~*~ PgAL/PAIF check-in 12/18 ~*~

[muscari]

Since there seems to be interest for a PgAL/PAIF check-in, I figured I'd go ahead and post one. If someone would like to "co-host" with me, let me know, otherwise I'm fine to post this check-in every week

Welcome to the PgAL and PAIF check-in!
 

This is a weekly check-in for those of us who are pregnant after loss and/or infertility. Feel free to jump in any time!
The check-in is a safe place to share all things that come with being PgAL and/or PAIF. Use this thread to ask questions, share your excitement/rage/worries/whatever, or to ask for support!

Please come on in and let us know how you're doing, and know you are always welcome to come back throughout the week whenever you need to!! ♥

*~*~*~*~*

PgAL Mantras
www.goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/1034/pgal-mantras

PAIF Mantras
www.goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/57254/welcome-paif-read-before-posting


**Loss/trigger warnings are not necessary here**

*~*~*~*~*

Since this is our first PgAL/PAIF check-in:

What is your loss and/or IF history?

What is your EDD?

Weekly check-in:

How far along are you?

How are you feeling (physically/emotionally)?

Any appointments or milestones coming up this week?

Anything else you'd like to share?

[yoshijo28]

muscari I was thinking of this thread too thanks for starting!!

What is your loss and/or IF history?
Ttc for 2 years. Went to the RE immediately bc I have pcos. SA showed severe MFI and we were told IVF plus ICSI was the only option. I spiraled into a very bad place mentally and 2015 was a very tough year..
What is your EDD? 8/4/17

How far along are you? 7w2d

How are you feeling (physically/emotionally)? So tired and hungry and weak physically. And PIO shots are getting very painful.

Emotionally ehh.. I see a therapist 2x a week and asked her if it's normal to look for blood every time I go to the bathroom (I have never been pregnant before) and she said no, not at all. I don't know why I have so much trouble believing this is real. I also am having some issues with other things and feel panicked and out of control.


Any appointments or milestones coming up this week? Appointment on Thurs for routine u/s

Anything else you'd like to share?

[eroticantibiotic]

What is your loss and/or IF history? 5.5 years TTC, 4 years with my RE as of 12/1. After 8 failed transfers with both my own eggs and donor eggs, I was truly unknown as they'd done all the tests and found nothing amiss. Earlier this year out of desperation we did the ERA test and, voila, all I ever needed was 1 extra day of progesterone. I got pregnant right after the ERA results came back when we added the extra meds, then miscarried because of a fluke. This is my first cycle since the loss so it's still a bit fresh.

What is your EDD? 8/17/17

Weekly check-in:

How far along are you? 5w3d

How are you feeling (physically/emotionally)? Anxious! Physically okay, it feels like morning sickness is gearing up but not yet starting. My stomach gets hot and quivers throughout the day.

Any appointments or milestones coming up this week? 1st ultrasound is Thursday!

Anything else you'd like to share? 

[addymac]

muscari thanks for getting this started. I haven't intro'd on the board or anywhere but CAR but this seems like a good place to start...


What is your loss and/or IF history? Started TTC in April 2016, got pregnant in may/June, EDD 2.16.17. 8wk u/s showed multiple cysts on umbilical cord- happens in less than 1% of pregnancies and is indicative of a trisomy issue. Had the genetic screen for t13,18,21, came back negative so everyone told us it would be fine. Follow up u/s at 14+4wks to check on cysts (benign ones usually disappear by second tri), no heartbeat and baby was measuring around 10w, so they think it died at 12w. Had to have a d&c bc my body was not getting the hint that the baby died.

Started TTC after the all clear from my dr in sept, had a fake out end of sept when I tested a home pg test and got positive, then started bleeding four hours later. We thought I was having another mc but my Dr checked my hcg levels and they were at 6- so he assumes they never went back to zero after my mc, only he never checked them after my follow up. So there's that. Total mindfuck for awhile. But we decided to try again for one last month and low and behold, I got a BFP!

What is your EDD? 8.8.17

Weekly check-in

How far along are you? 6+5

How are you feeling (physically/emotionally)? I think I'm starting for feel some nausea. I've had zero symptoms so far but yesterday I started to gag and dry heave a few times. I was insanely nauseated until about 12w (when the baby died) last time, and it was awful, so I was really hoping to skip that this time. We will see how it goes. I'm also exhausted. I could sleep all day, every day. I took two naps yesterday!

I'm having a really really hard time being excited. I'm so scared bc my body didn't clue me in at all that anything was wrong until the u/s showed no heartbeat and there's no explanation for why this happened. So I just don't think I'll feel calm until each milestone passes and I'm firmly in the second tri, and then relief for a normal 20wk scan. Basically I'm just going to be a mess forever.

Any appointments or milestones coming up this week? Not til my spot on the 29th

Anything else you'd like to share?
I don't know how active I'll be here yet, tbh. I was very active on my first bmb and it killed me to leave and it's hard to see users from my bmb on other threads. Also I'm scared of getting attached to this and to the baby. My loss was just so stretched out- from the 8wk u/s to the d&c at 15wk, I just am scared to go through it again.

[cravingchocolate05]

yoshijo28 I don't think it's weird at all to check for blood every time you use the bathroom. I do it too.


What is your loss and/or IF history? I had a mmc this September. Found out at my 12 week ultrasound that the baby had stopped growing at about 8w3d. I couldn't believe that I hadn't been able to tell--I feel like I should have known. The baby had been measuring two weeks behind the whole pregnancy, but I had tried to convince myself my dates were just off. We had been just about to announce after 12 weeks and were pretty shocked even though I had had a sinking feeling about the measuring behind. After the ultrasound, my obgyn gave me misoprostol twice, but it didn't completely work, and I had a d&c a month later. I did genetic testing and found out it was triploidy, which my Googling says is usually a fluke.

What is your EDD? 08/22/2017

Weekly check-in:

How far along are you? 5w

How are you feeling (physically/emotionally)? Excited but nervous. I bled for a month after the misoprostol failed and just didn't know what was going on. It seems almost too good to be true that I'm pregnant again. I haven't called the doctor yet partly BC I'm afraid she'll tell me something is wrong.

Any appointments or milestones coming up this week? I need to call the doctor, lol.

Anything else you'd like to share
Can't think of anything.

[PepperPottsJ]

What is your loss and/or IF history? In March, I had a fibroid removed, on the 3rd round of clomid w/ iui BFP. MMC in July, started with shitty betas but appropriately rising, and then no heartbeat, took misoprostol. IVF in October, 2 blasts, neither passed PGS. While waiting to start the next cycle, suprise BFP which was a CP the day before thanksgiving, and here I am.

What is your EDD? 8/30 LMP or 8/28 Ovulation

How far along are you? 4+1

How are you feeling (physically/emotionally)? I was happy with my betas this am, they have never been that high even close to this point, but I am also still terrified.

Any appointments or milestones coming up this week? Blood Thursday.

Anything else you'd like to share? Just praying this is our rainbow

[addymac]

PepperPottsJ I'm really happy to see you here 💛 I hope these are both our rainbows post f17

[PepperPottsJ]

I was beyond excited to see you addymac, all things crossed!!!

[yoshijo28]

My symptoms (extreme hunger and exhaustion) disappeared since Sun. Really hoping that is normal. Ughh

[muscari]

What is your loss and/or IF history?
We started TTC in 2013 after spending several years on the bench due to heart issues. Concieved December '14 but that pregnancy ended in a MMC which we found out at our first U/S. We opted for cycotec, unfortunately I needed a D&C for incomplete MC 3 weeks later after all. We had another CP on our first cycle TTCAL. After the D&C I had hardly existing 1 day periods and was dx with Asherman's Syndrome. Underwent surgery in July and got the all clear in late October, just for my adhesions to recur the next cycle so I had 2 more f/u procedures early this year.

Just as we had gotten the all clear for TTC again in March I was dxed with POF/DOR. We moved straight on to IVF in hopes we could make the most of what was left of my eggs still. Our first IVF in June/July didn't go very smoothly; first AF went missing during downreg, then I ended up stimming for 19 days ugh. 4R but just 1F, BFN. We were feeling rather hopeless, briefly looked into DEggs but soon realized that with the 5+year waitlist that exist in our country this wasn't an option either. We decided to give it one more go after taking a couple of cycles break. I had another hysteroscopy to double check for adhesions, added CoQ10 to my daily vitamins and also had a endo scratch. This cycle was another superslow stim, we had 3R/2F (with ICSI this time), and surprisesurprise we actually got a BFP.

Sorry this got long!
TL;DR:  loss history 1MMC 1CP // IF history Asherman's Syndrome/IUAs, POF/DOR // Treatement: IVF#1 4R/1F BFFN IVF#2 3R/2F with ICSI, BFP!

EDD is August 17!

How far along are you?
5wk6d

How are you feeling (physically/emotionally)?
Physically I'm feeling pretty okay. Just REALLY exhausted most days and my stomach is quite queesy but luckily I don't get nauseous until in the evenings. So much for morning sickness haha. Stupidly enough I can feel both nauseous and hungry at the same time??
Emotionally me and MH have been all over the place. We've known for almost 2 weeks now and I don't think we've felt excited yet, just mostly really worried and anxious. PgAL brain sucks. Instead of looking forward to our first U/S (next Thursday) we're actually dreading it. Soooo worried to have a repeat of our first U/S back when... Occasionally I catch myself dreaming about what the future could be, and it scares me to death cause I just don't want to get my hopes and heart crushed again.

Any appointments or milestones coming up this week?
Not this week but we have our first U/S on Thursday the 29th. I'll be 7wks then so we should be able to see a HB and all which also scares me. Everything to do with ultrasounds and finding out what's going on scares me (but also fills me with a strange sense of... OMGosh can this really  be happening).! We transferred both our embryos and will find out next week whether it's a singleton or twin pregnancy.

Anything else you'd like to share?
I started a new job this December 1st.  It's a 3-4 year training position at the hospital and I'm secretly a little worried about how they're going to respond when they find out and will be going on a 4mo leave within my first year.. I tell myself that these things happen and had we been TTC naturally no one would have batted an eye, though they may have thought it inconvenient perhaps.  But since we've conceived through IVF I worry they'll hold it against me that I wasn't upfront about this beforehand, even tho I know I really don't have to disclose personal things like this during a job interview. Heck, we actually started our 2nd cycle before I even applied to and interviewed for this job. And I was pretty certain it was going to be another bust and just thought about how good it'd be to be sidetracked with my new job after we finished cycling.. I really didn't think the scenario would play out this way! I think in the end it'll work out - but still I can't help but be anxious.

[muscari]

yoshijo28, I recognize the looking for blood every time you go to the bathroom, I had the exact same with my first pg. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this anxiety -- and I hope that the further along you get the more assured you'll feel. It is hard to not have ANY control over things and being forced to go with the flow. Is your U/S on Thursday your first or have you had one prior? I hope all looks great and will ease your mind a little bit.

Oddly enough I've not worried about bleeding at all myself this time around.. Maybe because I had no bleeding with my first MMC either? And since I'm on progesterone now I likely wouldn't start bleeding even in the case of another MC? This is part of my fears, that if things were to go wrong again I won't know till the U/S cause the P4 will keep any possible bleeding at bay.. no clue how that works tbh.. but I sometimes have to stop myself from spiralling when thinking about these things.

[yoshijo28]

muscari I've had 2 u/s so far. 9 days ago we heard the HB. I'm not sure about bleeding when on progestrone that's a good question. Im sorry youre also dealing with the anxiety. So tough!!

[muscari]

eroticantibiotic , I'm so glad the ERA shed light on your RIF and the fix was to add in progesterone for an extra day. I hope your first U/S will go well and will ease your anxiety a bit.

addymac , I'm glad you feel comfortable posting in the check-in and hope you'll feel up to participating elsewhere on A17 as well soonish when you feel ready. We're here for you! I know it's stressful not to feel any symptoms much.. but I hope the nausea will stay at bay this time around! I too have been dryheaving at random, ugh, hate it (puking freaks me out so I hope to not have to deal with that to much lol). What you write about having a hard time feeling excited and just basically feeling scared and anxious all the time because of what happened before is what I could have written also. I've felt betrayed by my own body on so many levels, and worry it'll do the same to me again. I wish I knew how to make this better.. *hugs*

@xamountofwords, isn't it odd that we can feel both nauseous and hungry at the same time!? Also, I think it's really great that you confronted your higher ups - I bet it was scary as heck but you did it, and I'm glad the responses were real positive. I've told one of my (pregnant) collegues about our loss&IF struggles, after she told me she concieved through IUI I felt she'd be a safe person to share this with. I'm far from ready to share with others at work but it feels good that one person knows, especially since there's several pregnant women in our department so she's been a bit of a buffer at times when lunchtalk was pregnancypregnancypregnancy etc.

[muscari]

cravingchocolate05, When we found out about our MMC I to felt utterly shocked I hadn't been able to tell. I feel this adds to my anxiety this pregnancy.. and it's hard to shake. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this anxiety as well. It's so unfair how PgAL brain takes the excitement out of things so badly. I hope you feel brave enough to call the dr soon!

PepperPottsJ, Wonderful to read your beta was good. Are you going in for a repeat beta on Thursday? FX for awesome doubling times, and I hope that will easy your anxiety a little bit.

[muscari]

Dec 21, 2016 14:52:50 GMT -5 yoshijo28 said:

muscari I've had 2 u/s so far. 9 days ago we heard the HB. I'm not sure about bleeding when on progestrone that's a good question. Im sorry youre also dealing with the anxiety. So tough!!

I just hate how PgAL/PAIF brain takes the excitement out of things for us all.

[muscari]

@xamountofwords, I know tis easier said then done but try not to let the lack of symptoms worry you too much.. they come and go for me as well. The other day I felt so "normal" and "un-pregnant" it freaked me out as well but the day after it was back again.. *hug*

[PepperPottsJ]

muscari, I went in the morning and am just STARING at my phone... waiting for this call is the absolute worst. I want the phone to ring but I don't want the phone to ring...

[yoshijo28]

Dec 21, 2016 20:20:19 GMT -5 @xamountofwords said:

I have been nauseous the last few days. And today I have felt normal. No pregnancy symptoms at all. It makes me worried.

My symptoms went away and I felt the same way. But it's normal to come and go.

[PepperPottsJ]

148 to 372!!! !!! 36.1 doubling time Repeating on the 27th. Breathing slightly easier and assuming i should probably fill in MH

[elliecat17]

muscari I will happily cohost with you!
I figure this is a good place to start so, hello everyone!
My history is in my siggy, but this has been a long road for us.

EDD: august 27, but that might change since I have short cycles.

Milestones: well 2 happened today. Our betas in all the past pregnancies have been slow rising. Well we went from 24 to 58. Then we did another draw 5 days later and they jumped to 233 but 48 hours later they were at 658. Now we wait until Monday and draw again because we are waiting for 1800 or better to do an early ultrasound
So that's our next milestone. However my midwife must be optimistic this time because for the first time ever i got to schedule my first OB appointment!

I'm sure I missed something because I'm mobile but I'll edit as need be.

[muscari]

Dec 22, 2016 13:38:33 GMT -5 elliecat17 said:

muscari I will happily cohost with you!
I figure this is a good place to start so, hello everyone!
My history is in my siggy, but this has been a long road for us.

EDD: august 27, but that might change since I have short cycles.

Milestones: well 2 happened today. Our betas in all the past pregnancies have been slow rising. Well we went from 24 to 58. Then we did another draw 5 days later and they jumped to 233 but 48 hours later they were at 658. Now we wait until Monday and draw again because we are waiting for 1800 or better to do an early ultrasound
So that's our next milestone. However my midwife must be optimistic this time because for the first time ever i got to schedule my first OB appointment!

I'm sure I missed something because I'm mobile but I'll edit as need be.

Omgosh!! Yes!! Sooooo incredibly happy and excited to see you here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💛

[cali]

I haven't introed on the main board yet (and I'm not sure when I will) but I feel comfortable here (especially since I already know so many of you) so I hope it's okay if I join you here.

What is your loss and/or IF history? Well, MH and I started TTC in June 2014 and got our first BFP in July of that year. Everything was going well at first but unfortunately that pregnancy ended in a MMC at 10 weeks. We were cleared to start TTC again in October 2014 and never got pregnant on our own again. In July 2015 we started seeing an RE and it was discovered that I had subclinical hypothyroidism and low progesterone. Other than that all our tests came back good. I was put on syn.throid and progesterone supps but still didn't get pregnant. We did medicated TI and two IUIs with no luck. We finally moved on to IVF in August of this year. Our first two cycles were cancelled because I o'ed through suppression. Finally this cycle we completed our first IVF cycle with ICSI which resulted in our BFP.

What is your EDD? According to FF it is 8/24 but I haven't gotten an official one yet.

Weekly check-in:

How far along are you? 5 weeks exactly

How are you feeling (physically/emotionally)? Physically pretty okay. Really minimal symptoms, just some on and off breast soreness, tired a lot, and some mild queasiness.
Emotionally, pretty much a mess. I feel so anxious and nervous about everything and the lack of real symptoms is not helping. Not that I want to feel like shit but it might help calm my nerves a bit. Lol

Any appointments or milestones coming up this week? First ultrasound on 12/28

Anything else you'd like to share? Just that I'm so thankful to have you ladies. Some of you I know (and love) from Cal and 3T and for those I don't I'm really looking forward to getting to know you all.

[muscari]

*hugs* cali glad to see your intro here and I hope we will be able to support eachother through the anxiety and worries of this all just as we have throughout our CAL and IF journeys these past years. X

[PepperPottsJ]

welcome and congratulations cali, as a frequent 3T and CAL stalker, I feel like i know you already

[yoshijo28]

Hi cali yay! I feel ya on thr symptoms. I don't really have nausea and my only symptoms hunger and exhaustion. You may just have an easy 1st tri!