Tell me your 2-year-old experiences

[kleigh926]

DS has been quite difficult to handle at times since he was about 20 months old. It used to be that he would get so worked up nothing except a major distraction would end the crying- either food, sleep, or leaving and going to a different location. His special instructor helps us with speech and behavior issues, and he was evaluated to still be normal behavior-wise but they did say his reactions were a bit extreme and needed to be worked on.

I have seen progression with the behavior issues in that sometimes he calms down more easily than before and his tantrums always have a clear reason. He is typically much easier to deal with in the morning vs. the evening. This week has been a struggle- we try to go out in the evenings for something to do but he literally has not been happy unless he can run/walk around wherever he wants, unencumbered by things like car seats, strollers, shopping carts, or holding anyone's hand. He has kind of been making everything miserable and I feel like DD is getting the short end of the stick because we don't even want to take him anywhere for awhile, that's how difficult he's been.

I know DD went through the terrible twos to some degree, but definitely not this bad. I was just wondering what your experiences were and if this sounds normal to you. A lot of the time he seems like a pretty normal kid, but DH and I are both struggling to deal with the daily periods of screaming and knowing that trying to go anywhere is going to result in a tantrum at some point. And since it's often in the car or away from home, I can't just do a time-out till he calms down. This kid is good birth control, that's for sure....

[brachysira]

I don't know--it does sound within the range of normal but also might be indicating something. Presumably he has been checked for ear infections and that sort of thing? I would probably go back to the pedi and if he's only been evaluated by an Early On person for behavioral things, you could ask about seeing a developmental pedi or similar.

Can you possibly get help? Like, hire someone for childcare a few hours/week to give you some relief? Or put him in a program a few hours/week? I definitely know about wanting to give the older child some attention occasionally, and I think your DD will really appreciate going to school and any other breaks she can get from your DS, especially with parental attention.

I think you must been trying the car seat and stroller since perhaps he will at least adjust to this and it will allow you to get more places where he can run around like playgrounds, indoor play areas, etc. Perhaps having this limited independence will be good for him and exercise also usually helps my kids. Sounds like he probably needs more sleep if he's better in the morning, so do what you can to improve napping and perhaps move up bedtime.

[kleigh926]

Nov 18, 2016 13:12:50 GMT -5 brachysira said:

I don't know--it does sound within the range of normal but also might be indicating something. Presumably he has been checked for ear infections and that sort of thing? I would probably go back to the pedi and if he's only been evaluated by an Early On person for behavioral things, you could ask about seeing a developmental pedi or similar.

Can you possibly get help? Like, hire someone for childcare a few hours/week to give you some relief? Or put him in a program a few hours/week? I definitely know about wanting to give the older child some attention occasionally, and I think your DD will really appreciate going to school and any other breaks she can get from your DS, especially with parental attention.

I think you must been trying the car seat and stroller since perhaps he will at least adjust to this and it will allow you to get more places where he can run around like playgrounds, indoor play areas, etc. Perhaps having this limited independence will be good for him and exercise also usually helps my kids. Sounds like he probably needs more sleep if he's better in the morning, so do what you can to improve napping and perhaps move up bedtime.

I am nervous about leaving him with someone because of his seizure history, and I don't know of any programs around here for 2-year-olds that a parent wouldn't have to be present for. But DH and I have talked about doing specific activities with just DD and I've been trying to give her a little more attention while DS naps. He has had one ear infection but nothing chronic (he gets fevers which trigger seizures when he has ear infections so I'd know if anything out of the ordinary was going on health-wise).

He is definitely very sensitive to a lack of sleep and gets tired out quickly when he's tantruming, which then just continues to make his behavior worse. But I don't know what else I can do to facilitate sleep. He gets naptime every day without fail and doesn't always nap as long as he probably should, but I can't make him go back to sleep. His bedtime is also fairly early already (between 7 and 7:30 depending on behavior).

I suppose he may be a more sensitive, high-maintenance kid who requires more time and maturity to be able to control his emotions better. Kinda makes life miserable for the rest of us until he figures it out though.

[brachysira]

Well, maybe you could get a mother's helper? I hire a student and the kids have to play with her in the yard or basement while I'm doing dishes, laundry, etc. You could just rest and you'd only be a few seconds away if there was a medical emergency.

Do you have a local facebook moms' group? They might know of a good 2 year-old preschool. A lot of preschools here take them when they are 2.5, if not 2. There are also small daycares that have parttime options which might be what you need.

Or, um, you could increase TV, or give DS an i-pad or similar if he wakes up early from nap, which at least extends your break and gives him some rest.

Seeking more evaluation is good too. You may recall that my DD threw a tantrum at her preemie 2-year assessment and they told me her behavior was terrible and I needed help. She's pretty chill now and her teachers love her, so their prediction that she would not be able to succeed at school was wrong, but I tell you this just because it seems like the bar for behavior is pretty high and they consider a lot of things abnormal and would probably do more than you've had done if you pursued it. DD was also able to get OT that I am convinced now that she didn't really need just because I said that she couldn't dress herself...and an OT place like this, if covered by insurance, might help your DS and provide you a bit of a break.

[pinkie]

How old is your little guy? I feel like he may be close in age to T (my oct 14 baby). T has been having issues with hitting and kicking at daycare. He is also behind with speech and he qualified for help. He's starting next week. He has been very difficult the last 1-2 months. He has lots of tantrums, dinner is a mess. The speech therapist said in observing him that she thinks he may have some sensory things too. But he can't tell us much so we aren't sure what's going on in his mind.

So I don't have much help but can tell you we are seeing similar behaviors. Z was very tough but it started at 2.5 and he talked a lot so we knew what he was thinking.

[kleigh926]

Nov 18, 2016 21:10:57 GMT -5 pinkie said:

How old is your little guy? I feel like he may be close in age to T (my oct 14 baby). T has been having issues with hitting and kicking at daycare. He is also behind with speech and he qualified for help. He's starting next week. He has been very difficult the last 1-2 months. He has lots of tantrums, dinner is a mess. The speech therapist said in observing him that she thinks he may have some sensory things too. But he can't tell us much so we aren't sure what's going on in his mind.

So I don't have much help but can tell you we are seeing similar behaviors. Z was very tough but it started at 2.5 and he talked a lot so we knew what he was thinking.

Yep, he was a Sept 14 baby so almost the same as your little guy! This morning for example, we were out and I gave them both a snack in the car. When we got home he wanted another snack and I said no because he'd just had one and lunch was only an hour away. That started a tantrum. Then he went in his room and wanted the pacifier which we only use for sleep or when he's inconsolable. I wouldn't give it to him, so he started throwing all the toys in his room. I gave him a time out for throwing but he didn't calm down much and time outs tend to not be super effective for him. Over the next half hour or so he was fussing and I tried various things to distract him (books, toys, helping me clean). It worked a little but every time one activity ended or I went into another room he would cry again. Right before lunch he finally settled down and now that he's eaten lunch he's fine again.

It just really seems like every. single. thing that doesn't go exactly his way causes a tantrum that takes forever to end, and considering he's 2 and very good at finding/wanting things he can't have, it's pretty exhausting.

[brachysira]

Well, my son is very cool and easy-going, but he is like that about eating too. I am not someone who should give advice on snacks since my kids eat too much, but I probably would have given him a very small snack (a prune) or offered water. If my son is hungry, he is zero fun and even if he's not screaming, I can't get him to do anything worthwhile. For about a year, I'll have an activity planned and he's not into it, and I assume that he's not old enough, but then I realize he's really hungry and probably would have done it if he'd eaten first.

[pinkie]

Nov 19, 2016 12:18:33 GMT -5 kleigh926 said:

Nov 18, 2016 21:10:57 GMT -5 pinkie said:

How old is your little guy? I feel like he may be close in age to T (my oct 14 baby). T has been having issues with hitting and kicking at daycare. He is also behind with speech and he qualified for help. He's starting next week. He has been very difficult the last 1-2 months. He has lots of tantrums, dinner is a mess. The speech therapist said in observing him that she thinks he may have some sensory things too. But he can't tell us much so we aren't sure what's going on in his mind.

So I don't have much help but can tell you we are seeing similar behaviors. Z was very tough but it started at 2.5 and he talked a lot so we knew what he was thinking.

Yep, he was a Sept 14 baby so almost the same as your little guy! This morning for example, we were out and I gave them both a snack in the car. When we got home he wanted another snack and I said no because he'd just had one and lunch was only an hour away. That started a tantrum. Then he went in his room and wanted the pacifier which we only use for sleep or when he's inconsolable. I wouldn't give it to him, so he started throwing all the toys in his room. I gave him a time out for throwing but he didn't calm down much and time outs tend to not be super effective for him. Over the next half hour or so he was fussing and I tried various things to distract him (books, toys, helping me clean). It worked a little but every time one activity ended or I went into another room he would cry again. Right before lunch he finally settled down and now that he's eaten lunch he's fine again.

It just really seems like every. single. thing that doesn't go exactly his way causes a tantrum that takes forever to end, and considering he's 2 and very good at finding/wanting things he can't have, it's pretty exhausting.

Yes - we are having lots of tantrums. We have been giving him a 1 minute timeout in a bedroom when he's out of control. It's been working - I'll ask him if he's ready to calm down and come back to dinner and he will say yes and generally calm down.

[dc2london]

I'm not sure how helpful ny anecdotes will be, bc I have had one unusually high needs child and one very laid back child. I guess DD will be the tie breaker? Or maybe the Goldilocks? Anyway, DS1 was like your DS. Once something set him off, truly, he was gone. He basically had to flail, scream and throw things until he tired himself out. And it takes very little to set him off.

DS2's version of a tantrum, so far, has been to cry. And after what we went through with DS1, the crying barely even registers, lol

[kleigh926]

dc2london, was there a point at which his behavior wasn't quite so temperamental and he became more easy-going? DS just turned 2 in September so I am really feeling like there's no light at the end of the tunnel yet. Although he started the terrible twos about 4 months before he actually turned 2, so maybe they'll end sooner as well? (I know that's not necessarily the case, I'm just trying to make myself feel better 😩)

[dc2london]

Nov 21, 2016 7:05:43 GMT -5 kleigh926 said:

dc2london, was there a point at which his behavior wasn't quite so temperamental and he became more easy-going? DS just turned 2 in September so I am really feeling like there's no light at the end of the tunnel yet. Although he started the terrible twos about 4 months before he actually turned 2, so maybe they'll end sooner as well? (I know that's not necessarily the case, I'm just trying to make myself feel better 😩)

He goes through phases. The worst and most frequent of epic, long, terrible tantrums were while he was 3. Not really before, and more seldom after that. Magnesium supplements, and lots of deep joint compression help (jumping on a trampoline, climbing a ladder, doing wheelbarrows or handstands against the wall). But also remember that my DS1 has OCD and autism and a possible mood disorder, so things are more complicated with him than with a NT kid

[kleigh926]

Nov 21, 2016 7:52:43 GMT -5 dc2london said:

Nov 21, 2016 7:05:43 GMT -5 kleigh926 said:

dc2london, was there a point at which his behavior wasn't quite so temperamental and he became more easy-going? DS just turned 2 in September so I am really feeling like there's no light at the end of the tunnel yet. Although he started the terrible twos about 4 months before he actually turned 2, so maybe they'll end sooner as well? (I know that's not necessarily the case, I'm just trying to make myself feel better 😩)

He goes through phases. The worst and most frequent of epic, long, terrible tantrums were while he was 3. Not really before, and more seldom after that. Magnesium supplements, and lots of deep joint compression help (jumping on a trampoline, climbing a ladder, doing wheelbarrows or handstands against the wall). But also remember that my DS1 has OCD and autism and a possible mood disorder, so things are more complicated with him than with a NT kid

What I am trying to figure out is if there is something else going on with DS besides just being a difficult 2-year-old. With his seizure and developmental delay history, I do wonder if there's some kind of mood or sensory disorder accompanying it to cause the frequent tantrums, but I'm sure that's hard to discern until they are a little older. It's just crazy to me how the simplest things every day cause tantrums/crying- diaper changes, getting in the car, coming upstairs, etc. It's really affecting our family life because we all know everything we try to do has the potential of causing a tantrum and then it'll be miserable until he calms down. But DH and I both have a very low tolerance for this kind of thing so we might also be blowing it out of proportion and making it seem worse than it is instead of realizing it's normal 2-year-old behavior. I don't know but I am planning on discussing it in depth with his special instructor tomorrow.

[pinkie]

T's speech therapist suggested we incorporate sensory play activities (jumping, spinning, play doh, etc) as often as we can in case he does have some sensory components going on. She said it obviously can't hurt as they are fun for kids regardless. She is supposed to send me a list and when she does I'm happy to share.

[brachysira]

Along those lines, my kids are much better behaved and much better sleepers if they have enough intense exercise.

[crimsonandclover]

kleigh926, DD2's tantrums have been MUCH more intense than DD1's ever were. When she really gets into them, there's nothing I can do to get her out. Anything I try makes her freak out more - even just looking at her. The only thing that doesn't cause her to escalate (although it doesn't help, either) is for me to be in the same room but half-turned away so I'm not looking at her. Then after anywhere from 5-30 minutes of screaming, kicking, throwing herself on the floor, etc, she'll approach me on her own for comfort. But with 2 other little kids I don't have time for that, so I make sure she's in the house (it's often during transition times so like when we come home from preschool) so the neighbors don't hear it all, and then I go about my business. She freaks out even more, but I just have to let her. If she screams too loudly I put her in the hallway, and occasionally (every 5ish minutes) I'll go out and try to engage her normally, "DD2, do you want sauce on your noodles?" Either she freaks out even more (and then I go back into the kitchen doing my thing) or she abruptly calms down.

That's just a description of how her tantrums go so you can compare them to your DS's. DD2 is our Feb child, so she's going to be 4 in 2 months. The tantrums have gotten a little less frequent - there was a time this spring when they were almost every afternoon and every night. Between July - end of October she had 10-90 minute tantrums every single night at bedtime. That was fun. Now they're usually max 10 minutes and 2-3 times a week.

I don't know if she has any issues, though. If things are still continuing at her next well-child visit in February, I'm going to talk to our new pedi about it. The old one didn't think it was unusual.

[dc2london]

Yeah it is really tough at that age to tease out what is really going on bc so much of what you gave described is developmentally appropriate for a 2 yr old. If he us still doing it a year from now, I would be concerned. But I totally agree with having your radar up given his neurological history.