You can't spoil a newborn

[esquette]

But my baby isn't a newborn anymore! They kept saying that during the fourth trimester you just need to meet the baby's needs. Snuggles, food, sleep, etc. It's impossible to "spoil" a newborn.

Can you spoil a 3 month old? When do I have to worry about this?

[gratefulgirl]

I read (and experienced) that discipline starts between 8 and 10 months. That's when you may need to enforce "don't touch that" and the like with redirection. Even then it is not that complex. As they turn into toddlers you can have your pick of parenting methods to help you raise a decent human. Something will fit the mix of you, your SO, and your kid.

[remylove1011]

Ok, so I have a very strong opinion in this area because it's part of what I do for a living (therapist in early intervention who provides family therapy specifically around relationship with your baby). You cannot spoil a baby by responding to their needs. Research has shown that babies that are responded to consistently when upset actually cry less as they get older. Also children who's parents respond to them when they cry are more independent as preschoolers. There are lots of myths and misconceptions about babies manipulating or getting spoiled. It's really not possible at this age.

So ignore other people and go with what you're feeling. If your baby is crying and you want to respond, do it!

[coffeequeen14]

I'm no expert but I knew when my kid started trying to manipulate me. It was around two for him.

[coffeequeen14]

Actually a little younger. He learned the number two really early. "You can have one cookie." "Two???" That's when I reigned him in.

[dc2london]

I consider anything under 6 months "newborn"

[meagpt22]

Nov 3, 2016 19:49:33 GMT -5 coffeequeen14 said:

I'm no expert but I knew when my kid started trying to manipulate me. It was around two for him.

Yes! My DD did it a little sooner than 2. But even at 2 it's not consistent. She does do the fake cry though..like daily and practices in a mirror.

But babies can not be spoiled. So enjoy all snuggles and holding them, because once they start running those moments happen less. 😔

[venyia]

I had to give my mom sideways about her blasé attitude over DD2 crying hysterically in the car. Yes, I knew there was nothing I could do except get us home asap, but my mommy instincts were freaking out over my upset tiny human. "Its good for her to cry!" Said my mom. No, mom, just no. That's not how I parent. I feel guilty when she fusses in the swing after I put her there, even though she calms down in a couple minutes. Crying babies need snuggles! Or feeding, diaper change, etc....

[shehulk723]

I always heard "you can't spoil a baby" not just a newborn. And really babies have needs which include affection/comfort. There's nothing wrong with responding to your child's needs.

[dc2london]

Nov 4, 2016 9:59:25 GMT -5 venyia said:

I had to give my mom sideways about her blasé attitude over DD2 crying hysterically in the car. Yes, I knew there was nothing I could do except get us home asap, but my mommy instincts were freaking out over my upset tiny human. "Its good for her to cry!" Said my mom. No, mom, just no. That's not how I parent. I feel guilty when she fusses in the swing after I put her there, even though she calms down in a couple minutes. Crying babies need snuggles! Or feeding, diaper change, etc....

It's...good for her to cry?
This is some very 1960's thinking

[dc2london]

Good for her to learn to self soothe? Absolutely. But good for her to cry? Ehhhhh

[annbuhdan]

Nov 4, 2016 19:11:10 GMT -5 @suesposa said:

Nov 4, 2016 18:27:37 GMT -5 dc2london said:

It's...good for her to cry?
This is some very 1960's thinking

The olds around here say that. "Helps develop the lungs"...

Please don't sit and watch my baby cry. I'll cut you.

My FIL says it gets some of her energy out. No..... hand her over.

[meagpt22]

My aunts (who've never had children) asked "will I create a monster like DD with this one and respond to his every noise."
Yes! While sometimes I'm tending to his older sister he's probably cried/fussed longer than I ever let DD.

[venyia]

Nov 4, 2016 18:28:06 GMT -5 dc2london said:

Good for her to learn to self soothe? Absolutely. But good for her to cry? Ehhhhh

Something about it being good for her lungs. My baby did not have any breathing or lung issues at birth, or after. I did, born 5 weeks early in the mid 80's... I wonder if my mom has some half remembered, mangled medical advice in mind. Still, does not apply to my girl! My mom means well, at least, and backs off if I take a stand on something.

[eaglewife]

Nov 4, 2016 20:18:33 GMT -5 meagpt22 said:

My aunts (who've never had children) asked "will I create a monster like DD with this one and respond to his every noise."
Yes! While sometimes I'm tending to his older sister he's probably cried/fussed longer than I ever let DD.

Uh, so she's saying your DD is a monster? Rood.

[eaglewife]

I respond before fuss becomes a cry too. I agree that there is no "spoiling" babies by caring for them and responding to their needs.

I have a physical reaction of anxiety when my baby is crying. TRY to stop me from helping her. Just try. Ugh.