Post by NellieOleson on Dec 5, 2016 11:40:51 GMT -5
silverspoon - I think your OB is the perfect place to start. I hope you find some relief from this feeling soon - in whatever form that takes. Keep us posted and vent about stuff whenevs, woman.
Post by crimsonandclover on Dec 5, 2016 11:46:03 GMT -5
I've been having areas of pain on my butt and then on my back this weekend. The symptoms fit to the start of shingles (itching / burning / pain with no marks on skin), but the dr thinks it's a different virus since it's in multiple locations (rare for shingles) and there are no blisters (yet?). He said it definitely sounds like a virus attacking my nerves, though, so that's cool. :/ Nothing to do but wait it out.
Also, there is more drama in the preschool parents' council. I think I'm going to bow out next year. I really don't need this, and most people involved have realized that I keep a cool head about things so now they're all complaining to me about each other. Yeah, no. Grow up. That is my advice.
Rainy, cold day here. No storytime during December so I am losing my mind counting down until speech this afternoon. My kids have all lost their minds and dd3 is getting two more teeth. She also has diarrhea. 😷
@mrslolipopb that is crazy out of line. What an asshat. I know there is such a thing as not fighting in front of your kid but I probably would have lost it right there.
I almost did. But I was so hurt that I just left. He still hasn't apologized, but he was being overly solicitous last night, which is usually what happens when he realizes that he was a douche. I'm going to talk to him after we drop S off at school. Otherwise I'm going to be angry about it for months.
kcrkcs I very nearly lost it on him. But I decided to just leave instead. He knows he fucked up. We're going to have a talk after we drop S off at school.
On a happier note, his plans for tonight got cancelled, so after school we're going to stop at the library, and then decorate for Christmas. I'm still not 100% sure where we're putting the tree or anything else, but we'll figure it out.
Sorry, being a PW. crimsonandclover I feel you on the resenting being used as childcare. My H tends to do the same thing. I mean, he asks if I mind if he does this that and the other, but he knows I'll never say no, and I always have to either find a babysitter or make sure he's free before I make plans. It's not really balanced.
I'm right there on the childcare piece. The worst part is that it would be the same even if I was working. It is so incredibly frustrating! I just got off the phone with dh confirming that I could tutor for an hour on a certain night and that subbing for a swim lesson was ok tomorrow. I get telling him that I need him to be available for the kids, but the fact I'm basically asking if he can work it into his schedule bugs me. I would almost rather hire a sitter, at least I know they'll show up and not complain about losing "free time". I'm a big believer that if you haven't put it on the calendar you time is family time. You want to go for a long run? Fine, write it on the calendar. Not on the calendar, sorry, I wasn't making your plans for you now you're cleaning the garage.
I'm right there on the childcare piece. The worst part is that it would be the same even if I was working. It is so incredibly frustrating! I just got off the phone with dh confirming that I could tutor for an hour on a certain night and that subbing for a swim lesson was ok tomorrow. I get telling him that I need him to be available for the kids, but the fact I'm basically asking if he can work it into his schedule bugs me. I would almost rather hire a sitter, at least I know they'll show up and not complain about losing "free time". I'm a big believer that if you haven't put it on the calendar you time is family time. You want to go for a long run? Fine, write it on the calendar. Not on the calendar, sorry, I wasn't making your plans for you now you're cleaning the garage.
My mom actually had to hire sitters to watch me when my dad was home with me as a baby. He didn't do diapers. It's ridiculous
I'm right there on the childcare piece. The worst part is that it would be the same even if I was working. It is so incredibly frustrating! I just got off the phone with dh confirming that I could tutor for an hour on a certain night and that subbing for a swim lesson was ok tomorrow. I get telling him that I need him to be available for the kids, but the fact I'm basically asking if he can work it into his schedule bugs me. I would almost rather hire a sitter, at least I know they'll show up and not complain about losing "free time". I'm a big believer that if you haven't put it on the calendar you time is family time. You want to go for a long run? Fine, write it on the calendar. Not on the calendar, sorry, I wasn't making your plans for you now you're cleaning the garage.
My mom actually had to hire sitters to watch me when my dad was home with me as a baby. He didn't do diapers. It's ridiculous
This talk of sitters has me thinking about a conversation I had this weekend. Apparently the teens I volunteer with told me they charge $10/hr per kid. They commented that this was for a single mom so they didn't want to charge her "too much"!!!? Wtf?!? This is why I don't hire sitters.
My mom actually had to hire sitters to watch me when my dad was home with me as a baby. He didn't do diapers. It's ridiculous
Oh hell no.
Right?! We can't leave M with him for more than an hour or so because he doesn't know how to mix a bottle and he STILL won't change a diaper. And if she gets fussy and starts to cry he has no clue what to do about it
I just got off the phone with my mother. I was stressed to start with. Then she tells me "you dont sound very happy". Gee thanks. In her world we should all sound cheerful and happy especially on the phone. Guess what? Idgaf and I'm trying to get out the door. No, not happy.
dizzycooks I hate that. Like, really? I can't be busy/stressed/tired/in a bad mood? Eff that. Not to mention that just talking on the phone stresses me out.
Post by silverspoon on Dec 5, 2016 22:25:08 GMT -5
We saw Santa tonight. It was two hours past bedtime, but little dude did really good.
He would not take his eyes off him. I was trying to get his attention to take a pic, the people behind us were trying to get his attention. Nope. His eyes were glued on this strange person his parents had so casually placed him in the lap of.
Lollipop, YH owes you a MAJOR apology. That was completely out of line. I hope you got a chance to talk today. Also WTF to your dad?!?! Maybe it is some kind of OCD or something because I'm pretty sure he doesn't think babies just come out potty trained. Very bizarre.
As for MH and childcare, he flips out if he has to stay at home with both kids at the same time by himself. He will do it if it is an absolute emergency but he becomes super edgy, resentful, and panicked. A few times I was supposed to go out by myself or stay home alone to get things done but he backed out and only took one kid. If I go out in the afternoon, he asks for my mom to come over during that time. I honestly don't know how he handled it when I was away for treatment. My mom said that she hired her nurse to nanny and stay with him. Yet he still criticizes my parenting whenever he is home, as if he could do it better by himself.
We had a super fun but tiring, cold day. We went to a MOPS playdate at an indoor playplace and I chatted with some other moms. It was nice to have some adult talk, even though we did talk about our kids. Then we went to Target and DD got new snowboots and DS got snowpants. I still need to get him boots but both kids started melting down so I didn't get a chance to get those. DS napped for an hour and a half so I dozed off on the couch while DD had quiet time on her tablet. Really needed that! Then we went to my mom's house and played in the snow for two hours. I was so frickin cold!!! Now I'm catching up on This Is Us.
I agree with the others Lollipop , and I hope you two had a chance to talk. If my H ever said anything like that to me he'd be out on his a$$ so fast.
I hope the tutoring works out, dizzycooks ! And WTAF to $10/hr/kid....like, what?!? People pay that?
silverspoon , I am partial to the pictures of the babies looking up at Santa. I think they are adorable!
Where do you get your energy, icequeen ?? I can't keep up with you! I love how you are always on the go. And I love This Is Us!
Honestly, I hate sitting still. I have such a restless personality and always want to be doing something. Just like my DD! Another thing that drives my H nuts. And that show... I'm obsessed. I cry every episode. Each week gets better and better. I hate that the finale is next!!!
Post by scorpioscuba on Dec 5, 2016 23:36:38 GMT -5
So wanting to jump in on this PPD discussion. First, I'm so glad that you are going to talk to your OB, silverspoon! I hope whatever the outcome, you start feeling better.
I have lots of thoughts/thoughts feelings on this though. Your comment, NellieOleson, really got me thinking about my own behavior and feelings. Because frankly, I've felt the same as silverspoon, often. I'm in a much different situation though. When H is in school he literally cannot do much at home to help out. When he is home with us, he is home and does help, usually on the weekends. He is with DD Tues and Thurs all day and handles DS pick up. Also he is fully capable of taking on both kids on his own when I need it and I'm SO grateful for that. Otherwise he is studying or in class. He is literally gone 80 hours a week it feels. When he is around he is exhausted. But so am I buddy. We go in cycles where things are good or things are on edge but I honestly think it's the stress and how overwhelmed we BOTH are and exhausted we both are. So are things even with who does what? Absolutely not. But his last final is Wednesday and then he is off school till mid January. Then he starts taking on more and working on all the things around the house he has had to let slide because of school. Do I resent him sometimes? Absofuckenlutely. He does have much more "free time" than me. He is off with classmates studying. They take a break for a meal...a KID free meal! He can stop and have a beer or whatever on his way home because frankly at that point we are all usually sleeping. I don't have that luxury....like EVER. I resent his freedom a lot sometimes. I'm either working or with the kids. There is very little I get to do outside of that.
The first year with a new baby is SO HARD on a couple. Especially the FIRST baby!
I did some reading on PPD today because I'm trying to figure out if this is just LIFE or something more. I'm coming to the conclusion it's just life, right now. But I'm more aware. I also do better when I've had sleep and I'm not getting any. But that's another story for another thread.
Anyways, TL/DR - I appreciate the PPD awareness. I'm keeping an eye on myself now too thanks to the discussion.
icequeen it's not an OCD thing with my dad, he just won't do it. To the point that he once called my aunt to come across town to change my diaper. And she did it, because she knew he would've let me sit in it until someone else came.
H did apologize and acknowledge that he was being a dick. I'm pretty sure he won be repeating that, he rarely does the same thing that upsets me twice. Today we went to get groceries, and to the library. After we got home we cleaned up and rearranged to decorate, but H was hungry and the kids were miserable so we had supper and they went to bed early. We'll decorate tomorrow after school. I *finally* finished the front price of M's stocking. Now all I have left to do is put the front and back together. And then I need to make another one for my BFF's DD
Post by crimsonandclover on Dec 6, 2016 2:25:25 GMT -5
My parents always did things so equally with us that I have a hard time coping mentally with so much of the kids responsibility being on me. In my mind I'm doing so much more than my mom ever did. On the other hand, DH's mom was a SAHM and completely in charge of all things household related. His dad was present but left all childcare decisions up to her, so in DH's mind he's doing so much more than his dad ever did. We discussed once how it's kind of frustrating that BOTH of us feel like we're doing more than our respective same gender parent did, and so he feels like I should be happy since I have to do less than his mom did (even though I work and she didn't, I would like to add), and I feel like he should be happy since he has to do less than my dad did. Ah, the legacies we bring with us from our own childhoods...
My parents always did things so equally with us that I have a hard time coping mentally with so much of the kids responsibility being on me. In my mind I'm doing so much more than my mom ever did. On the other hand, DH's mom was a SAHM and completely in charge of all things household related. His dad was present but left all childcare decisions up to her, so in DH's mind he's doing so much more than his dad ever did. We discussed once how it's kind of frustrating that BOTH of us feel like we're doing more than our respective same gender parent did, and so he feels like I should be happy since I have to do less than his mom did (even though I work and she didn't, I would like to add), and I feel like he should be happy since he has to do less than my dad did. Ah, the legacies we bring with us from our own childhoods...
This is such a good point, and a reminder that I should be mindful of the example I'm setting for my own LO as he grows up.
Lollipop, I'm glad your H apologized. What a hurtful thing to say.
My dad is also in the never changed a diaper camp. He and my mom have a very antiquated division of labor (she cooks, cleans, and handles things like diapers, he fixes things that break, handles anything in "the garage", the finances, etc.). It's weird because ideologically they're pretty liberal people. I think they've just found the division of labor that suits their personal strengths and preferences. They're also together almost all of the time, so I'm sure my dad was never in a situation where my mom wasn't there to change the diaper.
Lollipop, I'm glad your H apologized. What a hurtful thing to say.
My dad is also in the never changed a diaper camp. He and my mom have a very antiquated division of labor (she cooks, cleans, and handles things like diapers, he fixes things that break, handles anything in "the garage", the finances, etc.). It's weird because ideologically they're pretty liberal people. I think they've just found the division of labor that suits their personal strengths and preferences. They're also together almost all of the time, so I'm sure my dad was never in a situation where my mom wasn't there to change the diaper.
See, I could see him not changing diapers if she had been home all the time, but she had a job. So when she was at work and he wasn't, I don't find it unreasonable to expect that he would've changed a diaper. But now that you mention it, he left most of the "women's work" to my mom. She was always the one who cooked, cleaned, took care of us, and did all of the shopping. Even to this day, it doesn't matter that he's at home all day, she still has to come home and cook, and clean after work. It's ridiculous
I am so tired. I have to go to bed earlier tonight. I've been staying up late looking at stuff online and watching TV. One of the good things about H being home is that he goes to bed early. I always want to go to sleep with him next to me. It's hard for me to go to sleep when he's not here.
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