Got any embarrassing stories?

[PepperPottsJ]

Aug 17, 2016 16:27:56 GMT -5 ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ said:

Aug 17, 2016 15:08:39 GMT -5 starbuck27 said:

OMG like what would be have cut his dick on? ILY broc.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN A ZIPPER MALFUNCTION. 

Calling out the flawed logic here!  After the fact would not be a zipper...  unless you have some fancy stuff up there?

ETA /ded at franks and beans,  you are crushing it!

[icedtea]

Aug 17, 2016 16:26:42 GMT -5 PepperPottsJ said:

icedtea , and by the grace of god, it can only be a mental picture. Cell phones were extremely uncommon and a camera phone was years away. Small victories

These days you'd be viral!

[icedtea]

Be viral? Go viral? I don't know.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Aug 17, 2016 15:32:23 GMT -5 @bruxannie said:

IWLTBEFTN = I would like to be excluded from this narrative.

It's a thing. I'm making it a thing.

Dude, it's a thing. You made it a thing. It's hilarious.

I may or may not have already used it several times off the boards.

[icedtea]

Aug 17, 2016 16:30:20 GMT -5 PepperPottsJ said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:27:56 GMT -5 ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ said:

IT COULD HAVE BEEN A ZIPPER MALFUNCTION. 

Calling out the flawed logic here!  After the fact would not be a zipper...  unless you have some fancy stuff up there?

ETA /ded at franks and beans,  you are crushing it!

I'm resisting the urge to google "vagina zipper" because I know no good can come of it. 

[icedtea]

I keep randomly giggling at the thought of ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ worrying that there's some sort of knife hidden inside of her.

[Deleted]

Aug 17, 2016 16:33:25 GMT -5 icedtea said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:30:20 GMT -5 PepperPottsJ said:

Calling out the flawed logic here!  After the fact would not be a zipper...  unless you have some fancy stuff up there?

ETA /ded at franks and beans,  you are crushing it!

I'm resisting the urge to google "vagina zipper" because I know no good can come of it. 

when in doubt, always google.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Aug 17, 2016 15:56:31 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

Aug 17, 2016 15:36:37 GMT -5 PepperPottsJ said:

I haven't finished the threat but Im going to be super disappointed if this story doesn't end with ironbaby getting laid in said Lexus!!

I never had sex with the guy. Or the Lexus.

I'm such a disappointment.

Guess those cars didn't want you rubbing your hairy bingle bangle all up on 'em.

*hairy bingle bangle courtesy of Patton Oswalt.

[icedtea]

Aug 17, 2016 16:35:06 GMT -5 @bruxannie said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:33:25 GMT -5 icedtea said:

I'm resisting the urge to google "vagina zipper" because I know no good can come of it. 

when in doubt, always google.

I'm very easily swayed. But I got to the first result and could not go any further (luckily no pictures popped up):

mediatakeout.com/oh-my-goodnesssss-woman-goes-through-with-extreme-body-modification-she-implanted-a-zipper-in-her-va-jay-jay-and-so-when-its-not-in-use-she-can-zip-it-shut-you-gotta-see-it/

I have yet to summon the courage to click on the spoiler tag in it.  

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Aug 17, 2016 16:30:20 GMT -5 PepperPottsJ said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:27:56 GMT -5 ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ said:

IT COULD HAVE BEEN A ZIPPER MALFUNCTION. 

Calling out the flawed logic here!  After the fact would not be a zipper...  unless you have some fancy stuff up there?

ETA /ded at franks and beans,  you are crushing it!

Maybe we were in to some kinky zipper shit! I feel like pippacricket with my inability to give up on an argument.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Aug 17, 2016 16:32:47 GMT -5 icedtea said:

Be viral? Go viral? I don't know.

I vote for "go viral"

Be viral makes me think the person is a sickness. LOL.

[PepperPottsJ]

Aug 17, 2016 16:39:47 GMT -5 ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:30:20 GMT -5 PepperPottsJ said:

Calling out the flawed logic here!  After the fact would not be a zipper...  unless you have some fancy stuff up there?

ETA /ded at franks and beans,  you are crushing it!

Maybe we were in to some kinky zipper shit! I feel like pippacricket with my inability to give up on an argument.

I have a Broccoli with a Stranger Things vag image going on in my head.  I don't know whether to laugh or cry about this.  It may be both

[ironbaby]

Aug 17, 2016 16:37:50 GMT -5 ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ said:

Aug 17, 2016 15:56:31 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

I never had sex with the guy. Or the Lexus.

I'm such a disappointment.

Guess those cars didn't want you rubbing your hairy bingle bangle all up on 'em.

*hair bingle bangle courtesy of Patton Oswalt.

Did you seriously go there?

I give up on you.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Aug 17, 2016 16:38:35 GMT -5 icedtea said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:35:06 GMT -5 @bruxannie said:

when in doubt, always google.

I'm very easily swayed. But I got to the first result and could not go any further (luckily no pictures popped up):

mediatakeout.com/oh-my-goodnesssss-woman-goes-through-with-extreme-body-modification-she-implanted-a-zipper-in-her-va-jay-jay-and-so-when-its-not-in-use-she-can-zip-it-shut-you-gotta-see-it/

I have yet to summon the courage to click on the spoiler tag in it.  

[ironbaby]

Aug 17, 2016 16:38:35 GMT -5 icedtea said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:35:06 GMT -5 @bruxannie said:

when in doubt, always google.

I'm very easily swayed. But I got to the first result and could not go any further (luckily no pictures popped up):

mediatakeout.com/oh-my-goodnesssss-woman-goes-through-with-extreme-body-modification-she-implanted-a-zipper-in-her-va-jay-jay-and-so-when-its-not-in-use-she-can-zip-it-shut-you-gotta-see-it/

I have yet to summon the courage to click on the spoiler tag in it.  

I clicked, but it did not work. I guess that was the universe warning me.

[ironbaby]

Aug 17, 2016 16:49:45 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:38:35 GMT -5 icedtea said:

I'm very easily swayed. But I got to the first result and could not go any further (luckily no pictures popped up):

mediatakeout.com/oh-my-goodnesssss-woman-goes-through-with-extreme-body-modification-she-implanted-a-zipper-in-her-va-jay-jay-and-so-when-its-not-in-use-she-can-zip-it-shut-you-gotta-see-it/

I have yet to summon the courage to click on the spoiler tag in it.  

I clicked, but it did not work. I guess that was the universe warning me.

Oh fuck.

No, it worked. I cannot unsee.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Aug 17, 2016 16:52:30 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:49:45 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

I clicked, but it did not work. I guess that was the universe warning me.

Oh fuck.

No, it worked. I cannot unsee.

[icedtea]

ironbaby



I am even more convinced I should not click now.

[ironbaby]

Aug 17, 2016 17:11:14 GMT -5 icedtea said:

ironbaby



I am even more convinced I should not click now.

Oh, no. You put that thing into the world. You have to see it.

[thechickencoop]

Aug 17, 2016 11:27:13 GMT -5 agm04 said:

This doesn't sound like a real story but I assure you it is. I was a cheerleader through HS and college, and miss tumbling, so pre-baby I used to go to adult tumbling classes. I had a private lesson on the last day of my period, which was between light flow and spotting. I was afraid of jumping around without some protection, so I used a light tampon. Imagine my surprise hopping off the tumble track halfway through my lesson to see my USED TAMPON ON THE EFFING FLOOR. Thank god it was barely dirty, but there was a girls' team on bars right next to me that almost certainly saw it fly out. I didn't even think such a thing was possible. I was even wearing shorts with built in undies. Needless to say, I never went back there.

[icedtea]

Aug 17, 2016 17:28:37 GMT -5 starbuck27 said:

Aug 17, 2016 16:34:34 GMT -5 icedtea said:

I keep randomly giggling at the thought of ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ worrying that there's some sort of knife hidden inside of her.

I have it on good authority that ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ 's vagine looks like the Kraken from Pirates. And it also can swallow Johnny Depp whole.

[icedtea]

Aug 17, 2016 17:57:08 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

Aug 17, 2016 17:11:14 GMT -5 icedtea said:

ironbaby



I am even more convinced I should not click now.

Oh, no. You put that thing into the world. You have to see it.

[Deleted]

So umm, I have many awful stories. Shocking, I know.

The one that comes to mind first is courtesy of my poor gag reflux.

One day in the middle of giving my ex-bf a blowjob I accidentally puked up an entire plate of penne and sauce. It was awful. What made it worse is that he still lived at home and had to walk past his mom to go grab towels to help clean up.

His mom asked what was wrong, and all he said was, Wallie got sick. I have to help her clean up.

Of course, his version of cleaning was dry heaving while he cleaned his crotch, and nearly puking when he tried to help me clean up everything else.

[ironbaby]

Oh, @wallflwr926. You never disappoint.

[doodler]

Aug 18, 2016 0:39:54 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

So umm, I have many awful stories. Shocking, I know.

The one that comes to mind first is courtesy of my poor gag reflux.

One day in the middle of giving my ex-bf a blowjob I accidentally puked up an entire plate of penne and sauce. It was awful. What made it worse is that he still lived at home and had to walk past his mom to go grab towels to help clean up.

His mom asked what was wrong, and all he said was, Wallie got sick. I have to help her clean up.

Of course, his version of cleaning was dry heaving while he cleaned his crotch, and nearly puking when he tried to help me clean up everything else.

I almost spit my Diet Dr. Pepper on my desk while reading this.  Bravo.

[kleigh]

Aug 18, 2016 0:39:54 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

So umm, I have many awful stories. Shocking, I know.

The one that comes to mind first is courtesy of my poor gag reflux.

One day in the middle of giving my ex-bf a blowjob I accidentally puked up an entire plate of penne and sauce. It was awful. What made it worse is that he still lived at home and had to walk past his mom to go grab towels to help clean up.

His mom asked what was wrong, and all he said was, Wallie got sick. I have to help her clean up.

Of course, his version of cleaning was dry heaving while he cleaned his crotch, and nearly puking when he tried to help me clean up everything else.

I was waiting all day for this, thank you!

[Deleted]

You're welcome.

[daisy818]

I remembered another funny story that was more embarrassing for the other person, but still very awkward for me. The fall after I graduated college a bunch of us went back for Homecoming weekend. My best friend was still a senior there, and a couple of us were staying in her dorm room (because 22 and cheap). I was sleeping on her futon. Well, Saturday night two of our (totally platonic) guy friends are super drunk and come banging on her door at 3 am to crash there. Whatever, we didn't care, we just wanted to fall back asleep, so one dude flops into bed with my friend and the other is crashing on the futon with me. Cut to like an hour later. The guy on the futon with me sits bolt upright, waking me up. I'm thinking he's about to puke, but he just jumps up and walks out of her room. This wakes up everyone else, and we're trying to figure out where he is, because he doesn't come back. Then I notice a wet spot on the futon. And on my pajama leg.

And it was not pee.

Needless to say, he had just gone to his hotel, packed, and gone to the airport to wait for his flight because he didn't want to see any of us the next day.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

OMFG

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]