Post by kcrkcs on Dec 3, 2016 18:02:31 GMT -5
I am going to try to keep this short and to the point. Any advice appreciated. I don't really have anywhere else to go with this, and before I go defcon 5 I just need an outside check. I will try to tl;dr at the end
Backstory- when hubs and I met he was drowning in debt. Not crazy but a few thousand that he could never get payed off. Also a couple bills had gone to collections. Not a huge deal he had some life things that just made the debt a thing, was working on it and after he got it mostly payed I finished it off for him. He also helped me at a moment where my business got really tight so it was no big deal. Since we have been living together and married I have paid a majority of our bills. Partially because they get crossed over with some business stuff. But also because I have a better income. Again no big deal. We don't share bank accounts nor do I track what he makes or does with his money. I have brought up the idea of a joint account and also him really paying a set portion of the bills but on both our parts we never make it happen. Even that is fine. He never complains when I ask him to buy groceries or put gas in the car blah blah so whatever I really view this for the most part as our money to benefit our family. Since the debt he hasn't had a credit card until this past year when he decided he needed to build some credit with the idea we would eventually borrow for a house. I payed a little attention at first but he was super responsible so it went off my radar... today I opened one of his bills accidentally (we have the same card co. As my business card and his was mixed in with my mail). The balance was surprisingly large. I mean we aren't talking $10k but it's not $1k either. I know it's more than he can pay off. And clearly he hasn't been doing what he said and paying off the balance each month. This gives me a lot of anxiety. I have anxiety about debt. We are trying to move to the next step with our lives and him being financially irresponsible could put us in a bad position, especially if he isn't honest about it. I don't know how he has accrued this much debt. I have no idea what he is spending his money on. He makes enough that this shouldn't be a thing especially since I pay most of our bills. I know he is going to be defensive when I ask him about it. I don't want this to turn into a big fight. I don't want him to be defensive. I want him to be honest. I want to solve this so it's not a continuous problem. I am frustrated. Scared. Too tired to deal with one more thing. Unsure if I am turning this into a bigger deal than it is. The list goes on. I am having a lot of feels. All I have ever wanted is honesty. He may not have lied straight to my face but it feels like he did by omission. It feels yucky. I don't want to be angry when I ask him about it. I don't even know if I should.
Tl;dr my hubs has racked up a bit of debt I didn't know about it. I found out accidentally. How should I approach this?
Pdq I may poof.
Backstory- when hubs and I met he was drowning in debt. Not crazy but a few thousand that he could never get payed off. Also a couple bills had gone to collections. Not a huge deal he had some life things that just made the debt a thing, was working on it and after he got it mostly payed I finished it off for him. He also helped me at a moment where my business got really tight so it was no big deal. Since we have been living together and married I have paid a majority of our bills. Partially because they get crossed over with some business stuff. But also because I have a better income. Again no big deal. We don't share bank accounts nor do I track what he makes or does with his money. I have brought up the idea of a joint account and also him really paying a set portion of the bills but on both our parts we never make it happen. Even that is fine. He never complains when I ask him to buy groceries or put gas in the car blah blah so whatever I really view this for the most part as our money to benefit our family. Since the debt he hasn't had a credit card until this past year when he decided he needed to build some credit with the idea we would eventually borrow for a house. I payed a little attention at first but he was super responsible so it went off my radar... today I opened one of his bills accidentally (we have the same card co. As my business card and his was mixed in with my mail). The balance was surprisingly large. I mean we aren't talking $10k but it's not $1k either. I know it's more than he can pay off. And clearly he hasn't been doing what he said and paying off the balance each month. This gives me a lot of anxiety. I have anxiety about debt. We are trying to move to the next step with our lives and him being financially irresponsible could put us in a bad position, especially if he isn't honest about it. I don't know how he has accrued this much debt. I have no idea what he is spending his money on. He makes enough that this shouldn't be a thing especially since I pay most of our bills. I know he is going to be defensive when I ask him about it. I don't want this to turn into a big fight. I don't want him to be defensive. I want him to be honest. I want to solve this so it's not a continuous problem. I am frustrated. Scared. Too tired to deal with one more thing. Unsure if I am turning this into a bigger deal than it is. The list goes on. I am having a lot of feels. All I have ever wanted is honesty. He may not have lied straight to my face but it feels like he did by omission. It feels yucky. I don't want to be angry when I ask him about it. I don't even know if I should.
Tl;dr my hubs has racked up a bit of debt I didn't know about it. I found out accidentally. How should I approach this?
Pdq I may poof.