Hugs ladies! I keep thinking about sleep training and then I don't follow through. I think we are ok with where we are for now. She is sleeping a four hour stretch when we first put her down and then getting in bed with us. It's a little rough about 4am on (she is restless and nurses a lot and I pat her back,etc.) but otherwise pretty good.
That's exactly how I was with dd1, but I'm finding it so much harder with dd2! But then it makes me feel even worse to let dd2 CIO for very long since I never did that to her older sister. Momming is hard. :/
Post by NellieOleson on Sept 1, 2016 21:16:44 GMT -5
Omg you guys. She stopped crying in 9 minutes tonight. It was a horrible 9 minutes that I spent reading the "Never Have I Ever" thread, but progress!
We switched up her bedtime routine so that nursing was the first thing instead of the last. I felt like such a traitor the whole time, but I think it was a good call.
Poor little girl. I feel terrible that she gets so upset, but she needs to sleep better. She is so restless from 3 am on because she doesn't know how to go to sleep on her own, and that can't be restful enough for her. FX this helps.
We tried it. I can't do it. I just can't. Maybe when she is a smidge older and can understand better what is supposed to happen. Maybe that will make it worse. I don't know. But I can't do it right now. I feel like the travel we did this summer screwed us. Plus her sudden onset parent attachment. Yes I know we could gut through to the other side, but I just can't. Failure feelings are heavy upon me. I feel like I may have ruined her hopes for future good sleep habits. Selfishly I just can't listen to her cry.
Post by NellieOleson on Sept 1, 2016 21:29:24 GMT -5
kcrkcs - I couldn't do it with dd1 either. I'm doing it out of desperation with dd2, because I physically can't juggle both kids bedtimes alone when dd2 is waking up constantly and demanding my presence. It is so so so so so so hard to hear that crying, though.
I think it definitely gets harder as they get older. They complain louder and longer, and somehow them knowing what is going on makes it break my heart even more? I don't know.
I worry I'm breaking dd2 by letting her cry, I worry I broke dd1 by letting her be so dependent on us for sleep - she's 2 1/2 and still doesn't sleep alone.
There is truly no right answer, you just have to do what is right for you. I knew it was time for me to give it a try with dd2 when I started feeling angry and resentful about her frequent wake ups.
Basically I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to my kids sleep. I'm trying my best, though, and I guess that's all we can do.
NellieOleson hugs momma. You have done a wonderful job for both your kids. I guess it all goes back to there is no one right answer. Do what we can and move on huh? Ugh, who knew momming would be so hard. I should probably call mine and thank her tomorrow!
Post by scorpioscuba on Sept 1, 2016 22:57:21 GMT -5
I second what NellieOleson, said, kcrkcs. You have to do what is right for you. I halfheartedly attempted ST with DS and I just couldn't do it. He also had a VERY different temperament than DD. I would try at different stages and it just never worked. He always ended up in our bed at some point during the night until just before DD was born. Ultimately it was what H and I both could live with at the time and I/we have no regrets.
This time, H is in much more intense classes for school and I have my Mom and Sister helping with care for DD. If she isn't sleeping well, she is cranky for everyone. I figured I needed to at least try ST for DD as well. To my surprise she took to it in a way DS NEVER did. Is it perfect? Hell no. Do I like it? I hate it. But we all need to sleep and she is doing well with it so far. We still struggle with naps but she is generally happier because she is waking less.
What works for one will not work for all. Take a break for now. Maybe try again in a couple weeks? IF you want to. But above everything, you are NOT a failure. And I don't believe you will in any way ruin her future sleep habits. She has a mommy that is responding to her needs. Right now that is you. In the future those needs might change. Trust that no matter what, you will do what is right for your daughter and your family.
Post by NellieOleson on Sept 2, 2016 21:21:13 GMT -5
One minute of crying tonight! It's amazing! She let out a little yelp or two about a minute later, but that was it.
She also seemed to sleep much, much better last night and didn't have her usual 3am and on fidgety restlessness. Her naps were great today as well - one was an hour and a half!
I went from the biggest sleep training skeptic to a huge fan in like 24 hours. Keeping my fingers crossed this lasts and wasn't some weird fluke.
Also - I decided I'm not ST overnight right now. I can't deal with doing it all at once. We are doing it at bedtime and then going in to her at night/bedsharing when she needs it. I'll figure that part out later if I need to. But holy smokes it will be a huge relief if bedtime isn't a battle every night from now on.
Post by tinydancer on Sept 2, 2016 21:45:15 GMT -5
Glad to hear it's going well NellieOleson! I think it makes sense to do it in steps too. I only tried ST for overnights; I haven't attempted anything at all with naps. And it's probably not great, but he still naps on the go a lot. Oh well, I just decided it's not worth it to me to fight with him about day time sleep because he's not an overtired mess at the end of the day, and he's getting pretty good sleep overnight.
Glad to hear it's going well NellieOleson ! I think it makes sense to do it in steps too. I only tried ST for overnights; I haven't attempted anything at all with naps. And it's probably not great, but he still naps on the go a lot. Oh well, I just decided it's not worth it to me to fight with him about day time sleep because he's not an overtired mess at the end of the day, and he's getting pretty good sleep overnight.
I don't want to ST for naps. I don't want to become a slave to the schedule. And I know if we ST for naps, she'll stop napping on the go. That would not work for us.
Glad to hear it's going well NellieOleson ! I think it makes sense to do it in steps too. I only tried ST for overnights; I haven't attempted anything at all with naps. And it's probably not great, but he still naps on the go a lot. Oh well, I just decided it's not worth it to me to fight with him about day time sleep because he's not an overtired mess at the end of the day, and he's getting pretty good sleep overnight.
I don't want to ST for naps. I don't want to become a slave to the schedule. And I know if we ST for naps, she'll stop napping on the go. That would not work for us.
I don't see how sleep training for naps means being a slave to a schedule? I think it just means the baby is able to fall asleep for naps on their own as opposed to being held or nursed/bottle fed to sleep.
I wasn't going to sleep train for naps, either, because she almost always nurses to sleep and then sleeps in her cribs for naps very easily. However, she has been up for 4 hours today, which is a long time for her, rubbing her eyes, but not going to sleep when I do our normal routine. So sleep training for naps it is! I'll let you know if it affects her napping on the go. I sure hope not!
I don't want to ST for naps. I don't want to become a slave to the schedule. And I know if we ST for naps, she'll stop napping on the go. That would not work for us.
I don't see how sleep training for naps means being a slave to a schedule? I think it just means the baby is able to fall asleep for naps on their own as opposed to being held or nursed/bottle fed to sleep.
I wasn't going to sleep train for naps, either, because she almost always nurses to sleep and then sleeps in her cribs for naps very easily. However, she has been up for 4 hours today, which is a long time for her, rubbing her eyes, but not going to sleep when I do our normal routine. So sleep training for naps it is! I'll let you know if it affects her napping on the go. I sure hope not!
A lot of babies I know IRL will only sleep in the crib after sleep training for naps. Which means you have to be home at nap times. That wouldn't work for us.
Post by scorpioscuba on Sept 5, 2016 21:31:19 GMT -5
So we had to start all over tonight. Even though I brought the pack and play with me to the cabin hoping she'd sleep in there like the crib, that did NOT work. So she slept with me. Now that we are home I did our normal routine. She was sleepy when I started to put her in the crib but she was alert instantly and tried to resist and climb out after me. She cried - really cried - for 20 minutes. Then crashed. At the end she was clutching her blanket close to her chest. I nearly went in there but then she was out. I'm so heartbroken.
NellieOleson glad it's going better! We started out only doing bedtime then did MOTN which really was not a big deal after bedtime. Naps basically took care of themselves.
I can't even figure out how to deal with MOTN. Other than feeding her, which is (I'm pretty sure) why she's waking up in the first place. I'm fairly certain she;s actually hungry. But I don't know how to solve that.
NellieOleson, sounds like the ST is improving! So happy for you. It is so stressful but it definitely makes sense to me to do it steps. Starting with overnights is easier IMO, and then moving to naps if DD is tolerating the nights pretty well. Praying that things keep moving in the right direction for y'all!
scorpioscuba, dizzycooks, I hope you get back in the groove of things now that you are all home and the holiday weekend is over. I bet it was just an off night.
DS is good about falling asleep at 7:30pm and waking up around 6am. I'm still giving him the bottle during the few times he wakes up because frankly, I'm terrified of expending more energy on ST and being even more tired during the day. I mean, I don't think I'm in a horrible spot but this is just the way it has to be for now. He's good about taking one morning nap and one afternoon nap consistently. Ughhhhhhh. Starting to feel mom guilt again.
Post by NellieOleson on Sept 6, 2016 10:40:38 GMT -5
scorpioscuba - My ST bliss was short lived, and we are going though a major set back as well. I'm chalking it up to developmental leap since she just learned to crawl a couple days ago, not pooping for days and being gassy, and my period starting soon - which always messes with her sleep. But ugh. The thought of starting all over is so depressing and discouraging. I decided to take a little break until my milk supply is back up and she finally poos, and hopefully it won't be too bad.
We are going to a cabin for 3 nights in two weeks, and I'm really hoping she takes to the PNP. Do you have an additional mattress in yours? I just ordered one and hope it helps. Hell, I hope she's just sleeping moderately okay by then.
Lollipop - Have you tried reducing the volume in the bottles by an ounce every few nights?
icequeen - Aw. Don't feel guilty. If it's working for you guys there is nothing wrong with it.
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