Post by lesmiz314 on Sept 12, 2016 14:45:41 GMT -5
Hello, I've been lurking for awhile. I'm a 27 year old teacher and my wife is 25 year old therapist. We have been together for 5 years and married for a little over a year. We had an appointment with a fertility clinic today and have blood work scheduled for next week. They said our first cycle could be in Oct. So we are jumping right in.
My wife and I have officially started sperm shopping. We are going to be using a sperm bank. I wondering what information other people share with their families and close friends. I have shared with my mom that we are looking into fertility clinics but haven't shared any information about the sperm bank or sperm donor we are using. No one has asked either.
Did you share pictures or health information of the donor you choose? What was the reaction from your family from sharing or choosing not to share that information?
Post by rosesquared on Sept 12, 2016 15:50:19 GMT -5
Hi lesmiz314! I think it totally depends on your level of comfort and what you want to share with folks. I'm someone who tends to share easily with friends/family and in this whole process have also done a lot of educating about the whole donor process since so many people have no idea how it works. I shared the childhood photos with my best friends and many personal details. With my family, I actually shared less despite my mother's attempts to get more information out of me. The one thing I tell everyone though is how I wanted someone who is tall so our kids can have a chance at some height since both DW and I are 5'1"(and we plan to use each of our eggs at different times). So our donor is 6'1" and lanky like a runner!
But in the end I think what matters is how you feel about sharing the details. If you want people to know, then by all means, but if it feels invasive, then I think you have every right not to share. You could just say "we're not comfortable sharing these details" or something like that.
@suesposa it oddly used to come up a lot for me! But I never minded talking about the process since it was so weird looking through all the profiles and trying to select one. With most people though I guess I shared more general information about the search process and less about the donor we chose.
I'm also a sharer and many of our friends were super interested in the entire process so pictures and some info have been shared with our closest friends and my mom and sister. We are on our third donor though so really only my mom, sister, and our two best friends know details about our current donor.
It's absolutely no ones business unless you want it to be. We don't really share with my MIL and that's just the way it is. It's our future baby and we will share with only those we want to.
Good luck on your TTC journey! Feel free to pick our brains on anything, there are a lot of knowledgeable people here.
Me: 31 Wife: 30. Legally married 2008, thanks CA! TTC #1 since 11/14 using donor sperm. IUIs Jan-Aug 2015 BFN Sept & OCT 2015 added Femara. BFN Saw RE December 2015. IUI with Clomid & Trigger Jan 2016 BFN IUI #13 with Follistim April 2016 BFFN IVF #1 July 2016. 14R, 10F, 6 Day 5 embryos. 4 PGS normal embabies!
Post by dannigirl on Sept 12, 2016 22:36:24 GMT -5
I'm a sharer also. My old boss now understands the IUI and IVF process and all about sperm banks. lol I refer to sperm banks as the ultimate in online shopping. But that's me and my personality. I'm not an overly serious person, and if people have questions, because they are seriously curious and not being jerks, I will give them answers. Now of course I don't go around announcing everything to anyone, but if I have some sort of relationship with a person and they ask, I'll talk about. Education is good. And I see it sometimes as a learning experience. 😛
My mom knows everything about our journey because we talk about everything and have that kind of relationship. Jo's parents know lots too, but not as much as my mom. They have all seen baby photos of the donor and they all know we were trying to match the donor with photos of Jo's brother. And we've had very positive reactions with everything. If this was over 5 years ago, that would be a different story with Jo's parents... But that's in the past now. 😃
Interestingly, no one from our families has ever asked about our donor (how we chose, what he looks like, etc.) A few friends/co-workers have asked point blank questions (how did you chose, what is the process like, etc)and I was happy to answer.
Post by lesmiz314 on Sept 17, 2016 13:22:27 GMT -5
Thank you for all your responses. We will probably wait until after it works to share any pictures just to avoid any unwanted opinions. We have just started getting blood work done. They said our first cycle could be the end of Oct.
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