(Un)solicited advice for the FTM+

[hpnegirl]

I thought maybe we could get a thread going where we can put advice to the FTM+, whether it was things said to us and we wish we'd listened to or things we wished we had known. It could also be a place to ask for advice and we could have it all in one place instead of buried in threads after a while. Thoughts? Feel free to ignore me if it's a horrible idea

[hpnegirl]

This stems from reflecting on last pregnancy in the car this morning on my way to work...

Here's mine- it's three that go hand-in-hand, in this case. (1) Prenatal and postpartum depression manifest in different forms. It doesn't always mean you'll just be sad all the time. You can be angry all the time for no reason. If you find this to be you down the line, talk to your doctor. Don't suffer in silence like I did. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with postpartum depression did we also discover I had prenatal depression.
(2) If possible, find an OB/MW/GP/MFM you can trust and talk to, it makes it slightly easier to have the difficult conversations and to ask for help. If you voice concerns and your doctor doesn't listen, find another doctor who will.
(3) Men can come down with PPD/PPA, too, but not much focus are given to them on this. If you see your partner exibiting signs of either, encourage them to get help. (My H was diagnosed with PPA)

[rosey06]

This might sound silly. But I wish someone would have told me to not spend all the money on those cutesy all in one nursery sets! Can't use the bumpers... Can't use the small pillow... Barely used the hanging diaper holder... The window things were to big for our windows... Thick blanket wasn't used till he was almost a year. $200 of our baby shower gift cards just to use the sheets basically. This new baby is getting just some sheets lol.

[mustloveerica]

Sept 2, 2016 8:23:01 GMT -5 rosey06 said:

This might sound silly. But I wish someone would have told me to not spend all the money on those cutesy all in one nursery sets! Can't use the bumpers... Can't use the small pillow... Barely used the hanging diaper holder... The window things were to big for our windows... Thick blanket wasn't used till he was almost a year. $200 of our baby shower gift cards just to use the sheets basically. This new baby is getting just some sheets lol.

Those expensive sets are dumb. I'm storing diapers in a drawer and I'm going to sew my own quilts. Would rather spend the money on diapers or cute outfits than those dumb nursery sets.

[rosey06]

Perfect plan! We just used a bin on his changing table for his diapers.

The changing table was a waste for us also. We ended up using a pad on the floor cause we did it a lot easier with him straight out in front of us, instead of sideways. But that's a personal preference I guess

[hpnegirl]

Sept 2, 2016 8:28:57 GMT -5 rosey06 said:

Perfect plan! We just used a bin on his changing table for his diapers.

The changing table was a waste for us also. We ended up using a pad on the floor cause we did it a lot easier with him straight out in front of us, instead of sideways. But that's a personal preference I guess

We prefer the changing table and very rarely change him anywhere else but the changing table. It's completely a personal preference

[mustloveerica]

Sept 2, 2016 8:35:05 GMT -5 hpnegirl said:

Sept 2, 2016 8:28:57 GMT -5 rosey06 said:

Perfect plan! We just used a bin on his changing table for his diapers.

The changing table was a waste for us also. We ended up using a pad on the floor cause we did it a lot easier with him straight out in front of us, instead of sideways. But that's a personal preference I guess

We prefer the changing table and very rarely change him anywhere else but the changing table. It's completely a personal preference

We are not getting a changing table because of limited space. Well just have a pad on the dresser and then a mat to lay on the couch downstairs.

[hpnegirl]

Sept 2, 2016 8:39:58 GMT -5 mustloveerica said:

Sept 2, 2016 8:35:05 GMT -5 hpnegirl said:

We prefer the changing table and very rarely change him anywhere else but the changing table. It's completely a personal preference

We are not getting a changing table because of limited space. Well just have a pad on the dresser and then a mat to lay on the couch downstairs.

Ours is part of our crib which is probably the only reason we really have one

[ourcrazynavylife]

I think the best advice I got was from a girlfriend as we were on the way to the hospital to have dd.
She texted me and said "Don't be an idiot, get the epidural".

I had really wanted an all natural birth. I had brought my yoga mat & ball. But I was so uncomfortable and not progressing. I ended up getting the epidural. But it was the support from my mom and that statement from my friend that didn't make me feel "mommy shamed" for getting one.

But to each there own. I guess the point I'm making is there is no right or wrong way to have a baby.

[hpnegirl]

The other important advice (and not everyone will agree with this one) that I got was "fed is best. There's no wrong way to feed a baby as long as baby is fed."

[cmac6186]

RE: changing tables. Ours has definitely contained the poop on several occasions when DD won't stay still, alligator rolls and would have jumped up and made a run for it if she wasn't 3 ft off the ground.

[cmac6186]

I tried every sleep training technique under the sun. DD got too worked up to have that work. Then one night around 18mos, something clicked (DH and I did absolutely nothing) and now she sleeps 10-12hours a night. Try different things but some kids just aren't wired to STTN until later. It will suck if that's your kid, but you will survive!

[cayenne]

Sept 2, 2016 10:25:55 GMT -5 hpnegirl said:

The other important advice (and not everyone will agree with this one) that I got was "fed is best. There's no wrong way to feed a baby as long as baby is fed."

So much this. I had to supplement with formula in the beginning, and I completely beat myself up over it like some kind of crazed idiot who was putting her own "nursing dreams" above the actual nutritional needs of her baby. My birth hadn't gone the way that I had planned, and in my postpartum/delusional state, I convinced myself that this was just one more way that my body was failing my child. 

It's crazy the things we say to ourselves sometimes that we would never dream of saying to another woman. 

[heisenberg]

Um, I think I love you guys. #fedisbest #sleptisbest #birthedisbest. I listen to an awesome parenting podcast (I know I never shut up about podcasts) that's really helped me realize how counterproductive it is to judge parenting styles.

I guess my advice is that you should choose your OB/MW with care. I was really ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about it, and had a very frustrating birth experience. I never felt like my health or baby's health was in danger, just that they weren't presenting me with information like an adult and were bullying me into things without explanation. So ask questions! And you can switch providers mid-pregnancy if you see red flags.

[hpnegirl]

Sept 2, 2016 8:23:01 GMT -5 rosey06 said:

This might sound silly. But I wish someone would have told me to not spend all the money on those cutesy all in one nursery sets! Can't use the bumpers... Can't use the small pillow... Barely used the hanging diaper holder... The window things were to big for our windows... Thick blanket wasn't used till he was almost a year. $200 of our baby shower gift cards just to use the sheets basically. This new baby is getting just some sheets lol.

I'm team bumper, solely because DS moved so much and kept bumping his damn head on the crib and waking up. It was a sleep saver for us but I only used it as a last resort

[iqeb]

Don't be afraid to supplement with formula in the early days, even if you really want to bf. Milk can take days to come in, and not all babies can safely and happily make it until there's enough milk. Mine had formula from day 3 until about day 10. I put her to the breast often, but she was too little and hungry to do the work for nothing. So I pumped 8x/day, power pumped 1x/day, and took fenugreek. By day 10 I was pumping enough to feed her only breastmilk, and a few days later she became a boob addict and never looked back. If I hadn't been willing to give her some formula we probably would have ended up back in the hospital for dehydration. This time I might try to have some colostrum expressed ahead of time just in case.

[lilmonk]

You are 100% allowed to tell the haters to fuck off. My MIL said that I was spoiling my 4 day old because I was feeding him during the night and I should start sleep training soon.

Cloth diaper inserts work perfectly for extra protection burp pads.

WonderWeeks. Learn them, love them, be prepared for the storm cloud weeks.

Whatever you decide breast/bottle, cloth/disposables, cosleep/crib in their own room, do not let anyone undermine your decision.

[heisenberg]

We found the Happiest Baby on the Block to be really helpful. Watch the short video; don't bother with the book (unless you really want to).

[financialdiva]

Sept 3, 2016 6:35:57 GMT -5 heisenberg said:

We found the Happiest Baby on the Block to be really helpful. Watch the short video; don't bother with the book (unless you really want to).

+1 Highly recommend this book for FTM's. 

[hpnegirl]

Here's another- 1) kick the visitors out when you feel you need to and tell them to fuck off if they bitch about it. It doesn't matter whether they cooked or only stayed for 15 minutes. Kick them out. Once you have the baby, you're basically a hormonal mess who's just been through the ringer, you're bleeding, uncomfortable, and in pain. They'll get over it.

My MIL got a mouthful from me when she tried to play the blame game about me kicking them out after visiting for 2 hours when we were home. This is after they spent all fucking day visiting the both days I was in the hospital. She's still on my shit list almost 20 months later. She's already banned from hospital visits this time around and limited to 2 hours at a time once we're home.

2) have whomever you want in the delivery room with you. No one else (outside medical staff) and don't give in if they push you

This brought to you by my MiL thinking she'd be allowed to be there for that. HAHAHAHA. No

3) it is okay to say no students if you are at a teaching hospital. Yes, they need to practice and experience and it's wonderful if you let them, but it's an extremely emotional time and it's okay to say no.

4) baby friendly means breastfeeding and rooming in, not necessarily what is best for the mother and baby

[seadragon2013]

My advice to all new moms is feed your baby in whatever way works best for your family, catch some ZZZs whenever you can, try not to make any rash decisions during that first year when everyone is sleep deprived and emotions are high, and know that things are going to get so much easier.

[aviatrix]

If you are hoping to BF, bring a pump to the hospital if you can. It will save you renting one of theirs if you need one. Of course fed is best so you do you, whatever that looks like.

There are lots of options for sleep training that don't require crying.

There is quite a bit to car seat safety. If you haven't yet, take a look at Car seats for the littles website.

Mostly you do you. You decide what babies first days look like. The expectations of other people can go hand.