Post by dmorgendorffer on Sept 15, 2016 13:18:01 GMT -5
I am nervous to say that we're dealing with actual tantrums because I feel like they could be so much worse, but DD does flip out and throw herself backward on the ground and scream at times. Right now we're mainly dealing with it by making sure she isn't going to hurt herself and trying to redirect her so she forgets about whatever made her frustrated in the first place.
She's started to do it sometimes when we are at the park and I tell her it's time to go home, then I just have to pick her up and start walking. Usually she'll see something like a dog or another kid and that's enough to refocus her attention but I've also carried her all the way home screaming, luckily we live close to the park.
Yesterday was one big tantrum. Lunch was an experience. Frankly I just laughed it was so ridiculous(which made it worse oops). Once I stopped laughing at her bipolar behavior I gave her an option to eat or go take a rest and generally ignored the behavior as best as I could.
Post by lilyelayne on Sept 15, 2016 13:37:40 GMT -5
Sometimes we get foot stomping & shrieking. Sometimes just crying.
I have a couple ways of dealing with it. Typically I get down on his level & give him words for how he's feeling "you're frustrated because the dog won't play" "you're mad because I won't give you the scissors" and then ask if he needs a cuddle. Once he's calm he either goes off to play or I suggest an activity/focus point if it looks like he's gonna go right back to whatever caused the tantrum initially.
If it's because he wants to snatch something another kid is playing with, I redirect to another toy or activity. "Your cousin is playing with the truck. Look at this awesome puzzle! Where's the giraffe?"
If it's about a routine activity that shouldn't cause a tantrum, I go about it as calmly as possible while trying to distract. "Let's go change your diaper." Instead of running to his room as usual, he shouts no and stomps or runs. So I pick him up and walk to his room and lay him on the changing pad. Then sing a song or give him a toy, etc. I don't try to sit and talk him through this one because it is a diaper change, we do it a hundred times a week, there is no surprise and no drama inherent in it. I do my best not to interrupt him in the middle of something he's really into without several warnings, but diaper changes (or getting in the car seat or whatever) must happen.
We're pretty similar to lilyelayne. Right down to asking if she needs a hug when she's whining/throwing a fit. A lot of times I'll hug her and she just moves on from whatever she was upset about. I guess she's just a hugger lol
Today we actually had what I would call a meltdown from A which is unusual for her. I tried to take a walk around the neighborhood and she wanted to play at the the park but I just wanted to walk and she screamed in the stroller all the way back home. If she acts like that I try to ignore it the best I can and then redirect her. She likes to look at pictures on my phone so that's always a good distraction. The stubborn is strong with this one though but I understand it's because she wants to be more independent. There are times when she can't yet do it herself and she has to learn that too.
I forgot to add we also do time outs in the jumper that she never uses otherwise. Tonight she was throwing toys and had to say sorry (verbally or signing) before she could get out of time out.
Thanks guys. I try to an acknowledge his feelings but haven't really been redirecting I guess. DH is more about telling him that is not necessary to throw a tantrum. And half the time it feels like we are giving in to him anyway. Ugh.
Post by lilyelayne on Sept 16, 2016 13:43:35 GMT -5
It's definitely hard when he's tantruming for something I would give him if he'd just asked nicely. Or I know this tantrum is caused cause he's hungry, but I don't want to reward the tantrum with a snack or teach that food solves emotional crisis (yes I know it's early for that kind of thing, but maybe if I start trying now I'll figure out how to teach a good relationship with food). I try to get him to calm down and say please in the first case, or calm down for a bit before saying "let's have a snack" in the second case.
Redirection and removal of forbidden objects / tempting but forbidden situations is the best strategy for us. DH definitely feels like the latter is giving in to him. Like when G is super into trying to eat the dog food, DH doesn't want me to pick it up, he just wants to keep saying No. Whereas I think we should say no, redirect, and then remove the dog food.
DD has started to have some little fits, almost always out of frustration. we do the acknowledge and redirect, and try to modify our behavior when we're willing (ex: rather than tell her it's time to leave the park, give her 2 warnings and then tell her it's time to go, or rather than picking her up for a diaper change, telling her it's time for a diaper change and asking her to get us a diaper.).
I noticed some of you ask for a hug. Just curious why? To me that seems like something positive for bad behavior. Is it mostly for the redirection aspect? No judging, just wondering.
I noticed some of you ask for a hug. Just curious why? To me that seems like something positive for bad behavior. Is it mostly for the redirection aspect? No judging, just wondering.
I don't ask her if she needs a hug if she's doing something she's not allowed to do, like hitting or climbing on something dangerous. Mostly I do it if she's wandering around aimlessly whining. Sometimes it just distracts her and she'll forget she was whining.
ETA I never really looked at hugging as a reward either. We just hug all the time. Good reasons, bad reasons, no reasons. If she's in time out, when it's time to come out we remind her why she was there, tell her to say sorry, then give her a big hug and kiss and tell her we love her.
I noticed some of you ask for a hug. Just curious why? To me that seems like something positive for bad behavior. Is it mostly for the redirection aspect? No judging, just wondering.
Big emotions are hard, and G gets overwhelmed sometimes. I can't redirect if he's overwhelmed, and clearly he's forgotten what started the big emotion in the first place. A cuddle - or sometimes just the offer of one - is enough to settle him and move on.
Like tortor4 said, it's not my response for actual bad behavior. Not like he hits the dog and I offer a cuddle. But if there's a meltdown happening, I name his emotions & offer a cuddle.
I noticed some of you ask for a hug. Just curious why? To me that seems like something positive for bad behavior. Is it mostly for the redirection aspect? No judging, just wondering.
Distraction and sometimes they just want attention. We also do physical things like spinning or dancing or making him into an airplane to stop tantrums. It's distracting and puts him in a good mood most of the time.
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