How Many Babies?

[dashook]

I'm thinking about this myself and am curious where others stand on having more babies going forward. Assuming ideal conditions, how many kids would you ultimately like to have?

[dashook]

Alright so I chose SS (tried to choose 1 but it wouldn't let me). But here's the deal: H and I have always wanted to have a bunch of kids. Like a minimum of 3, ideally 4 or even 5.

It is odd to me then that I suddenly feel so complete now that D is here. Idk if it's the balance of having one of each or what. But I've been having thoughts of how nice this is having the two of them. And also how convenient it is that we can each handle one of them at a time. Adding more kids would require a permanent switch to zone defense. And would also be more and more expensive.

Now, if I looked into a crystal ball I'm sure I'd see us with at least one more baby, maybe in 2019. I mean, let's be real, I love being pregnant. But I'm not getting any younger (turned 32 in late August), and my career is just starting to take off, which is why I want to wait a little longer between D and a potential third child. I guess I feel like that extra gap makes it likely that we'll stop at 3.

And I know this is silly and completely beyond my control (and also matters not a bit) but it bothers me a little that one of my children won't have a sibling of the same sex. Idk, lots to think about.

[shedreamsincolor]

I chose 1 because we have always said 3-4 kids, but honestly it's possible we could be done. I don't have easy pregnancies and TBH the possibility of another loss makes me tear up just thinking of it. I definitely need a break before we even consider a third (I've been pregnant or newly postpartum since August 2015) so I guess only time will tell. I would love a girl but without any guarantees I don't think that's enough of a reason to push me to have a third

[jubilantsquirrel]

I can't see the poll on Tapatalk, but if it were solely up to me, I'd have 4 kids. However, MH has always said 2-3. Before we found out the sex of #2 MH said that if it was a girl he would likely be done. I asked him if we had another boy if he would be more open to a 3rd and he said yes.
We now have two boys. I don't plan on talking to him about more kids for some time, but I absolutely want another.

[LizInFL]

We are done with 2.

DH has always been adamant that he wants only 2 (the whole man-to-man vs. zone defense dashook references ) I could probably be talked into 3, maybe even 4--especially if a stork could bring them! I have a large extended family, whereas DH's family is very small, and I think that colors our perspectives. But from a practical standpoint, I *do* agree that 2 is probably ideal at this point in our lives. We'll move to VA for two years this summer, and after that we'd like to do a tour in Europe. I just don't see having a baby overseas.

I think our family is complete with 2, and that feels OK.

[tjanca22]

Dec 5, 2016 20:09:08 GMT -5 dashook said:

Alright so I chose SS (tried to choose 1 but it wouldn't let me). But here's the deal: H and I have always wanted to have a bunch of kids. Like a minimum of 3, ideally 4 or even 5.

It is odd to me then that I suddenly feel so complete now that D is here. Idk if it's the balance of having one of each or what. But I've been having thoughts of how nice this is having the two of them. And also how convenient it is that we can each handle one of them at a time. Adding more kids would require a permanent switch to zone defense. And would also be more and more expensive.

Now, if I looked into a crystal ball I'm sure I'd see us with at least one more baby, maybe in 2019. I mean, let's be real, I love being pregnant. But I'm not getting any younger (turned 32 in late August), and my career is just starting to take off, which is why I want to wait a little longer between D and a potential third child. I guess I feel like that extra gap makes it likely that we'll stop at 3.

And I know this is silly and completely beyond my control (and also matters not a bit) but it bothers me a little that one of my children won't have a sibling of the same sex. Idk, lots to think about.

All of this speaks to me. Yes to not sure if I want to switch to a zone defense should a 3rd come along. And yes to wanting my one of my kids to have a sibling of the same sex. Basically I feel like you get me!

[sophiegrace]

I chose SS. We've already been discussing this at length, and besides definitely having one more we're leaving it up to wait and see. We were originally planning to have a large family and wanted four kids. And then our lives got colored with loss and a mentally/emotionally stressful second pregnancy. Plus I had no idea I would feel so content and complete with this little girl.

[goldenlove3]

This is kind of a loaded question for us. We always only wanted two kids but we have 2 more genetically normal embryos frozen. Part of me feels like we should give both a chance but there's no guarantee that both (or even one) will take anyway. So if it took two transfers to be successful, we'd just stop at 2 kids. But what if we are successful with the first one? We'd have to decide if we want to transfer the last one later down the road. Then what if we get ourselves prepared for #3 and it doesn't work? Do we just stop or do we try again with the probability of needing to do a full IVF cycle? There's also my age to think about. I'm turning 33 next year so having a third kid wouldn't happen until my late 30s.

So the tldr answer is 2, maybe 3. ETA that's total, not additional.

[sweetmelissa5]

I picked SS, mostly because I am a crazy person. I've been saying throughout this entire pregnancy that I was done after this, but DH has been advocating really hard for one more, and I think he may end up getting his way. I'm trying to be the practical one and talk about where another person will fit in the house and car (we'd actually be out of space in our minivan and would need something bigger) and about how much more complicated and expensive another baby would make things, but those considerations aside, I really do want another kid. So I think it depends on whether logic or emotion wins out in the end, but I may not be done yet.

[ClassyMrsA]

DH and I always said we'd have 2 if we had a boy and a girl and go for 3 if we had 2 of the same sex first. I really wanted a girl and DH really wants a boy. Well, now we have 2 girls. I've been telling him I'm done. Can't, won't do pregnancy and childbirth again. Now that it's over, I'm feeling more open to the idea of 3 which is good because DH isn't sure either. Obviously we could have 3 girls if we did. I know 100% that we wouldn't have 4, though. If we did have another, I don't think it would be for another 2-3 years. It also is slightly dependent on if my mom is retired and can help watch kid #2 and #3 since we wouldn't be able to afford daycare for both. But I don't want to wait until Lilah is 4 and in pre-k because I want to be done before I'm 35. Bleh.

Tl;dr We are probably done, but could possibly go for 3. Neither of us are ready to decide and there are lots of factors/unknowns that will influence our decision down the road.

[LizInFL]

Dec 5, 2016 23:55:26 GMT -5 vinolove said:

I'm also giggling to myself; N16 talking about the next baby when these stitches haven't even healed yet and I just could comfortably sit down a week ago.

Haha. I remember when B was just a couple months old, I was just so gooey and in love (and apparently hormones were raging or I was on really good drugs?!) that I could have started TTC again right then if DH had been on-board.

Yeah. I'm voting good drugs, too. Definitely do not feel that way this time around!

[dashook]

Dec 5, 2016 23:55:26 GMT -5 vinolove said:

I'm also giggling to myself; N16 talking about the next baby when these stitches haven't even healed yet and I just could comfortably sit down a week ago.

Haha I know.

I think in some ways it makes sense to think about this stuff when you're in the middle of the crazy/difficult newborn phase so you know you're not just looking at it through rose colored lenses later on when baby fever strikes!

[tallblonde]

In a perfect world, I would like one more I think. I really like being pregnant and am not sure I am feeling that this is the last time we are going through this.

Realistically though, 2 does make a lot of sense. Questionable if we could afford 3 in daycare, and would have to wait a few years to space out daycare, which means I'm in my late 30s (turning 34 this week) - so could be pushing our luck. Also, since I do morning and night daycare, plus work, I'm not sure I could logistically handle everything unless mh changes jobs...or gets a big raise so I can work shorter days.

For some reason it really bugs me when people assume we are done since N is a girl, I really like having a sister and it makes me a little sad that neither kid has a same sex sibling. Granted I'm sure I would be annoyed if I had a boy and people assumed we wanted a third to try for a girl.

So, TBD.

[aggiebug]

H and I agreed on 2.5 kids when we were still jus dating. Now we have 2 and it's time to make the decision on a third or not. I chose 1 as I would still absolutely love to have another kid, H still thinks 2 is perfect especially after this last pregnancy. *Sigh* I am sort of resigned to the fact that if there is disagreement you go with the lesser number but the thought still makes me tear up. I actually told H I wanted to back of TTC ds because I wasn't ready to be done... Yeah he didn't think I was serious and that night ds was conceived.

[aggiebug]

tallblonde ugh I hate the 'one of each! Oh you have the perfect family' comments. Oh and the 'your second is a boy? Oh your H must be so happy'. It actually makes me angry just sitting here thinking about it.

I have actually started responding with: 'we are just happy we have 2 healthy children', or 'the sex of our child have no bearing on our family size' or 'yes we have 2 perfect healthy kids'.

[aggiebug]

Dec 6, 2016 8:03:25 GMT -5 danib said:

Dec 6, 2016 6:37:28 GMT -5 waitwhat said:

tallblonde you wouldn't believe how many people ask me if we are going to try for a girl because we have two boys. It sort of annoying.

I've gotten this as well. Like seriously? We are lucky to have these kids at all, I really don't care what sex they are.

And this is the thing. It doesn't matter their sex or how many, people will have an opinion on your family.

[sophiegrace]

Dec 6, 2016 8:38:39 GMT -5 starbuck27 said:

waitwhat no judgement here, the newborn phase sucks. They're cute and snuggly but otherwise, I can't wait for it to be over.

I can't wait for Shit My Toddler Says: Twin Edition.

[dashook]

+whatever to being annoyed by gender/family size comments. We've gotten quite a few comments about how we have "the perfect family" now because we had a boy first and then a girl.

I've been open with my current employer about most likely wanting more kids after this because they're awesome about family stuff, but I think in general most people in my profession assume that everyone (especially females) are two and through. I expect to get plenty of comments about my choices vis-a-vis my career if we do go ahead with #3.

[grapefruits]

DH and I always said we'd have 2. Then DS2 came by surprise. I think because we didn't plan it and it happened so soon after DS1 (they are less than 18 months apart), we are both feeling not completely done. And as hard as the newborn phase is, DH and I both commented yesterday that it's really nice to have a baby in the house again. On the other hand, even 2 is really hard and I'm 39, so who knows.

If we do have a 3rd, we'd like the gap between #2 and #3 to be a little bigger this time. Maybe 2.5 years instead of 1.5. But then I would be 41 years old when I gave birth.

[sweetmelissa5]

tallblonde, I used to get comments about how nice it was to have one of each and be done after kid 2 was born; guess we showed them!

waitwhat, From the very beginning my husband has said he wants 10 kids, and I always thought he was exaggerating, but now I think if I was willing, he would totally go for it. Unfortunately, I do think 6 will be my hard limit (if we get there!).

[ClassyMrsA]

No one really has commented about us having another to try for a boy. But, we do get a lot of comments about having more "for our siblings." Sil2 and her husband have said they're never having kids. My brother and sil1 are still deciding I guess, so it's possible but not for sure that they'll have kids. Both sets of siblings have told me to have more since they aren't/might not have any. Mil said she'd like to have more grandchildren but thinks sil2 won't so more passive hinting. My mom straight up tells me we should have 3 or 4 kids. I can't have all the kids just because my siblings don't want to. It's been like this since forever, too. Even before I got married, my brother and sil1 were telling me I had to have lots of kids.

[hangry]

Omg, I do not want 3+ more kids! I read the poll wrong. Hahah

I would love 1 more (3 total). I have forever envisioned my family with 3 kids. I am the youngest of 3, and both my sisters have 3; it just seems like the normal family size. My deranged head also says, what if my parents didn't have 3, there would be no me! I know, you could say that forever and then id end up with 12 kids until my body completely gave out on me. Anyway, I digress.

I now have the "complete" family that those idiots talk about, one boy and one girl, but it still doesn't feel complete. I want the craziness of that zone defense. I want the challenge of balancing time, energy, and finances for the reward of multiplied love, fun, and support. I want more in laws and grandchildren down the line. I want my kids to be able to divide the responsibility of taking care of H and I.

One hold up is my sanity (I really need to work on managing my patience and skills in modifying child behaviour). I would also likely have to take some years off from work to manage a bigger family while they are young. I am not in a career that it would hold me back to take a leave, but I love working and would miss the challenges of work and adult interaction.

And although my H has always been on the fence, I think he still needs convincing. He looks at things like our sanity, our sleep, our house, our personal life and interests. And we are 35 and 38, so we can't really wait to have a big gap. Would probably aim for 2.5 again in my ideal world.

[hangry]

Oh good, I was able to change my vote to 1+

[dashook]

Dec 6, 2016 10:09:25 GMT -5 hangry said:

I now have the "complete" family that those idiots talk about, one boy and one girl, but it still doesn't feel complete. I want the craziness of that zone defense. I want the challenge of balancing time, energy, and finances for the reward of multiplied love, fun, and support. I want more in laws and grandchildren down the line. I want my kids to be able to divide the responsibility of taking care of H and I.

I love this. You said it perfectly. This is me too, when I really think about it.

[cookswithwine9]

I voted 1 more however I am way too deep in the newborn phase right now to accurately answer this. 3 weeks in and I can't imagine how anyone would have more than 1 baby!

[kleigh]

Dear Diary:

Tl;Dr - voted SS. I'm not sure. I think I want more, but I don't think I'm willing to go through treatment again but if they came on their own I would be THRILLED ! H historically said if it happens naturally then it's all good but also he doesn't want to go through treatment again, but when I asked him yesterday it's sounding like he may now be considering a birth control option - so TBD.


---------
I love this thread bc I was just asking H about it yesterday. I voted SS.

Also + whatever to annoyed by people's stupid comments. Others (the general public) have already decided I have the perfect family because I had boy/girl twins and so I'm done. Thanks ?

Sooo much to consider. I would/would've loved having four kids, I always saw us with several and having grown up in a big family I very much treasure the friendship and memories and love between all of us. Poor as we were, I've always felt like the richest kid on the block - my brothers and sisters would say the same.

But then infertility happened, unexplained infertility. And it took us four years and treatment to conceive and my feelings then changed to "even JUST ONE, I'll take even one and be happy". So I think "can I even have more on my own"? - I guess theoretically yes it could happen since all our testing found no issues but it doesn't feel likely after we tried without success for years. And I don't think I'm agreeable to going through treatment again - a) it's so emotionally draining and b) I believe I'm more likely to end up with twins again and I think that's one thing I can't do. Have twin newborns and twin toddlers.

So another thing is that after four years here I am at 35 and I don't know how I feel about AMA for myself, admittedly I don't think it's a big deal in general but I'm not sure if it's for me. So this is a consideration.

Finances also play a role, however even with two at once we are already looking at major life changes - fewer vacations and dining out, one of us maybe staying at home, etc - so for us, a third won't necessarily bring those changes as two already has.

So Im really surprised of how I'm feeling, I think I really want more and.... I'm shocked. I miss pregnancy and I miss labor/delivery and I miss the whole experience and I'm still in it, so it's really a wild feeling to miss something so quickly.

It's also shocking to me because pregnancy was a little rough at the end and that part I remember but don't care! And with the preeclampsia I know I'm also more likely to get that again now that I had it once.

H and I need to re-approach the conversation before my PP visit on Monday. But I think we are "won't be trying but will be happy if it happens".

[tallblonde]

Dec 6, 2016 10:46:07 GMT -5 cookswithwine9 said:

I voted 1 more however I am way too deep in the newborn phase right now to accurately answer this. 3 weeks in and I can't imagine how anyone would have more than 1 baby!

Amnesia, don't worry, it will happen.. I had no interest in another until j was almost 2.

[cookswithwine9]

I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now... My sister and I are almost 3 years apart. IF we have another one I would aim for a similar gap. So no trying until he's at least 2.

Re birth control: before baby I thought I might just chart because it worked well for me. Now I think I'm going to use something more serious for at least a year or so.

[aggiebug]

Dec 6, 2016 10:46:07 GMT -5 cookswithwine9 said:

I voted 1 more however I am way too deep in the newborn phase right now to accurately answer this. 3 weeks in and I can't imagine how anyone would have more than 1 baby!

I called my mom crying when DD was about 2 weeks old that I couldn't do this again and I would have my next one come as a 6 month old. Yet here u sit with 2u2. It does get better.

[tjanca22]

Dec 6, 2016 10:17:05 GMT -5 dashook said:

Dec 6, 2016 10:09:25 GMT -5 hangry said:

I now have the "complete" family that those idiots talk about, one boy and one girl, but it still doesn't feel complete. I want the craziness of that zone defense. I want the challenge of balancing time, energy, and finances for the reward of multiplied love, fun, and support. I want more in laws and grandchildren down the line. I want my kids to be able to divide the responsibility of taking care of H and I.

I love this. You said it perfectly. This is me too, when I really think about it.

+1, thank you for putting my thoughts into words!