bocaburger sending you all the hugs in the world. I'm going to tell you the same thing I should probably be telling myself, but we never listen to ourselves.
You are allowed to be having a rough time. You are allowed to be tired. For some reason, as mom's, it's like we're programmed to go go go. We put others first always. This election is indeed devastating and the results are so hard to swallow. I'm trying to stay positive and hope the next 4 years just fly by, but it's so difficult.
Parents arent always the most helpful. My mom is the type that will wake the baby because she wants to see him awake, then hand him to me when he cries. Having anyone in your house is always difficult, at least it is for me. I'm so sorry about your sister, but the fact that you're worried about both of them goes to show that you are a fantastic sister and friend.
Please take care of yourself. This goes out to everyone, including myself. We push and push and push until we break. The difference is, you're pushing for two babies which is amazing.
I'm glad you made an appt. I hope your therapist is able to provide some relief.
bocaburger hugs lady! I can not image 2 babies. Someone on FB said something that makes it easier for me. "Who is in the White House does not impact what happens in MY house." Then went on to talk about her and her DH role in teaching the values that are important to them and using Trum.ps words as teaching moments. Not sure if that helps. You do not need to pretend to be superwoman..even though you are (twins makes that so). Maybe start taking care of yourself small one thing at a time..whether it's showering daily, going to bed earlier, etc. Keep the coffee for now..no sense dealing with a headache on top of everything else. Don't worry about the non baby stuff. Newborns are tough, but it's just a phase and a short one. The other stuff will be there when that phase is over. I was terrible with DD in reading to her as a baby until she was closer to a year. It's had no negative impact. And lastly I'm glad you made an appointment with a therapist.
steph our generation I think we push ourselves so much as Moms. In the Pinterest/Facebook/too much advice world. Women are expected (from whom I'm not sure or if it's just in our (my) head) to work, keep a beautiful home, spend time with kids, and much more.
bocaburger, I completely understand how you feel. And in lots of ways have the same problems. I also fear I am not having as much fun with them or playing with them as I should. And lots of time I feel like I am all about just getting the job done. Housework doesn't get done except baby laundry and dishes since they have to get done. And I too get easily overwhelmed.
So many hugs to you. I know things will get better and you are doing a fantastic job. The babies will feel your love.i am glad that you made the appointment and hope it helps you feel better and more yourself soon!
Me: 36, DH 32 Bfp#1 June 2014 edd: Feb. 22, 2015,mmc: Aug. 5,2014,D&C Bfp#2 Feb. 2015 edd: Oct.12, 2015, mmc: Mar. 7,2015, D&C
DX: Me: slightly hypothyroid, taking meds DH: SA Showed all low levels, urologist appointment showed all was normal, so no reason why the levels were bad.
Plan: IUI #1 Aug. 25mg clomed, to help boost egg quality - BFN IUI #2 Sept. 25mg clomed, BFN IUI#3 Dec. BFP!! TWINS Edd: Aug. 22, 2016
bocaburger you can take action by raising those 2 beautiful children to be kind, empathetic, active citizens. You love your neighbor and teach them to do the same.
And please don't expend additional energy that you don't have on pretending to be fine. It is OK to not be fine! Tell your sister, "I love you dearly. I will support you in this however I can. But I am in survival mode right now." Tell your H that you need him to take the babies for a walk forvan hour so you can take a nap. Tell your parents that you need them to cook some freezer meals for you. Tell us that you feel like you are falling, and we will pick you back up. But, most importantly, give yourself permission to feel less than ok. It's ok to feel tired, frustrated, even angry. And that's where your therapist comes in. I am so glad you made an appointment, and I really hope it goes well.
bocaburger Everyone has given you wonderful words of support, so I'll just offer hugs. Just from reading your posts, it seems like you've had a lot of visitors and trips ever since you've had the babies. Maybe that's kept you from settling into a routine. I hope things calm down for you soon!!
bocaburger I'll just add some advice I was given by my amazing neighbors. Do one thing each day that is just for you that makes you feel like a normal person, whether that means shower, drink hot coffee, etc. But once the babies are fed, place them in a spot they will be safe and go do that one thing for you. It's ok if they cry for a little bit, they are safe and loved, and you need to take care of you. My neighbors also told me that you need to be the best you you can be, so you can take care the best care of your babies.
One newborn is tough, two newborns I'm pretty sure makes you a saint. You've got this. And don't be afraid to ask for help, or delegate tasks to those around you.
bocaburger I want to echo all the others' words of advice. And I just want to give you the biggest of hugs. You are doing amazing. Just look, you're already 3ish months through this newborn haze! Soon, your babies will be sitting up, playing with each other, etc and things will seem more do-able. You don't need to set aside time just for play - sing/talk/babble with them while changing diapers, giving baths, etc. That's plenty. Babies have exactly 2-minute attention spans anyway
I totally understand the feeling that you can give no extra. I feel that way every day since DS was born. I just feel so busy getting through the day-to-day that I have nothing else to offer. The only thing getting me through is that this is my 3rd time doing this so I know first-hand this phase will pass and it'll get better.
You're doing a fantastic job and those babies adore you.
@suesposa . reading your post breaks my heart. steph ., adorable photo.
My SIL co-teaches in a middle school inclusion class where the. message of kindness, tolerance for differences and only using appropriate words is emphasized daily. On Wednesday a boy used a very offensive term for a developmentally delayed student. When corrected and told how that is unacceptable in her class, the boy said that Trump speaks like that and he's now president.
My husband's family escaped Austria in the 1930s to escape Naziism. I now wonder how German Jews felt the day after Hitler came to power. I'm not frightened for myself, although antisemitism seems to be in the rise, but I fear for Muslim and Hispanic Americans and everyone In the LBGT community. This is not the world any of us want for our children.
Last Edit: Nov 11, 2016 10:25:59 GMT -5 by blueinred
Formerly MoFree on the other board. TTC since 2008 Diagnosis of Severe MFI 3-2009 IVF#1 Nov 2011, BFP DD born @31 weeks gestation, 6-24-12 FET#1, Nov 2013,, BFN FET#2, Feb 2014, BFN Freeze only cycle with PGD August 2014 FET #3 another BFN FET canceled due to cysts FET #4 Dec 2015, BFP Baby Boy born 8-28-16 via VBAC
Post by bocaburger on Nov 11, 2016 11:07:16 GMT -5
blueinred, my great grandfather got his family out of Germany immediately after Hitler came into power and it's the reason I'm alive today. I feel safe enough right now to stay and fight bigotry from within, but I will be applying for passports for my children immediately and making sure ours are both valid through the next four years... Just in case.
I will also be scheduling my physical and IUD placement appointments because I have Medicaid and even if I don't lose my coverage, I'm sure contraception won't be covered anymore.
Post by gratefulgirl on Nov 11, 2016 11:28:55 GMT -5
My pastor shared this stirring post on Facebook about parenting despite a negative role model as our president elect.
"This morning I came across a poignant litany on Facebook. Something like, ”How can I teach my children not to mock people with disabilities when the President does? How can I teach my sons to respect women when the President doesn’t?” I understand the sentiment, and it’s an important question, so I’ll have a go at answering it. The answer is…just do it. Teach them. And then keep teaching them. Seriously. Just do it. Talk to them about respect and compassion and understanding. Which is what I tried to do on the way to school this morning. Look, I get it: it’s a help to us as parents to have authority figures who model virtue. But you know what? Sometimes they don’t. I get it: that’s deflating. But it’s true. Sometimes we have to train our children in blustery conditions. Sometimes parenting means saying “Don’t be like him” and “Never say what he said” and “Never do what she did” and “You don’t have to turn out like that.” If the parents of this country can’t go about the task of moral training because of who the President is—I mean, if we’ve really gotten to the point of being that dependent on who occupies the White House—well, that just might be the most disheartening thing I’ve contemplated over the past 24 hours."
I know you all are working hard at just that. Carry on, strong women.
I'm trying to get through the day with my sanity, boca. Singing, reading, and playing happen when I have a spare minute. Clean clothes, diapers and bottles tend to rank higher.
This is not at all to say that I don't do fun things with my baby, but I'm alone most of the day and responsible for daily functioning with a small human who needs eeeeeeverything from me. Balance will come, but we're still in the very early days. Cut yourself some slack, look at your loved, fed, clean, clothed, happy children and know you're doing just fine.
I thought naively as an Asian American living in California that I was part of a demographic who wouldn't receive backlash from individuals who think having DT as a president elect gives them free range to be awful. Now I am reading stories of Asian Americans in California who are being harassed, physically assaulted, etc in the last couple of days. If people who thought they were sheltered by being a "model minority" in a progressive state are getting hurt already, I can't imagine the fear others have.
blueinred, my great grandfather got his family out of Germany immediately after Hitler came into power and it's the reason I'm alive today. I feel safe enough right now to stay and fight bigotry from within, but I will be applying for passports for my children immediately and making sure ours are both valid through the next four years... Just in case.
I will also be scheduling my physical and IUD placement appointments because I have Medicaid and even if I don't lose my coverage, I'm sure contraception won't be covered anymore.
bocaburger I've been considering getting a passport for E, too. My husband and I had a conversation yesterday about how we would know it's time to leave - vs staying and fighting. I can't believe we actually needed to have that conversation.
Post by remylove1011 on Nov 11, 2016 17:35:27 GMT -5
So today has been a very long day. It was the last Friday of my maternity leave. Baby girl has been a fussy mess today. She didn't go down for her typical two naps this morning, so by the afternoon she was not her normal happy self. Just a fussy overtired mess.
This morning we also got the news that my FIL has lung cancer. MIL called and was just a sobbing mess on the phone so we didn't get a ton of information. MHs sister called after that and said what she could get from the news was that it was pretty bad. So instead of spending thanksgiving here with friends we're trying to figure out how to travel instead. It's roughly 11hrs to drive. MH is pretty against flying, but I'm so nervous to drive that long with her! We're going to try to drive at night so that we can get her long stretch during the drive. I know we've done some talking about traveling with little ones. Any advice? I had not planned on this!!
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
remylove1011 sorry your day went from bad to worse. Glad you'll be able to visit FIL at Thanksgiving but stinks about the drive. I do think if you can travel at night it might make it easier. And just hugs about FIL. Cancer sucks!
Will some of you please join me in posting some happy baby pics? I think we could all use a boost in spirits! O is 15 weeks old (I'm pretty sure.... can't believe I'm actually losing track this time!) and she loves this tigger toy. Which means big sister loves taking it away from her 😜
remylove1011 I'm sorry you and your H are dealing with that bad news. My mom had cancer and it is so hard to see. I'm sure your visit will mean a lot to FIL and the rest of the family, even if it's hard with a baby.
Post by remylove1011 on Nov 11, 2016 21:09:26 GMT -5
Thanks for the hugs/thoughts ladies. Its been a long day. As much as driving will suck we're pretty set at this point. I looked up flights just to see (although is that actually easier? Guess it depends on the baby) and it's be over a thousand for us to fly, even with me holding her!!
Here's my happy girl this morning before her nap strike.
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
Post by gratefulgirl on Nov 11, 2016 21:16:35 GMT -5
remylove1011 I am so sorry about your FIL. I am sure it will mean a lot to your whole family for you guys to make the trip.
Does your LO nap well in the car? My older two would only sleep for a single sleep cycle (40-45 minutes depending on kid). We tried driving with DD1 at night once. She was awake for a little while before bedtime, slept for two hours, screamed for one hour (it was a LONG hour), then stared alertly around for another one until we reached our destination and put her to bed in a pack 'n' play. After that we only traveled during the day. DD3 will sleep for hours in the car so I would be willing to drive with her overnight. I have a lot of friends who have had success with the driving overnight thing, so hopefully it works well for you.
Post by remylove1011 on Nov 11, 2016 21:36:10 GMT -5
gratefulgirl She does nap really well in the car. We've never done longer than a 1.5hr drive with her though. So I honestly don't know how she'll do. The whole thing is making me nervous, but MH is pretty against flying (I'm more open to it, but I realize both options have drawbacks for a baby).
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
remylove1011 so sorry about the news. Man, flights are so expensive for Thanksgiving...I hope the car ride will be okay. We did a six hour car ride when DD was 2 1/2 months old. We only had to stop once to nurse her and she slept well the rest of the time, but it's hard to know for each baby.
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