I'm feeling a certain type of way that a man asking his future wife's father permission or for his blessing or for just giving him a heads up makes that woman any less independent...
FTR, MH didn't ask my dad beforehand because my dad said he didn't find it necessary. But had he, then MH would have. My father is the second most important man in my life, and I would have found it disrespectful to him if he had wanted that and didn't get it.
Speaking of parents paying for or contributing towards weddings. Do parents contribute to both their daughters' and sons' weddings? It sounds like @yaga 's parents did. Is that common? Just curious.
Mine did not. They are rather traditional.
They contributed to mine up to a certain amount, and they will host the rehearsal dinner for my brother.
Wedding/marriage traditions are so interesting to me. I don't really like any of them for myself but I don't really care what other couples/families do.
I also hate when husbands are referred to as children. No, I don't have to look after my husband. He's a fucking adult.
Add to this the bullshit about dads being given ALL THE FUCKING PRAISE for simple parenting stuff. And extra "fuck off" to anyone who calls it "babysitting".
UGHGHGHGHGHGH this. Most of the people in my circle are fairly conservative and I find this to be their general idea of life.
I've gotten several of "E is watching the baby" or "E is babysitting" comments and I quickly correct with "E is parenting."
My child is anti clothing. He will wriggle or rip his way out of it. So I rarely dress him when the weather is over 70. There's just no point. Do you know how many times we've been out as a family and a stranger will say "did mommy forget to dress you today?" 1. Fuck off. 2. Eat dicks. 3. Why would it be solely my responsibility to dress him? You see that bearded dude carrying him? That's his dad. He also could have dressed him. But, noooo, all child and domestic tasks are obviously mine.
I have a fun story. MH asked/told my dad he was thinking about proposing to me. My dad said sure why not. My dad then turns around and tells me because he figured it was just a general conversation, and wasn't happening soon. The proposal happened the next week. Surprise was a little ruined. Way to go dad.
Speaking of parents paying for or contributing towards weddings. Do parents contribute to both their daughters' and sons' weddings? It sounds like @yaga 's parents did. Is that common? Just curious.
We paid for most aspects of our wedding on our own, but it was actually DH's parents that covered most of the other expenses. My family didn't have the extra money to give, even though I knew they would have liked to, but I did not hold that against them or expect anything. And, in all honesty, FIL probably only helped out because he loves a good party and wanted to be sure we weren't serving cheap beer.
Speaking of parents paying for or contributing towards weddings. Do parents contribute to both their daughters' and sons' weddings? It sounds like @yaga 's parents did. Is that common? Just curious.
We paid for most aspects of our wedding on our own, but it was actually DH's parents that covered most of the other expenses. My family didn't have the extra money to give, even though I knew they would have liked to, but I did not hold that against them or expect anything. And, in all honesty, FIL probably only helped out because he loves a good party and wanted to be sure we weren't serving cheap beer.
Speaking of parents paying for or contributing towards weddings. Do parents contribute to both their daughters' and sons' weddings? It sounds like @yaga 's parents did. Is that common? Just curious.
Mine will... kinda. My mom and stepdad were ADAMANT that the money they gave us was a downpayment on a house and not to go towards the wedding. My mom has said she will do the same for my brother when the time comes.
Post by saltandvinegar on Sept 15, 2016 9:22:41 GMT -5
I think it's weird when married couples sleep in separate beds (regularly). It seems like such an intimate part of being married to me. Question for those of you who do sleep in separate beds - is it more like a hookup when you have sex? Do you DTD and then just dip out to your own room?
Ok but if you don't have a flat sheet don't you have to wash your comforter/duvet/blanket more often. I feel like the flat sheet is there to protect those. Am I washing my linens wrong or is that a thing?
Exactly! The sheet is there so I don't have to wash the comforter as often. And I get hot when I sleep so I like the option of using just the sheet.
Speaking of parents paying for or contributing towards weddings. Do parents contribute to both their daughters' and sons' weddings? It sounds like @yaga 's parents did. Is that common? Just curious.
We paid for most aspects of our wedding on our own, but it was actually DH's parents that covered most of the other expenses. My family didn't have the extra money to give, even though I knew they would have liked to, but I did not hold that against them or expect anything. And, in all honesty, FIL probably only helped out because he loves a good party and wanted to be sure we weren't serving cheap beer.
I was gonna say this was us too, but then I remembered the wad of cash my mom (in a paper bag, because that's how she rolls) gave me before the wedding. H's parents offered the same amount they gave his two sisters, most of which we refused, but they I think they did end up paying for a few things.
Speaking of parents paying for or contributing towards weddings. Do parents contribute to both their daughters' and sons' weddings? It sounds like @yaga 's parents did. Is that common? Just curious.
We paid for most aspects of our wedding on our own, but it was actually DH's parents that covered most of the other expenses. My family didn't have the extra money to give, even though I knew they would have liked to, but I did not hold that against them or expect anything. And, in all honesty, FIL probably only helped out because he loves a good party and wanted to be sure we weren't serving cheap beer.
Lol. We served cheap beer but I shit you not at the meeting we had with the venue my Dad said, no less than 5 times, that they had better not run out of Bud Light. Literally that was his #1 concern.
Speaking of parents paying for or contributing towards weddings. Do parents contribute to both their daughters' and sons' weddings? It sounds like @yaga 's parents did. Is that common? Just curious.
My parents and my ILs split the costs of our wedding evenly (they told us to focus on getting the asbestos in the condo we had just bought taken care of, so we didn't personally pay as much towards the wedding as we planned when we first got engaged). This was actually a bit of a surprise to H, since his dad is more traditional, but we greatly appreciated it.
That Said, while they split the costs evenly, my ILs did plan the rehearsal dinner, and my mom did a lot of the wedding shopping with me. So the roles were somewhat traditional, if the financial arrangement was more modern.
My dad was disappointed that MH didn't say anything to him about proposing to me. But MH also proposed to me by putting my ring in my Christmas stocking and saying "Santa wanted us to get married" so I don't think talking to my dad about marriage ever even crossed his mind.
Post by saltandvinegar on Sept 15, 2016 9:26:15 GMT -5
I don't think parents should feel obligated to help pay for weddings. We paid for ours on our own and that's the way I preferred it. If they want to then I wouldn't have an issue with it though.
lgraceh, - We will also purchase a large gift or help with a down payment for a house rather than a wedding when that time comes. Love this idea.
Ok but if you don't have a flat sheet don't you have to wash your comforter/duvet/blanket more often. I feel like the flat sheet is there to protect those. Am I washing my linens wrong or is that a thing?
Exactly! The sheet is there so I don't have to wash the comforter as often. And I get hot when I sleep so I like the option of using just the sheet.
This is why I have a basic white comforter and buy covers for it. I just have to strip the cover off to wash and not do the whole damn thing.
It even has little strips fabric on the corners ssop I can tie the cover on so it doesn't get all messed up in between washes.
My dad didn't ask before proposing to my mom, so he thought nothing of it when husband didn't ask him.
I personally would not have liked it if husband had asked, and I made it clear to him. But I do understand that it's an important tradition for a lot of others.
I don't think parents should feel obligated to help pay for weddings. We paid for ours on our own and that's the way I preferred it. If they want to then I wouldn't have an issue with it though.
lgraceh , - We will also purchase a large gift or help with a down payment for a house rather than a wedding when that time comes. Love this idea.
I do kinda hope that when/if we have kids, that we are able to do both the wedding and down payment help. But, if not, I would definitely put the emphasis on the down payment. We ended up paying for the wedding ourselves, but DH's parents did offer us about $1000. Then they put a lot of pressure on us to have a huge wedding and point blank asked my mom how much they were going to give us for it. They really wanted that "traditional" wedding. We finally had to tell them my parents gave way more than $1000 and that they needed to take the money back and STFU!
I think it's weird when married couples sleep in separate beds (regularly). It seems like such an intimate part of being married to me. Question for those of you who do sleep in separate beds - is it more like a hookup when you have sex? Do you DTD and then just dip out to your own room?
I don't like to cuddle or touch when I sleep. There is absolutely nothing intimate about sleeping in the same bed as my husband. We also very rarely have sex at bedtime so that would have no bearing on anything in our relationship.
MH mostly sleeps in the guest room for two reasons: 1. I snore like a freight train and if he isn't asleep before me, he isn't falling asleep 2. He's a firefighter so on nights he's at the firehouse and gets home at 2 or 3am, he's courteous enough to go straight to the guest room instead of waking me up.
Post by wanderingheart on Sept 15, 2016 9:31:44 GMT -5
MH's asking my parents was really just him getting nervous and flustered and yelling out "I WANT TO MARRY YOUR DAUGHTER". Poor guy had a whole eloquent speech planned but nope, didn't happen.
Ok but if you don't have a flat sheet don't you have to wash your comforter/duvet/blanket more often. I feel like the flat sheet is there to protect those. Am I washing my linens wrong or is that a thing?
I absolutely despise when wives are referred to as "ball and chain" or any other such burdensome bullshit.
I also hate when husbands are referred to as children. No, I don't have to look after my husband. He's a fucking adult.
Add to this the bullshit about dads being given ALL THE FUCKING PRAISE for simple parenting stuff. And extra "fuck off" to anyone who calls it "babysitting".
I agree with all of this, but I will admit to having said a few times since L was born that "its like I have two kids". This is because he gets mad when he "doesn't get enough attention anymore" (his words, not mine). It is frustrating. But no. He is not a child.
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