Post by greysonsmom on Nov 15, 2016 14:21:49 GMT -5
Huge hugs @bgkc714 and carolinaheart a baby is such a big adjustment. I had very similar feelings after DS. I don't know how but it almost seems easier with two, don't get me wrong there are difficult times. But I feel much more confident and I'm enjoying he moment more. Lots of love. You both are supermoms!
Post by frecklesnbrains on Nov 15, 2016 15:12:26 GMT -5
bgkc4, you're so awesome to recognize that you're struggling and reached out for help. Wishing you the best! You're absolutely doing the best thing for both yourself and your sweet baby girl. Hugs.
Post by packerfan4life on Nov 15, 2016 22:33:29 GMT -5
((Hugs)) bgkc4 and carolinaheart. I'm sorry you're both struggling. You are definitely doing so much better for your babies than you think and would be just as capable with another. I hope you both find help to feel better
Post by twobananas on Nov 15, 2016 22:42:53 GMT -5
We are done, 4 is exactly the number we were planning on! I always thought I would be sad to be done, but I think now that I know I'm done, my body is ready to move on. It's fun to think of all the things we will be able to do with older kids. Plus, these twins have not been easy, so I think that was a good way to go out
I've got the IUD in and when that expires in about 5 years my husband will get a vasectomy.
Post by twobananas on Nov 15, 2016 22:46:24 GMT -5
Sorry about what you are going through bgkc4 and carolinaheart. It's a really good thing that you are aware that what you are feeling isn't normal. And it's great to ask for help. It will get better it just takes time (and maybe some other assistance too). Just remember it takes a village to raise kids and it's totally okay and normal to lean on that village! Find some friends, family or professionals to help be your village.
I actually found having a second easier because it split my focus. I couldn't continue to focus all my energy on just one kid, which helped put things in perspective.
Thanks for the encouragement ladies. FYI it went well today. It was good speaking with someone and getting a fresh perspective on things. I'm definitely going to follow up.
bgkc4carolinaheart you both are terrific mama's and you just went through the hardest transition you'll ever go through. You're almost through the hardest part and I promise it gets easier. Just because this transition has been hard doesn't make you a bad mom or not deserving of a second child. I think the transition to two was easier mentally for me because I knew what to expect. I'm type A, need everything planned, and I had no way of planning for my first. Second time around I knew what to expect (a little more). Let's be honest, It has still been hard but definitely not as big of a shock as the first. I'm so glad you went and talked to someone. I really hope it helps! Big hugs! Your tcf village will always support you!
Post by frecklesnbrains on Nov 16, 2016 7:05:47 GMT -5
twobananas I feel the same way about having 2 kids actually easing my anxiety. I tend to get wrapped up in one thing and obsess about it. It's counterintuitive but the more I have going on the better I feel. Probably why I couldn't be a SAHM either. Now that I'm working I find it easier to let small things with the baby slide.
Post by Outofhiding on Nov 16, 2016 7:08:14 GMT -5
bgkc4 and carolinaheart I am sorry you're dealing with this. As women and as mothers we tend to put so much pressure on ourselves to have all the answers. I hope you both get to a place of comfort in knowing you are the best mother your child could ever have.
bgkc4 I am glad your session went well and hope it helps you along the road of realizing how much of a good job you're doing as a mother.
Thanks for the encouragement ladies. FYI it went well today. It was good speaking with someone and getting a fresh perspective on things. I'm definitely going to follow up.
Hugs to bgkc4 and carolinaheart. This parenting thing is hard and you ladies are doing an awesome job. I'm glad that both of you have recognized these feelings. I went through something similar after having DS. What helped me a lot was talking to a professional. You ladies will get through this! Reach out for help when you need it.
I want more kids, but it isn't really realistic right now. I think DH is happy with 2. I doubt that we will have more biological children, but definitely may adopt or become foster parents in the future.
I want more kids, but it isn't really realistic right now. I think DH is happy with 2. I doubt that we will have more biological children, but definitely may adopt or become foster parents in the future.
I definitely have considered fostering once our kids are older (teens/out of the house). We'll see what the future holds
Post by 2dogs2kids on Nov 21, 2016 13:17:42 GMT -5
We are most likely done. I would like a 3rd but honestly just the thought of being pregnant again makes me get heartburn. DH is set on 2 and wants a vasectomy, I think if I told him I really want a 3rd we could discuss it. Pregnancy and I do not get along and the hormones and symptoms make me go crazy. Both times it caused some serious stress on DH and I relationship.
((Hugs)) bgkc4 and carolinaheart. Being a new mom is hard. I was definitely in a dark place emotionally when I had DS1. I suffer from anxiety and when I had him, it was awful. Things eventually got better and I ended up having 2 more kids. I really wish that I would have went to see someone, though. I did see a counsellor when I was pregnant with DS2 and it helped.
((Hugs)) bgkc4 and carolinaheart . Being a new mom is hard. I was definitely in a dark place emotionally when I had DS1. I suffer from anxiety and when I had him, it was awful. Things eventually got better and I ended up having 2 more kids. I really wish that I would have went to see someone, though. I did see a counsellor when I was pregnant with DS2 and it helped.
Thanks! It has been so encouraging to hear you (and the other second/third time moms on this board) speak about moving past the early stressors of being a first time mom and going on to having more children.
I think we are don with 2. I was sure that I only wanted 2 (a boy and a girl)...my husband was less set and more of a let's see what happens. We now have 2 girls and I thought my husband was going to beg to try for a boy but he seems pretty content. I'm the one now wavering on 3. I love the newborn/infant stage and I'm getting so so sad that it's coming to an end. I have to keep telling myself that infants become toddlers and so on and I can't just have another baby to have a baby because it's another toddler, teenager, etc. When I think big picture I'm more settled on done, but we won't take any permanent measures yet.
As for being a second time mom....I also find it a bit easier at times. It's much easier to let things go and not stress about every little noise because you're so busy. Sometimes that bothers me a ton but most of the time it's a good thing. I also couldn't even think about a second when DD1 was this age. I thought when she turned 1 we would try for a second because I felt rushed due to my age. Well her birthday came and went and I was still not ready so I was patient and when she turned 2 I was finally ready. Be patient with yourselves and give it time. I had a huge breakdown when DD1 was a 18 months that I was being a terrible mom because I was never home during the week (like worked until 9pm or midnight often) and luckily for us my supportive husband encouraged me to find a new better job. That was m saving grace. I know that's not always doable for everyone and I'm so thankful that it worked for me, but my point is that sometimes you have to find something to make yourself feel better and if that's in the form of seeking help, hiring help, changing jobs, relying on family then that's totally fine and everything will turn out okay!
Post by ArgyleEnigma on Nov 22, 2016 16:37:23 GMT -5
Definitely another. This is going to sound odd and morbid, but I likely won't stop at 2 because I don't want one to go from being a sibling to being alone if the other doesn't make it to old age. My close friend and I both lost brothers as children, but I still have siblings where she does not, and I think it compounds the (obviously already numerous) difficulties of losing a sibling.
As for when, we'll see. Baby bear took 9 cycles to conceive so I'm tempted towards the early side, but of course we can't start until we're sure we're ready to succeed. I'm thinking of starting between an 1.5 and 2 year difference if the first month took.
I'm super excited for the babies on this board to get little siblings. I will definitely be living vicariously.
Post by woodengirl07 on Nov 25, 2016 12:20:21 GMT -5
I'm really not sure. Going through the loss of my first compounded with complications with her makes me really scared to think about trying again. I was so scared the whole time.
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