Good grief! Suddenly I have a *lot* of appreciation for my H. He's currently running boring family errands (groceries, car maintenance) and then coming home to watch C so I can go get a massage. Your husband needs to spend more 1-1 time with DS while you are away (preferably getting pampered). Pump some milk & leave a few bottles & go have the day to yourself. Especially with going back to work soon. I think he needs to truly experience caring for a baby himself to really understand that his expectations of you are redic. I would be super pissed off of my H was saying that stuff and coming home and just watching tv etc.
The one "trick" I would chime in with is, if you have time for no other conversation, try to promise each other (you and SO) that you will be mindful of being kind to each other, even when expectations are unmet and frustrations are high.
My SO and I can deal with a lot more of the hard stuff if we feel like we are still nice to each other. Curbing swearing, name calling, sniping language, and holy hell I am terrible about those when I am stressed out... but making the attempt to keep our interactions from feeling like attacks really helps, even when he still feels pulled in 4 directions at once and I feel like I get no help with the kids.
It helps set the foundation for all the other conversations if you don't have to start them with a raging fight. It helps keep me from feeling totally emotionally drained through the whole process.
I did identify that the first few months post birth was emotionally really hard on us, but I chalked it up to other things going on after baby 1. Now I see that it is just a really rough time after birth anyway, and am experiencing a lot of the same feelings this time, too. It helps to know it is temporary, so long as we keep working through everything together. Just like our financial problems, the baby blues for us both will also eventually be resolved.
Post by spicysalmonroll on Oct 8, 2016 17:43:41 GMT -5
venyia definitely agree. We always fight nice, never name call or anything like that. It's more like one of us will say a snotty comment and the other will walk away haha.
katelm he would probably do fine if I did pump and take a day off but I never want to! I love the little man so much I literally never want to go anywhere without him! Which is SO going to suck when I go to work this week. My town is having a restaurant event next Sat night. Maybe I'll see if a girlfriend wants to go!
venyia definitely agree. We always fight nice, never name call or anything like that. It's more like one of us will say a snotty comment and the other will walk away haha.
katelm he would probably do fine if I did pump and take a day off but I never want to! I love the little man so much I literally never want to go anywhere without him! Which is SO going to suck when I go to work this week. My town is having a restaurant event next Sat night. Maybe I'll see if a girlfriend wants to go!
I totally understand about what you're saying about not wanting to leave your little one at all but it may be in the best interest of the whole family to do every now in then! Even if it is for some daddy son bonding time and your husband having a new appreciation for what you do!
We had a friend (doesn't have kids) visiting today to meet the new baby. My husband would make jokes when one of the girls was crying like "See this is our life now" or something like that. In response, she kept saying "Well your wife is the one who really deals with it." Or "Seems like Annbuhdan has it worse than you do." It was making me laugh that she was putting him in his place, and reminded me of this thread.
Post by misshart00 on Oct 10, 2016 19:00:11 GMT -5
It's definitely an adjustment and I'm sorry it's been so difficult. I will never forget the moment at three in the morning with our first when she just wouldn't stop crying. H said "this is why babies don't fix marriages." He wasn't mean or anything but it was an eye-opener of exactly how hard it was on both of us.
I also agree that you need to let him take care of DS on his own sometime. Go walk around target and get a coffee. I know it's hard to leave but it's important for daddy to have his time too.
And definitely carve out some time together. You don't have to have sex, but remind each other why you got married. My H works late at night so we usually talk or have sex in the morning.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.