Post by lennonkdc on Sept 12, 2016 19:27:08 GMT -5
gratefulgirl, thanks for the reassurance. Rationally, I know they will find their way. But the 'mom' part of me worries. I also know how sad (and frustrated/ annoyed) it makes DH that after waiting for 9 months to get to know his daughter there is nothing he can do for her. I hate seeing him upset over it because I know how much he loves and adores her...
@suesposa, I think I'll plan a quick outing for this weekend. She's less fussy in the morning so maybe I'll run out to get us coffee and pastries, give him a chance to figure her out.
@suesposa , I think I'll plan a quick outing for this weekend. She's less fussy in the morning so maybe I'll run out to get us coffee and pastries, give him a chance to figure her out.
A mom friend I know who has older kids gives this exact advice - leave the house and let the other parent find his (or her) own way. Hope it works out!
@suesposa , I think I'll plan a quick outing for this weekend. She's less fussy in the morning so maybe I'll run out to get us coffee and pastries, give him a chance to figure her out.
A mom friend I know who has older kids gives this exact advice - leave the house and let the other parent find his (or her) own way. Hope it works out!
I've also heard this. Often when H has DS and he starts getting fussy, I will go "take care of something" in the house to encourage H to figure it out.
Tonight, DS was fussing while H gave him a bottle and he got mad and gave up. I took DS so H could calm down, but made him come back and showed him something that works for me. Luckily, it worked for him also, so it helped him bond some more with DS. I have to tread lightly though, H isn't always open to suggestions when he's frustrated.
So 30 sec after I posted DH came into the bathroom with a crying baby...then tonight's attempt at bottle feeding wasn't great. DH is now frustrated and annoyed bc DD just gets fussy and cries whenever he holds her. They had a good morning, but this afternoon she's back to fussing every.damn.time. he holds her. Tonight I passed her off after a feeding, she was out cold. I went to the kitchen to finish dinner and she starts crying. I wanted to give him space to sooth her and figure it out. I went back when it was quiet, and he was so annoyed and frustrated that he gave up and put her in her swing. He told me "hes done with bonding for the night." I'm so worried that because he had to go back to work when she was 5 days old that they have missed some critical bonding window. I don't know what to do to encourage their bonding, or if I should just let it go and stop forcing the issue. Having him take more time off work isn't an option (no paid paternity leave, FMLA isn't financially viable). I'll have him keep trying with a bottle but other then that I'm at a loss...
So DH did not bond with DD2 I was freaking out because he had/has a very close bond with DD1 and he didn't bond with DD2 for months. There were lots of factors. So I figured that DD2 would never be bonded with DH and I was a mess.
Fast forward to sometime around when DD2 turned one (yes, that long), and something clicked. Part of it was DD2 becoming much more lovable - she was a miserable infant for the entire year pretty much and pretty hard to love. And now they are buddies.
Some of my friends have made the claim that dads bond when kids hit about age 3. It's hardly universally or even totally true, but I do think there's a grain of truth to it.
I think that would make sense because dads can then interact with the child, play rougher, and not feel nervous about breaking the kid.
Thanks dc2london and meagpt22, I feel better knowing they probably haven't missed some critical window. I'll back off for now, maybe we'll even postpone the next bottle attempt for few days. And as for giving him space, it was hard to not rush in to the room and try to 'save' him. But he's her parent too, he'll figure it out and if he needs help he'll ask.
I agree they definitely haven't missed a critical window. H didn't bond with our kids a lot in the beginning either because he basically was just passing them to me to feed them. I also have to try not to tell H how to do things but there are now things he does better than me. He is the nose Frieda master and swaddle expert; he taught S1 to ride a bike. He also has lots of other things he is great at but the point is that it comes over time. He will find a groove. Neither of you will be the go to parent for everything all the time.
H has great relationships with both of our boys and will eventually with DD. Right now he mainly just burps her and swaddles her and changes her diaper once in the middle of the night.
Post by bocaburger on Sept 12, 2016 22:04:31 GMT -5
H's friend came over for dinner tonight. It felt really nice to just be able to hang out (with some interruptions to soothe and feed, of course). And we ordered in (he paid!). I had a beef burger with pastrami and caramelized onions on top, and French fries. It was marvelous.
Waiting for the pedi to call back. I noticed a small fluid filled bump on DS's head last night while feeding. I tried to Google and there's not much info other than "it's fine and goes away on its own". But who knows, anyone ever have that?
Is it red? And sort of looks like a giant mole. If so DD had one called a haemangioma. It got bigger before it started to go away. It was completely gone by 1.
nope, can't even see it can only feel it under the skin. And I always run his head when nursing so I knee it just came about and not from delivery. They said just keep an eye on it, as long there's no color and it doesn't get larger and he doesn't seem in any pain when you touch it that it should be fine and go away in its own.
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