PAIF mantras?

[ProfessorChaos]

For our FAQ/sticky thread we were thinking it would be a good idea to collect some mantras that people use to get themselves through the difficult days of being PAIF. I'm pasting below that PgAL mantras (Pregnant after A Loss, for the unitiated), but we can modify these for our own purposes. Are any of these less applicable to us? Does anyone have any to add? Other thoughts for positive thinking?

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PGAL Mantras

Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.

My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c.

Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!

Hope does not make bad things happen" You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!

There is nothing I can do to prevent a m/c from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a m/c. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive.

[IFinTN]

The only one I would tweak:

"My past does not dictate my future. Just because I had trouble TTC does not mean i will have trouble in my pregnancy."

[luvboston]

Will it be easy, nope, worth it absolutely

[daydreamernyc]

One step at a time, one day at a time.

Take a deep breadth.

[amshark]

I will not let myself be affected by others who judge me for how I got pregnant.

[IFinTN]

Feb 11, 2015 9:23:50 GMT -5 amshark said:

I will not let myself be affected by others who judge me for how I got pregnant.

I have not yet experienced this. It makes me want to take my earrings off and throw down with anyone who makes a PAIFer feel like they have to justify anything about how they made a baby!!

[shytimes]

OMG amshark that's beyond unbelievable. People are assholes. I'm holding IFinTN's earrings waiting my turn to TP!

Not really a mantra... I've been doing some guided imagery podcasts I found on Itunes... the woman who produces them had one for fertility, and I just switched to the one she has for pregnancy. It includes lots of affirmations that aren't particular to PAIF, but I still find them very calming. (Belleruth Naparstek on Itunes if anyone's interested... I can't say enough about how much they helped me!!)

[Deleted]

The one I have to keep saying to myself because of my own guilt is,

It is ok to not love pregnancy. I am still beyond grateful that I am here.

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2015 9:23:50 GMT -5 amshark said:

I will not let myself be affected by others who judge me for how I got pregnant.

I've only had one person (SIL) ask if this was planned or not.   She didn't ask anything else when I said planned.  Everyone else has assumed, at my age, that it must have just been an accident/surprise.  I can only imagine the judgement I'd get from people if everyone know it wasn't even my egg that got us here.

[amshark]

Feb 11, 2015 10:12:32 GMT -5 @jimbobcooter said:

Feb 11, 2015 9:23:50 GMT -5 amshark said:

I will not let myself be affected by others who judge me for how I got pregnant.

I've only had one person (SIL) ask if this was planned or not.   She didn't ask anything else when I said planned.  Everyone else has assumed, at my age, that it must have just been an accident/surprise.  I can only imagine the judgement I'd get from people if everyone know it wasn't even my egg that got us here.

Being pregnant with twins, I get the thinly veiled, "Oh, do twins run in your family?" from the same people who know we've been trying to get pregnant for years on end.  My response is usually, "Yes, my aunt and uncle are twins, but we did IVF."  For some people, this brings the conversation to an uncomfortable and abrupt end, for some it's a look of disdain, but I'm happy to report that from far more the response is closer to "Congratulations!", or "Oh, we conceived with IVF too!"

One co-worker said, "Me too, but I used an egg donor for my twins."  We talked a little about shared experiences, and she went back to her desk.  A third co-worker then started to question the use of donor eggs, and I shut that down and set her straight immediately.  How dare she?  I can only imagine what that co-worker says about me when I'm not around.

[nutmeg8484]

amshark Ugh. I will never understand people who feel the need to look down upon people struggling with IF. It's not like we chose to spend our life savings and sanity for the possibility to have what other people take for granted.

I am so lucky that everyone who knows, which is pretty much everyone who knows we are pregnant, have been incredible now and in the past.

[amshark]

Feb 11, 2015 9:23:50 GMT -5 amshark said:

I will not let myself be affected by others who judge me for how I got pregnant.

Also, important - Affected or Effected?  

Even when I look these up on Grammar Girl, I'm still not confident I'm using the right one.  Someone who is better with English should check this, if we end up including it in our mantras.

[nomnom]

amshark It's affected, no worries :-)

[sunshinedaisies]

Feb 11, 2015 11:20:58 GMT -5 amshark said:

Feb 11, 2015 9:23:50 GMT -5 amshark said:

I will not let myself be affected by others who judge me for how I got pregnant.

Also, important - Affected or Effected?  

Even when I look these up on Grammar Girl, I'm still not confident I'm using the right one.  Someone who is better with English should check this, if we end up including it in our mantras.

Lol - affect is a verb, effect is a noun.

I kept telling myself that "Nothing can change what is going to happen, so be happy because for TODAY, I am pregnant." What will come will come and I can't let what "may" happen take away from my opportunity to enjoy what I've been given today.

Also "One day at a time."

[nomnom]

sunshinedaisies Not to sound like a jerk, but effect can also be a verb in limited cases. For example, "The Peshtigo Fire effected a change in logging practices." It's usually used similarly to the word 'cause.'

[amshark]

Feb 11, 2015 11:49:26 GMT -5 nomnom said:

sunshinedaisies Not to sound like a jerk, but effect can also be a verb in limited cases. For example, "The Peshtigo Fire effected a change in logging practices." It's usually used similarly to the word 'cause.'

Do you see why I find this so confusing?!  That and lay, lie, lain... don't get me started on those three.  (I have a cheat sheet pinned to my cubicle wall, because those words drive me nuts).

[nomnom]

Feb 11, 2015 11:52:27 GMT -5 amshark said:

Feb 11, 2015 11:49:26 GMT -5 nomnom said:

sunshinedaisies Not to sound like a jerk, but effect can also be a verb in limited cases. For example, "The Peshtigo Fire effected a change in logging practices." It's usually used similarly to the word 'cause.'

Do you see why I find this so confusing?!  That and lay, lie, lain... don't get me started on those three.  (I have a cheat sheet pinned to my cubicle wall, because those words drive me nuts).

Yeah, don't ask me about those ones. I avoid them if possible.

[ProfessorChaos]

Feb 11, 2015 11:52:27 GMT -5 amshark said:

Feb 11, 2015 11:49:26 GMT -5 nomnom said:

sunshinedaisies Not to sound like a jerk, but effect can also be a verb in limited cases. For example, "The Peshtigo Fire effected a change in logging practices." It's usually used similarly to the word 'cause.'

Do you see why I find this so confusing?!  That and lay, lie, lain... don't get me started on those three.  (I have a cheat sheet pinned to my cubicle wall, because those words drive me nuts).

And affect can be a noun, too, in the psychological sense (e.g., emotional affect). These uses are rare, so the general rule of thumb will generally guide you correctly.

[hbanana18]

Feb 11, 2015 10:10:03 GMT -5 @jimbobcooter said:

The one I have to keep saying to myself because of my own guilt is,

It is ok to not love pregnancy. I am still beyond grateful that I am here.

This!! I felt so crappy at the beginning and then felt bad that I was miserable because I know within the IF world I was extremely lucky. Just because you are grateful doesn't mean you have to love every second of being pregnant.

[sunshinedaisies]

Feb 11, 2015 11:49:26 GMT -5 nomnom said:

sunshinedaisies Not to sound like a jerk, but effect can also be a verb in limited cases. For example, "The Peshtigo Fire effected a change in logging practices." It's usually used similarly to the word 'cause.'

I won't get into grammar wars with you guys, yes I'm aware of that, but I was responding to the context she was using it in - and as the majority rule, it's the easiest way of explaining the difference for the majority of uses.

[nomnom]

Feb 11, 2015 14:11:12 GMT -5 sunshinedaisies said:

Feb 11, 2015 11:49:26 GMT -5 nomnom said:

sunshinedaisies Not to sound like a jerk, but effect can also be a verb in limited cases. For example, "The Peshtigo Fire effected a change in logging practices." It's usually used similarly to the word 'cause.'

I won't get into grammar wars with you guys, yes I'm aware of that, but I was responding to the context she was using it in - and as the majority rule, it's the easiest way of explaining the difference for the majority of uses.

Fair enough. :-)

[katemonster]

Feb 11, 2015 11:52:27 GMT -5 amshark said:

Feb 11, 2015 11:49:26 GMT -5 nomnom said:

sunshinedaisies Not to sound like a jerk, but effect can also be a verb in limited cases. For example, "The Peshtigo Fire effected a change in logging practices." It's usually used similarly to the word 'cause.'

Do you see why I find this so confusing?!  That and lay, lie, lain... don't get me started on those three.  (I have a cheat sheet pinned to my cubicle wall, because those words drive me nuts).

I always use "impact" -- life changing!!

[katemonster]

My mantra was "it's not possible to have every pregnancy symptom"...when I was anxious about not having morning sickness, fatigue, et

[IFinTN]

Feb 11, 2015 18:27:20 GMT -5 katemonster said:

My mantra was "it's not possible to have every pregnancy symptom"...when I was anxious about not having morning sickness, fatigue, et

....except I swear I did have every symptom:)

[ProfessorChaos]

Feb 11, 2015 18:40:51 GMT -5 IFinTN said:

Feb 11, 2015 18:27:20 GMT -5 katemonster said:

My mantra was "it's not possible to have every pregnancy symptom"...when I was anxious about not having morning sickness, fatigue, et

....except I swear I did have every symptom:)

Maybe there should be a mantra about symptoms? Like, the following, or something better?

Symptoms are not important indicators of a healthy pregnancy.

[IFinTN]

I am digging this thread!

[juneroses]

Feb 11, 2015 19:46:14 GMT -5 ProfessorChaos said:

Feb 11, 2015 18:40:51 GMT -5 IFinTN said:

....except I swear I did have every symptom:)

Maybe there should be a mantra about symptoms? Like, the following, or something better?

Symptoms are not important indicators of a healthy pregnancy.

Not really a mantra, but I have been telling myself that it is impossible to have too few, and too many, symptoms within the same day and worry that both situations mean something's wrong.   

I also really like on one above on hope not being a jinx.  

[ProfessorChaos]

Updated list here:

Today I am pregnant, and I love my baby.

I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.

My past does not dictate my future. Just because I had trouble conceiving does not mean I will have trouble in my pregnancy.

Just because something sad is happening to another poster does not mean it will happen to you. We all know miscarriage and complications are not contagious!

Hope does not make bad things happen. You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!

There is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a miscarriage. And if (God forbid) it were to happen, I know I will survive.

Will it be easy? Nope. Worth it? Absolutely.

One step at a time, one day at a time.

Take a deep breath.

I will not let myself be affected by others who judge me for how I got pregnant.

It is ok to not love pregnancy. I am still beyond grateful that I am here.

Symptoms are not important indicators of a healthy pregnancy.

It is impossible to have too few, and too many, symptoms within the same day and worry that both situations mean something's wrong. (I love this one, but maybe it’s a little goofy?)

[IFinTN]

Looks good! Wanna start it as a new thread and I will sticky it?

[lilyharper]

I was feeling so guilty for suggesting this and not contributing. How about: It's ok to be afraid but try not to let it steal your joy.