GTKY: You, as a Parent

[gratefulgirl]

So we're all somewhere between a few months and several years into this parenting gig. I'm curious: how do you think the role suits you?

• What strengths of yours are perfectly suited to help you parent #likeaboss?
• Has parenting changed you?
• Are there any areas that parenting is challenging and growing you in?

[dc2london]

Ohhh I need to come back to this when I'm on my laptop

[remylove1011]

I'll play.

I feel like I was always meant to be a mom and that's a big part of why infertility was so hard on me. I never thought of life without it. I was always the "mom" to my group of friends.

-#likeaboss huh? Well I guess I'd say I'm very nurturing. I'm a therapist who works with parents and under 3s in early intervention in how to be more nurturing. It's really in my nature and I teach other people how to do it. I also help them learn how to play with their child.
-parenting has changed me. My priorities are different. Right now it feels like everything is about her.
-Yes, lots of challenges. What I do for a living makes me both a better parent and a worse one. I'm constantly analyzing everything that I do with her. Every interaction has to be this perfect thing and it can be exhausting. I need to chill some... ok a lot. I cannot possibly be "on" 24/7.

[gratefulgirl]

remylove1011 - that sounds simultaneously amazing (your natural giftedness as a mom and your experience) and so challenging (turning down your professional expectations to match 24/7 reality). I hope you can keep figuring out the right balance.

[hollyberry]

I like this @grategulgirl!

Like remylove1011, I always wanted to be a mom. Like whwn I was young and people asked what I was going to be whwn I grew up my answer was mommy. And like remy I went through a lot when we lost previous babies. And the IF. It was for sure hard to take in. But on a happy notes of course I can now answer these questions.

I feel like I handle the twins well. They are both good babies (thank god). I think that helps. I have always had lots of patience obviously that helps, in so many ways. I am trained in working with special needs children and of course that helps things too. I can multi task like a pro. Major help with two babies let me tell you!

I have always had so many strong options on parenting and so having some of them change is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. Like co sleeping. They babies come into bed with us every night at some point. Never thought I wpuld do that. But well sleep won!!!
I Would say that the challenge I have at the moment is juat feeling like i interact enough with the babies. I do play with them but just not every min. They don't do well with naps so to get stuff done i have to do it when they are awake. Or often when one is awake and one is sleeping and they get to "help mommy". But that's where the good babies part comes in handy. If I had a house keeper I would love to play with them all day. I find it hard when people say just let some stuff go. But the adults still have to eat, which makes dishes, and well the loads and loads of laundry has to get done too. But I also feel very overwhelmed when there is mess everywhere so I have to do it so that I feel calmer and be a better parent when its done and semi clean. Oh so many challenges but from day to day I would say that's my main one or few. I feel like that got a bit rambley so I'll stop there!

[joy]

What strengths of yours are perfectly suited to help you parent #likeaboss?
Organization! I'm painfully organized. Chaos stresses me out.

Has parenting changed you?
I am becoming more relaxed and more productive. Oh, it's cold and pouring and the baby is strapped to me? Pre-baby I'd be crying from stress; post-baby I'm like "She's not crying - WINNING." Pre-baby, I sat on the couch a lot after work but now I'm making lunches, cleaning the kitchen, always moving.

Are there any areas that parenting is challenging and growing you in?
I'm working on remembering that this little person is not an extension of me but a person in her own right that will do things beyond my control. Not everything will be a reflection on me as a parent (as in, I should have fixed everything immediately and she will be perfect). I need to relax, realize challenges await us and I'm not failing if I don't foresee the unforeseeable.

[hollyberry]

joy, you are definitely right I struggle with that too, I am always afraid to people looking like I am a bad parent because my baby does this or we do that or whatever. I should remember that too. They are their own people with their own will. Thanks for reminding me of that!

[gratefulgirl]

joy - I remember feeling like DD1 should be more like a computer as an infant - if I put in the right inputs (fed, put down for a nap at the right time), she should do what I expected (be happy and take a good nap). Of course she usually had her own ideas. Such a hard lesson! I keep relearning it at every phase.

[hannahbear]

#likeaboss: I'm creative. I love making up silly songs and coming up with activities! Even though he's only 4 months, it's come in handy already and has been so fun. When we were traveling, we didn't bring his activity mat - so I took a cellophane bag and some tissue paper and voila! A kick n play.... bag! Just think of the birthday parties!!

Parenting has definitely changed me. I think I've been less focused on myself. I spend so much time loving on and thinking about this other little person. Lately I've just had this feeling of love and peace when I hold his sleepy body.

Challenges: well, I struggled with some intense PPA and PPD. Even though I feel so much better, the anxiety still creeps in here and there. I think some degree is normal for first time moms, where every new situation is just totally unknown and scary. The challenge has been focusing on my own mental health while still turning my attention outward to the little guy.

[bocaburger]

I love this!

I also feel I was meant to be a mom. I always knew that if I had to choose between children or my career or pretty much anything else, children would win. Which is why IF was so totally soul-crushing. But here I am!

I have always found caring for babies fairly instinctive. I naturally know how to hold them, rock them, make them feel safe. I am relatively patient.

My biggest challenge right now is the lack of personal time. I am always with babies, either alone or with family or our nanny. It's rare that I get them both to nap at the same time. I never get normal adult interaction or "me time". It turns out I don't handle that well and I end up staying up too late just so I can have a little time to myself.

Parenting has definitely changed me. I am way better at adulting. I used to fight it and grumble about my responsibilities, but with two babies ain't nobody got time for that. I'm finally productive and efficient!

[bocaburger]

hollyberry I also worry that I don't interact enough with them. Mine also don't nap well and not only do I have to get things done, but my sanity can't quite handle constant baby interaction. It helps me to remember that independent play is also good for development, and a useful skill for them to have.