Oh. So I guess I cheated by falling in love with someone else. Hmmm. Learn something new every day.
I am pretty sure she referenced doing the grown up. I don't know insider details but it was pretty clearly referenced in nuance. And not for nothing, she's not a 16 year old girl. Most people have to have some pretty intimate--be it physical or emotional--interaction to fall in love. And plus also, pretty sure that even if the line hadn't been crossed, plenty of damage and upset can be done with just the presence of feelings outside of your marriage. You don't have to act on it for it to rock your world.
I think people will always have different perspectives on cheating. I, for instance, consider it cheating when physical stuff happens.
Of course they will, but you have to respect how your SO feels as well. And if they feel that you are toeing the line on an emotional affair, you can't just say "well there is no PinV, so you can't be upset."
Yes, of course. I meant it more if it was done to me. If my spouse had a physical affair with sb, it would be worse for me and I would consider it cheating. If he had not gone that far, that would be easier on my feelings.
Dear heavenly mother of dildos, Goddess to all below. Please let our friend Jap emerge from her sexual adventures shard free. May the glass of her dildo only be ribbed for her pleasure. May you be kind with temperature changes and the laws of nature. Amen. In the pussy.
I am pretty sure she referenced doing the grown up. I don't know insider details but it was pretty clearly referenced in nuance. And not for nothing, she's not a 16 year old girl. Most people have to have some pretty intimate--be it physical or emotional--interaction to fall in love. And plus also, pretty sure that even if the line hadn't been crossed, plenty of damage and upset can be done with just the presence of feelings outside of your marriage. You don't have to act on it for it to rock your world.
I was speaking for me. For my situation. Which I had mostly poofed so I don't expect you to know.
I fell in love with someone with no physical contact. I did not and do not consider it cheating. In my case. Nothing was done about it. I don't know if it was reciprocal. I dealt with it inside and am no longer in love with the person. It was a dark time. I brought up the story to let Pobre know that I can understand how and why she was in her situation. Before I had that experience I didn't know it was possible.
I don't necessarily agree. That's not meant to be a judgment because shit happens. It was a bad time. I am sure there's so much to the story. But I think it's dangerous to draw a fine line between physical and non physical cheating. And even if it's not reciprocal, if you have emotional investment to have those feelings outside of your marriage, that means something is being taken away feel your marriage--that's infidelity. That's not to say that you can control all your feelings or attractions. Or that you did something bad. But it is what it is.
And not for nothing, there is a reason why work spouse relationships are dangerous and have caused a lot of pearl clutching on this board when discussed. A simple google search will tell you that they are often characterized due to their intense emotional intimacy and limerence. It is an extremely slippery slope and easy thing to fall into when you spend way more hours at work. And when you are human. And I think this is what twats was trying to say. Not like don't talk to dudes; just be aware of this.
I am pretty sure she referenced doing the grown up. I don't know insider details but it was pretty clearly referenced in nuance. And not for nothing, she's not a 16 year old girl. Most people have to have some pretty intimate--be it physical or emotional--interaction to fall in love. And plus also, pretty sure that even if the line hadn't been crossed, plenty of damage and upset can be done with just the presence of feelings outside of your marriage. You don't have to act on it for it to rock your world.
I was speaking for me. For my situation. Which I had mostly poofed so I don't expect you to know.
I fell in love with someone with no physical contact. I did not and do not consider it cheating. In my case. Nothing was done about it. I don't know if it was reciprocal. I dealt with it inside and am no longer in love with the person. It was a dark time. I brought up the story to let Pobre know that I can understand how and why she was in her situation. Before I had that experience I didn't know it was possible.
Yes, this situation is more what I meant for me as well. Also, I think a difference between something like this and physical cheating is, that there nothing good coming out of telling your spouse about it, imo. So, I would not want to know. However, a one night stand needs to be shared with me because now my physical health could be in danger and I deserve to know and make my own decisions whether I want to stay with you or not. So, you need to tell me you cheated. This is how I operate, nobody else has to follow my reasoning in their relationships.
Married DH 09/21/13 BCP 08/08-02/12, 01/13-08/14 Paragard 02/16-? TTC#1 August '14 1st BFP 3/9/15! EDD: 11/17/15 Emma Rose born 11/26/15 (Thanksgiving!)
I would want to know if my spouse were having an emotional or physical affair. I agree that if there is something physical, then my health is an issue. I also think that an emotional affair is a sign of serious problems in our marriage and I would want the opportunity to know that problems might be worse than I realized and to work on them. So while it would be hurtful to know I would still want to.
To me, it's all about what you do with those feelings.
Do you continue a flirtatious relationship, secretly communicate with the person, encourage reciprocation of feelings? Emotional affair! Cheating, in my book.
Recognize these feelings, actively attempt to shut it down, bring the relationship back to a professional only (non existent, if possible) place? You've walked a fine line, but in my book, you haven't cheated.
I don't think I've ever actually been in love with someone without reciprocal feelings. I think (for me) I would classify that as a crush and it wouldn't fall under the category of cheating.
I would want to know if my spouse were having an emotional or physical affair. I agree that if there is something physical, then my health is an issue. I also think that an emotional affair is a sign of serious problems in our marriage and I would want the opportunity to know that problems might be worse than I realized and to work on them. So while it would be hurtful to know I would still want to.
No necessarily. Just because I find sb else attractive and funny and great... etc., which makes me then develop feelings towards them doesn't mean there is anything wrong with my spouse or our marriage necessarily. It can, but it's not a requirement. So, if I am able to handle it without crossing a line with them physically, I can fall out of love and move on. By not telling my spouse about how I felt about the other person, and especially if the case is that I still care about my marriage and want it to continue,I'm sparing them lots of emotional hurt and unhappiness, not to mention - they would obviously work through it differently than me, maybe different length of time, they may keep bringing it up after I was already over it (which is understandable, but counter productive) and then it would just drag out. That's what I meant causing unnecessary hurt. This way it's my problem, I handle it, not let it cross the physical line, move on. When it's physical, it's different. Again, these are my reasons why I would not want my husband to tell me about emotional stuff happening with another woman. Deal with it, move on, don't drag my feelings into it. If you're staying with me, love me - then handle it and don't cause me sleepless nights. Physical stuff - hell no. You don't have the right to keep that from me, as I'm making my own decisions about my health and well being.
I don't think I've ever actually been in love with someone without reciprocal feelings. I think (for me) I would classify that as a crush and it wouldn't fall under the category of cheating.
IDK, I remember being SOOOO in love with a guy in high school but being friend-zoned from the start. I've been with DH since I was 19, so not really sure if that translates to adult love. Not even sure this post makes sense.
In my head, this means I think you can be in love without reciprocation, but that my experience is limited.
I would want DH to come clean if he had an emotional affair where he even considered breaking up our family, or getting physical. If he had a crush, even a big one, but shut it down with a quickness and dedicated himself to our marriage, I think I'd prefer he spared my feelings.
Post by kaydee0402 on Aug 12, 2016 14:41:13 GMT -5
Are we still doing these?
Incredibly OT: My husband is deployed and has to vote absentee. I'm considering filling out his ballot for him so he can't vote for Trump. I know it's incredibly illegal buttttt....one less vote for Trump? And I live in a swing state (is VA still considered a swing state?) so every little bit helps?
Incredibly OT: My husband is deployed and has to vote absentee. I'm considering filling out his ballot for him so he can't vote for Trump. I know it's incredibly illegal buttttt....one less vote for Trump? And I live in a swing state (is VA still considered a swing state?) so every little bit helps?
I hope this is 1 of those consider, but could never do things. I hate trump with a passion and certainly wouldn't push DH to vote if that's where his ballot was going, but this crosses a line for me.
Incredibly OT: My husband is deployed and has to vote absentee. I'm considering filling out his ballot for him so he can't vote for Trump. I know it's incredibly illegal buttttt....one less vote for Trump? And I live in a swing state (is VA still considered a swing state?) so every little bit helps?
I hate Trump just as much as the next person, but I would never, ever take away someone's vote. I'm pretty sure that if MH found out I'd done something like that he'd flip the fuck out. That's such a violation of a person's right to choose. I'm pretty much speechless that you are laughing it off as no big deal.
Incredibly OT: My husband is deployed and has to vote absentee. I'm considering filling out his ballot for him so he can't vote for Trump. I know it's incredibly illegal buttttt....one less vote for Trump? And I live in a swing state (is VA still considered a swing state?) so every little bit helps?
I'm as anti-Trump as they come but this has me clutching my pearls.
I assume you're mostly joking and wouldn't/won't actually follow through with this.
Post by kaydee0402 on Aug 12, 2016 14:48:36 GMT -5
frankenboom, yes, I've joked with him about it. In front of our friends, privately in e-mail. The confession is that I considered it. NOT that I'm actually going to do it.
I would want to know if my spouse were having an emotional or physical affair. I agree that if there is something physical, then my health is an issue. I also think that an emotional affair is a sign of serious problems in our marriage and I would want the opportunity to know that problems might be worse than I realized and to work on them. So while it would be hurtful to know I would still want to.
it would be hurtful to be told my spouse was in love with someone else. but it would be ideal to know--cause then you can do joint counseling and work thru the issues, try to reconnect and maybe fix your marriage or at least give it a try.
If spouse doesn't share with me that they are attracted to or think they might love someone else, then I might not know that I need to step up my love affair with them and see if we've just lost touch with each other, drifted apart or if our love has at least one sided-ly died.
I think my spouse would owe me the honesty to tell me how he was feeling and at least talk thru if our marriage is salvageable/saveable.
Of course I'm coming up on 30 years of marriage, and we have gone thru ups and downs and love/hate/non-connecting and gotten thru that together with hard work. We've decided it's worth it to work to try to fix things so far.
Guise, I don't think she's actually going to do it. The thought crossing your mind =/= actually committing voter fraud.
Yes, but the thought would never cross my mind. I don't even open MH's mail. It would never occur to me to even joke about voting in his place.
I have to open his mail, especially when he's deployed. He's the type that just sticks in our mail basket and doesn't think about it for two months and by the bill or whatever is overdue. He's great at staying on top of cleaning the house, taking care of our son, cooking dinner, sucks at mail.
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