrate, but I know @hilarityensued is around.
I don't need to see a picture. My hair is long. If you didn't look like a Duggar then this post doesn't apply to you.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
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