Secular Grace

[Unknown]

DH has thrown around the idea of instituting a secular grace before dinner. Do any of you? Thoughts?

We are thankful for the food on this table.
We are thankful for this time together.
Our thoughts go out to family and friends;
We hope that they are safe and well.

[Unknown]

I think it's the same reasons as a religious family would. To teach our kids the importance of giving thank, only not to god. I think there is a difference between being a ritual and tradition.

My toddler is a hair shy of 3, so she's tough right now. Since I spend so much time telling her no and correcting her I've added into our night time routine a minute before bed to tell her all the things that she did that day well.

I view them both similar, just taking a moment out of our day to talk about positives and importance of thankfulness and being good as a human.

[Deleted]

I like this idea but my DH is not really on board with it. We both come from secular families and even on the rare occassions that I've witnessed people praying before a meal, it was a silent prayer. Probably a cultural thing.
I once mentioned I liked the custom of speaking out what we're grateful about, but to DH the concept of giving thanks implied there is a person you give your thanks to. I do not agree with that, I see it more as a feeling of joy about what you have, not taking things for granted.

I also like the pointing out of the positive Unknown. I am finding three a rough age as well. And i do make a point of rembering in the morning when she went to bed without a hitch the night before. She likes that.

[Unknown]

@dutchkatie, I think you can be thankful to a person that isn't god. Be thankful for whomever cooked dinner, thankful for the farmers who work hard to harvest our vegetables..etc.

Two nights ago we sat down to talk about her daily positives and I started out "um, um...let's see..um.." I need to work on my delivery.

[mommyatty]

Hi, guys! I haven't been on here for a while, but I found this question really interesting. We don't do grace around meals, but at night, during bedtime, when religious families might do prayers, we talk about what we are grateful for. I say "I'm grateful for you guys and Daddy, and that we are all healthy, and I'm grateful that today we got to eat spaghetti with Grandma for dinner, and that we have enough food." My 4 year old usually mimics some of it. But then she adds things that are often funny or unpredictable or profound. Like one day she said "I'm grateful that we had time with Grandpa before he died and that we still get to eat his cookies." He used to give her Milanos, so she calls those "Grandpa's cookies."

During dinner we do "one good thing" where each of us says one good thing that happened to us that day. It's not before we eat, it's just part of our conversation.

Anyway, sort of the same concept. I want my kids to recognize how lucky they are and to appreciate life. I don't want to raise ingrates. I think that's infinitely do-able in the absence of religion.

[Deleted]

Aww, such a sweet story from your daughter, mommyatty.

I do a personal gratitude journal at night, but I'd like to include my family because it is a good thing to do. I can start expressing gratitude for the person cooking dinner, Unknown, that's DH most of the time. I am going to be mindful about asking DD and DH about their day, what they liked and what they learned, and share about the positives of my day.
I love this conversation.

[mommyatty]

Thanks, @dutchkatie. I started this in part because of research on happiness, which shows that expressing gratitude and feeling gratitude are major components of happiness. I thought The Happiness Project was interesting, in part because of areas of research into what actually makes us happy. (Plus I don't recall religion making any appearance beyond maybe brief mentions here and there, which was refreshing.)

We all want happy kids, right?

[Deleted]

Aug 11, 2016 15:42:33 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

Thanks, @dutchkatie . I started this in part because of research on happiness, which shows that expressing gratitude and feeling gratitude are major components of happiness. I thought The Happiness Project was interesting, in part because of areas of research into what actually makes us happy. (Plus I don't recall religion making any appearance beyond maybe brief mentions here and there, which was refreshing.)

We all want happy kids, right?

Currently reading that 

[aves0708]

I think this idea is really interesting! It's important to me that DD understand gratitude and thanks, but I don't think I would do this. It would feel a little forced to me and just a little too close to similar to a prayer. I think I would prefer to incorporate thanks at various times throughout the day/week and take a little more casual approach. Every family is different though and I think trying a secular grace is great idea if it works for your family!