***TTCAL 9.12.16***

[PepperPottsJ]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.




Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.




**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**




How are you doing?


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):


Diagnosis (if applicable):


Updates/questions:


Debbie downer (a place to vent):


QOTW: Fresh off of my vacation,  where is your favorite place to getaway?

[ironbaby]

How are you doing? meh

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): CP

Updates/questions: Just waiting. Always waiting. On Femara in prep for IUI #3.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I broke down and sobbed Sunday. I hate feeling broken. I hate feeling bitter. I miss being happy.

QOTW: Fresh off of my vacation, where is your favorite place to getaway?
The mountains. Crisp air, green for days. Give me a hammock and leave me there.

[honda13]

ironbaby, sending you all the good vibes this cycle. I'm sorry you are dealing with all those feelings. Sometimes it's good to have a cry and get some of that out.

How are you doing? Irritable

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): na

Updates/questions: Just waiting to ovulate. The days seem to drag right now.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My sister bailed on our plans Sunday with the excuse of "feeling under the weather". She's generally flaky, but I feel like something else is going on. I'm bracing myself for a possible pregnancy announcement just in case so I don't meltdown. She doesn't know about my miscarriage.

QOTW: Fresh off of my vacation, where is your favorite place to getaway?
North! Take me up north with my camper, my family, and a water source and I am a happy lady.

[rosey06]

How are you doing? Ok


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): benched a cycle. Fingers are so crossed its semi normal.


Diagnosis (if applicable): --


Updates/questions: had my follow up yesterday. Hcg was down to 19 and ute looked cleared out on its own. That's all I was going for. I realllllly didn't want a d&c.


Debbie downer (a place to vent): this pregnancy would have lined up so nice. I would have been able to tell coworkers before we're all sent home to work fulltime in a few weeks... Could have told families the gender for thanksgiving.... Then just other things.... Womp womp.

QOTW: Fresh off of my vacation,  where is your favorite place to getaway?
Any beach!

[ironbaby]

honda13, I hope she genuinely was just sick and it's not an indication of an impending announcement. Sounds like we both need to get to the woods and relax.

[PirateCat]

PepperPottsJ, where did you go for vacation?
ironbaby, so many hugs. You are not broken.


How are you doing? Fine.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, 7DPO

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: I am 7DPO and am more impatient and symptom-spotting way harder than any other cycle.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I had a bit of a meltdown before the weekend but I am feeling better now.

QOTW: Fresh off of my vacation, where is your favorite place to getaway? I feel lucky to live where we live and I absolutely love the mountains and the ocean we have access to within a few hours' drive.

[honda13]

Sept 13, 2016 10:31:16 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

honda13 , I hope she genuinely was just sick and it's not an indication of an impending announcement. Sounds like we both need to get to the woods and relax.

The camper has plenty of room.  Let's go!

[honda13]

rosey06, hugs lady. Sometimes I catch myself drifting off into lalaland where I am still KU. Then, I'm like oh yeah. I understand your feelings completely and how everything was going to be timed really well. Then poof, it's over. I'm so sorry.

[ironbaby]

rosey06, I am so glad you don't need a D&C. I totally feel you on having everything worked out timing-wise. So much of pregnancy loss is losing out on the hopes and future plans.

PirateCat, I was the same way last cycle. So impatient, so crazy. FX for you!

[rosey06]

Thanks ladies. I feel like I've come to terms with the actual loss. But it's exactly what you said, it's the loss of future plans that you build up that seems to linger longer.

ironbaby and honda13 hope both of your waits are over ASAP. Sending hugs.

PirateCat fingers crossed for you!

[PirateCat]

rosey06, I am so glad you won't need a D&C. Hugs.

[PepperPottsJ]

How are you doing? Eh... some times ok, some times traumatized

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, in TWW of Clomid round 4

Diagnosis (if applicable):Old, Fibroids and MTHFR

Updates/questions: What ever on earth possessed me to do a 4th round of clomid. Holy insanity

Debbie downer (a place to vent):I am ready to move onto IVF, but will just be so dejected and angry if this last round didn't work.

QOTW: Fresh off of my vacation, where is your favorite place to getaway? Nantucket is my favorite place on earth, closely followed by the Napa Valley

[PepperPottsJ]

ironbaby, i just you, hugs
honda13, will you share your irritable bench with me? Everything crossed your Sister is being flaky! (said in a loving way, debating if i should leave that out - no negative intent)
rosey06, thank goodness for no D&C and everything is moving along, I'm with ya on the timing thoughts!
PirateCat,all things crossed for you! I think i O'd Friday, so trying to keep myself off of the crazy train. We went to Napa for a few days and then Nantucket for a week to play with Hermine.

[honda13]

rosey06, I also wanted to throw out there my cycle after loss was semi-normal. My period was one week "late".

[PepperPottsJ]

rosey06, anecdotal, I was 6 weeks, but the CM was on point, and given I apparently love clomid, this is rare

[PirateCat]

PepperPottsJ , I hope this cycle is it for you! And I hope Hermine wasn't too cranky for you.

[ironbaby]

PepperPottsJ ,


It just plain sucks, friend.

[doodler]

ironbaby- I got nothing but hugs. I often think of myself as broken too. It's not an easy place to be mentally.
honda13- I hope you don't get any big surprises from your sister.
rosey06- I'm glad you avoided the D&C. I also know the feeling of the timing being perfect. My due date for my first loss was a few weeks before my 35th birthday. It also fit really well into the school year.
PirateCat- FX for this cycle!
PepperPottsJ- I hope this cycle is it and you don't have to go any further in treatment. Hugs.

[doodler]

How are you doing? Up and down. Up and down. I'm on the craaaaaazy rollercoaster.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, WTO

Diagnosis (if applicable): Old, RPL, Unicorn Uterus

Updates/questions: Nada

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I freaking hate this. With a passion. We go to OBX every summer with my brother's family and a few other families. It is usually booked a year out. This past summer DH and I backed out because I would have had a 3 month old. Then we lost that baby.
Fast forward to now and we have to make a decision about next summer. Well....we go in August. If I get pregnant this cycle, we will be due in June. Next month- due in July. etc. etc. etc. After a ton of talking it out, stressing, and crying, I tearfully told my brother today that we won't be going again(thus messing up the plans because they have to find a different house). Thankfully he was totally supportive but I just hate that I even have to worry about this shit. It felt so awful this year when August rolled around and we had no baby AND a cancelled vacation.


QOTW: Fresh off of my vacation, where is your favorite place to getaway? See above, lol.

[honda13]

PepperPottsJ, thanks. I would be happy for her, but you know.

doodler, I'm sorry. I can offer internet hugs.

[PirateCat]

doodler, I'm sorry, that is tough.

[icedtea]

eameselephant, I don't think you're being oversensitive at all, she's being insensitive.

[icedtea]

Hugs and wine to everyone

[honda13]

eameselephant hugs. That was totally insensitive of your friend to send you that. I would've been hurt too.

[jayhawk84]

How are you doing? Okay


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC


Updates/questions: I got my first post-loss period this weekend- trying to decide if I will start temping and charting this cycle or hold off. Sometimes I think charting makes me focus so much on TTC that the process goes slower than if I just try to "ignore" it. But I also like to know when I O'd so I can board the crazy train at the right time.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I thought I would be excited for my cycle to restart and to get back at TTC. But I'm kind of bitter about it- like, I was supposed to be past this part already! I have just lost some of my enthusiasm for getting pregnant, because I feel like it can all disappear in an instant.


QOTW: Fresh off of my vacation, where is your favorite place to getaway? I love the beach! We took an end of summer trip to Gulf Shores and it was wonderful.

[jayhawk84]

ironbaby,- I am so sorry you are feeling broken, that breaks my heart. I hope that this cycle of IUI is it for you!
honda13, I feel you on worrying about impending announcements around every corner. I hope the days until you O pass quickly!
rosey06, I completely relate to mourning the plans you had made in your mind- that is something I've really struggled with too.
PirateCat, FX for you this cycle! I hope the rest of your TWW passes quickly!
PepperPottsJ,FX for you as well this cycle
doodler,hugs to you, I am so sorry you had the experience of no baby and a cancelled vacation- so much about all of this is so tough and unfair
eameselephant, good for you for speaking up to your friend- hopefully she is able to be more sensitive in the future

[akraus2015]

Haven't had a chance to read this thread yet...I like to be able to give it my full attention. I will be back for you all tomorrow!! In the meantime, hugs to anyone who needs one, and thanks for starting PepperPottsJ!

XOXO

[rosey06]

eameselephant you're def not being over sensitive. I really feel like people just don't get it if they haven't gone through it.
Can I ask about your hcg levels? Did they tell you the results after each draw? I was down to 19 on Monday so I was hoping that last little bit would be gone by next weeks draw.

jayhawk84 I get it, I've had similar thoughts. I've been alittle angry about having to start this whole process over again.. When my next cycle starts I mean.

[rosey06]

Sept 14, 2016 7:33:41 GMT -5 eameselephant said:

Sept 14, 2016 7:00:59 GMT -5 rosey06 said:

eameselephant you're def not being over sensitive. I really feel like people just don't get it if they haven't gone through it.
Can I ask about your hcg levels? Did they tell you the results after each draw? I was down to 19 on Monday so I was hoping that last little bit would be gone by next weeks draw.

jayhawk84 I get it, I've had similar thoughts. I've been alittle angry about having to start this whole process over again.. When my next cycle starts I mean.

Sure, my draws were taken every 2-3 weeks over the last nearly 2 months. They didn't tell me the level each time, unless I asked. My doctor's office isn't the best at sharing information, I feel like I have to pull it out of them. I've learned more on TCF than from them.

The last three were something like 13, then single digits, then finally now at zero. The last draw was actually taken 2 weeks ago, and they took forever to get back to me because the results got mis-sent to the wrong system or something.

I can't believe I don't remember the actual numbers, sorry! I should have written it down. All I know is that it took way longer than I expected. However, everyone's body is different for sure.

Thank you! It taking 2-3 weeks at the end is exactly what I was curious about. I dropped from 686 to 199 in 48 hrs. Then down to 19 after 4 days. I might be getting my hopes up for the rest to be gone by next week.

Luckily we have an online site that I can log into to see all my results once they're done. No more calling offices over and over!

[akraus2015]

ironbaby we are cycle twins. I'm on Letrizole and waiting for IUI#2. I hope this is our month!!
rosey06, I'm glad you didn't need a D&C.
PirateCat, keeping my fingers crossed for you!
PepperPottsJ, sending you big hugs. Cycle 4 of Clomid was where I went a little nuts. I hope you don't have to take it anymore after this.
doodler, I'm sorry you're missing your vacation. Will you take any other smaller trips throughout the year? I got to go to OBX this year for a leadership retreat and really loved it. I can't wait to go back again!
eameselephant, I'm sorry your BFF is being so insensitive. I have a friend who often says the wrong things. Sometimes I just have to take a friend break...
jayhawk84, I know what you mean about losing enthusiasm. It's not exactly the fairy tale we thought it would be. I'm glad your body is getting back to a normal cycle again though.